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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/agcondor
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66 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by AGCondor
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I have warned already your heroine (through you) that the best way to sink a male’s interest to the zero level is talking about “the evolution of our species” and things like that. These words evoke necessarily the notion of apes, and apes can be interesting only for scientists fighting hard to get their degrees. A normal standard human male does not get aroused with female apes, so if a woman starts talking about her imaginary descent from apes and trying to connect herself with these creatures, it cannot bring good and spectacular results on the erection field. But probably Joan tries INTENTIONALLY to be uninteresting for her partners? Them being evidently uninteresting for her? Joan, don’t forget about READERS. It’s we readers, who are the ultimate reason for your existence. And we say to you: you are losing the game. You are the main heroine formally, but our minds and sexual desires are not with you. There was a woman in the narrative (frankly we have forgotten her name, but not HER), who was seen (and made to be seen) through your eyes of envy. The envy is not a commendable feeling, but when an envious woman describes her perceived rival it can be interesting and arousing. Not in the intended way, but through some subtleties which only women can notice. You have tried to vilify your rival, Joan, but you (or rather the author) are an artist enough to achieve the opposite effect. And then you have resorted to the policy of mere non-mentioning. What do you have in the end? A loose pregnancy by some males who are perfectly convertible into each other and really not worth mentioning at all and the yoga which is a way to reach the extinguishment (nirvânam), whose soteriological value can be questioned in many respects and in the literary one especially. Don’t forget, Joan, YOUR comfort is not OUR comfort.
Now for practical advices. Tired of the polemics with unresponsive Joan, I turn to the author. Because Japanese and white males have proved to be unsuccessful here, I suggest Joan’s poisoning them all, making the abortion and rising to more actual challenges. What about a black Afro-American with huge cock? And Joan being driven irresistibly to the blowjob because of her guilt complex? Probably some memories of a past life as a slave-holder in the cozy “Gone with the wind”-like set?
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Review by AGCondor
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
“Beware of vampires!” will be the title of the present review. You’ll say indignantly “How? What a shit! I do not write about vampires, but about happy marriages or quasi-happy quasi-marriages and other pleasant things of the kind. What the hell vampires are coming from?” I parry: look at your four of wands. With a castle in the background. Don’t you find that the narrative begins to turn slightly Gothic? And Mokuba is already afraid of being murdered in his sleep. Clever boy, he has read my thoughts. I positively turn Gothic regarding him.
But my meaning reaches farther than the mere Gothicity. Real vampires are your heroes. Not all of them, of course. Only these paper-thin creatures with Japanese names. They lack the blood of their own and they feed necessarily on the blood of the author. The author writes better and better, much better than at the start, the author learns to express more subtle feelings, to paint with more vivid brush, but the paper-thin guys can do nothing of it. They are stuck in their lifeless past, and when the author tries to vivify them, the reader is not convinced.
“Mokuba relished the illusion of belonging to this place” - no, no, it’s the author who can relish such things. Mokuba can not. The author tries to transfuse her blood into him (women often commit this error in men’s respect - never with success), but Mokuba does not get more alive. His function is merely to drain the energy off the general narrative. Mokuba and the other two are FOES of the general narrative. Foes must be treated like foes. Severely.
P.S. I’ve read that you are banned on Wattpad. Greetings to my sister-in-arms! My article has recently been “restricted for display” on Yandex.Zen. Because of the “shocking content”. Now I investigate the English writing side of this resource. Probably it’s less censored. If it is, I’ll let you know. There are no restrictions on Zen concerning pictures.
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Review by AGCondor
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I’ve had some awkward experiences on this site, when people told me that I’m personal and therefore not to be credited too much. Remaining none the wiser even with these kind admonitions, I cling to my personal line and say to you, whom I adore greatly, that I see something in you that may or may not be much greater than everything I think about the sex. I mean that your heroine tends to be fucked on familial terms (i.e. by two brothers) and never otherwise. Psychologists of zero level would explain this by the desire to be protected. But who desires to be protected? Strongly protected, all-round protected? Only the WEAK. And this desire of theirs to be protected is a grand illusion, because the weakness cannot be protected externally, being a fortress untenable FROM WITHIN. So the world your heroine builds has just reached the phase when it’s bound to start crumbling. The stage is set for this with the first timid admission that “EVEN Seto has a weakness”. Really? Seto who is as close to nothing as can be imagined by the human mind, who is just a loosely tied bundle of the most contemptible weaknesses “has a weakness”? Bickford’s fuse is ignited, ladies and gentlemen, take your seats at a safe distance. But maybe Eliot is more to the point here and we must be prepared for a whimper, not for a bang. That’s how I see the next chapters.
