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Review Requests: ON
1,257 Public Reviews Given
1,498 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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Review of The voice  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Whiskerface Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" Open in new Window. [E]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing. Hope you have enjoyed the challenge with the writing and reviewing to reach goals of a certain number of entries in the allotted time frame.


Initial Reaction: I'm guessing this is a blog type of entry based on the biographical aspect and writing style for the paragraphs. It sounded like an interesting situation with the beta reader role coming about. I've honestly, never seen the dragon movies but I've really wanted to with the originals. Can't imagine what all people who are creating with the fan fiction. But it sounds like you find some good things and enjoy the stories.


Other Notes: While this isn't a contest entry that I know and the technical side may not be a high priority, the last few paragraphs did stand out to me a little. The first couple of paragraphs had the layout with the space after each paragraph. The two near the end are lacking the space. It's a nit picky element but is something that caught my attention as I was reading it for the review part of the challenge.

While it sounds like you weren't expecting the beta reader role, it looks like you've got it. I know how you feel too as it can be hard to be on the same page when it comes to the role/expectations between writer and reader. I've done critique groups and some don't worry about major changes, sometimes a reader gets made when you don't follow their exact device, then others follow every change from every reader. But also sounds like it could be fun. Though I'm beta reading 160k novel and it's a challenge.

Good luck with the role and hopefully you'll enjoy the story as you read more.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Never Mind  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Words Whirling 'Round Author Icon. I am reviewing your story today that I found doing a genre search for travel related items. It caught my attention with title and story so decided to send you a quick review.


Title: I like the title. It does grab attention because it makes the potential reader curious what reason the story is called "never mind". What is the possible reference? It is something they will wonder and makes it likely for them to click on the item from whatever search or source on the site they use. The description will help too while keeping it very short and to the point, which the micro fiction word count also does.

Initial Reaction: This was entertaining and a fun little story with a strong punchline to match the title (since it's the exact same and for good reason). It reminded me of an episode from an oldish sitcom called King of Queens. In the set of episodes the couple go on a little weekend vacation. It was during the time the male character had lost some weight and was getting more attention for it. He tried to surprise his wife with a wonderful vacation in a cabin like before. Same exact cabin, romantic room service and even same guy working at the location. However, not the same girl. He forgot who he had brought to the cabin. Oops.

A little different since the ones in your story are talking about a memory and not on a recreation of the trip but it was what came to mind when I read the micro story you created.

Story: It is short but a good story. You manage to do a lot in the very short amount of words, which is quite a challenge. The one big paragraph gives the right detail while they last few are shorter but bring everything to the main point of the last line. it is well done overall.

Other Notes and Final Thoughts: I liked the story enough from my random read to send a review and my comments so that is a good start. The only thing I would suggest to consider might be changing the end of the sentence connected to her dialogue. It's not wrong to use the adverb in that way and it makes sense to put the description for her tone. Something about the word comes off a little less powerful. The way the "I" and the "l" look in the word. I can't quite pinpoint it to an exact degree but there may be a stronger way to format that sentence with the same concept kept in tact. Just something to consider. Other than that you did well. I hope you won the round of that contest.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews./center}


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Contest Entries  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there Angelica Weatherby- July 4th Author Icon

I'm reviewing your item in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" Open in new Window. [E] again since right now it's mostly us two posting after each other, lol. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Good luck with the last couple of items to reach your goal for the challenge.


Title: The title is nice because it is a direct connection to the prompt used for the contest. This can be both good and bad. Good in that it is easy to connect for the judge, it is straight forward and lets the reader know what to expect. The "bad"-ish part is that it's almost too focused on the prompt and comes off a little less creative. I like the knowing what is going to be in the poem. However, I would almost want something else, maybe a little bit taken from the poem to stand out a little more and let the contest part be noted in the bottom section where you have line count and all of that detail.

General Comments: I like the poem. It is fun, friendly and presents a good message while paying homage to the group it is directed towards. The family members for those in the military are affected by what happens to those serving on many different levels. It is a topic many people can relate and find a touch of joy from with your approach.


Imagery: One thing this poem does that wouldn't come to mind much at first from the title is how it creates images with the focus on the family and some of the word choices. It does well to bring things to the readers mind so they can imagine what the short lines suggest with different families being together or going out to a lake to have fun.


Other Notes: Just a couple of things stand out to me after reading the poem over a couple of times that you could maybe look into come here in this section. So, I'm not the biggest fan when it comes to repetition (part of why I don't do a lot of it in my own poems if I can avoid such), but the stanzas ending with the line about family was a nice point and it almost seemed like it should have continued. Not that it needs to, but there is that change part way that can draw someone's attention to that fact. Yet, I like the last two stanzas without the word family in the last line. From my perspective, I wonder how it would sound if you switched the last stanza with the one before it. Go for family to the talk of colors brightening the home and end it with the comments about the month and to spend it well. Just an idea, nothing wrong with the current layout either.


