** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Hello william wilson ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
¡ W e l c o m e t o W r i t i n g . C o m !
What I love most about this item is how poignant it is.
In sending this review, I am supporting your desire to be a writer. Rather than just saying, “you have a lot of typos, go find them”, I try to list them so it’s easier for you to find and correct them. Several parts of my review are subjective, especially the Language (in Form), Style and Poetry sections. If you have any questions about How, Why, What or Whom I review, please read "Invalid Item" .
All flowered and underlined subjects are given a rating out of five s.
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Overall Impression
4 : You articulate a life experience very well, and you chose a life experience that few dare to write about. With a few changes, I believe this is publishable.
Outer Wrapping (aka: Cover)
4.5 : The Static Item Type is appropriate. The Genre is appropriate. The Introduction Content Rating is appropriate. The Body Content Rating is appropriate. The Title sells the piece. The Brief Description is missing some small words ~ would you consider: which comes to an end in a strange way.
Form (Grammar, Spelling, Typos, Language)
Mastery of language is choosing exactly the word you want to make the phrase you want so the whole thing works as you intend. Too often, we choose words that we think will do the trick, and in fact they don’t do very well. What some authors find the least helpful is a focus on grammar and spelling; they may feel it’s not very helpful in terms of overall writing improvement. However, typos take a reader’s attention away from the writing’s purpose. Too much repetition counts as a typo. Sometimes rules can be broken, but only if it’s right for the story or context in which the broken rule occurs.
2 : You have an abundance of typos. Please don’t be discouraged by this long list, and please understand that typos reduce a reader’s enjoyment of your work. My purpose in providing this list is to support your in finding and correcting typos:
About commas: they are prettier when there is no space before them. From your text, this is correct: “riches, other”; and this isn’t correct: “riches , the other”. See how much more attractive the first one is?
“riches, other” – the other or another
About spacing: your left hand margin is very wavy. This can be done on purpose to great effect, but in this case it is distracting.
There should be a period (.) after each “lost my (closest) friend”.
Style (Theme, Plot, Layout, Character Development)
Good structure keeps the piece clean and easy to read. Sentences flow, paragraphs tell miniature stories (they have a beginning, a middle and an end); and the flow of paragraphs actively moves toward an end.
5 : I found your work original and I wanted to keep reading. Your thoughts are well organized and developed. Characters grow as the writing unfolds smoothly and leave me with no questions.
Poetry
Writing poetry can be very cathartic. However, it’s important to remember that the reader wants to share an emotional experience with you. It’s important to let the reader in, and to let the reader remember their own emotions in response to their own similar experiences.
3 : Your poem is true to life experience and is deeply moving. However, I get the impression that you didn’t pay attention to the visual effect, and your presentation has many distracting qualities. Punctuation (or lack) should provide a clear, intentional rhythm.
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Star Total: 4 + 4.5 + 2 + 5 + 3 = 18.5
Averaged: 18.5/5 = 3.7
Rated: 3.5
If you make the changes I recommend, you can let me know and I’ll alter my rating accordingly. Please include a link to your item in your email and please copy the review to me. "The illustrated guide to linking" by Writing.Com Support explains how. My goal is to assist you in improving your writing.
Write on!
Peace and power to you, always,
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