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116 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dave. Loved your poem. I was told this was a double tanka form, but I see you call it a cleave poem. Just checking here that we are talking about the same thing??? alf
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Review of Mom  
Review by alfcollier
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Fyn. You have given me a wonderful sense of the close relationship you enjoyed with your mother, leaving wonderful images of the sacrifices she made to ensure her children felt supported and loved. You have cherished memories in your photographs and in your mind, but more importantly, you have all this with wonderful emotion. What a wonderful tribute to your Mom, and a beautiful poem for the reader. Loved this!! alf
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Review by alfcollier
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Hooves. loved your rhyming couplets. You have created a wonderful image of a loving mother and don't we all wish for just one more to chance to hug our mothers close!! Somehow, we never do come to the end of things we would have liked to say. Your words flow as present your thoughts, making this an easy and delightful read, alf
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Review of Thunderstruck  
Review by alfcollier
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi GypsySpirit. What a beautiful poem! I loved that feeling of proud freedom, but it was torn from as they died beneath the starlight. I do hope you are campaigning for the survival of these horses. You have a potent message and your strength would bee a great asset. Loved this, alf
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Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi mina. What a lovely tribute to a husband your poem makes. A gentle cloud that has a pillar of support, beautiful images to take away from the reading. This sounds like a marriage that has lasted through the years, a union blessed with happiness. Good luck in the contest, alf
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Review of Sea Green  
Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi K Fiore. I enjoyed reading this poem. The image of cracked paint is there in my mind, and the box that swallows and spits you out is a wonderful reference to the cycle of life. It seems to me the intent of this poem changed as you wrote, but I may be mistaken there. Enjoyed it anyway, alf
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Review by alfcollier
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
hi Prosperous Snow. I have to say, I don't generally review stories, but since this came up on the random review, I took a peek and was hooked. What a wonderful tale I would otherwise have missed!! I took a peek and was hooked. Oh my! What a mess!! it has me intrigued why powdered sugar, but like you say, its better left unexplored. there are a couple of grammatical errors, that could easily be typos but I don't let that deter me. This was a great story, well told, alf
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Review of A Life From now  
Review by alfcollier
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Irina Garbo. Gosh, I couldn't take my eyes from the poem from the moment I started to read. How beautifully you have analysed the situation and found a means to rectify the lack of ability to share your words. Write them in a poem . . . the age old answer!! Love this. it read sweetly and true, with only two very small hiccups to detract from the story. Well done, alf
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Review by alfcollier
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi AnnMae. This poem contains more raw emotion in a single stanza than many poets can inject into forty line mini epic!!! This is so very straight from the heart, no refinement, no alteration -- just pure emotion. I feel the love oozing between the letters of each word, not lust or adoration, just the sincerity and wonder of having found the right person.

What else can I say. I have said it all, just as you have in your poem!!!! Loved it.

I also admire that you gave respect to your work by using realistic grammar. alf


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Review of I Know A Girl  
Review by alfcollier
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Nicole. I loved the story you told. Heart-breaking, traumatic, deep, sensitive, and haunting. All those emotions flow from your words and merge into the lines of poem. more than that, there is such an emotional roller coaster taking the trip with you as you read, it s continual motion takes you up and down, and you no longer just read, you experience those emotions.

The poem flowed very smoothly at the start, but by the last stanza, cadence had given way to passion. I am in two minds how I feel about that. One, brilliant to finish with impact, or, a sad omission of poetry prowess. Something for you to ponder.

Loved this, your imagery is great, word choices are great and the story, succinctly told. Hpoetry enthusiasm, alfope this is helpful to your continued
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Review of Freedom  
Review by alfcollier
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi GypsySpirit. You have a wonderful poem here. The imagery you have set is light and carefree, riding horses, galloping through the ripples on the beach, splashing through the rollers as they rush to shore, and that imagery flows into life, comparing that freedom of movement to the freedom one feels of being in love.