Good luck with the contest and all of the writing you get done this week.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.
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Review of Contest Entries  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there Angelica Weatherby- July 4th Author Icon

I get to review your item in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" Open in new Window. [E] and the challenge of writing so many times along with reviews. You have done so well in keeping up and writing here on the site. Happy to get the chance to review your poem. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble and sorry for any typos as I cut a finger on my right hand making lunch today, oops. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Title: The title is to the point and related to the contest entered. Since I have entered one poem in the same contest under a different topic of awareness, I was familiar with where this was entered and the inspiration before making it to the notes at the end that explain for readers who aren't aware of the initial source.


Overall Notes and Comments: While the poem doesn't have the focus of a particular form or rhythm compared to other styles of poetry, it has a particular focus that remains at the forefront of importance. It has a flow itself and is something different readers should give a chance to help with the reminder of this aspect in some people's lives. It isn't an easy topic to put into words and might make some uncomfortable but that is okay.

The single lines were the strong points that give the poem an increased impact beyond just the focus of the words related to the topic. It isn't an easy one to discuss, with the harsh reality that comes with the existence of domestic violence. Some aspects are hard to discuss or difficult for some but very much a real aspect people face. The short lines and the specific words give the impact desired for the poem.


Nice work with the writing of the poem. Good luck with the contest.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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for entry "October Writing" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there. I'm sending you this comment for the October Writing entry in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade"  Open in new Window. by Annette-Outta Town-See Ya 8/22 Author Icon as the person who posted an entry after you. It was interesting to read the journal entry so I just have some general comments since it's not something to offer in the way of edits or those types of suggestions.

I'm not even quite sure what Chessboard writing roulette is but that sounds very interesting. I've had my blog for so many years on this site but rarely make a post. So, I can relate to your comment about how it might be a common item for the roulette but the time passes fast when it comes to keeping a journal and how the days go so fast. It's a challenge to keep up any writing, even about the self with other obligations like work. Having writing activity events and I Write does really help but it's also easy to get behind too.

Regroup is a great option. I've had a monthly challenge group where members would post monthly goals to help focus for the short time on what they wanted to accomplish. I still try to do it from time to time, some months more successful than others. It looks like a good set of regrouping for you. I hope you are able to get everything you want done or at least worked on to your satisfaction.

I haven't had a chance to watch Wheel of Time but do hope to some day. I also want to finish reading the series too.

Halloween theme is fun and it's almost the holiday. Feels a little strange to have it be on a Monday, but oh well. Having a goal to write something themed with Halloween sounds like fun and so many different possibilities. You could go horror or scary if that's what you prefer or you could do something else. Many options.

Good luck to you and it was fun getting a little insight into your life and goals with the journal post. *Smile*
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


Overall: The story has a good approach with the very beginning able to grab the reader's attention with the voice and character presented. It has a voice and uses the character influenced by the contest prompt well to provide a story about a stage magician who comes upon something different than his usual. It also took a different approach with the inclusion of a time travel character element. However, it also feels the story was limited by the contest word count and needs more development in order to feel more complete.


Prompt: For the contest, it had a set of particular prompts that had both character and conflict focuses. The main one involved the character since it was for a character contest. However, this time around included a story element that was also required. This time it was one that was relevant to the character, so made things easy enough for writers and readers. As a judge and general reader, this was easy enough to find within the story and it qualified the story for the contest. Overall, the approach with the stage magician and the interesting other character that comes into his world.


Other Notes: Nice work with the story and entering the contest. Just have a few things to offer for you to consider if you decide to rewrite or edit the story. You could consider giving the story a skim over with some checking on technical points and minor things that have the potential to cause a reader to stumble. The spacing of sentences in particular might be a place to take note. Near the beginning, for example, there is a small paragraph with dialogue where part of the sentences has been moved down to the next line when it needs to stay up with the rest of the sentence. Just check for those minor details as it happens more than once.

Another minor thing you could consider would be to put the word count at the very end of the story since it is only relevant when it comes to the contest since it had the 2k word limit. The focus tends to be on the story, so having that first and extra details like contests, prompts, side notes and such kept to the end is often preferred.

While I enjoyed the story, it was a little difficult to follow. The part near the end almost goes by too fast because it's just quick dialogue with a lot of very short sentences so that the reader ends of going quick through that part. It felt like there was some developing that could be done to make it stronger. Felt like there needs to be more involved in that section. Now that there isn't a word count limit you could push things further and longer for the story.