The whiff of the power, personified by Rebecca, was too transient here, though I appreciated her “malachite eyes”. It’s a new detail, if I’m not mistaking. A friend of mine is the curator of a mineralogical museum in the Northern Ural, so he has the possibility to admire this exquisite stone every day!
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Review by AGCondor
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thanks for your informative article. Things like this should be broadcast much more widely, but surprisingly I learn this only from you and only on this site. Meanwhile the caution comes by no means unwarranted. Zimbabwe is known for its happy climate, which may seem to be the prototype for the fabulous Elysian Fields of antiquity. Of course, this can lead someone to desire to enjoy this blessed (climatically) country. The more so that a book by a renowned Russian traveller I've read describes the white minority in this country as living on altogether friendly terms with the blacks and never molested by the latter. Now, thanks to you, I know better. The emergence of the black racism was the thing that could quite be expected, and – there it is! Happily ignored by the staunch fighters against the alleged white racism.
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Review by AGCondor
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I cannot say for now that you have bested Shakespeare, Milton and whom else, but certainly you explore the regions, unexplored by these. It makes your production fresh... and odorous. I had not been a pronounced foot fetishist before you came into the field, but now I see the need to reconsider. It proves that you are a real artist, if you manage to make your art infectious. Interestingly it concerns only women’s feet; no matter how they smell it’s enticing. Men’s feet cannot boast of such abilities, and considering that odors are chemically identical, there’s something deeply mystical in it.
Also there’s a mystique in the pair of shoes’ referring to themselves as “I”, though physically separate. The uniqueness of the soul... as a receptor of an odor... you touch on the great mysteries of life...
In short, I’m applauding.
Note an error in part 1: “stops” for “steps” if I do not err myself (I do not have now a means of checking).
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Review of Dream Logic  
Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (4.0)
You keep repeating “dream logic” as a kind of mantra to drive away less pleasant connotations. But of course it is not. The investigators on the matter (Ian Stevenson primarily) have long suspected that such recurrent dreams as yours have something to do with past lives. If you need the logic, here’s the logic which explains it. Look at this room with the windows on the wrong side - it would seem as if some other room from a past life tries to resurface blending with the current one. It’s very simple but you do not hasten to embrace this explanation, because it entails the admission that something very bad happened in that past life. So you construct the defense mechanism called “the dream logic”. It may be good for practical reasons, but it stands in the way of literature that does not get along well with defense mechanisms. Dropping them can make you into a good writer; all good writers are more or less persons with past life memories - or so at least the Indian philosophy teaches us.
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Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (4.0)
It’s a pity that you have devoted just a few words to such an important theme. I think you should develop this into something more solid - probably a novel. Pending this let me give you an advice, based upon my reasonably extensive reading of Ian Stevenson and some personal observations.
The real reincarnation narratives have a point in common with the poetry (to the extent that one can wonder - does the latter have its origin in the former). That point is detail. Its Majesty Detail. The detail is the fastest and the starkest way to put us inside. Example: a woman recalling her past life as a simple farmer girl tells an episode: she was collecting eggs in a hen coop, made an awkward movement and dropped an egg. A momentary fear and then relief: the egg landed in the straw and did not break. It was that feeling of relief that had got imprinted on her memory. That’s the detail that makes us at once empathetic. That puts us inside the narrative.
Now you can see that your story lacks such details. You write about an amulet which has a key part. Well, WHAT was the amulet? Its shape, the material it was made of? When you just say “an amulet”, you pronounce a blank word, suitable for a synopsis, but not for a full-fledged literary piece. When you give the description of the amulet and build a story about it you can end up with a truly poetic and fascinating thing.
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Review by AGCondor
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I and my wife have preferred the bra. Our consensus is that the place must be soft, warm and cosy. Not so dangerous as inside the mouth. Also it can save us some cost of transportation (trains, taxi and other kinds of public transport); I think we can persuade the giantess to walk in the direction we need, highlighting the merits of sightseeing along the way. Probably she would be cooperative also in improving the weather, because she is undoubtedly a witch as all giantesses are.
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Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (5.0)
Cool! Really! To state it briefly: God is a concept invented by those who want to control and it is so transparent that in itself it would not stand a minute. How does it stand then? Ah, here’s the thing: we have a damned great multitude who WANT TO BE CONTROLLED. God is just the name for this noble desire. They do not question the origin of the concept and they do not bother about the philosophy and the resulting freedom, because they have an exquisite freedom of their own: the freedom from thinking, I mean. So we have two kinds of freedom; which one is better? It’s simply the matter of choice.
