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Rated: 18+ · Book · Experience · #1578384
You never know what you'll find - humor, ramblings, rants, randomness- it's all me!
This description part is challenging. I never know what I will blog about until I start typing. I do know there will be typos. I don't reread or correct my blog. Otherwise it turns technical instead of my feelings and thoughts. Trust me, on stories and poems I'm a grammaraholic, but this is freedom. Sometimes to keep it from getting too personal, I even turn my head away while I type. Weird, right?. I hope you find this somewhat entertaining, thought-provoking, and humorous. *Inlove*

Let's cross our fingers.
A little about me. The most important things in my life are family, especially my son, Reese, and my husband, Bruce, my walk with God, and making a positive impact in some way. I am a teacher, currently teaching 6th grade Language Arts. While at times my job can be trying, overall, it is one of the most rewarding passions in my life.

My best friend, my son Figured since my son is about to graduate high school, I might want to update his pic.


This is my wonderful son, Reese. He is now 20 and and a junior at Oklahoma State University. I may be partial, but he is an exceptional kid with the best heart I've ever known. He makes me laugh, think, and want to be a better person. We are both huge Oklahoma State Cowboy fans - Gooooooo Pokes!

My son's dog - Betty

This is Reese's dog, Betty. She shares a name with my mother. Reese named her that because she was beautiful and kind just like his Nanny (my mom). I'm not sure my mom is quite convinced it is a compliment though. Betty is a huge part of our family. She even had her own blog for awhile.

Poke around at your leisure and shake your head at some of things that go through mine. I always return reviews/comments, though admittedly, sometimes it does take me awhile depending on what life is serving me at that point.

Keeping the faith,
Audra


my newest sig

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July 7, 2014 at 12:56am
July 7, 2014 at 12:56am
#821906
I wonder . . .

If I will succeed at writing this blog on my phone

Why some species of dogs look sad all the time

Why people generally talk about the catastrophes they've encountered rather than the positive occurrences

If giraffes wish they could swing from the trees like monkeys

I wonder why

I never take my own advice

Why my new contacts film over after wearing for an hour

If cave people sat around the fire talking about how fast the world is progressing and missed the simpler times in life

I wonder

What I will be when I grow up

About the term 'full potential' I mean if you've reached it it really isn't 'potential' any more

Why people read my ramblings

Whether bubble wrap should be labeled as an anxiety relieving drug

Goals seemed easier to set and reach when we were younger. We should have more knowledge and experience to use now to reach them

Finally, tonight I wonder if it's harder for turtles to be extroverts since they have that she'll so handy to hide in.

Obviously not the person with all the answers,
A.L.R.

July 5, 2014 at 6:54pm
July 5, 2014 at 6:54pm
#821772
I think most of us can agree (unless you are just trying to be difficult - and just don't be - it's a blog not a debate forum - we will save that for a rainy day and brother we are in a drought ) that social media has led us to interact with people we would never have 'met' without it, reconnect to those we would never have talked to again, and realized that our memory isn't as good as we thought it was.

On a more personal level, it has taught me many things I wasn't even looking to learn This could probably fill up more than a book - so I'm really going to focus on one main evident. But quickly on a side note: Those of you that think my blog posts are too long. Here's a thought. . . Don't read 'em! It's a choice not a law - YET!


So if I could get a drum roll . . . I will end your suspense of what I learned.

In fifth grade, I was a Martian. Yeah, you heard correctly - green, gold lame space suit - freaky hair-do - flashing hot lights the whole she-bang!

How do I prove I haven't gone insane? By a facebook message, of course! It's almost as reputable as Wikipedia. But here it is:

Bruce B

I am aways happy to help a fellow martian. (elementry school christmas program) You might not remember that. Serious, if you need prayers, just ask.

Apr 5 · Sent from Chat


Now, I went to school with this Bruce B. from Kindergarten through High School graduation in 1987 - so I did know the person it was from. Super nice guy - dedicated - focused. But then again that is over 25 years ago; people do change. I mean he called me a fellow Martian, used the word 'serious' (something I'm not often), and prayers in one message. My first thought was, 'Oh man, Bruce musta gone a little on the whacko side'.

