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 |   You never know what you'll find - humor, ramblings, rants, randomness- it's all me! |
This description part is challenging. I never know what I will blog about until I start typing. I do know there will be typos. I don't reread or correct my blog. Otherwise it turns technical instead of my feelings and thoughts. Trust me, on stories and poems I'm a grammaraholic, but this is freedom. Sometimes to keep it from getting too personal, I even turn my head away while I type. Weird, right?. I hope you find this somewhat entertaining, thought-provoking, and humorous.   A little about me. The most important things in my life are family, especially my son, Reese, and my husband, Bruce, my walk with God, and making a positive impact in some way. I am a teacher, currently teaching 6th grade Language Arts. While at times my job can be trying, overall, it is one of the most rewarding passions in my life.   This is my wonderful son, Reese. He is now 20 and and a junior at Oklahoma State University. I may be partial, but he is an exceptional kid with the best heart I've ever known. He makes me laugh, think, and want to be a better person. We are both huge Oklahoma State Cowboy fans - Gooooooo Pokes!  This is Reese's dog, Betty. She shares a name with my mother. Reese named her that because she was beautiful and kind just like his Nanny (my mom). I'm not sure my mom is quite convinced it is a compliment though. Betty is a huge part of our family. She even had her own blog for awhile. Poke around at your leisure and shake your head at some of things that go through mine. I always return reviews/comments, though admittedly, sometimes it does take me awhile depending on what life is serving me at that point. Keeping the faith, Audra  |
| Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not talking sexually. Let's face it after a few drinks and in the heat of passion any food product sounds fun. Except maybe asparagus. And peas - that would definitely get me out of the mood. Anyway, I do hate whipped cream. For one it is empty calories I extremely DON'T need, and beyond that I just don't care for the taste or texture. But that's not really the whole enchilada. Let me explain . . . If I go for one of those fancy coffee or a chocolate shake (because those calories don't count), I always say, "No whipped cream, please." I make sure they say it back to me. It is clear no whipped cream. Seven out of ten times they deliver it with whipped cream. I'm not so uptight that I will send it back; I just scoop it off. Last week this happened at Sonic. Conveniently, my car is never completely cleaned out so I had another cup to put the unappetizing whipped cream in. Happily, I go about my errands. Today, at least a week later, I'm looking in my car for something and I see the 'whip cream' holder. In my mind I'm thinking oh my gosh this is going to be gross. It's summer; in Oklahoma. We aren't exactly still wearing parkas (whatever that is). It looks exactly the same as when I scooped it off days and days ago. What is this stuff? They say swallowed gum stays in your system for 7 years, well this stuff is at the very least a close second. I'm telling you same form, shape, color, everything! I was telling my son (also not a lover of the whip cream) about this. He starts laughing and laughing. And laughing. I mean I know gross is funny to guys, but this funny? Finally, he tells me of a similar experience. He is a scoop off the whip cream person too. Well, apparently he had scooped some off and put in a bowl in his bedroom. This is just frightening in itself, because when dishes enter that room they never come out. I can't even begin to guess how long this scoop had been there. One day, he decides to do a little (emphasis on little) cleaning. Come across the ancient scoop of whip cream, he decides it is best disposed of by flushing it down the toilet. He said, "Mom, I tried to flush that thing 3 times! Each time it just came back up in the same form. I finally had to kill it to pieces with the plunger to get it to go down." Therefore, since 2 scientific experiments have been done with equal, yet disturbing, results, I believe I am scientifically supported of my hatred for whip cream. I'm telling you the only thing that might get that out of your system is coconut oil. And then you better not have plans to leave the house for a few days. I can't believe some of you spray that directly into your mouth. (wow, if that was quoted out of text, people might get the wrong idea - or maybe not :).) Not so sweet, Ralls |
