Another unusual tale, Bill. And, as usual, I enjoyed the story. You use dialogue quite effectively. I found some problems, but if you revise, let me know so that I can re-review.
Try to avoid using second person except in dialogue. I (the you that you address) am not in the story, and I don't want to be. I can't see into the forest at all, etc.
Some of your lines are spaced oddly. You might want to look at the public view.
You have several run-on sentences, and some sentences where you have an unneeded comma between the subject and verb.
I forgot to make a note of where, but one place you have 'your' for 'you're.'
I think I caught everything, or most things. Please let me know when, or if, you revise.
This storoem caused my heart to clinch. It's probably one of the more shocking ones I've read of yours. However, it didn't quite meet the smoothness of most of the storoems you write.
The build up of the man's driving through the neighborhood was good, the accident, too, but the attack left me wondering, "Where did that come from." It was too sudden without any motivation. Maybe if you had suggested that the man had taken this shortcut at high speed before... Just a suggestion.
I've just had a three course meal of poetry, and this is dessert. Poetry is by first writing love, and your verses help me remember why. You take words and turn them into pictures for the soul, and for the heart.
My words can't begin to let others know the depth of yours.
I am enthralled. The words of this poem create a message that speaks to my mind and heart - unbelievably wonderful. The underlying message is strong and powerful and so human.
If there are any punctuation or minor problems they were hidden by the creative use of your words.
Not only is the idea for Merit Badges unique and timely, the Merit Badges themselves are works of art. Thank you, Story Mistress, for giving us another way to honor the special people on Writing.Com.
times five is the only rating possible to note another wonderfully thoughtful thing you've done for members.
As usual, Harry, you have a deep message found in your writing. How many times have parents destroyed a child's pleasure with "not now"?
The only problem, very minor, I see is in the first two lines. Using simpler twice somehow distrubs the flow right at the beginning. Maybe you could use "purer" in one place?
Another really good storoem, and if you do decide to revise, please let me know.
A unique blend of emotions and poetic imagery, this poem brought bright pictures of empty rooms to my mind. The depth goes beyond the words found on the surface to almost a portrait of a life that's gone, leaving memories behind.
You have created a wonderful palate of emotion and sensory detail.
Oh, W.D., I love this story! You are such a talented writer, but I never know what you'll write next. This story was priceless.
You need some punctuation help. For example in the following, The box is small and I have to tuck my legs underneath me just to get comfortable , a comma is needed after 'small' to avoid a run-on sentence.
Did you mean 'it's' in the following, rather that it'? “It’ a puppy!
Wow! This story is powerful. The underlying message or meaning isn't spelled out, but, perhaps by not being, the impact is greater. I had to go back and read it again.
One suggestion I have would to be possibly revise part of the second paragraph slightly. Perhaps rewrite it with the following punctuation: It hadn't been much of a hill, really, nothing more than a mound: but they had been rolling down Everest; they had been rolling down K-2; they had been explorers caught in a sudden avalanche, racing at breakneck speed down the rocky face of Pike's Peak.
Do I understand correctly that after the explosion both boys were laughing, or did Roy just imagin they both were?
You have a great talent for creating mental pictures with words.
This tribute to your father has to touch each and every reader. I envy you your loving memories, but I'm so glad you have them. You have such ability to craft your words into mental portraits of emotion.
This newsletter is not only interesting, but it gives me a multitude of choices for reading and reviewing. The different catagories make it easy to find just what a reader wants.
I have one question: You write at the top of the newsletter that the choices are made by the members of Writing.Com, but how do members make the choices?
Bravo, Harry, bravo! This piece must indeed be among your best. The lines flow smoothly, and the rhyme catchs my eye, and my ear, unobtrusively like a soft background melody. As in all your work, the moral lies in wait on more than one leve.
Again, Harry, you manage to use words to create a portrait for the mind. You give the reader thoughts to consider and ponder while telling a tale worth reading.