As for me I choose to give to your essay all the stars I have at my disposal.
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Review of The Botanist  
Review by AGCondor
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am a slow reader with good things, so this one does not promise to be read quickly. But the main (for me) intrigue of the text does not seem to be solved after finishing. When I’d met your self-definition as “not a successful writer” I tried to find in your works the cause of this non-success. I’ve failed, I can state it. The thing is impeccable. Well written and well studied. The impossibility of travelling with an airship at the date and the place combined with realistic details gives the narrative that sort of strangeness and craziness which I especially value in literature.
One point seems to require improvement. You place the aerodrome “on the eastern fringe of the town”, but as Mombasa is situated on the eastern coast and the aerodrome is at some distance from the waterfront “western” would seem to be more appropriate here.
Also I had some doubts at first about “if the Queen’s Consort needed a ride” - Prince Albert had been long dead by 1882 - but then I decided that he’s alive and well in the alternative reality - to the great satisfaction and joy of the Queen and her country.
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Review of The Letter  
Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought at first (naturally) that she was going to receive a letter from her lover and then to plan together killing off that husbandly bastard. I was prepared to wish them good luck heartily. The therapy course instead of a lover toned down my expectations: looks like that the beatings of Caitlin would continue for a while. But anyway they must be stopped in the end; I would offer to expand the title of your book to “Bruises fade... on the grave of the hitter”.
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Review of a day in the rain  
Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love when women write not thinking about males. I suspect the women possess some extra sixth sense which shrink in the presence of males (because males personify social conventions which do not make much sense generally and are especially unfavorable to the sixth one). That’s the reason why the women’s love poetry is rather lame as a rule. But when our poetesses shift their themes to regions uninhabited by males we get some precious items - glimpses of the world of the fairy freedom.
I give this poem five stars, but it deserves all six really.

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Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (4.0)
It’s a serious poem. Reviewers should be wary of it. If your friend takes offenses easily, we must think twice about our wording. So I think that this poem is great - as your friend is great. We only feel a bit sorry that he is no bigger than a rhino and consequently not so great as we’d like him to be, but I think it’s just because he’s very young yet. As he grows bigger, poems about him will be greater too!
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Review of The butterfly  
Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very colorful. Were I a Hollywood filmmaker, I’d have this developed into a scenario for a luxurious and expensive movie. It’s strange that such a rich theme as the butterflies was not as yet picked up by the movie industry.
I’ve noticed two errors. They are characteristic of a French speaker, which you seem to be. In “ruminating pansies” the “pansies” stand evidently for “thoughts”. I think, you had in mind “pensées” when writing this. But I find this gallicism funny and even poetic.
Secondly, we have “glace” instead of “glass”. “Un papillon dans la glace” would remind Mallarmé but scarcely could serve as a bookmark.
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Review by AGCondor
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I think Kipling will forgive and pass all the matter to Whitman. The idea behind the poem invites the Whitmanesque sweep, but some details betray it. “Different suns shining on different beaches” is excellent, but when you build on the success with “singular”, “unique”, “inimitable” and “individual”, it sounds artificial (especially “inimitable rivers”).
Galleons were not exactly trading ships (rather armed ships for transporting the valuable tribute); when you conflate them with “the waves of radio” it looks like an awkward anachronism; if it’s intended and you wanted to jumble together all epochs to get a Whitman-like massive epic, you should have repeated this stratagem over and over till it won. Isolated, it looks more like a slip.
Further, the poetry must be concrete; clichéd generalizations such as “towering office building” or “humble dwelling” work against it. That old buddy Whitman knew how to be concrete; that made the difference between him and just prose.
But I don’t want to say that the poem is bad; it is just raw. Give it the polishing it needs and we shall be happy to enjoy a really great thing.
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Review by AGCondor
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, well, well... A bit cruel, I guess. Though smacking undoubtedly of some ancient tradition, according to which what is really funny about clowns is their death. Because clowns themselves in a way impersonate death and definitely impersonate chaos.
But I would warn the protagonist of the story: he laughs too early. The clown is not dead really. A pin can not kill a clown; he just pretends, and he will rise to get his own last laughter
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Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (3.5)
The rhyme is not your best friend. You have the poetic vision that produces such good chunks as “a thin blanket of white That reflects the winter’s sun dim light Blinding the hunting wolf...” Or the last stanza of “Deer” (except “around”).