Thank you for taking the time to enter the contest for August with the character focused prompts. I hope you enjoyed the challenge and the story you were able to create.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


Overall: This has a good approach with being able to draw the reader in from the very first, short paragraph. The story in particular does well with the showcasing of the voice and the main character point of view. Even the dialogue between the characters worked well with the voice and entertaining factor, helping to draw the reader into the story. Once he gets shaken and the rest of the story moves forward, it was fun with the addition of the other part of the prompt from the contest. Should be enjoyed by many different readers.


Prompt: From the start of the first couple of sentences, there is the connection of the character to the prompt from the contest. Since it is a character based contest that element is important but was also one this time around easy for different people to interpret. For this one we get the stage magician and the relation to the classic "trick" with the sawing in half and the discussion over how things work. Towards the end, we get to the real magic element, which was the other half of the set of prompt requirements, making it work the this round.


Other Notes: Overall, the story is well done and enjoyable to read. Not much stood out or caused a distraction during the different times I read over the story. You could maybe consider a minor edit to consider a couple of points but either way it's a good story. If you do want to consider an edit, consider trimming out a few of the -ly ending words. Not incorrect but there are a fair number within the small word count required for the contest. A couple could be trimmed out and that will make the sentence stronger. You could also look at a few parts where you just have a couple words then have a comma. Again, it's not incorrect but it's something I do too where I rely on the same thing often so it becomes overdone and having variety in sentence structures and lengths just help with the flow. Just something to think about.

Nice work with the contest entry. Thank you for taking the time to create this story for the August official site contest. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


Overall: A different approach with the use of present tense in the story. Not my favorite as a reader but something that can work at least in short fiction. Some may not like that aspect but there are also going to be other readers who enjoy the use to bring the action into the moment instead of the typical usage of past tense. It was interesting to use the approach of the stage "fake" magician as the secondary character instead of the point of view one but still works well to fit with the required prompt. However, with having to fit into the word count requirements necessary for the contest, it does feel like the story jumps around and the amount of dialogue made it a little difficult to follow (for me at least).


Prompt: This time around the contest did come with a couple different requirements that needed met but they were easy enough to find within the entry. There is the stage magician character that is being interviewed, so that works for the character part of the prompt. Then there is real magic from the main character, so the necessary points are met and easy enough for different readers to interpret.


Other Notes: You definitely have an interesting story here with a lot of potential. However, I do feel that the story is hindered by the word count of the contest because you had to jump from section to section in order to get all of the story put into under 2,000 words. Some of the sections are mostly dialogue and while they give important information at times, it starts to come across as too much dialogue and lacks some of the details that would really help to give the reader a real sense of the world around those talking. Now that the contest is over, I would suggest developing things further and putting more words into each section to even out the pace, so it doesn't jump around too much. Having a few different sections is fine, we don't need every minute of their conversation and story, just keep developing some parts more to help with the transitions and to keep the reader from losing what is happening in the story. If you enjoyed the story, putting more in will be a benefit and bring even more to the story for any reader who comes upon it.


Thank you for taking the time to develop this story following the prompts of the contest. We appreciated your entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge from the August site contest. Good luck with the story if you decide to continue working on it more in the future.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of The Last Miracle  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


Overall: A touching story that used the character based prompt to create a story about a stage magician on the verge of giving up the chance for a change. While at time when reading I had a minor struggle to follow the story, overall it's a good approach that other readers will enjoy.


Prompt: The contest had a specific set of details that were required for the story. While a character aspect as expected from the prompt since it is a character based contest, the addition of the conflict issue to include the real magic one time in relation to the fake magic character, there were some definite expectations. It was easy to see the prompts inspiration in the story with the main character being a stage magician and the development of the story towards the end.


Other Notes: Nice work with the story. The addition of the girl as the secondary character pestering the MC about the apprentice angle before bringing out later the aspects that develop to fit the story part of the prompt was a good choice. While the story is interesting, as I mentioned in the overall section, I did have a little bit of a struggle to follow the story after about the half way mark. It may need some more development or might just be my own personal struggles since we don't always understand stories in the same way. The technical side looks pretty good from the times I glanced over the story with nothing really standing out as a distraction from the nitpicky side of things.

Thank you for entering the official contest in August. I hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and the story you created with the stage magician main character.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of The Good Witch  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


Overall: An interesting approach to a story through the use of magic, entertainment and character. It has a nice beginning with focus on the point of view character, giving the reader a chance to dip into the world, to get to know some things before stepping towards what will become the conflict. The general story and use of the contest prompt created something that will entertain different readers that come across the story.


Prompt: The contest did have some specifics that were required with the character being the focus but also the plot point that was important. While many took the approach of the fake magic character being the viewpoint/main character. It was nice to have the different approach that gave a different twist. This can be helpful when it comes to a contest that can get around 20 entries. The character stood out because she was the source of the real magic that was required in the prompt but that she enjoyed watching stage (fake) magicians and that showed during the story. The real magic was the focus of the story and made things interesting for the reader.