I didn't respond immediately, because I wasn't sure the correct tactful way to inform him he had taken a ride on the loony tune train with a one way ticket. So I closed my eyes, grateful that I at least have a little sanity. And that's when it hit me - the memories came flashing back - I was a freaking green alien! And more than that I LOVED IT!

Now, after conversing for I don't know say about 10000 messages I realize Bruce's memory is a little sharper than mine, but I may have had a few more shots of tequila in my time -- I think he has me beat on Whiskey 101 or something like that. Anyway, I would NEVER have remembered this without Bruce. And this is how I'm sure of it. A few weeks prior to this a lady in the community I grew up passed away. Her name was Bendina Bennett. She was great at doing braids and hair. I'm talking like the all over the head braids like Bo Derek had in '10'. I think that was the name of the movie. When I heard she had passed, I had a vague memory of her doing these braids on me ONCE. It had taken hours and hurt like hell-fire. But I loved it! At that time, I'm pretty sure I was the only pale, blue eyed, blonde 5th grader with these braids. I couldn't remember why. I called my mom and she didn't even remember the braids. She assumed it was for some dance recital. I knew hat couldn't be right, but I couldn't figure it out so I let it drift to the spot in my brain where all unanswered questions of no urgency go to die.

But Bruce -- he brought it back to me! No doubt, we had been chosen because we were both teacher's kids (in case you don't know - teachers' kids are kind of like that super old Life cereal commercial where they give it to Mikey to try because he'll try anything), we both were pleasers, and took things we did pretty seriously . . . for fifth graders.

So there we were - painted green with I'm guessing paint that was not made for painting the face and body (I'm sure it is mild lead poison that led to my memory loss), hot-stick-to-your-skin gold lame costumes (I would love to see the picture of Bruce in gold lame - You don't get more country, farmer, cowboy than Bruce), and the spotlight was like being in a malfunctioning tanning chamber - there was no filters it was like Crescent School found the money in the budget to rent the freaking sun!

Why were their aliens in a Christmas program? No clue. But I do think we may have been chosen as aliens because we didn't speak. We held hands, walked and pointed at things. Usually, there is singing in Christmas programs - so this could have been a strategic move - apparently, neither Bruce nor I can carry a tune. Maybe they tricked us into thinking we were stars to keep us from ruining the music. Noooooo - that's silly! We are stars! Aliens~! Will Smith's Independence Day has nothin' on us.

But, most joking aside, this is the main thing - Bruce and I reconnected - over something 35 years ago (geez - I can't believe I typed or thought 35 freaking years??), and it was at a time we both really needed a friend. A real friend - not one just mouths the words and goes on their way. A friend that shows you there is more than one path to take in this world and those paths/doors/whatever don't stop just because you get older and life changes in ways you hadn't expected.

I saw Bruce yesterday on the 4th of July for the first time since high school graduation. I don't hide the fact that I tend to close my eyes to things in life that I don't want to deal with, face, or might cause me to stress out to a slight panic attack level. But yesterday, it was so strange - it was like my eyes were opened to so many things. I allowed myself to think without fear. This probably is making no sense to anyone - and might not to me in 35 years, but I wasn't afraid to try new activities, give forgiveness where it needed to be given, let down part of my wall of sarcasm. But I think most importantly for one day I allowed myself to relax, focus, and enjoy things around me - things I never pay attention to - like stars, silence, wind (I usually am not a fan of wind of any kind - but I liked it). I have to say, I owe it to Bruce. Not because he said - 'do this' 'look at that' 'calm down' - he led by example and his presence for whatever reason felt safe. He made me realize that though we may not wear green paint and gold lame anymore, you can still have out of this world moments - you just need a little help from your friends and channel your inner Martian.

Thank you, Bruce.