But you should watch the rhyme and not let it misbehave. Or else it would throw in such nonsense as “fresh flowers”, unduly following “hours”, - what fresh flowers would there be after a “cold and frosty winter night”? And what is “renown” doing in the last line, being a noun in the first place? Of course, it rhymes with “down”, but this only does not qualify it for being put into the poem.
You are in touch with nature and manage to share it so we wish only that your rhymes would be natural too.
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Review of A Rainbow story  
Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (3.0)
Not everything fits here well into the pattern. Let’s begin. Silver is a metal, all right? So how could there be a Silver Kingdom, different from a Metal Kingdom? And why these bears? Bears do not match comfortably with metals. Our confusion rises when we learn, that Silver Kingdom Countess (why not queen? There are earls in Britain but none of them has the title «earl of Britain”) has fur. Is she an animal like the bears in question? Maybe a she-bear like them? If so, we have difficulties with her looking in the mirror. She-bears do not seem to enjoy it so much as our women do. Probably you headed for some comic effect, but the rest of the text does not support this. So we are left with a rather ambiguous impression.

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Review of I Do Ask This  
Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (4.0)
Looks a bit more like some personal reprimanding than real poetry. Poetry must be impersonal in a way: addressed not to a particular person only, but to all mankind (even if formally a real addressee is involved; a Horace may be writing verses to a Maecenas, but he still sounds universal, because everybody can identify). Your poem lacks as yet this universality; but it has an undeniable merit of sober and realistic approach to the theme. No beautiful princes, no pseudo-romantic stuff; you see clearly (and name it) what a male needs (“to get dirty”) and state your intention “to stay clean”. It would make a very good poetical theme; it only has to be a bit more metaphorical and aphoristic.
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Review of Arachnids  
Review by AGCondor
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The poem is good but for the last line which is bleak and does not convey any interesting meaning (except the need to get a rhyme for “mind”).
But “eight-legged terrors” are excellent; I’ve never met such expressive poetic description of the spiders.
And the humour of “I wished I had a spouse” is exquisite. I know you do not have a very high opinion of males, but certainly it must warm them that you still classify them higher than spiders. This is a man’s pride!
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Review by AGCondor
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
At first I was a bit confused about this dialogue, ‘cause it evidently calls for some rewriting of the sacred history. We are used to think that the times when dialogues with God were possible are gone and this august personage is resolutely OFF for any reviewing, conversations and other compliances. But when I’d reached the new commandment “Doubt your beliefs”, I changed my opinions radically. If God proposes to “doubt beliefs” (including beliefs in Him evidently), he must have got tired of his usual course (which implied rather demanding to believe than otherwise). One may think that the restrictions on the prophetic activity are also lifted. And so I do not see any obstacles to greeting you as a new prophet of the very communicative and humorous God.
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Review of Words  
Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (4.0)
The first stanza is very good.
Further down, some downscaling begins. I would avoid such phrases as “human emotion” in poetic compositions. It belongs more to the rhetoric, concerning which the good advice of Verlaine holds:
Prends l’éloquence et tords-lui son cou.
And two examples “I hate you” versus “I love you” are too straightforward in my opinion. Too slogan-like probably. Some other examples ambiguous in wording but unambiguous in meaning would make this poem truly great.



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Review of I Never Knew You  
Review by AGCondor
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Where’s the Grail? That’s the question.
You have observed it very rightly that this battle is fought for no Grail, for no castle and for no princess. And you have concluded that the battle has no sense at all. And it is very true. And not true at the same time.
Very true because the battle is not fought between the real enemies, i.e. the believers and the non-believers. The atheists you write about are also believers with no better reasons to believe than Christians have. The evolutionary concept lies strictly within the boundaries of faith and cannot live on its own without a god supporting it.
So it is really believers who fight among themselves. There’s nothing new to it. They did it all the history along.
This fight is inevitable. Believers want to see God exactly as they want to see Him and don’t want to see Him the way other believers want to.
Probably it would be more logical if they fought with God, because He is silent and does not show himself to settle all arguments. But God is unreachable... and there are so many contradictory ways to interpret His silence, that the battle is bound to go on.
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Review of "We Can"  
Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (3.5)
It’s brave and resolute and no-nonsense. Strangely for this well-minded poem “ocean’s sea” works in the opposite direction. Maybe it would be more respectful of the veterans if you improve this to “on air or land or STORMY sea”?
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Review of "We Can"  
Review by AGCondor
Rated: E | (3.5)
It’s brave and resolute and no-nonsense. Strangely for this well-minded poem “ocean’s sea” works in the opposition direction. An ocean is not a sea and a sea is not an ocean.
Maybe it would be more respectful of the veterans if you improve this to “on air or land or STORMY sea”?
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