| So, my ears have been bothering me lately> I had an infection earlier in the summer and wasn't looking forward to that again. I did what I normal do - I googled it, well actually I use ask.com. There are tons of natural remedies that people swear by. Now I realize some of the people are nuts. Because honestly, I don't care if it would give me super human hearing, I am not putting mine or anyone else's urine in my ears. Overall, the best consensus was a mixture of vinegar and alcohol. I have both, surprisingly. I decide to try it. It couldn't hurt, right? WRONG - it freaking feels like fire ants have taken up house in my ear canals and they are all parading around to impress the queen fire ant that will randomly shoot electrical lasers at them. But hey, they don't itch. However, I'm not sure wanting to cut off part of my body to eliminate the pain is an improvement! Happy Father's Day - don't put dumb shit in your ears. Love, Audra and the ants
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To my dad. (but you can read it too)
love, audra |
MY 100TH BLOG! I've initially not initially - great start, Ralls - intentionally(this time) put off writing this blog for a day or two, because, come on, it's my 100th; it should be something SPECIAL, right? Wrong. Remember it's me. SPECIAL was just way too much pressure, so I'm just going to throw down some random thoughts. I know you are thinking that is what I always do. Well, most the time they sort of have a direction. Not this time - just vomiting out words. Pleasant visual. My first blog was so negative - I had a lot of anger that day due to events that had happened the day before. I'm not angry still (I know you might be thinking 'Good God woman, it's been 5 years ago - it's about time you let it go.) OMG 5 years -- life slow down. Anyway, I am still resentful - I guess that's the word. I mean I can now be in the same room with the person that caused grizzly bear type anger, but I don't really make eye contact. You can judge me if you want and lecture me about forgiveness, because I might have done the same about 18 years ago, but some times you have to travel a rocky road to realize experiences sometimes make the person more than the person makes experiences -- wow - that almost sounded deep. Next up - my son. I gave him the MOST IMPORTANT (yes, I'm yelling) advice I can ever given him just a couple of months ago. And I think he got it and will follow it. See, I had just had a complete hysterectomy about 4 weeks prior to this moment. We were in the car, and perhaps I might have been a tad, I don't know, cranky. In a concerned voice, he says, "Mom, did you remember to take your estrogen?" This was a pull the car over, stare me in the eyes moment. I'm not sure if I said this or growled it, but it went something like this: "You listen, and you listen good. You NEVER ask a woman if she has taken her estrogen, is hormonal, has pms, the length her period might last, or even refer to such events. Because, son, I am telling you, there will be no winning on your part. Whether it was a joke or stupidity you are doomed. This is your ONE time to have breathed those words into space, so I hope you enjoyed every minute of it. There are no ifs, ands, or buts. Even well-intentioned comments, such as can I go to the store to buy you some Midol, will get a curse put on you by every woman within hearing distance. Do you understand me? He bit his lip and said, "Yes." Now, I'm not entirely sure but I think as I was pulling the car back onto the road he muttered something like, "I got my answer, apparently no on the estrogen today." I had to pretend he didn't and it was just the voices in my head. Because the only other option would have been to curse him with something like broken thumbs so he couldn't play video games, and I love my quiet time now and then. Looking forward to next year at work. I have a new principal - ahhhhhh that's all that needs to be said. Apparently, I'm an overachiever on the illness chart. Kidney stone the size of a golf ball. Ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit or some fruit maybe on orange. But nothing terminal. Would they tell me if I had something terminal? Because, frankly they would lose A LOT of money, because I'd just quit going in. Friends? I know tons of people - acquaintances, but I really only have a few people - 5 or less- that I'd call friends. Actually, that suits me fine. I love who I have, more would probably stress me out. Some people I just plain don't like. Sometimes I try to hide it, but sometimes I lose that battle. I was much more tolerant in my younger days. Family - I love almost all of them - and those I don't I simply don't think of them as family. Lately, I've been scared about my parents dying. They aren't in poor health or anything, but I can't imagine making it without them. Okay, enough of that - I'm not going to cry on my 100th blog, sheesh. Love - it's complicated - LOL - I hate it