Nano-nano
(I know you don't watch t.v. - It's from a show in the 70's Mork and Mindy. Youtube it. :)

Look at the stars tonight (one might be my home planet),
Audra


Note to self - things not to forget:
bubble wrap, cat litter, long rides, no bugs, lots of kittens, dropping phones, butt numbness, - you'll have to remember the rest by yourself, Ralls - time to get ready.
June 22, 2014 at 10:54pm
June 22, 2014 at 10:54pm
#820564
Who wouldn't want to vacation or even live in Oklahoma? They call Chicago the windy city, but do they have a song about it? I hope not or my point is mute. But let me clarify the wind does not just sweep it blows faster than most Priuses go on the Highway.

Let me have a Word with you about what else Oklahoma has to offer. I mean we are no Hawaii, but we hold our own. (Where is the rolling of eyes icon):

I mentioned wind, but seriously your daily wardrobe is decided on whether your skirt will be over your head when stepping outside or you will just be giving everyone a nice little flash.

Weather? We have hotter than a hog in heat and colder than a witch's tit in a brass brassiere with a 1000 percent humidity every day of the week and twice on Tuesdays. (We also have an expression for everything. Or at least my father does, that's where I learned 'em.) Oh yes, and don't forget those tornadoes. If you've never taken cover in a bathtub with a mattress on top of you, you haven't lived, my friend.

Are you getting Smitten with my state? Truthfully, I do love it, but some things about it just aren't right. We are home to Will Rogers who coined the phrase, "I never met a man I didn't like." (My personal life motto). Unfortunately, he died in a plane crash going to Alaska with his friend, Wiley Post. So what do we do? Name our airports after them. Am I the only one that thinks naming an airport after guys that died in a plane is a bad omen?

What else? Hmmm we have one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the nation as well as one of the highest divorce rates. Gosh, could there be a connection.

Oh yes, and I decided to teach in the state with the lowest teacher salary except for Utah, I think. and they wouldn't take me, because I'm not Mormon -- sorry that was rude, Utah readers.

People step off the plane (if they make it) thinking they are going to see cowboys in boots and hats and Native Americans running wild. They are disappointed. We have a few real cowboys, but they are on the farm getting shit on their boots and other lovely things.

We have a musical after the state. But honestly if your choice is Cats or Oklahoma. Aren't you always going to go for the pussies, I mean felines.

We have towns that you will never pronounce right the first 20 times you try: Chickasha, Konowa, Okeemah, Muh-hal, Pottawatamie, Checotah (Home of Carrie Underwood), Narangich, Weleetaka, and Wapanucka. Okay, I made one of them up. Here's the quiz: Which one? no googling - geez there isn't a prize.

Outsiders think we ride our horses saying yeehaw and ya'll. First, I've never been on a horse. 2nd - I've only said yeehaw once and that was in the bedroom after a few shots of tequila, but I do use ya'll, because there is no other word to replace it - well, maybe you guys, but what if I'm talking about girls? ya'll covers it!

I do love my state; I live here by choice though I did choose to spend my college years in Arizona and came back because I was poor, missing some life direction, and had a hankering to beat my dad at dominoes.

I know every state must have their pluses and minuses, I just thought I'd share mine with some people/person (cough cough). By the way, if you hear the phrase "I'm hungry enough to eat fried farts and pickled assholes", that's not any Oklahoman, that's my dad. So tip your hat and say, Howdy, Sir."

On another note, I have gone from over 1000 emails to 92 on WDC! All since the first of June. Granted a lot of them were newsletters, but I've done a lot of returning the favor of reviewing. So if you reviewed me in 2012 - don't lose faith; you may be next!

Queen of procrastination,

Ralls
June 17, 2014 at 12:00pm
June 17, 2014 at 12:00pm
#820012
Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not talking sexually. Let's face it after a few drinks and in the heat of passion any food product sounds fun. Except maybe asparagus. And peas - that would definitely get me out of the mood.

