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 |   Exploring the future through the present. One day at a time. |
| January 18, 2008. 3:24 am. As I'm sprawled on an operating table, happily numb from the epidural and other giggle-inducing drugs, I felt the thing growing and wiggling inside me removed and my guts spread out to their original shape. I heard the suction of the doctor getting all the goo out of my baby's mouth. But no cry. The nurse then took my little guy and ran out of the room with my hubby not a step behind. I didn't see either of them for at least ten minutes, and I kept looking at the door. Waiting. We were looking at this photo with my mom the other day:  "That one's my favorite," Dave said. "There's a lot of emotion in that one." "What do you mean?" My mom asked. "Because when the nurses first worked on him, I thought he was dead, or very close. In this picture, he's alive." I didn't know it at the time, but it took the nurses a good minute or so trying to get Thomas to breathe. Dave has several photos of them working on him, and he was as blue as some of the text on this screen. He took those pictures thinking they would be the only ones he would get. All I knew is how badly I wanted to see Thomas's face when they brought him in to me. The way they put him in my arms, and me unable to move much, his face was turned away. For some reason, the little baby wasn't entirely real until I saw his face. Now, two years later, he's a happy, energetic and curious little boy who completed my life in a way I never imagined possible, let alone be able to describe. Yet even now I don't feel he's completely mine. He's a gift from God who entrusted me with Thomas's care. He still belongs to God. I pray that I do well in showing him not only how much I love him, but that God loves him so much more. |
| When we first arrived in Port Aransas, Texas, my brother-in-law, Steve's cheap GPS took us around in circles and we ended up on the beach instead of in the hotel parking lot. No matter. It was an excellent opportunity to see how Thomas would react to seeing the ocean for the first time. I said, "Look out the window, Tom." He looked at ocean and grinned huge. But when I opened the door so he could see better, his eyes dang near bulged out of his head and he said, "Whoa!" His favorite part was feeding the seagulls. Every time he threw one, and they dived after the morsel, he would squeal much like they did. He also loved to chase them. The weather wasn't warm enough to swim in it, but the second day there, it was warm enough to splash up to our ankles. He enjoyed playing in the sand and throwing it at the tiny waves. You can see a few pictures of Tom playing in the ocean starting with this one: http://picasaweb.google.com/amarq013/ThomasPictures?authkey=Gv1sRgCLDP6Pvr8c_Hhw... |
| Normally I like when an email appears in my mailbox. It shows someone wants to talk to me. But when it's the computer generated "Update Your Blog" email, well, it's a plain annoyance. So here I am, writing a silly little entry to get the Big Brother of Blogging to leave me alone for a while. I'd love to write about my trip to Texas, but my mind is elsewhere with all the items on my to-do list. And they all have a deadline. You would think that a vacation would help me relax. Nope. All I want to do is go back. I wish I were rich enough to retire so I didn't have to work for a living -- even though I still enjoy my job. I would rather do other things at the moment. But It's my beddy-bye time, so I will bid you a farewell. Hopefully I'll not stay away so long, and perhaps even visit your bloggy home while I'm at it. G'Night! |
This December 29 many of us here and elsewhere who knew Carolina Blue  will celebrate his life by watching the sunrise. We will then share a story, poem and/or pictures and send them off to his wife and two children in the form of a book.For more information, please see Iowegian Skye 's entry "Invalid Entry"  .It's always disheartening when a loved one passes, and the grief deepens during the holidays. Christmas is often about family, and to spend it without them dampens any joy we would otherwise have. We celebrate Christ's birth on this day as a joyous occasion, as it should be. But we must remember why his birth is so important: He came to die. For all of us. So even in death, there is life. I take comfort -- and yes, joy -- in the fact that we will see our loved ones now gone in a place with no more tears and no more death. It all started and ends with Jesus. Merry Christmas. |
| Last night I watched "The Santa Clause II" with Tim Allen. Not the greatest movie of all time, but not a total waste, either. There is one line in there, however, that says a lot about what having faith in the unseen really means. "Seeing isn't believing. Believing is seeing." For some, the idea of an unseen God seems so foreign. How can a God exist who allows evil to flourish all over the world? If this so called omnipotent God is so perfect and good, then why does he sit back and do nothing? Easy words, and a difficult question I cannot answer even now. All I can say is once I took up Jesus's invitation to salvation, I began to see less of evil's triumph, and more of the good. He shows me, bit by bit that even though evil lurks and wins many a battle on this earth, God also wins a few, and will in the end win this war. He never said life would be fair or easy, but that as long as we believe and trust in him, we will see and take part in his ultimate triumph. In fact, Jesus won the war 2000 years ago when he came to this earth and willingly -- out of pure love -- accepted the sacrifice for all our evil deeds. All he asks for in return is our love. I can't think of a better gift, for Christmas or any other day of the year. |