when people say that! It's like they are trying to intrigue you. Do I love? yes. Am I loved back? yes. And that's enough for me. Umm, just so you know. I am going to cry here. I lost a good friend this year, a lot of us did. I'm not going to call him a WDC or internet friend, because he was simply a friend. I met him here and I'm thankful to WDC for that. John Hobbs aka ogre passed away before Christmas this year. I miss him so much. Sometimes his pieces still appear in the newsletters, and it makes me smile and tear up at the same time. I learned so much from him about giving, receiving, faith, unconditional love, life. John and Lori were married for over 30 years. It is a true amazing love. One time John said, "When I wake up in the morning, my first thought is 'How can I make Lori's day better?' and I know that she thinks the same of me. It blew me away. I miss him. But - he would be mad if I left on a somber note so let me think of what ridiculousness I can come up with. Oh yeah, - Don't you hate that question like what are your future goals? or a dream you haven't reached yet? Well, I do. I used to just be a smart ass and answer 'to be able to find my glasses in the first minute and a half of waking up'. Before I tell you though I have to insert this. I hate that saying, "No one likes a smart ass!", because you know what? It's not true, sometimes I really dig them - come on, it is funny sometimes. Anyway, I want to go see Ellen. She doesn't have to give me $10000 dollars or anything (though I would graciously accept it so as not to offend her or Shutterfly). I just want to feel that energy. I tape her show, and 99 percent of the time it can get me out of a funk. So that's my weird dream/goal. You know the people who go to other talk shows and get like a free copy of a lame book are sitting there thinking "Seriously? Ellen's audience is going to Tahiti and got a 56 inch panoramic hd 3d tv in any shade that matches your living room - and $5000 to redo their living room." So there is 100, folks. Apparently, I'm not taking my vow of blogging everyday to heart if it took me 5 years to get to 100. Such a slacker that Ralls girl. Thanks for reading! You've been a great audience, Audra L. Ralls |
I wrote today.
the end I obviously need to use my mind more often. Hell, even my fingers are tired. Ambien, you get the night off. I don't need you tonight. this is ridiculous, Audra
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| It's been over a week since I blogged which means I'm not doing a stellar job being consistent with my vow to blog. It's not that I haven't had things to say or things happen, I guess I've just been lazy or preoccupied. Oh, I know - I typed up a writing my father did. Here is the link:
The pool is winning in the ongoing battle of Pool vs. Unqualified Woman. Right now I'm up against cotton wood (you know like from trees); it clogs the filters. However, I can't deal with that until I figure out what I did to the electrical outlet circuit thingie. Things I've learned this week: 1. Mason jars can be used for at least 41 uses - the one I liked the best was filling them with various drinks containing alcohol and putting them in a big bucket of ice. 2. Coconut Oil is a powerful thing, and you might want to read the ENTIRE article before consuming. It is not only for energy but it is also apparently a persistent overachieving 'cleanse' product. If you get my drift. I think I got things out of my body that have been there since 1987. The movie 'Alien' doesn't have anything next to Coconut Oil. 3. My son who is an amazingly easy kid to raise will do ANYTHING his dad suggests - which is fine so far. I mean being the responsible parent isn't that bad lol - we do have fun, but there is nothing like a son wanting to please his father I guess. Or maybe he knows I will keep bugging him in life no matter if he likes what I like or not. His dad text me this morning and said, "Reese is building a model airplane!" (When we were married, Greg did a lot of this - it made Christmases and birthdays easy - I knew he'd at least like one thing I got him). Anyway, my first response was "On the playstation?" But nope it is the real thing. Like sitting at the table and everything!! The miracles of fathers. 