Anyway, I do hate whipped cream. For one it is empty calories I extremely DON'T need, and beyond that I just don't care for the taste or texture. But that's not really the whole enchilada. Let me explain . . .

If I go for one of those fancy coffee or a chocolate shake (because those calories don't count), I always say, "No whipped cream, please." I make sure they say it back to me. It is clear no whipped cream. Seven out of ten times they deliver it with whipped cream. I'm not so uptight that I will send it back; I just scoop it off. Last week this happened at Sonic. Conveniently, my car is never completely cleaned out so I had another cup to put the unappetizing whipped cream in. Happily, I go about my errands.

Today, at least a week later, I'm looking in my car for something and I see the 'whip cream' holder. In my mind I'm thinking oh my gosh this is going to be gross. It's summer; in Oklahoma. We aren't exactly still wearing parkas (whatever that is). It looks exactly the same as when I scooped it off days and days ago. What is this stuff? They say swallowed gum stays in your system for 7 years, well this stuff is at the very least a close second. I'm telling you same form, shape, color, everything!

I was telling my son (also not a lover of the whip cream) about this. He starts laughing and laughing. And laughing. I mean I know gross is funny to guys, but this funny? Finally, he tells me of a similar experience.

He is a scoop off the whip cream person too. Well, apparently he had scooped some off and put in a bowl in his bedroom. This is just frightening in itself, because when dishes enter that room they never come out. I can't even begin to guess how long this scoop had been there.

One day, he decides to do a little (emphasis on little) cleaning. Come across the ancient scoop of whip cream, he decides it is best disposed of by flushing it down the toilet.

He said, "Mom, I tried to flush that thing 3 times! Each time it just came back up in the same form. I finally had to kill it to pieces with the plunger to get it to go down."

Therefore, since 2 scientific experiments have been done with equal, yet disturbing, results, I believe I am scientifically supported of my hatred for whip cream.

I'm telling you the only thing that might get that out of your system is coconut oil. And then you better not have plans to leave the house for a few days.

I can't believe some of you spray that directly into your mouth. (wow, if that was quoted out of text, people might get the wrong idea - or maybe not :).)

Not so sweet,
Ralls
June 15, 2014 at 8:32am
June 15, 2014 at 8:32am
#819759
So, my ears have been bothering me lately> I had an infection earlier in the summer and wasn't looking forward to that again. I did what I normal do - I googled it, well actually I use ask.com.

There are tons of natural remedies that people swear by. Now I realize some of the people are nuts. Because honestly, I don't care if it would give me super human hearing, I am not putting mine or anyone else's urine in my ears.

Overall, the best consensus was a mixture of vinegar and alcohol. I have both, surprisingly. I decide to try it. It couldn't hurt, right? WRONG - it freaking feels like fire ants have taken up house in my ear canals and they are all parading around to impress the queen fire ant that will randomly shoot electrical lasers at them.

But hey, they don't itch. However, I'm not sure wanting to cut off part of my body to eliminate the pain is an improvement!

Happy Father's Day - don't put dumb shit in your ears.

Love,
Audra and the ants

my newest sig
BOOK
Hey, life? Are you kidding me? Open in new Window. (18+)
You never know what you'll find - humor, ramblings, rants, randomness- it's all me!
#1578384 by audra_branson Author IconMail Icon




June 15, 2014 at 12:35am
June 15, 2014 at 12:35am
#819744
To my dad. (but you can read it too)

 
STATIC
Goin' on a Beer Hunt Open in new Window. (18+)
You will be tempted to think I'm exaggerating, but it is really true.
#1996356 by audra_branson Author IconMail Icon


love,
audra
June 12, 2014 at 8:42pm
June 12, 2014 at 8:42pm
#819550
MY 100TH BLOG!


I've initially not initially - great start, Ralls - intentionally(this time) put off writing this blog for a day or two, because, come on, it's my 100th; it should be something SPECIAL, right? Wrong. Remember it's me. SPECIAL was just way too much pressure, so I'm just going to throw down some random thoughts. I know you are thinking that is what I always do. Well, most the time they sort of have a direction. Not this time - just vomiting out words. Pleasant visual.