| With a friend in the hospital and the chances of survival dropping with every hour, how can I think of whining about my petty difficulties? Maybe it's because we can only worry about things we can't control -- that it's ultimately in God's ever-capable (and incomprehensible) hands -- for so long before the tiny inconveniences of life intrude once again. I wrote a few entries back that my novella, "A Reason to Hope" was chosen among four others to be the possible book of the month in the ACFW group on Yahoo. With three days to go, "A Reason to Hope" is running dead last with one vote: mine. Hell, at this rate I may as well delete it. What's zero votes compared to one? But that would mean I no longer believe in the story, and that's far from the case. It's getting other people to believe in it that's the difficult -- and likely impossible -- part. Do the lack of votes say my book sucks, or that the competition is that much better? At the risk of sounding full of self-pity, I'm accustomed to coming in last that started in grade school. I don't like it, but I'm used to it. I doubt at these frustrating times I will ever make the top of anyone's list, or contest. But then I must ask myself: Who does my writing belong to? God. Not me. Therefore what happens with it, after I've done all I can do is all up to him. If I come in last, it doesn't necessarily mean my story is worthless, but that God wanted the winner to win. Once again, God is merely asking me to be patient. At the same time, though, it'd be nice to have some affirmation that I'm on the right track. Which I did get, before you start typing on how silly I am and that my writing is indeed worthy of a little praise! Since the contest began, someone did purchase my book through Smashwords, an ebook publisher. My first sale through them, which brings my total book sales up to 25. It's not much in comparison to many, but for me it's 25 more copies than I expected to sell. Especially considering I don't market as aggressively as I could. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to edit more of my other novel I plan on submitting to (and likely losing  ) another contest. |
| Part of what motivates me to write is love. Love of the written word. Love for the story, and love for the characters. The book — entitled “The Red Dagger” — I want to submit to Amazon’s contest is a labor of love. The impetus of the book was a character that appeared in the seventh (yes, seventh) draft of my first novel. He so intrigued me, I wanted to write his story. You could say I fell in love with him. The character, Titus Allegine, is overall a decent person. He, however, likes to fight, even kill, but his moral compass is strong enough he won’t kill in cold blood. He instead fuels that desire by protecting others as a bodyguard-for-hire. The book begins with him as a child when his entire family is murdered by an assassin’s bomb. I tackled the story originally in 2005 during national novel writing month in November. I finished it I believe six months and about 75,000 words later. Overall the story itself is solid. There are scenes that need working as well as the writing, but the ending requires the most modification. Without giving it away, the climax peters out instead of bangs. To leave the ending as is would result in many an upset reader. The last thing I want is anyone to throw my book across the room (or in the garbage) in anger or frustration. “The Red Dagger” could also fit as the beginning of a series. Whether or not it’ll get that far is anyone’s guess. I have yet to think up of a sequel, but I haven’t taken the time to brainstorm, either. Plus Titus appears again in the second book of my first trilogy with a slightly larger role. What amazes me is how I can keep all these characters, plots and subplots of multiple stories all straight in my head. I can’t remember what I ate for lunch yesterday! I created a book of The Red Dagger, with the prologue loaded so far. Please tell me what you think. Thank you!
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| I just read Iowegian Skye 's blog "Invalid Entry" .Carolina Blue suffered a heart attack and is in a coma. He could really use your thoughts and prayers. Miss Skye promised to keep us all apprised of his progress. Thank you. |
| Turns out my book is only a possible Book of the month selection. I misread the instructions. The winner of the poll will be the March selection for readers to discuss. My apologies for the confusion. |
| My novella "A Reason to Hope" was chosen as an AFCW Book Club of the month selection for March, 2010 ( http://groups.yahoo.com/group/acfwbookclub/surveys?id=2256126 ). Because I'm so excited, I'm offering my book at a 25% discount here: http://www.almarquardt.com/products.html . If you'd rather read it now and save a few bucks, a Kindle addition is available as well as other formats through Smashwords. Links to both is included in the page linked above. I hope you enjoy it enough you'll vote for it, but I also recommend you give the others a try as well. Thank you bunches. |
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