4. hmmmmm. I have to think of one more because I hate odd numbers and I love the number 4 and anything divisible by it - yes, I accept my weirdness with a smile on my face. Oh, I know! The microwave will not only spark, but actually blaze with flames when you put something in it it doesn't like. I seriously don't know what I did wrong. I was heating salt in a coffee cup because I read on the internet that it would soothe my earache and pull the fluids out of it if I put the salt in a sock and put my ear on it. Open microwave door and flames are coming from the turning thing, the cup, some of the salt. I thought you put salt on fires to stop them not accelerate them. I'm not sure they should let me teach Home Ec next year. Drama seems more my speed. I thought of another one, but I can't share it because it would make an odd number on my list. Let's just say - when researching your family history don't be surprised to find out your 94 year old grandmother who is one of the most amazing women in your life might not to be too happy about your ability to find her marriage license since the date doesn't match up with the one everyone has always celebrated if you are catching my drift. Luckily, it dawned on me before I called to tell her I had found her marriage license. I was pretty excited. Actually, I still am. It kind of shows even our heroes are human. Okay, folks I've been on here for quite awhile - reading and such - I better pretend to do something productive so if anyone asks me what I did today, I will at least have one thing to say. Moving forward, Audra |
| This will make more sense if you read this first: http://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/788036 But it's not a requirement to be able to enjoy my misfortune. I know I can be a little sarcastic, maybe even self-involved at times. I'm not a good house cleaner. I may have in 'good humor' (wink wink) threatened to put a curse on some students. Not a deadly one mind you. Something more like this: "In ten years when you are down on your knee with a diamond you bought but couldn't afford, and propose to the woman of your dreams, may she laugh so hard at you and the thought of a lifetime with you that she squirts wine out of her nose, literally squelching your dreams, pride, and self-confidence" Innocent things like that. But even with all that being said, I think Karma is being completely unfair and maybe is just bias against people who have the summer off - I know I'm reaching, but HELL! AGAIN, IT HAPPENED. A dead possum in my back yard. This was not how I/b} planned to start my summer vacation! You have to understand I am not wired to take care of things like this. I don't even really like being in the backyard unless I'm in the pool, much less getting a dead mini monster out of it. Actually, it wasn't that mini - it was a good ten pounder. I know, because I recently carried in a 10lb bag of potatoes. Luckily, the shovels were right where I dropped them last year when I had to do this - TWICE! (I didn't bury it; that's what I use to pick it up with - you know, possum tongs) Some people have said I should be glad the dog killed it. I don't get this. I'm perfectly fine with letting it live and run into either neighbor's yard. Come to think of it. Couldn't it even have made an effort and slinked to their yard trying to get away, making it through the crack in the fence to have the courtesy to die on their property. Seriously, spread the possum love. Show your fighting spirit. What's even weirder is I had a premonition that this was going to happen, but I talked myself out of it. I was like 2 summers in a row cleaning up animal carcasses - surely not. I convinced myself I had been better this year leaving some of my evilness behind. Oh, the lies we tell ourselves. Just like Ponyboy in The Outsiders - I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me I love the character, but I gotta say that he's just not trying hard enough, because I lie to myself all the freaking time and believe it. I'm pretty sure that's how I make it through each day, or at the very least convince myself to get out of bed.  I feel an impromptu poem coming on. Absolutely no thought is going into to this so please don't judge - well, you can; I really don't care - wait, or am I just lying to myself? Possum, oh Possum What the freaking Hell? Would it help you escape if my dog wore a bell? Your fur is definitely the worst of any species; I think I'd rather dispose of elephant feces. Possum, oh Possum Why must you only die when I'm home alone? and my only recourse is to cry on the phone . . . to a son whose only concern is his flippin' dog that lays around pouting like a bump on a log. She, the dog, had to know I wouldn't be proud - killing animals on my watch is simply not allowed. Possum, oh Possum I suppose since you die you have it a little worse than me, but, please oh please, tonight grow a pair and at least try to flee! I should be relieved that at least your dead, now please have a soul and get out of my head! Come on, Karma, face me like a man! (or whatever you are considered) Needing animal intervention therapy, Ralls
