My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A couple is in a pickle when the turkey burns up in the oven.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the comedic character voice. I could easily see this hilarious debacle happening on Thanksgiving!
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the wife. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a nice blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue captures the essence of the characters well and I could easily picture this conversation in my mind.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scene. I especially liked the scene where the poor bird gets incinerated.
SETTING
TIME: the present
PLACE: a family house
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Wife
There's enough here to understand her motivations. She wants to cook a BIG turkey for Thanksgiving but the bird has other ideas...
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. I loved how the beginning and the ending came full circle. It funny look at how sometimes you have to resort to Tofu. Word count was not listed in the bitem. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A young boy and his friend's family celebrate Thanksgiving, but is turkey on the menu?
WHAT I LIKED
I liked where Albert turned up. It was perfect for the setting.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a nice blend of dialogue and narration to tell the story. Dialogue tags were used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scene. My only suggestion would be to touch upon the sense of smell. I've got a nice visual of the story, but I'd love to have stragetically placed sentence that really captures a warm "smell" of Thanksgiving like nutmeg, allspice, cloves, etc...
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: Maine
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnamed narrator
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's excited to be spending Thanksgiving with his friend.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. A heartwarming story with a touch of suspense. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
This review is for your entry in the Bard's Hall OCT 2018 CONTEST.
THE STORY
There are 4 ghostly vignettes of restless spirits who haunt the material world.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked all the stories. I really appreciated the 'real' life aspect of the stories.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: various settings
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
None
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
My only suggestion would be to take one of these vignettes and write a historical fiction story that fits the prompt. All the vignettes are interesting, so you have a solid fountain for a story. I did not see a word count. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A haunted house continues to haunt a couple, even after they move...
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the word red was used at interesting points in the story. There was a red tiled roof, a red moon, and ending pulled in the red tiled roof again to make a nice circle back to the beginning.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person, by an unnamed narration. Narration is consistent. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest using the 5 senses. You could have a lot of fun with "smell."
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting/a haunted house
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Ann-Louise
There's enough here to understand her motivations. After losing her child and family, cats become her friends until ...
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest. Good use of honor elements in the story.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A sewer creature bubbles up from where else? The sewer - in pursuit of food.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the icky description of the sewer creature. That's what drew me in.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person. Point of View "head hops" between the sewer creature and other people involved in the story which can be disconcerting. It might suggest using a consistent voice of an unnamed narrator. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest taping into the sense of "smell." Things I liked: "greasy dark creature." "warm putrid air."
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting/home
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Sewer Creature, Nicole and Cathy and Sam
There's enough here to understand their motivations. Everyone wants to eat.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was NOT listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest. The story is creepy and icky and raises the hair on ones' arms. I'd suggest a broad edit to fix small things.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The Ditmore family goes to the local Pumpkin Patch to pick a pumpkin. Little do they realize there are sinister intentions involved...
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending! It brought the story full circle and brought home the "horro" nature of the story well.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person. Point of View "head hops" between Marci and Tom, which can be disconcerting. It might suggest using a consistent voice of an unnamed narrator. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Are you sure this is all right?" his wife asked as she unbuckled her seat belt. "I don't see anybody else here."
MY SUGGESTION: Marci unbuckled her seat belt. "Are you sure this is all right? I don't see anyone here."
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest using the 5 senses. You could have a lot of fun with "smell."
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting/pumpkin patch
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Marci and Tom
There's enough here to understand their motivations. They want to buy their kids a pumpkin for Halloween.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest. Nice horror elements used in the story.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. My review is for the Bard's Hall Contest:
Cpt. O'Leary is missing from the Bardstown's Celebration. There's an APB out for Harvey and Cpt. O'Leary has to go catch him again!
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the poem. There was a nice catchy rhythm to it and it gave the reader a good idea why Cpt. O'Leary was up to what he was up to.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. A good attempt considering the 18 sentence limit.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Cpt O'Leary
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's waiting for Harvey to show up and destroy his house.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. Sentence count was followed for the contest. Presentation of the story was well done. It was easy to read and understand. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Cpt. O'Leary is missing from the Bardstown's Celebration. Hall and Fife go searching for Cpt. O'Leary and find him in a completely unexpected place!
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the "voice" of the story. There was a hint of energy and fun to it. The opening line was a nice hook and it was easy to "see" Fife in my mind as a reader.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a nice blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. Given that the author has to solve the mystery in 18 sentences, they did a great job describing the setting and characters.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Hall and Fife
There's enough here to understand their motivations. They need to find Cpt O'Leary and fast before the Bardtown's celebrations are ruined!
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. Sentence count was followed for the contest. I really enjoyed the ending. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE CNOTES
These cnotes are meant to knowledge teachers and their hard work.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the design of notes.
ENGAGING
If you'd like to reach out to a "teacher" who has been fantastic, this is the place to come.
VARIETY
The variety is in the changing colors of the apples and books. If anything, I'd love to see something a little different here. I think an "apple" is heartfelt, but perhaps old fashioned. Nothing wrong with old fashioned, but I'd try to incorporate some new ideas. Cookies and Milk? Coffee? Tea? pencils? Crome books?
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestion as mentioned above. There's a warm, heartfelt introduction, but I might suggestion using a graphic to frame the theme of the cnote collections.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE RAFFLE
The raffle helps to fundraise for various groups around WDC and support the author's site membership.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the bird theme. I thought it was original and creative. I also appreciated the generosity behind the raffle and how other fundraisers around the site benefited. True Community Spirit!