Other Notes: Overall, you did well in the creation of the story. The conflict and characters were well created with limited things that stood out on the technical side. One thing to consider would be to work on the consistency of spacing between paragraphs. Things look fine in the beginning but when we get to where there are other characters and interactions it starts to get a little off with the spacing as some paragraphs have a couple sections kept together and others have spaces between them. In one, right after we meet Ambrose, it seems like there was an enter after a sentence when it wasn't needed and maybe it was supposed to be a single paragraph. Might want to do a quick read/edit check to make sure things are set up to avoid tripping any readers or distract from focus on the story. And maybe consider cutting back on one of the long paragraphs in the beginning. I found them interesting but some people might be less tempted to see longer paragraphs in the very beginning. If it makes sense, bring split one of them up but don't worry too much about them as the overall setting that part creates is working. Nothing else stands out and you created an interesting story that people will enjoy.

Thank you for taking the time to enter the site's official contest in August. Hope that you enjoyed writing the story and the challenge that the prompt created.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Darlene  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


Overall: This is a good story that used a character pretending to be a fortune teller who experiences a change of pace and struggle from a doubting client. It has a nice approach with the character, showing just enough in the beginning in order to set the scene and give a starting point for Darlene, the point of view character. From there, the reader can follow the journey of having to struggle in the small time circus venue and the use of the crystal ball for the prediction along with what becomes the conflict.


Prompt: The characters and plot for the story work in relation to the contest requirements from the character focused prompt. It was a bit of a challenge this time around since it was more than just using a specific type of character in a story. You had to use the character and add the plot element of fake and real magic in a way that both made sense but also would stand out in competition. Darlene works with her being a fortune teller that uses fake predictions in order to survive and the way the story develops provides the change with the conflict rising to the magic at the end of the story.



Other Notes: Overall, the writing is well done. One minor thing to consider with the look for the reader would be to maybe put the information about the contest and the word count at the end of the story instead of the beginning. While this isn't wrong or incorrect to place it at the top, it may be better to have the focus be the story and anyone who needs the extra details can get to it at the end. Speaking of ending... I'd also recommend removing "the end" at the end of the story because it's not really needed. In fact, while it does give that "this is done" influence for the reader, it actually detracts from the impact of the last line for the story.

The story itself works with the way you have developed the conflict and characters. While I could have used even more information and details, at the same time it's fine in the current length. It can be a challenge to get the balance of description, details, character and action within first person without it becoming forced sounding or going overboard. If you add to this it could bring another layer to the story, if not then this works well already.

Thank you for taking the time to create this story and entering the official contest from August. I hope that it was a fun challenge for you and that you enjoy the story created here.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.

Overall: A different approach created with the prompt of character and plot point involving magic, both fake and real. Don't often see the usage of present tense (since past tense is far more common) in a story. While I'm not a fan of the tense as a reader for most stories, it is something that other readers may really appreciate. I like the link with the loss the character has experienced, the source of the stage magic supplies and the way the conflict develops at the end. Everything ties together quite well.


Prompt: The contest did have a couple of specific requirements, even with the focus being character due to the name of the contest. Having the character and plot requirement can be a challenge at times but this round it worked in a way that made it easy for most to interpret in different ways. The story here has both elements that are easy for any reader to find. The main character attempting the sort of stage magic and usage of the wand along with the influence of the other character worked well together. The end (I won't say what for people who read the review first) is a nice touch connecting the other requirement of the prompt. Nicely done.


Other Notes: One minor thing to consider that is the location of the prompt information. While it's not a part of the story, it can be an element that needs work or editing. I say this because right now it's right at the very end of the story and looks like it might be part of it. I would drop it down at least a few spaces to give the reader a reason to pause after the very last line from the main character. Even better would be to use a drop note so the readers don't see the note about the contest and prompt unless they click on the link to drop it down, but just having space would be enough.

The writing is well done within the use of the point of view and tense. I don't see many who use the tense and I do appreciate that consistency, which can be a challenge at times. It is a good story and also see that even a little more development could bring things further. Or perhaps a little edit run, maybe check for pauses and places to put in commas just to make sure everything is set up well for the reader.

Thank you for taking the time to write this story for the site official contest in August. I hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and are happy with the story you created.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of A Touch of Magic  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


Overall: This is a very touching story that you've created with the stage magician using the magic tricks to help children in the hospital. It presented a main character who was easy to follow and showcased empathy while dealing with a difficult situation. The conflict developed in a way that made sense with the touching addition and result brought on from the contest prompt. Nicely written and sentimental story here.


Prompt: The prompt from the official contest was an easy to find concept within this particular story. The requirement included the use of a particular character along with a specific approach to the story. The main character is a stage magician, so someone that uses fake magic and tricks, which is the character part of the prompt. The magic instance at the end is the final piece for the prompt and worked well to create the story.


