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130 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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Review of Austin Parks  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Invalid Review by Angelina

This first chapter made me cry, because I was bullied in school and when you say how long the day is and you wish it would go by fast, were my daily thoughts. I feel this chapter is tight and worded by someone who knows this kind of experience. Your descriptions are awesome and I saw them all as I read. I could cry for Austin, but so want to read more of this!

The only thing I might suggest is this chapter is very sad and you might want to add one good thing Austin is either looking forward to or someone comes to him and smiles, maybe a girl or someone who is also bullied but has befriended Austin. Stories like this one are so needed because those of us that are bullied or have been bullied can identify.

Great start and I'm impressed by your writing style, brav*Angelic* Angelina
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Review of "SCHIZOPHRENIC RESCUE" By Angelinamay

Hi Whitemorn,

I can't tell you how much my entire family enjoyed your poem! It's prefect and funny and interesting and awesome! We loved it and bravo for this great Thanksgiving poem*Smile* Angelina
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Review of I Am The One  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Invalid Review by angelinamay

FIRST LET ME SAY I BELIEVE THIS POEM IS REALLY GOOD AND RAW AS WELL. IT STRUCK ME AND HIT MY CORE BECAUSE I TOO HAVE FELT THIS WAY WHEN I WAS YOUNGER MANY TIMES. BUT SOMEHOW I MADE IT AND AM VERY GLAD TO BE HERE. I DIDN'T GIVE YOU ANY SUGGESTIONS BECAUSE YOUR POEM SPEAKS VOLUMES TO THE READER AND IS VERY REAL AND ALIVE. I LOVE YOUR WORD CHOICES AND THE FLOW OF THIS POEM IS SUPERB AND SHOULD BE READ. LIFE IS WHAT WE MAKE IT AND BEING BULLIED AS A YOUNG GIRL, I UNDERSTAND, BUT I'M SO PRIOUD TO SAY I MADE IT THROUGH MY STORM AND NOW SUNSHINE SURROUNDS ME. ANGIE
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Rated: E | (4.5)
THIS IS A CUTE POEM! I LOVE IT. YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL WAY WITH WORDS. ALTHOUGH I AM NOT AN INSOMNIAC, I DO KNOW THOSE WHO ARE AND ACTUALLY, THEY CLAIM THAT SLEEP-DEPRIVATION ALLOWS THEM TO WRITE BETTER. ONE OF MY HOBBIES IS SLEEPING SO THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME, HAHA! I LEFT YOU A COUPLE SUGGESTIONS AND YOU CAN TAKE OR LEAVE THEM. I HOPE I'VE HELPED YOU. ANGIE


You see I have decided,
that since I cannot sleep at night,<<IF YOU NIX-AT NIGHT-THE FLOW WILL BE PREFECTION.)
No one should be so lucky,
as to snooze ’til morning light!



Yes, this plot is perfect,
so despicable and vile,
Hence you hear my laugh maniacal,
and see my slightly evil smile.<<IF YOU SAY-AND SEE MY SINFUL SMILE- THIS STANZA WILL FLOW BETTER)


And we’ll keep them awake forever,
to endure this life of ours,
And for once they all will understand,<<NIX -ALL- FOR BETTER FLOW)
why we are all such sours.

But I fear now, I might not join you, <<NIX- NOW)
brothers I might not last,
For my coffee pot is empty,
and my cup is draining fast.
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In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


This is a fascinating story about your grandparents journey. I love their love story and how they were able to reunite once Else found her way to America. Love love the pictures and their paperwork too. My grandparents also immigrated to America when they were teens. I am second generation American. They came to this country from Austria and they both stowed away on a big ship to get here, because they had no money to board the ship. Sadly the immigration officials changed their first and last names at Elis Island and my grandparent's never would tell us their real names because they feared deportation. I'm so glad I got to read this because these kind of stories really interest me. I only have one nit and it isn't really a nit, just a sentence I want you to look at. Great job and keep writing.

You can use my suggestions or toss them in the burn barrel*Smile* Angelinamay

Else flopped back on her bed, hugging a pillow to her. She tried her best to remember everything Alfred had told her before they had run into her father in the forest. They both had a job now, but because the state of the German economy that could change at any time.<this sentence seems incomplete) The only way they could afford to emigrate to America would be for Alfred to go first.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow, I must say that this story should never be forgotten. I love the fact that you've cared and wanted to write about this. I too remember and though I live in Florida, to me it was like it happened here too. Your descriptions are vivid and your memory serves you well. I take it you were in school when this happened and I can't even imagine how you truly felt. I believe our country changed forever on that day and when we write a piece about how we saw it from our eyes and our emotions, like you have, it strikes a cord in all of us and it also keeps our memories of that day alive.

If I have to nit about anything it would be:


they just drew you right in, didn’t they.(?) You remember those things.( A needed question mark.)

Also instead of all the - in your story, I might suggest that you make shorter sentences, because this can bring forth the power and get your meaning across more boldly.

That's it. I believe you have a great story here and in a sense, you could also write another short about this and how you see it today. I know I'd love to read it.

I wish you good luck with this and I thank you for helping me to remember.

Angelinamay
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Review of Along the Shore  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there Richard,

What a lovely and emotional poem! I could see it and feel the deep emotions when you found her and when you lost her. Very nicely done!