Might I suggest you don't label you writing. I have twice looked at you description and passed this by as i am not overly attracted to 'feeble' poetry. My attempt, is sufficient to draw interest. (Just my opinion, but i nearly didn't see this wonderful piece of writing!!!)

keep writing, there is something lurking within you that wants to get out!!! alf
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Review of I Miss You  
Review by alfcollier
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Kata Moore. What a sad tale of guilt and grief you have written. To see a friend die, in anorexic distress must be the worst of our nightmares. You have told this story, with such stark simplicity it tore at my heart, for both victim and writer. A compelling read, alf
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Review of NaPoWriMo  
for entry "At the Train Station
Review by alfcollier
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi PandaPaws. What a beautiful tribute to the people in defence forces across the world!!! I loved the simplistic format you chose to portray such a moment of poignancy, and the location was just perfect. Parting and departure conjures thoughts of harrowing nostalgia, but you have given that moment pride, alf
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Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Peterelbee. How Australian do you need to be to do any better than this. I can image the fiddling, time, determination, bull-headedness, chewed pencil ends, and expletives that might have accompanied the fine tuning of this piece. There is not one phrase, not one line that I would pick above the others. the words flow like molten honey, so smooth and so . . . right! Very Aus-oriented, but I should think, universally understood. Fantastic read, thank you for showing me, alf
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Review of Lest We Judge!  
Review by alfcollier
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Fran. First I would like to thank you for your support for those who have a disability. I have worked in this field, and have a nephew who became brain damaged during a bout of encephalitis. On behalf of those who need support, I thank you. Your poem is great. Has a nice flow, is easy to read, and I suspect reveals your inner self, alf
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Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Angels in my ear. This is a beautiful free flowing verse with so many descriptive phrases and pertinent analogies. It holds cadence without rhyme, making it a joy to read, and leaving a distinctive impression in the reader's mind. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, alf
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Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Cotton. Of the three poems you have posted, and I have read on this Newbies site, this one, for me, allows a small amount of emotion to seep through. Being addressed to a loved one, I would prefer to get a stronger sense of involvement, a small amount of passion that flows into the words. Like this one a lot, alf
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Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi cotton. Another poem where you have expressed your thoughts very well within your poetry. This is a pleasant read, though I'm not sure you would see in 'dreams' in bright sunlight. Second last line, correct spelling of your. Should be you're ( short for you are) (smiles). alf
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Review of A Feeling  
Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi cotton. I liked the tone of your poem. I would suggest you correct the spelling errors in the second line of the first stanza, and third line of the first stanza, (Reminisce, and lie). Your work has a nice flow, and makes for an enjoyable read. thank you for sharing your thoughts, alf
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Review of Fathers Day  
Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Smit. As far as I can see you have met the criteria for a tanka. Your syllable count is spot on and I loved the subject you have followed. You have chosen your words very well, they have a haunting quality that lingers in the mind after the reading. Nicely done, alf
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Review of Is That Love?  
Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Writing Walter. I read your poem and heard the questioning in your words and in your word choices, while you sought reassurance all these emotions were in fact, quite normal. You reach a conclusion that still ends with a somewhat more rhetorical question. I liked this, alf
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Review of Once Upon a Dream  
Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Emily. Your poem sends me a strong message of discontent, love thwarted, and sorrow for the loss. I liked the word choices, which flowed well to express your hurt, and make comparison with another's situation. I also thought the format you have used here, very effective, adding impact to the emotion, alf
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Review of Rest In Peace  
Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi NRB. This writing has come from the heart. I can your grief in the lines, your mourning in the verses and your deep loss as the poem ends. It is not an easy situation to endure, writing will ease some of the pain for you, I hope. The words flowed very well, I had a little trouble with the cadence in places, but this is a fine effort, alf
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Review by alfcollier
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Bruce. I am ooh such a sucker for rhyming poetry and I just loved reading this. You poem had great word choices, verses which flowed beautifully, great cadence, and was just a pure delight to read. i am unable to pick any particular that was better than another without lifting them all from the page and reprinting them in this little box. Thank you, alf
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Review by alfcollier
Rated: E | (4.0)
hi Bruce. I loved the rhythm you had going here with this poem. I could imagine being in the engine compartments and seeing the activity, seeing the snow outside, and being a part of the environment. You gave a very simplistic account of the journey that anyone can understand. Loved this, alf
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