Other Notes: Overall, you did a good job with the story. It is well written and I didn't notice much that stands out in a distracting way with the story. Only thing really that I could maybe point out is to cut down on a couple of exclamation points. Nothing wrong with them but of punctuation it is one that does better limited in order to give the usage even more impact. But they could also remain in the story if that is what you prefer.

Thank you for taking the time to enter the official site contest in August. I hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt when creating this story.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


Overall: This took an interesting approach with the "psychic" main character. While I'm not the biggest fan of first person point of view as a reader, it made sense for this story and I could in some ways relate to the main character. I've been in a psychic chatroom online back when msn had chat rooms in the early 2000's and can say even online some that seek out these readings are in part just looking for someone to talk to about their struggles in order to work it out and psychologists cost more money. Can see where things were going and it was believable with how the main character was presented in the story. I also find crystal balls to be way too expensive. And I will say, you created a good twist with the "fake" reader getting her own future read by someone else at the climax of the story.


Prompt: When it comes to the character, can definitely find elements of the prompt since it had to be someone who was either a magician or fortune teller, someone of that nature/"vocation" as the central focus in the story. Near the beginning of the story, I wasn't sure in relation to the prompt because the character is supposed to be fake but near the beginning she has a "true" prediction with the pregnancy creating the character to take the path to use psychic as a way to interact. With this particular prompt, expected more false from the start with the one instance of true magic alone. Not that it made for a bad story or anything, it does work with the character, but in relation to the prompt it did stand out a little for me.


Other Notes: One aspect to consider for the technical side for the story is the paragraph spacing. The beginning was a little difficult to read and get through, which makes it a challenge because you want people to keep reading to get to the interesting character and situation in the second half of the story. The tab in most of the new paragraphs might not be necessary because some of the short sentences look a little odd with the small words hanging at the end on a second line. And having the very first sentence not having the tab makes it look out of place. The beginning needs a little work with which sentences are grouped together in paragraphs and when to separate with space. Extra space between paragraphs to show jumps in time or focus (several, like 4-7 spaces) will help to give readers indication of the change going on during those parts.

Overall, nice work and with a little development, this story could really stand out. Thank you for taking the time to enter the official WDC contest in August. I hope you enjoyed the challenge and the story you have created. Keep having fun and writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: I did like the approach to the story with the usage of prompt and creative elements used in picking the type of magic to bring into the story. While I have a personal preference for a main point of view character that I can like or have more empathy towards, I can also appreciate the approach you took with this one.


Prompt: The prompt was an easy aspect to interpret in the story with the use of the "fortune teller" main character. Even having it as the title makes the aspect of the character a forefront element for the reader to expect where the focus will remain. Your story fits the bill, using the character and the aspect required for the plot that will be easy for readers to find if they are aware of the prompt that inspired the end result. Those who don't know the prompt can also enjoy the storyline that came from the requirements.


Other Notes: On the technical side, it might be helpful to find a different way to do the inner dialogue so that it doesn't get mixed up with spoken words between characters. When you get to the part in the beginning with her thinking about how the other woman is a sucker and falling for her trick, it reads almost as if she says it out loud with the quotation marks. It's also in italics, which is often used for inner thoughts. I would suggest doing just the italics on her inner thoughts and not use the " marks when it's the main point of view character thinking things that the other characters in the story wouldn't be able to hear.

For an edit, you could consider doing a quick search through the story for words that end in -ly, in particular in the beginning. Nothing wrong with adverbs like that in general, but it does lose a little impact for the language when done often. I would suggest picking the paragraphs that get the most boost from the words and cutting out a few of the others in order to make the writing a little stronger.

Also, while not necessary, you could consider maybe using a different title. While the current one is straightforward and tells the reader what type of character to expect, it isn't the most attention catching. Outside of the contest, for anyone browsing for things to read it will be the title and item description that have to make them interested to click the link in order to read.


Thank you for taking the time to enter the site official contest for August. I hope you enjoyed the challenge and had fun creating the story from a character based prompt.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there.

Considering this review is for a blog post, I'm not sure if it will link to the exact post or be put as a review for the blog overall. If it doesn't show, this review is connected to "I Write Round 3 and WDC Birthday Week" and that makes for a different style of review.

Have to say, while it's a challenge to consider my review, I also enjoy that element of difference. While it's fun to review poems and stories, it's also a nice change of pace to look at something else and give some comments with a different focus.

I have to admit that I've slacked on WDC birthday events for the last 5 years or so. It's such a fun time and a worthy cause for events, yet it always seems to hit at a time when I'm distracted or struggling. It is near my anniversary on the site as well, so one would think I'd take part more but something about end of August and start of September hits odd. This year, I was sick. Last year was busy with work. However, I'm glad to see other people talking about the events and promoting things. I've been on the site almost as long as you but still can appreciate the tips provided with the post here. Thank you.