If I have to give suggestions, and there are not many because this poem is well written, it would be:

Into this world, for you are me,
More beautiful than the stars, more beautiful than belief,
A ray of warmth on a long cold eve,
The same we be, for I am you and you is me. (I would end this stanza with (For I am you and you are me)


The feel of your skin, the feel of your touch,
I have never missed anything quite this much,
I wish I could hold you in an eternal clutch,
I wish you were near, I wish, I wish, and such and such. (I'd also end this poem with, I wish you were near for I miss your soft touch)

Really good poem and I love the rhyming and your word choices. I could see this poem as it tells a story, and a story we've all lived before. Well done!
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Review of The Hierogram  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, belial,

I'm drawn to dark poems although I am not a dark soul, but dark poetry gives me a sense of the universe and what may be lurking out there.

I really enjoyed your poem and your word choices are superb! I marveled at the fact you kept the flow and how much power this poem holds. I could see that alter draped with the black velvet and want you to know your poem reads like a story that allows your readers to see it, not just feel it. Very well and powerfully done indeed.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Whitemorn,

Very funny! I laughed out loud for the first time in weeks, thank you! While reading your post, I thought about Henney Youngman and his one-liners. You remind me of him.

My husband would say I do a lot of the same things your wife does, but I think he actually does, haha!

Comedy is tough to write as I have tested the comedic waters myself. I think I'm better at stand-up, as people tell me because I'm very animated, which is part of my funny.

I loved the air conditioner with the door open because your wife is too hot, lol! I can totally identify.

Love the flies in the kitchen while the dog is relieving himself. hahaha! Ah ha, I think I do this too!

Oh and I love watching the Doctor's because I had to quit watching that show due to my own imaginary symptoms, haha!

You have certainly brightened my day and you helped me laugh again as I've been through a rough year.

Thank you so much and keep your comedy coming. I'll watch for it.

Actually, I laughed at everything because you have a unique style of bringing your funny across to the reader. And you are funny!

Angelinamay
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This story is intriguing and I want to know more. I loved the carriage ride, the seamless streets and walls, but I'm left wondering what country this novel takes place in.

I was drawn in because I suspected magic in your blurb.

You've given us a nibble of magic but I wanted more.

The hook, I usually connect the hook with the first paragraph or sometimes the first chapter. Your first paragraph hooked me.

My general impression is, that this novel will contain magic plus kinetic energy, which includes things most people can not do like thinking an object to oneself using one's energy as it floats through the air, am I right? This kind of novel entices me.

Characters, your character's are pretty distinct especially Kenton, Blyth and the scantily dressed woman, Lady Lisadar. She sounds like she might entice Kenton into trouble. Just my thoughts here, lol!

Style, your writing is elegant and very vivid as I could see everything unfold before me. You introduced your interesting characters so I could see them through my mind's eye and not everyone can do this for me. Your word choices are great and your structure leads us on an adventure.

I do have some suggestions and please, if you don't want to use them that's fine, just toss the unwanted into the burn barrel.

Okay, watch for leaving out some commas and periods especially after someone speaks.

Also you might, and this is just my humble opinion, but you might want to let us see a bit more of Kenton's kinetic magic. We want to get to see some of Kenton's abilities.

Tension. Not much. Everything went relatively well and I waited for a problem, a conflict or something to get my nerves on edge, even if it's only briefly. I love it when a snag strikes and a character has to work through it while I cheer him on. Or maybe it is the villain who is the problem.

A couple paragraphs from your chapter that I want to highlight.

The water swirled around Kenton's body following the motion of his hands and reinforced by his iron hard will. This is his art, Kinetomancy the conversion of kinetic motion into magical energy. When he could no longer hold his breath, he lowered his hands and the water returned to the bottle. Grabbing the stopper he corked the bottle of filthy water. He let go of the remaining energy collected by the motion of his arms, it rose off him like mist rising from a lake.(WHEW, I really like this)

He looked the letter over carefully and examined it from every angle, making sure it held no danger in any way. He reached out with his supernatural senses and could feel a magical lacing over the wax seal. It seemed like an alarm of some kind that would alert someone when the wax seal is broken. Kenton used the same lacing himself when sending important letters. He broke the seal and the magic went out to find its master.(I love this and am excited to see what Kenton can do.)

A couple more suggestions:

You mention that the boy got into the carriage to accompany Kenton to his living quarters, then you have him walking inside the round building. Show us if Kenton reaches his destination at the Red Crown and gets out of this carriage before he reaches the special door, Blyth and the round building.

Kenton held up a hand, he tried to looked firm and unmoving as he stared into her eyes. (you might want to change looked to look)


"Somewhere between the whore throwing herself at Kenton and master fist insulting me," he said, pulling an apple out of his robes.<would he wear more than one robe?)

I sincerely hope I've helped you in some way. You have the beginnings of a great novel and I hope you post chapter 2 here for me to read and discover what else is happening.
Angelinamay
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Review of Blueprint.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Chill Bumps! I knew by your title I'd love your story, but I never realized just how much I would love it! Excellent writing, suspense, conflict within one's self and intriguing storyline. I love this and congrats with this story. Angelina
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Review of White Feathers  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
White Feathers

The white feathers that are protecting my soul ((I might begin with- White feathers are protecting my soul. This can help make the opening verse sound stronger))
from evil and hate are slowing opening
and the white feathers of purity((again I might begin with-- white feathers))
and innocence are slowing turning black.
Will the feathers of hope and fate protect me ?
I can feel the powerful and graceful white feathers
that cover and allow my soul to remain
light and pure are stronger than ever.
Or so I hope for I feel((<choppy verse. maybe begin with-- I hope for and I feel))
the bitterness inside of me.
White feather please remind strong((White feather please 'remain' strong))
for I need the protection;
evil is strong and looming nearby.
White feathers of hope and serenity


I love feathers and collect them so I was drawn to your poem. I think your poem holds a beautiful message. I made a few suggestions and you may use them or toss them to the wind.
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