My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
Sudden change grips the mind, the rails shake, will it end?
WHAT I LIKED
I enjoyed the imagery of the poem as well as the design.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem. It is presented in written form in such a way that the reader needs to read it to appreciate the presentation.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: "the crumbling of your mind, the deterioration of your soul, the undoing of your world."
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The 3rd stanza paints a gripping visual and evokes heartfelt emotion. The poem accelerates after that, taking the reader on a ride of change and how it can affect people. The last word is heart stopping. Very good expression.
Line count and notes were listed in accordance with the contest rules. I have no suggestions for improvement.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
Sudden change transforms the old norms to the newer ones.
WHAT I LIKED
I enjoyed the word play. It grabbed my attention and held it.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem. There are no rhymes.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: "Sudden change is the Frankenstein we all fear."
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The poem draws inspiration from the prompt well. I loved the progression from the change, the death of the old, the apocalypse, the new. The short lines build tension and suspense well.
Line count and notes were listed in accordance with the contest rules. I have no suggestions for improvement.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
An old church experiences radical change.
WHAT I LIKED
I needed the note at the end of the poem to help give me perspective, but once I had it, and re-read the poem, everything clicked for me. The poem possesses heartbreaking resonance.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem. There are no rhymes.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem requires the reader to slow down and let the words sink in.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: "But it hurts inside as slips away something that gave us purpose."
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The poem tells a heartbreaking of story of the old lost and the new change, and asks the question: "Is sudden change a good thing?" Line count and notes were listed in accordance with the contest rules. I have no suggestions for improvement. The title fits the poem well.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
The poem dealt with sudden change and how one reacts to it. It is inspired by the Mary Shelley quote: "Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change."
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the word play; it deepened the experession of the poem. There was a rythmic flow that I experienced when I read the poem. This flow grabbed me and held me fixed.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem. There were some stragetic rhymes, but no set patterns.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: "like clanging cymbals to the mind"
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Good use of "distortion, disruption, desolation, despair," to emotionally grab the reader. The ending leaves the reader with uncertainty, as all change does. Well written. I have no suggestions for improvement. LIne count and notes were listed in accordance with the contest rules.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE TRAVELOGE
The author takes us to Sovana, Tuscany.
WHAT I LIKED
How the Inn was low key and invited the visitors to just relax in the courtyard.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I might suggest incorporating a bit more description. What does the bench look like? Smell? Are there flowers in the courtyard? What does it feel like to the touch. You don't need a lot, just a sentence or two to invite the reader to visit.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: Sovana, Tuscany
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Fiona visits her family in the cemetery and finds an older man doing the same.
WHAT I LIKED
This is a very heartwarming character driven story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited through Fiona's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Chilly one today missus, to fit for man nor beast. Best get going, it looks like snow." He said, lifting his rheumy eyes to the leaden sky."
MY SUGGESTION: He lifted his rheumy eyes to the leaden sky. "Chilly one today missus, not fit for man nor beast. Best get going, it looks like snow."
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "His ragged coat had buttons missing, she could see the dirty collarless shirt underneath. As she closed the gap, he raised his head, smiling, showing tobacco stained teeth." The descriptions are spot on throughout the story. There's a good economy of words which paint a nice visual picture.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: a cemetery bench.
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Fiona and Bill
There's enough here to understand their motivations. Both of them are a low point, struggling to find hope.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. Good luck in the contest. Overall, a very heartwarming, inspiring story. Good use of the prompt.
My review is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2020. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:
Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID! Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL! Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem. This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2020! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified. Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!
A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.
And now... onto the review....
THE POEM
This poem is about 3 cupids who kinda stir the pot.
WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:
SLAM: BAD. I liked: "A bald, hairy cupid." -- Bad visual. Just plain Bad.
STRUCTURE
This is a rhyming poem. rhyme scheme: aabba. There are 3 stanzas.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Okay intentionally bad poetry.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2020 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.
My review is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2020. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:
Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID! Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL! Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem. This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2020! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified. Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!
A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.
And now... onto the review....
THE POEM
This poem is about Bad Cupid. Love the graphic that envisions the "bad" cupid. This bad cupid is a HOT MESS with his bent arrows and most naked.
WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:
SLAM: BAD. Description: He's always most naked like some kinda porn. I think the picture paints a better visual.
STRUCTURE
This is a rhyming poem. The 2nd and 4th lines rhyme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Okay intentionally bad poetry.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2020 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.
My review is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2020. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:
Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID! Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL! Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem. This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2020! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified. Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!
A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.
And now... onto the review....
THE POEM
This poem is about Cupid who matched the narrator with a troll.
WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:
SLAM: UGLY. I especially liked: Cherubic rat! You wing-ed bat!