My first blog was so negative - I had a lot of anger that day due to events that had happened the day before. I'm not angry still (I know you might be thinking 'Good God woman, it's been 5 years ago - it's about time you let it go.) OMG 5 years -- life slow down. Anyway, I am still resentful - I guess that's the word. I mean I can now be in the same room with the person that caused grizzly bear type anger, but I don't really make eye contact. You can judge me if you want and lecture me about forgiveness, because I might have done the same about 18 years ago, but some times you have to travel a rocky road to realize experiences sometimes make the person more than the person makes experiences -- wow - that almost sounded deep.

Next up - my son. I gave him the MOST IMPORTANT (yes, I'm yelling) advice I can ever given him just a couple of months ago. And I think he got it and will follow it. See, I had just had a complete hysterectomy about 4 weeks prior to this moment. We were in the car, and perhaps I might have been a tad, I don't know, cranky. In a concerned voice, he says, "Mom, did you remember to take your estrogen?"

This was a pull the car over, stare me in the eyes moment. I'm not sure if I said this or growled it, but it went something like this:

"You listen, and you listen good. You NEVER ask a woman if she has taken her estrogen, is hormonal, has pms, the length her period might last, or even refer to such events. Because, son, I am telling you, there will be no winning on your part. Whether it was a joke or stupidity you are doomed. This is your ONE time to have breathed those words into space, so I hope you enjoyed every minute of it. There are no ifs, ands, or buts. Even well-intentioned comments, such as can I go to the store to buy you some Midol, will get a curse put on you by every woman within hearing distance. Do you understand me?

He bit his lip and said, "Yes." Now, I'm not entirely sure but I think as I was pulling the car back onto the road he muttered something like, "I got my answer, apparently no on the estrogen today." I had to pretend he didn't and it was just the voices in my head. Because the only other option would have been to curse him with something like broken thumbs so he couldn't play video games, and I love my quiet time now and then.

Looking forward to next year at work. I have a new principal - ahhhhhh that's all that needs to be said.

Apparently, I'm an overachiever on the illness chart. Kidney stone the size of a golf ball. Ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit or some fruit maybe on orange. But nothing terminal. Would they tell me if I had something terminal? Because, frankly they would lose A LOT of money, because I'd just quit going in.

Friends? I know tons of people - acquaintances, but I really only have a few people - 5 or less- that I'd call friends. Actually, that suits me fine. I love who I have, more would probably stress me out.

Some people I just plain don't like. Sometimes I try to hide it, but sometimes I lose that battle. I was much more tolerant in my younger days.

Family - I love almost all of them - and those I don't I simply don't think of them as family. Lately, I've been scared about my parents dying. They aren't in poor health or anything, but I can't imagine making it without them.

Okay, enough of that - I'm not going to cry on my 100th blog, sheesh.

Love - it's complicated - LOL - I hate it when people say that! It's like they are trying to intrigue you. Do I love? yes. Am I loved back? yes. And that's enough for me.

Umm, just so you know. I am going to cry here. I lost a good friend this year, a lot of us did. I'm not going to call him a WDC or internet friend, because he was simply a friend. I met him here and I'm thankful to WDC for that. John Hobbs aka ogre passed away before Christmas this year. I miss him so much. Sometimes his pieces still appear in the newsletters, and it makes me smile and tear up at the same time. I learned so much from him about giving, receiving, faith, unconditional love, life. John and Lori were married for over 30 years. It is a true amazing love. One time John said, "When I wake up in the morning, my first thought is 'How can I make Lori's day better?' and I know that she thinks the same of me. It blew me away.

I miss him.

But - he would be mad if I left on a somber note so let me think of what ridiculousness I can come up with.