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| Being an avid television watcher (addict, however you want to phrase it), I'm sad to learn the inevitable has happened. Yes, I know, it has been coming for awhile; I just hadn't prepared myself. The world has officially run out of ideas for tv shows. This became exceedingly clear to me this evening while I aimlessly flipped through the channels. You see, I have to limit the amount of time I allow myself to watch the Investigation Discovery channel. I think that's what it is called - it's the show with all the real life murder and crime shows like: Who the Bleep did I Marry? Iced in Alaska Fatal Frenemies Killer Kids Til Death Do We Part.. You get the idea. I know on some level it confirms my dementedness (according to spell check, that is not a word), but I love them. They do get in my head sometimes though and I begin to think of new shows that I might unfortunately be the unfortunate victim in; such as, Killer Co-workers. So anywayyy, that is why I was flipping channels, because I had exceeded my allotted time of the unbelievable cruelty that may exist in this world. And this, is when I came upon it: Bet on Your Baby. Now to be honest, I have watched this show before, but tonight my random thoughts started exploring the effects of this show. I realized through such wisdom, that it is like Valentine's Day - - Not much good is going to come of it no matter how hard you try or don't try. Here is the premise of the show for you people who have a life on a Saturday night and AREN'T glued to your television and once in awhile maybe even conversing with it. 1. Parents bring their child 3 years or younger to a 'game show'. 2. One of the parents takes said child into a play room that makes Chuckee Cheese look boring. There is a stuffed bear as beg as Arnold Schwarzenegger. Colorful blocks, trains, dolls, punching bags - anything you can think of this "play room" has. 3. The other parent stays with the host and watches the baby/child on a screen. This parent is told a task the child will 'attempt'. It is up to this parent to 'bet' whether his/her child can complete the task. 4. If correct, they will win $5000 dollars for a college fund and a chance to proceed to the next round to display their lack of forethought and common sense. Babies are cute; there is no denying that. Okay - they aren't ALL cute, but stick with me here. Beyond that, this show is the worst idea since sour spray candy (What lame company can't even be bothered to put the ingredients into a solid form of some shape?) First of all, it never fails - when deciding which way to vote the parent looks to the audience for advice. How well could they know your child? And do they really care if you win? They have nothing invested in this. Plus, I just don't think it's the best idea to encourage a few hundred strangers to pay that much attention to your child on a spy cam. Next, I find myself thinking about the ride home. It's going to go something like this: Mom: I can't believe you thought Elijah could stack 6 oreos without tasting one! Dad: How was I supposed to know? He stacks blocks all the time. Mom: Well, if you would spend more time with him than playing golf, you would know he begs for Oreos all the time! Dad: Maybe that's because you will only allow him gluten free snacks. He's starved for real food. Mom: So once again, everything is MY fault. How convenient! You know it is YOUR sperm that made him; I didn't even want to have sex the night he was conceived! Dad (eye roll): No kidding? I would never have guessed. Or fast forward about 15 years. The issue of college is just around the bend for these cute bobble heads. I mean babies. Mariah (former baby contestant):.. You know, MOM, this is your fault. If you would have had faith that I could jump over three squares without being distracted, I wouldn't even have to work to help pay for college! You've never had faith in me, Never! How am I supposed to have self-confidence, when you don't even think I can jump! But you know what, I did! I jumped those three squares. It wasn't easy but I did it. And how do I get repaid - by getting NOTHING! Thanks for . . . . NOTHING, MOM! or Jaxson (former baby contestant): You've always expected too much from me, Dad. Aren't we supposed to learn from our mistakes? I've never been allowed to be a kid. Even on that dumb game show, you put so much pressure on me. I tried to keep the balloon in the air for 90 seconds, I did try. But I had just downed a bottle of apple juice, and you know the effect it has on me. No, I'm not making excuses, I'm just saying, why can't I ever be good enough for you, Dad? Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, (Me? Never!), but I'm thinking someone in this family is going to end up needing counseling. Tonight was horrible. They had triplets! All three had to unroll their own roll of toilet paper in 90 seconds. Well, the first 2 they were done in 45 seconds flat, but poor poor Tyler. He didn't want to play with toilet paper; he wanted to ride the stuffed lion. Plus, he had no toilet paper unrolling form. He kept looking at his dad like, toilet paper, really? OMG - but in the last 2 seconds he finished it. Can you imagine if he hadn't? His own siblings would have bullied him because they didn't have money for college and had to do manual labor at minimum wage for the rest of their lives.. On that note, is this what it has come to for a 'higher education'? Kids in diapers doing things they would get in trouble for doing at home for college money. I thought that's why we pressured them in high school to find their niche in hopes of a college scholarship. Just kidding to those of you I just offended. Even though you are probably the ones I was directed that at. :) (Little smiley faces make any politically incorrect statements okay). I may be crazy, but I'd rather bet on the horses than my baby (well, I don't have one anymore - unless a 17 year-old still counts and even then he wouldn't make it through the Oreo challenge). At least the horses can't guilt me for the rest of my life. Plus, you always bet on the horses to win, you don't get the option to say, "Well, he's kind of a slacker in the bouncing a ball area. I'm going to put my money on not doing it." So . . . back to Investigation Discovery Channel. I hope it's not a repeat. Looking out for our youth - lol, Audra |
| I like Facebook, I do. It has reconnected me to some great people in my life. It has entertained me when I needed the freedom of not having to think deeply. Occasionally, it has provided a quote or insight that touched me that I promised myself I would remember (but most the time don't). I've learned things, like: there are 25 uses for dryer sheets, lavender oil can do anything, and none of the world has understood how to use aluminum foil despite the directions on the box. But once in awhile (okay, every time I sign on), I find myself asking people (in my head of course) "What were you thinking?" or "Surely, someone has hacked your Facebook". First of all, if you are posting updates more than three times a day, you are seriously delusional about how interesting you are to people. Maybe, it's just me, but I'm lucky if I have 3 post worthy events in a month. Next, game requests - I'm an adult; I can make that decision all by myself. No matter how many requests you send me, I'm not playing candy crush or grown up Dungeon and Dragons. Now, SongPop, that's a completely different story! Please, don't get me wrong. I know I have posted stupid things even without the assistance of alcohol, but it is not a continual habit. I think the next reality show will be Facebook Intervention - No One Cares! Don't even get me started on grammar, and it's not because I'm an English teacher. It's because I'm an adult, and one goal in our lives is to not demonstrate to the world we don't know how to spell one syllable words or understand the difference between your and you're. I gave myself five minutes to scroll through and find messages that might prove my points. Here they are: 1. Excitement was bountiful last night at the in-laws house. This was accompanied by a shirtless man in bed with two dogs. It didn't peak my curiosity; it made me glad I don't have in-laws. 2. De jongste headbangers die je vandaag zult zien! I don't even know what language this is much less what it means. 3. Thanks for nothin'! Is this like one step above talking behind someone's back? I'm pretty sure it wasn't directed at me since I haven't seen this person in 20 years. But seriously, could you not send a text? Because at this point you look pissed off and chickenshit. 4. Let the disinfecting begin..... This is a house I really want to visit? You have to post when you are disinfecting? yum 5. Don't axe me nothin'! Your English teachers must be so proud. 6. Happy Veteran's Day to all! Do you own a calendar? 7. Found it! Oh good, we can all stop looking for your common sense now. 8. Ohhh looky comes in bigger version No idea what they are talking about, but a part of me is happy for them. 9. Zoo Time!!!- First, in no way do I find the zoo worthy of three exclamation marks, and all the pictures, really? It's not like animals have changed their spots or stripes. 10. Is there a nice soul in the town of _______, that could buy and bring me a Pepsi. I'm broke. Hmmmm... you can afford internet, but not a Pepsi? Oh, I know broke, trust me. But I'm not going to throw it out there for the world to see. 11. Home from the store. - Whew, that was a close call. Congrats! Don't even get me started on the quizzes. What kind of animal would I be? What adjective describes me? Who was I in a past life? Actually, don't get me started on them, because I freakin' love them! Bottom line: It's my fault. It's not like I'm being forced to read their posts, but it's like a Nascar accident, you can't help but look. I could thin out my friend list to say people I actually know, remember, or care about, but seriously, who only wants 8 friends on Facebook? Going to eat a popscicle now - yum! Audra |