The discussion of the I Write challenge is also interesting. I haven't taken part in the activity for a while, even though I've always been a fan. I know it can be difficult and to take part more than once a year is very challenging. Well done so far. Even when you scramble (I often do during rounds in previous years) you still can make progress and get things done. I hope you enjoy this time around as well. Good luck to you.
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Review of Free Montana  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello QueenNormaJean Julyishereboom! Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre based prompt. My apologies for the review delay. Life is still busy offline and I'm doing my best to get time on the site for contests/other activities.


First Impression: The title caught my attention from the beginning and it had an interesting approach to an alternative fiction option. It's got the twist that we can relate to with the pandemic but draws back to the past instead of making one out of the current struggles. It has character and story, which will draw people to read it.


Prompt: For this contest, it was somewhat simple because the entry just had to be found within the genre of alternative history. This is both easier and difficult because of the open nature but also made it fun for the judge/readers to see where each writer took their story. In this case, we have a "free state" of Montana. Works for the prompt and set well in regards to judgement for the contest.


Story Thoughts: This was a creative and interesting approach. I am familiar with the state of Montana in general having grown up south of it. We did a vacation one summer there. It's a nice, very big state. The idea of independence of state is interesting too. While most think of Texas or the South, it made sense to consider a state like Montana as one that could go on its own and have a specific climate of situations. I liked the approach and it read much like a story with the characters along with how the dialogue worked.


Final Comments: Nice work overall with this story. Nothing glaring stood out in relation to the technical side of writing. There is a fair amount of stuff involved within the story and I think if you wanted, it is something that could be expanded even further to a longer story. It has potential and I'd be curious to see where things go if you did work on it more in the future.

Thank you again for entering the site's official contest months ago. I hope you enjoyed the challenge of the genre and coming up with this Montana story.

Good job and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Graham B. Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre based prompt. My apologies for the long delay in the review. Between work and everything going on, I've had less time to spend on the site. Thank you for your patience.


First Impression: An interesting approach to the alternate history story that focuses on creating a story that has a fantastical/fictional feel in a way that will draw readers down the page. There are some elements that are different but the way they are spun together helps to develop a story people will enjoy to read.


Prompt: This time around, the journey through the genres involved taking a look at the world of alternative history stories. In some ways the prompt could be seen as easy and other aspects make it a challenge. While this story in particular doesn't have, for me, and obvious connection to a particular point in history, it comes with a style and approach that gives the feel of creating a history.


Story Thoughts: I liked the approach you took with the story. Even though it feels a little dialogue heavy at times, those areas and conversations are obviously important. They help move the reader along while giving information needed. The bits of song are nice touches that pull things together. Even with the different names, it wasn't difficult to get used to things since I often read fantasy or sci-fi. Some readers may struggle at first but they will get over it as they get further into the story. You did a great job in creating a struggle and realistic character, putting a lot into the limited word count for the contest.


Final Comments: Overall, the writing is strong. Nothing stood out in particular to make the reader struggle to read or move along. Nothing hindered or tripped the reading. Even the use of italics makes sense considering the style and approach done for the story. We appreciated the entry for the contest months ago. I hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and what you were able to create in this story.

Keep Writing!



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Pernell Rogers Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre based prompt. My apologies for the delay in the review.


First Impression: The title is an attention grabber and brought some interest with the description of the item, getting things off to a good start. The characters stand out in particular. Having strong characters followed the story developed, helps to pull the reader through the story.


Prompt: This time around the genre focus was to create an alternative history story. In some ways it can be seen as an easy prompt because an entire genre is allowed but then you have to find a way to narrow things down in order to create a single story. Some histories are easier to see as alternative, depending on the choice made. For this one, even though my history knowledge is waning, I could see the historical side and go from there as we follow through to the alternative approach taken. Nice work.


Story Thoughts: You have a strong story that focuses on a particular story that came a little unexpected. While not obvious it also was a choice that made a lot of sense considering the prompt. You created a character with interest that will bring the reader through the story with curiosity in wondering where things are going to go from the title until the very ent.


Final Comments: I didn't see anything to note on the technical side. You did a good job writing the story and developing both the characters and plot for the short amount of word count allowed. We appreciated the entry months ago for the official site contest. I hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt and coming up with the story.

Have fun and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Espero Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for {ritem:}. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre focused prompt. Sorry for the delay in this review.


First Impression: I had a good connection to the prompt and the possible situation from the beginning of the story with the title. From there, we get a character who is in our time but then we get to see something of the past with the chance that a change could be made. Even though my history knowledge has become quite lacking over the years I could still understand where things were going and didn't mind the dream aspect.