Oh yeah, - Don't you hate that question like what are your future goals? or a dream you haven't reached yet? Well, I do. I used to just be a smart ass and answer 'to be able to find my glasses in the first minute and a half of waking up'. Before I tell you though I have to insert this. I hate that saying, "No one likes a smart ass!", because you know what? It's not true, sometimes I really dig them - come on, it is funny sometimes. Anyway, I want to go see Ellen. She doesn't have to give me $10000 dollars or anything (though I would graciously accept it so as not to offend her or Shutterfly). I just want to feel that energy. I tape her show, and 99 percent of the time it can get me out of a funk. So that's my weird dream/goal.

You know the people who go to other talk shows and get like a free copy of a lame book are sitting there thinking "Seriously? Ellen's audience is going to Tahiti and got a 56 inch panoramic hd 3d tv in any shade that matches your living room - and $5000 to redo their living room."

So there is 100, folks.

Apparently, I'm not taking my vow of blogging everyday to heart if it took me 5 years to get to 100. Such a slacker that Ralls girl.

Thanks for reading!
You've been a great audience,
Audra L. Ralls
June 10, 2014 at 11:44pm
June 10, 2014 at 11:44pm
#819338
I wrote today.

STATIC
Timeless Letters Open in new Window. (E)
The letters left for me by my great-grandparents reveal more than I could ever imagine.
#1995755 by audra_branson Author IconMail Icon
}

the end

I obviously need to use my mind more often. Hell, even my fingers are tired.

Ambien, you get the night off. I don't need you tonight.


this is ridiculous,
Audra


my newest sig
BOOK
Hey, life? Are you kidding me? Open in new Window. (18+)
You never know what you'll find - humor, ramblings, rants, randomness- it's all me!
#1578384 by audra_branson Author IconMail Icon




June 9, 2014 at 9:20pm
June 9, 2014 at 9:20pm
#819218
It's been over a week since I blogged which means I'm not doing a stellar job being consistent with my vow to blog. It's not that I haven't had things to say or things happen, I guess I've just been lazy or preoccupied.

Oh, I know - I typed up a writing my father did. Here is the link:
 
STATIC
Love- first, last, unselfish, fullfilled Open in new Window. (E)
Not your typical love story. Not your typical man.
#1995037 by audra_branson Author IconMail Icon
- I know he would love a review. You give him one, and I'll return the favor. He doesn't review because he doesn't feel "qualified". If I never did anything I didn't feel qualified for, I sure the heck wouldn't be doing much. Wait . . . maybe I don't do much.

The pool is winning in the ongoing battle of Pool vs. Unqualified Woman. Right now I'm up against cotton wood (you know like from trees); it clogs the filters. However, I can't deal with that until I figure out what I did to the electrical outlet circuit thingie.

Things I've learned this week:

1. Mason jars can be used for at least 41 uses - the one I liked the best was filling them with various drinks containing alcohol and putting them in a big bucket of ice.

2. Coconut Oil is a powerful thing, and you might want to read the ENTIRE article before consuming. It is not only for energy but it is also apparently a persistent overachieving 'cleanse' product. If you get my drift. I think I got things out of my body that have been there since 1987. The movie 'Alien' doesn't have anything next to Coconut Oil.

3. My son who is an amazingly easy kid to raise will do ANYTHING his dad suggests - which is fine so far. I mean being the responsible parent isn't that bad lol - we do have fun, but there is nothing like a son wanting to please his father I guess. Or maybe he knows I will keep bugging him in life no matter if he likes what I like or not. His dad text me this morning and said, "Reese is building a model airplane!" (When we were married, Greg did a lot of this - it made Christmases and birthdays easy - I knew he'd at least like one thing I got him). Anyway, my first response was "On the playstation?"
But nope it is the real thing. Like sitting at the table and everything!! The miracles of fathers.

4. hmmmmm. I have to think of one more because I hate odd numbers and I love the number 4 and anything divisible by it - yes, I accept my weirdness with a smile on my face. Oh, I know! The microwave will not only spark, but actually blaze with flames when you put something in it it doesn't like. I seriously don't know what I did wrong. I was heating salt in a coffee cup because I read on the internet that it would soothe my earache and pull the fluids out of it if I put the salt in a sock and put my ear on it. Open microwave door and flames are coming from the turning thing, the cup, some of the salt. I thought you put salt on fires to stop them not accelerate them. I'm not sure they should let me teach Home Ec next year. Drama seems more my speed.