| Preface to this 'blog': I wanted to get back into writing, and I figured blogging was a good way. I asked a friend to send me a daily prompt for a while so I felt motivated and 'accountable'. Apparently, he is a much deeper thinker, than I am. But hey, a challenge is a challenge - so here I go. Prompt: You have been cut off at the knees, kicked in the ribs, griped at, cussed out, and feel invisible to the world but as you distance yourself from the chaos, you feel so grateful for. . . Okay, so one thing at a time: 1. Cut off at the knees? Quite frankly, I'm going to be plain old pissed at that one. I got both knees replaced several years ago, and now someone is just going to cut them off? Are they going to pay me for them? Because, those suckers weren't cheap! 2. Kicked in the ribs? What the hell? I still have stitches from my hysterectomy last month and now you are going to kick me there? Is this some kind of sadist? At some point here, I'm going to have to punch you in the throat; I'm only nice for so long. 3. Griped at and cussed out kind of go together. I can handle it - I've worked for someone for 10 years that does that basically when she says hello in the morning. Not that I turn a deaf ear, but eventually though I still take it personally some where along the line I either got immune to it or started believing it. I'm not sure 4. Invisible to the world? Are you kidding? This is a goal of mine. lol. But I do get what you mean. I guess if NOBODY knew I was there it would be a little distressing. 5. Distancing myself from the chaos would include one or all of the following: wine (or any alcohol except vodka or blue drinks - bad bad memories there), a bath, and/or a Xanax. 6. Which brings us to what I feel so grateful for. My first thought is wine, a bath, and Xanax. But I do realize there is more so I'm going to have to make a sublist to this first numbered list. A. My son - obviously - I can't even begin to say everything I feel about him - plus he left on a plane to see his dad today which is hard on me so I refuse to write everything I love about him right now so that I don't start crying again. B. Prayer - I'm thankful for prayer - though admittedly, I'm not that great at it, and don't do it like I should. I used to all the time; I don't know what it is - the inability to let go of control, feeling unworthy, fear . . . I don't know. It's not lack of faith, because I do believe in the power and necessity of prayer. C. Family and true friends - I don't think many of us see our family and friends as much as we should or even want to, but there is such a level of comfort knowing that they are there. Now, I'm not a person that can easily ask for help when I need it so that's not really my point. But it is refreshing, even exhilarating to have people to make memories with, share laughter, create stories that make you smile without knowing it. D. I paused here because there really is so much: a job I enjoy - most the time, coffee when someone else makes it, finding something I've lost, writing, being able to make people laugh or at least fake a smile, pets - to a degree lol, being able to bs my way through things I don't know about, I would be thankful for a clean house but that rarely happens, the internet, miracles, (these are in no particular order by the way), a good night's sleep, laughing until I cry, air conditioning - definitely air conditioning, and really good nachos. I know there is more and it depends on the day, but writing this has made me realize that even on those days that I do want to be invisible because quite frankly I feel that life sucks - even during that pity party - in my mind and heart I do know how truly blessed I am. Though, it might not stop me from drinking straight out of the wine bottle because I'm stubborn and at that moment feel I'm entitled to feel sorry for myself, it keeps a part of me balanced (I'm not sure I even know what that means). In retrospect, I think it means if I weren't so damned stubborn and reached out to the things on my grateful list, I wouldn't need the wine, bath, or Xanax. Wait, I'd still need a bath - I mean come on, it's a part of life - good hygiene has got to be in the top 10 priorities. So there you go - kick me in the ribs and I'll get tipsy and clean until I learn to open up and accept what I've been blessed with. Happy Sunday, Audra |
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