STRUCTURE
This is a rhyming poem. The stanzas have 3 lines. #1 and #2 lines rhyme and then the 3rd line in each stanza rhymes.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Well done intentionally bad poetry. Just plain awful.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2020 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Amelia slipped into the 1920's to do some "research."
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the creativity and imagination behind the story. There were a lot of puzzle pieces that I was trying to fit together as a reader.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Amelia. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. If anything, I would suggest spacing between character dialogue. It was kind of confusing for me as reader.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. You could expand in it a bit more. You don't need much. Touch on the 5 senses, smell and touch maybe. A sentence or two to tell me how things smell like, etc.
SETTING
TIME: 1929
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Amelia
There's enough here to understand her motivations. She uses the "Contraption" to travel back into time and gets an eyeful.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Dee has bad dreams that hint at the future.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the creativity and imagination used to tell the story. The story had a nice flow and engaged the reader. Good character voice.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Dee. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. Good use of eyes/touch from the five senses. Good, solid opening line catches the reader's attention: "Oven-like heat saturated each breath."
SETTING
TIME: future
PLACE: rural/desolate setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Dee
There's enough here to understand her motivations. Her "dreams" are premonitions that make her seem "crazy" to others.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML. The story is easy to read.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. My only constructive suggestion is that while I liked the story, I thought it really stretched from the visual prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
James walks a snowy street, reflecting on his life.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the story used the visual prompt for inspiration. It takes an honest look at what goes on with people who might be less fortune than others.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by James. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. Good emotional descriptions place the reader next to James as he walks down the street.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
James
There's enough here to understand his motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening is a little slow and the story centers on James' reflections and where he is in his life. I might suggest incorporating some action into the story, maybe he meets someone or a he does a good deed for someone which spurns on his decision at the end. (The action doesn't necessarily need to be incredible. Sometimes subtle action speaks more to character motivation than a lot of action.) Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
An honest mistake leads to healing in the family.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the heartwarming nature of the story. Good use of the visual prompt to inspire the story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited from Pamela's POV. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. You could expand on them if you wanted using the five scenes. I might tape into painting vivid white visuals for the reader.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Pamela
There's enough here to understand her motivations once she realizes her mistake.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC to make the story easy on the eyes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. The only thing I might suggest clarifying because I was confused by it and I tried to re-read it a couple of times, is how Pamela had Uncle Roger's email. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Cory turns 18 and drives out of his small town looking for adventure.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the story took inspiration from the visual prompt. It was very creative.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Cory. There are shifts to Donna May's point of view without a line breaks. I might suggest line breaks so the shift isn't jarring for readers. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I might suggest offsetting the dialogue with it's own paragraph. I wouldn't include it within the body of the paragraph, that tends to confuse readers.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses. Does the warp have a smell? Has the smell changed? What's the difference that Donna feels might be happening?
SETTING
TIME: modern day or near future
PLACE: rural setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Cory
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's young and he's old enough to do his own thing and that's go and explore the world.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening grabs the reader's attention and keep them reading. The title fits the story. Good, subtle use of the sci-fi elements. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Dan meets with a reporter about recent changes in his life.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the story took inspiration from the visual prompt. The meeting between Dan and Tori take place in a cafe on a busy street covered in snow. I also liked how the first snowflake of the story comes full circle with the ending snowflake. Well done.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Dan. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "Her brown hair danced in the air from the static electricity the action caused." As a reader, you put me right in the diner with Dan and Tori.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Dan
I wasn't clear on Dan's motivations to seek out Tori, a reporter. Certainly, he has experienced dramatic change. Or did Tori seek him out. While I found the exchange of information interesting, I was a bit confused on the characters' motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the story easy to read on the eyes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I would just flesh out the motivations a bit more. The title fits the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A man wanders the snowy streets searching for answers.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending. It gave the wanderings a sense of purpose.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's only one line of dialogue which accents the narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest taping into the five senses. You could really amp up the visual descriptions and I might even touch upon the sense of smell. Technology still functioned, but what did technology smell like? Put me in the room.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnamed narrator
There's enough here to understand his wanderings.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest spacing between paragraphs on WDC to make it easier for readers to read.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening is okay. It's very descriptive and I would suggest taping into some action to pull me in. Put me in the scene with the narrator. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Rob returns home only to discover an EMP has stopped the world cold.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the character voice. Rob pulled me into the scenes with him.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Rob. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good job with dialogue tags.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked the heartbreaking description of Rob's parents' house when he walks in.