Prompt: This time around the genre contest gave the challenge for the writer to create an alternate history story. The genre contest can be fun since just having to fit within a genre gives lots of options for creativity in stories or poems. That open aspect can also be a challenge in picking what to write and it has to be done in a way the readers/judges can see without having to stretch too hard to fit it within the expectations. With this particular entry, the connection starts off from the title and continues from there making things easy for the judge to tell how the story fits within the prompt for the contest.


Story Thoughts: Interesting approach with the story. The "dream" or character sleeps and goes into a different world/the past isn't as surprising but it's also done really well in your story. A big factor in making a somewhat used or known concept is in the execution. For this one, the way you create the show the character in the beginning and end are what help to make your approach to the story work. I could have used even more but the contest does have word count limits.


Final Comments: The story was easy to read over in general and nothing in particular stood out in regards to the technical side of writing. You took a nice approach in how you created characters, built a conflict and showed a story within a limited framework of a short story. Nice work.

Thank you for taking the time and entering the official site contest. We appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge the prompt provided.

Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Aurthor Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre based prompt.

First Impression: This entry had a strong story feel with how it is written. The way it reads gives that almost fictional feel but we still can also see the history with the choice of main point of view character for most of the story. There is a good sense of both character and conflict, which will interest random readers on the site.


Prompt: For this contest it is somewhat simple since the requirement only specifies the genre and that allows many possibilities for what you can create in a story. This time around, the challenge came in writing an alternate history. That does have its own challenges. You never know what the reader will know on the history side and there has to be some connection in order to see what makes it alternate. The approach you took was easy to see with where you took the story and the end. Nice work in putting everything together.


Story Thoughts: This is a strong story with a known, historical figure at the center. We get the character along with a strong sense of conflict with the situation found on this second journey. Things don't go quite as well as one might first think when coming up to a story involving Columbus.


Final Comments: You did a good job in the creation of this story. There was thought and creativity that went into this story, which is evident for the reader. Nothing stands out or trips things up on the technical side. Nice work.

Only suggestion I have that doesn't really affect the impact of the story or the rating is where you place the word count. We appreciate having it available as the judge but most of the time, readers won't be as interested. You want them to get to the story since that is what they click on the item for in the long run. I'd suggest putting word counts at the bottom of items. You can include things like prompts if you want to people know what inspired the story. If you don't want them standing out at the bottom there are options like creating a drop down so only those interested in extra details will have the option to click on it. Something for you to consider.

Thank you for taking the time to come up with this story and entering it in the official site contest for November taking us on a journey through the genres. We hope you enjoyed the challenge with the contest and coming up with this entry.

Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review of Taken Out  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Sumojo Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre based prompt. We hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the alternate history prompt.


First Impression: It has an interesting approach to the way the story was created with a focus on character dynamics that can help draw a reader in along with the little niche element of the overall story. For me, it was a little confusing at times and there are some heavy dialogue parts that make it feel confined for the contest word count limit but perhaps there could be expansions since the contest has ended.


Prompt: For this contest it tends to be somewhat simple since it can be any story that fits within the required genre. Some are a little easier to see than others but it gives a wide range of options for creating something to enter. Since the story was deemed viable for the contest, that means you managed to use the prompt in a way for your story. Though, to be honest, as the judge and reader, I wasn't sure what history part was involved. Then again, I don't know a lot about KFC to know what is history and what is an altered form of such.


Story Thoughts: I wasn't sure what to expect considering the known inspiration from the contest and the title of the story. As I already stated, there is some aspects of the story that I don't quite understand as the reader. It has potential with the dynamics of the characters along with the way you pace things though it does get a little jumpy with having so many different sections and breaks in the very limited space the contest allows. Perhaps it needs more than the 2,000 word limit, which is okay since most of mine end up that way too. I like the voice you managed to show with the characters and it just depends on what you want to do with the story as to how it could go in the future.



Final Comments: Nice work with the story creation and bringing out the dynamics of the characters. You did get some pacing and other thoughts put into the dynamics are evident when reading through the story a few different times.

One thing you could maybe consider is how you space the different sections of the story. While I do appreciate having something that divides each section, when it comes to the use of emoticons or little images, it feels a little too distracting from the story. While the chickens make sense considering the story and the ending, it can be distracting for readers. Can be kind of cute online but not something you'd want to submit to publishers with them involved if ever considering that as an option with minimal exceptions to that general rule/thought.

Still, nice work in the creation of the story having the dynamics and pacing to draw the reader down to explore the story that you've created. Thank you for taking the time to create this story and enter it in the site contest based on a prompt of creating an alternate history store. We appreciated the entry.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review of The Dance  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Sorji Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the genre based prompt. Hope that you enjoyed the challenge of creating an alternative history story.


First Impression: An interesting story with a good focus on the dynamics between the two characters, using a somewhat familiar conflict with an alternative aspect that brings about the genre of the prompt. While a little heavy on the dialogue, the aspects of character along with the situation presented make it something readers will enjoy checking out.