I thought of another one, but I can't share it because it would make an odd number on my list. Let's just say - when researching your family history don't be surprised to find out your 94 year old grandmother who is one of the most amazing women in your life might not to be too happy about your ability to find her marriage license since the date doesn't match up with the one everyone has always celebrated if you are catching my drift. Luckily, it dawned on me before I called to tell her I had found her marriage license. I was pretty excited. Actually, I still am. It kind of shows even our heroes are human.

Okay, folks I've been on here for quite awhile - reading and such - I better pretend to do something productive so if anyone asks me what I did today, I will at least have one thing to say.


Moving forward,

Audra
June 1, 2014 at 2:55pm
June 1, 2014 at 2:55pm
#818383
This will make more sense if you read this first: http://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/788036 But it's not a requirement to be able to enjoy my misfortune.

I know I can be a little sarcastic, maybe even self-involved at times. I'm not a good house cleaner. I may have in 'good humor' (wink wink) threatened to put a curse on some students. Not a deadly one mind you. Something more like this: "In ten years when you are down on your knee with a diamond you bought but couldn't afford, and propose to the woman of your dreams, may she laugh so hard at you and the thought of a lifetime with you that she squirts wine out of her nose, literally squelching your dreams, pride, and self-confidence" Innocent things like that.

But even with all that being said, I think Karma is being completely unfair and maybe is just bias against people who have the summer off - I know I'm reaching, but HELL!

AGAIN, IT HAPPENED. A dead possum in my back yard. This was not how I/b} planned to start my summer vacation! You have to understand I am not wired to take care of things like this. I don't even really like being in the backyard unless I'm in the pool, much less getting a dead mini monster out of it. Actually, it wasn't that mini - it was a good ten pounder. I know, because I recently carried in a 10lb bag of potatoes. Luckily, the shovels were right where I dropped them last year when I had to do this - TWICE! (I didn't bury it; that's what I use to pick it up with - you know, possum tongs)

Some people have said I should be glad the dog killed it. I don't get this. I'm perfectly fine with letting it live and run into either neighbor's yard. Come to think of it. Couldn't it even have made an effort and slinked to their yard trying to get away, making it through the crack in the fence to have the courtesy to die on their property. Seriously, spread the possum love. Show your fighting spirit.

What's even weirder is I had a premonition that this was going to happen, but I talked myself out of it. I was like 2 summers in a row cleaning up animal carcasses - surely not. I convinced myself I had been better this year leaving some of my evilness behind. Oh, the lies we tell ourselves. Just like Ponyboy in The Outsiders - I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me I love the character, but I gotta say that he's just not trying hard enough, because I lie to myself all the freaking time and believe it. I'm pretty sure that's how I make it through each day, or at the very least convince myself to get out of bed. *Delight*

I feel an impromptu poem coming on. Absolutely no thought is going into to this so please don't judge - well, you can; I really don't care - wait, or am I just lying to myself?

Possum, oh Possum

What the freaking Hell?
Would it help you escape if my dog wore a bell?

Your fur is definitely the worst of any species;
I think I'd rather dispose of elephant feces.

Possum, oh Possum

Why must you only die when I'm home alone?
and my only recourse is to cry on the phone . .
.
to a son whose only concern is his flippin' dog
that lays around pouting like a bump on a log.

She, the dog, had to know I wouldn't be proud -
killing animals on my watch is simply not allowed.

Possum, oh Possum

I suppose since you die you have it a little worse than me,
but, please oh please, tonight grow a pair and at least try to flee!

I should be relieved that at least your dead,
now please have a soul and get out of my head!



Come on, Karma, face me like a man! (or whatever you are considered)

Needing animal intervention therapy,

Ralls


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