The only reason I didn't give you a 5, 'was' the distracting overuse of the state-of-being verb 'was.' One way of revising to avoid its use in the following, But for years something deep inside him
was growing, gnawing, starting to burn – could be
But for years something deep inside him
grew, gnawed, started to burn -
In other places, revising would do the same.
Let me know if you do revise. I'd like to visit this piece again.
Harry, I thought you said you can't write short stories! You have a natural knack of telling stories, and this one shows your 'hidden' talent. As far as that photo on the wall - you'd better be glad you never had me for a drill sergeant! My former students could tell you tales that would curl your hair.
You did switch verb tenses. You wrote almost entirely in past tense, except: I'm thinking, “Stay clear of this bozo!” That's in present tense and should be: I was thinking, "Stay clear of this bozo!" Another present tense example: Then the next boy relates, should be boy related.
When you have a quote within a quote, the one inside goes between single quotation marks ' '.
Very good job, Harry. Now, I expect to see some more short stories from you! Uh, maybe?
Oh, my, Amy, you have created such a deep, meaningful poem in so few poetic words. You manage to write what poetry is supposed to be: concise, precise, and beautifully worded.
The only rating appropriate for this work is five stars.
I read so many reviews about this article on the public review page that I had to read it for myself. I agree that some times anonymous reviews hid the identity of a malicious person; but many times the person wants to do something nice without anyone knowing. I've had both types of anonymous visitors. You make some valid points, though.
Your article starts in third person and first, then you change to second person (you, your, etc.), then back to third and first. You would have a tighter, stronger piece if you stayed with third and first person.
"Beholden" is colloquial and found only in certain parts of the country. Perhaps "obligated" would be a better word to use.
I enjoyed your writing. You packed much in few words.
An excellent poem with no flaws that I can find, Harry. As usual, you manage to stuff so much in your lines of poetry. The meaning and power of your words are true and direct.
Your rhyme didn't seem forced or contrived, but smooth and natural.
As usual, W.D., your unique tale writing talent shines. This story held my interest from the beginning, and except for the rating (because of the language), could even make a good children's story.
Now a few nit-picking points:
I believe a single quotation mark should also go after the comma in the following: Jack loved to say ‘done-and-done, Also, later, you forget to put the single quote outside a period. Periods and commas always go inside quotation marks, whether singular or double.
Mr. Young talks more uneducated than any teacher I've ever been around, and I've been around some rather illiterate sounding ones.
Be careful of run-on sentences. You have a few.
Some odd spacing problems exist. You might want to look at the public view of this story.
The good story-writing job, as usual, brings the number of stars up despite problems I found.
Considering the attacks Writing.Com and you personally have endured, this essay is restrained. It, however, expresses what all is indeed free on this site very thoroughly. You write in an organized manner, with a touch of needed humor in places to lighten the tone. I like what you wrote and how you wrote it. I don't know if I could have been as nice.
I made use of the EPs to note any grammar problems I found, and for an occasional note of agreement.
This story has a definitely twisted ending. You did a very good job of foreshadowing the ending, though. You have a very creative imagination which shows in your stories.
Police department doesn't need to be capitalized unless it's the name of a particular police department, like Boston Police Department.
Be careful of run-on sentences.
Can you rewrite so that you use more action verbs and fewer state-of-being verbs? If so, your stories will be stronger and more powerful.
I think the following needs a question mark rather than an exclamation point: Uh, yeah, sure, who hasn’t!
A rather different type of writing from you, but interesting. I like the way you inserted three lines of verse between the paragraphs. An unusual type of tribute to a child.
Ah, Harry, the stories you pack into each of your storoems. This tale of bravery yet hope is one of your best. The poetic language aids in bringing the story to life.
Excellent story-poem, I enjoyed it very much.
Viv
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Try to avoid using second person except in dialogue. I (the you that you address) am not in the story, and I don't want to be. I can't see into the forest at all, etc.
One suggestion I have would to be possibly revise part of the second paragraph slightly. Perhaps rewrite it with the following punctuation: 
My former students could tell you tales that would curl your hair.