Prompt: This time around, for journey through the genres, you had to create a story that fit in the alternative history genre. We had to see some elements of history but have something be very different about it. Some genres are a little easier to tell than others. For your story, you took an interesting approach because it wasn't necessarily an obvious point or historical moment, but it really showed an alternative world based on a sort of big history aspect with a little question of evolution with man taking over to try and design something. You put in character and conflict around that alteration, which really helped it stand out in relation to the contest.


Story Thoughts: The story was appealing, in particular with how you created the characters giving them dynamics and responses that really brought out the conflict aspect. There was a real element to how the characters interacted with each other along with the familiar, yet different situation they found themselves in. This helped make it all work well together.


Final Comments: Overall, you did a good job with the writing of the story. There wasn't much that stood out when reading the story a few different times.

One aspect on the technical side that you could consider in rewrites or edits is a certain choice in punctuation. Not to say that you've done anything wrong, in particular, but it's something to consider that could add some strength to the story. For me, I find that the exclamation mark is one of the few options for punctuation that needs to be used in spare amounts. The issue with using it so often, the desired impact looses some of its oomph. If you trim out some of them, then it will let the ones that you keep within the story to have a bigger impact.

Nice work with the story. Thank you for taking the time to come up with this based on the alternate history prompt for the site contest. We appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed writing it.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Mara ♣ McBain Author Icon.

This review is very delayed and from the many months ago round of "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create an entry for the site's official music inspired contest. My apologies for taking so long in sending the feedback and hope you still enjoy the piece you created months ago. Somehow the review got lost in the background of life with flu season (I work in pharmacy) and the holidays. This was a great job on the story and again, sorry that this is a very late review.


First Impression: Nicely done effort in the creation of this story. Even with the round not having as many entries compared to others in the past, it is easy enough to see why the story placed well. The character is interesting to follow and the sections provided to the reader had a depth that many will appreciate whether they are aware of the music source of inspiration or not.


Prompt: The prompt from the contest months ago was based on music that included lyrics. Music is a good prompt in that it's easy to use music in order to create a story. It can be a challenge for the reader at times to see the inspiration within the story. Overall, this round with the particular song worked out well in giving the readers and judges easy enough of a time in finding the prompt usage. This story worked in that regard. The title has a reference to the song but it also works in focus on the story as it's very fitting and the general plot showcases enough to understand the use fo the prompt for the inspiration.


Story Thoughts: I liked the story. The character had depth and the emotion is easy to interpret within the piece through the sections of story provided. With the focus being on the change in her life, it's one that many readers will be able to appreciate and understand. We can see a little of what brought the character to this point and the focus on how things have changed as she made the move in leaving things behind in her life. The story does well in showcasing how the character has gone about the situation showcased in the title with enough buildup while still keeping to a very limited word count.

The image is extra at the start of the story but in this case, I liked the visual added to the story.


Final Comments: Again, thank you for taking the time to create this entry for the contest. It wasn't the most active of months/rounds and the music contest does give a different type of challenge. I know it can be a difficult task to get that story even though music inspires writing on a regular basis. I appreciated the story and enjoyed the entry even if it took me months to get this pieced together in order to tell you. Congratulations on placing second.

*PenB* Keep Writing

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello PureSciFi Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for taking the time to create an entry for the site's official music inspired contest.


First Impression: An interesting approach with the usage of the prompt and how the characters were showcased in the different segments of the story. The tag game in the beginning brings the reader into the situation, introduces the characters and makes a for a good start. I liked the approach for the most part though it jumped around a little bit with the different segments that cause a little stall each time when reading through.


Prompt: The time around there was the music prompt that included the instrumental and lyrics from which people could draw inspiration. The title itself got some attention from writers along with particular lines. It can be a challenge at times with the music prompts since they are easy for writers to use for inspiration but not always easy for others to see that inspiration as outside readers. This entry worked enough for the judges to tell that the prompt had a connection within the story to qualify for the contest.


Story Thoughts: I like the idea behind the story and where you were going, or at least the parts I was able to interpret. Have to admit that I wouldn't have known that it was six different characters if it wasn't listed in the item description. The struggle with this many characters for the official contest comes in part with the short word count limit. It can be hard to get much when having to bounce from one to the next though you did a good job with the different sections of the story as a method for guiding the reader between the characters.

I had a little struggle distinguishing the different characters and for the particular story length, might have worked out a little better cutting it down to a couple less people as the focus. Or you can expand now that the contest is over to allow each set a little more paper time in order to be able to help set them apart more. Either way can work, depends on what you want to do with the story now that the contest is over.

Final Comments: Overall, you did a nice job in the story creation. Thank you for taking the time to create the story for the site's official contest based off the music prompt and for the patience in waiting for feedback. We appreciate the entry and hope you enjoyed the challenge.


*PenB* Keep Writing *PenB*

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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