ENGAGING
The raffle offers a lot of choices of birds. The Introduction is very clear. The ticket purchaser is put into a pot, and a winner is a drawn. They get a percentage of the pot. The other percentages go toward membership and other site fundraisers.
VARIETY
There were a good choice of birds to buy tickets for. Tickets could be gifted as well. I also liked that there was a link that described the birds. Very educational!
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS
Great introduction. Good use of graphics and WDC ML to make the raffle appealing. The raffle is not currently active, but with a few clicks of the button, the author could make it active again. Well done!
Reviewed by StephB for Party Central 2018 Angel Army WDC Birthday Celebration.
The folder is called the Writing.com Idol Competition Folder. There are several short stories and a clip art in the folder.
WHAT I LIKED
The folder wasn't overwhelming. There was a nice variety of short stories. The titles of the stories were intriguing.
THEME/PRESENTATION
The theme is contest entries. From my poking around, I gathered all the stories had been contest entries. The folder was well organized and easy to read. There is a small introduction. If anything, you could expand on this by using a graphic or explaining about the contest the stories were entered in.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. This folder was complied with love and care. Several of the stories have awards. Well done!
This poem reads like an epic poem and tells the story of the author who gets caught in a blizzard.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the story that the poem told. There was conflict, doubt, and hope. Each stanza keeps the reader involved and reading to find out what will happen next.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem. There is no rythme scheme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest an edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion mentioned above. The poem tells an inspirational story and the ending is heartwarming. Done in a "epic" style, but doesn't meet the literary definition of epic poetry. Still, the style is engaging and the poem is easy to read and understand.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE BLOG
In The Shadows engages the reader by discussing the art of President Trump's decision making. Reviewer's Note: I might note that this blog deals with politics and politics can be very divisive. And I'll leave it at that.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked that the topics were ones that everyday people hear about in the news.
ENGAGING
The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.
VARIETY
There was a good variety on Trump's issues that he's dealt with since coming to office.
EXPRESSIVE
The blog was easy to read.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.
PARTING THOUGHTS
I might suggest expanding the blog intro just a tad more. You could nicely tie the title into the blog entries.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall Blogging Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE LYRICS
The lyrics speak about time, the importance of it, along with the value of it.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked that the verses with tight and snappy.
CREATIVITY
Is it worth it to catch a cab to go somewhere and waste time getting there only to realize your destination is not appealing and you wish you could leave?
I liked the creativity in tackling the topic and relating it to an everyday experience.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The lyrics are easy to read and understand.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. I like the catchy "Ketra vaga?" in my head and could easily hear the beat/tune in my head.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall May 2018 Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE LYRICS
The lyrics invite the listener to leave their cacophony of modern day sounds and visit nature where it's quieter and more peaceful. Enjoy a sunset's melody.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the theme of the lyrics; finding escape from modern day issues in a calm, nature filled evening.
CREATIVITY
The song challenges the busy person in life to find a peaceful haven where they can let go.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a light edit for punctuation. The lyrics are easy to read and understand.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. The song's rhyme scheme comes naturally. The chorus provides the hook for the song.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall May 2018 Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Albie wants to give some lady money on behalf of Frankie.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending. I knew there was an angle and the ending delivered.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the lday. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
This is a dialogue only contest with a photo prompt. The dialogue does a good job paining a vignette. It holds the reader's interest until the end.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. Given that it's a dialogue prompt, the challenge is to touch on the five scenes to add depth to the descriptions. It can be done. Are they on the street? What does the street smell like?
SETTING
TIME: the present
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
The Lady
There's enough here to understand her motivations. She's after "her" man.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The story is easy to understand. I might suggest spacing between dialogue/paragraphs as it would be easier on the eyes to read at WDC.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I thought the author did a great job capturing both the characters' voices using dialogue only. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE ESSAY/ARTICLE
Our well intentioned narrator gives some advice on how to get through the Thanksgiving holiday with one's sanity in tact.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the character voice. It was very easy to get into what the narrator was saying. I totally agreed with cleaning. I've spent a good FULL day cleaning my house only to have my obnoxious guests make a mess and not clean up. Makes me wonder what goes on at their house. Then again, I don't think I want to know.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
Good job with descriptions, not only visual, but emotional, too.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: a typical house at thanksgiving.
The setting is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnamed narrator
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He has great advice for those who are not "thanksgiving" savvy. }
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest spacing between paragraphs on WDC so it's easier on the reader's eyes. The story is easy to understand.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count is listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Darrin is checking off names on his bucket list.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked presentation. There were no spelling/punctuation mistakes. The author used a font that was easy to read.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Darrin. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Darrin ... or Mitch
Honestly, I was confused who was the lead character if it was Darrin or Mitch and while I wasn't confused on the motive, I didn't understand who was doing what.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I might suggest writing in the story in the first person. It might tighten up the narration and avoid the confusion. The opening has plenty of action and encourages the reader to continue. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Chola and Neepa are friends, and Chola needs all the support she can get when she decides to go against her mother's wishes and express herself by painting murals.
WHAT I LIKED
Chola shows a true sense of inner strength and character when she decides to follow her heart and paint the murals.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Chola. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.If the word count provides, I might suggest adding a few strategically placed sentences that touch on scent and the rich visual of the murals painted by Chola.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader. If anything, I might suggest adding the location before the first sentence, to give the reader a reference for the location. I'm not sure of setting, but for me, "Calcutta, India," before the start would help me to visualize the location.
CHARACTERS
Chola
There's enough here to understand her motivations. Art is in her veins and she must express herself. It's like that for me as a writer.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The story is easy to read and understand.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A very heartwarming story that will resonate with readers. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
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My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
WHAT I LIKED
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WHAT I LIKED
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