SETTING
TIME: modern day or near future
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Rob
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's returning home and his life is turned upside down.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
My only suggestion would be to finesse the ending. Would an EMP take out a car? I wasn't sure what an MGB was. Does it use electricity? I might end the story with Rob and Sam putting together a plan to get to the cabin with a nibble of hope that were confident they could make it. I definitely think you've got the beginning of a good story here. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
An unnamed narrator has to make it down a snowy street.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the story took inspiration from the visual prompt. Very imaginative.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by an unnamed sergeant. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: near future?
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnamed narrator
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He has orders to make it to the end of the street, but he keeps dropping that helmet!
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening egages the reader with solid character voice. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Tammy is poor and lives with mom. She's just trying to make it through school - and winter.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the characterization. Tammy was someone I could definitely relate to. Nice character voice.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Tammy. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I guess I'm on my own." Tammy remarked as she grabbed the cell phone off the charger.
MY SUGGESTION: Tammy grabbed her cell phone off the charger. "I guess I'm on my own."
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked how you used smell to identify one of the characters. (The stinky homeless guy). If anything, I might use the visual prompt to expand on the snow and the weather. Also -- there's a sentence dealing with emotion: "Tammy started to feel angry." Show me that anger. I might suggest. "Tammy fisted her hands and pursed her lips, holding back a tart retort."
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Tammy
There's enough here to understand her motivations. Tammy just wants to get through the day.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. Spell out "okay" in creative writing. "OK" is alright for journalistic writing.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and pulls them into Tammy's world. The ending inspires hope. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Katie wants to go to Stephanie's sleepover, but the family has other plans.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the author weaved the visual prompt into the story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Line breaks are used appropriately. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You don't need much. If you wanted to "amp" up the visual, you could, but maybe you could tap into the smell. What does Eric smell like? The bad guy? Molly the cat?
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Katie
There's enough here to understand her motivations. She feels neglected by her parents.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I would spell out "okay" for creative writing. "Ok" is alright for journalistic writing.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and I liked the ending as it gave hope to all the characters. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The story contains the letters of a soldier who might not make it home to Thanksgiving during World War I.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the letters captured the feel of the time period.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Sid. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue as the story is told over a series of letters.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. Maybe touch upon the five senses and the smell.
SETTING
TIME: 1915
PLACE: battlefield
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Sid
There's enough here to understand his motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for spelling.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The bitem does not follow the story prompt of ending with "happy thanksgiving." Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The turkey is ruined! Can a side dish become the main attraction?
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the premise of the story. I also enjoy all the characters names. They seemed appropriate for a Thanksgiving story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Present tense is used. Most professional editors encourage the use of past tense. For me, as a reader, I find present tense a bit jarring to read.
DIALOGUE
There's a descent blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "What happened to the turkey?" Nama exclaimed as soon as the turkey came out of the oven.
MY SUGGESTION: Name pulled the turkey out of the oven. She wrinkled her nose, pursed her lips and felt her heart skip a beat. "What happened to the turkey!"
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You could really touch on the sense of smell to heightened the fact the turkey did not cook well.
SETTING
TIME: Thanksgiving
PLACE: the kitchen
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Nama
There's enough here to understand her motivations. The turkey is a wreck. Now what?
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Good use of the prompt in the story. I liked how Nama and the family solved the Turkey dilemma. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The turkey was soooo big, it barely fit in the oven! Can Thanksgiving dinner be saved?
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how "Birdzilla" took on a life of it's own and drove the story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Jeanie. Good job with narration. Good use of line breaks to separate the narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You could really touch on the sense of smell to heighten the suspense regarding the big, bad Birdzilla.
SETTING
TIME: 1985
PLACE: a house
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Jeanie
There's enough here to understand her motivations. Who doesn't worry about cooking the Thanksgiving bird?
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The story is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening is a bit passive. I might start out with framing the period.
My suggestion: "It was 1985. Ronald Reagan was immensely popular, Calvin and his stuffed tiger, Hobbes, were out to conquer the world, Bruce Springsteen sung about things I cared about."
Coming of age in 1985, I don't remember too many people worrying about "corn fed" turkey, as I think that's more of a modern 2010's concern, and I probably wouldn't mention it in the story.
Good use of the prompt in the story. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Mom is hoping the boys will bring home a gator for Thanksgiving because that's what you eat when you live in a swamp.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the character voice. It really helped to draw me into the story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Mom. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. You could expand on the descriptions a bit by touching on the five senses. I'd love to know Swamp Thanksgiving smells like.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural/swamp setting?
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Mom
There's enough here to understand her motivations. It's time to prepare Thanksgiving dinner.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The story followed the prompt. Good luck in the contest.
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My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
WHAT I LIKED
WHAT I LIKED
Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
