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357 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great table of contents for some of the great items on this site. Thanks for including me! *Smile*

You might want to place the listed item of mine in the web blog/journal category. However, I won't argue with you that it is good reading, though. *Bigsmile*

Thanks, I'll save this item in my favorites!

Write On!

Beth
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Review of Music of My Soul  
Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm not a pianist, but as a percussionist, a french horn and mellophone, player, and a dabbler at the trumpet, I can understand this poem of praise for the gift of music. I am no longer in a band, but I still tap out rhythms when I'm happy and I hum to myself, and sometimes outloud. Like it was said in "Flashdance," the movie, I can see the music.

I don't believe feeling behind writing poetry, short fiction, or novels is any different than what a musician feels. There is a rhythm to every art. It is just amazing to be able to see a long elaborate story play itself out in your mind so that you can write it down and bless others with it. I praise the Lord for that gift. I guess starting out as a musician earlier in my life helped me discover that there is rhythm to everything in life, and when you are in tune and with the beat, the melody is just beautiful. Finding the rhythm is the heart of the game.

Here is one small typo:
They cling to my heart

God bless you for sharing this poem and blessing others with your talent.
Write On!
Beth
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53
Review of Life  
Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is so true. I like how you know that the name of fear is oblivious to us. The one who wants to keep us in the bondage of self-hatred, due to fear, is Satan, but, as you may also know, that is not his original name, and we are never given his angelic name, but are only told that he is Satan, which means, deceiver. It is an appropriate name, but not the original name, as Eziekiel described him as the most beautiful of the angels, before his rebellious fall. Angels are named after what their positions are, and he was the most loved before his ungrateful act of disobedience to the Lord, whom he served.

There is a famous quote from Napoleon Hill that the last stanza brought to mind. That is, "In every adversity lies the seeds of an equal or greater benefit." The door you speak of may be very far away, indeed, but the journey to it, along with its trials are well worth the treasures beyond it.

Thanks for sharing this delightful poem.

God be with your spirit.
Beth,
a member of "Invalid Item" 
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Review of Free Me...  
Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful prayer, and the words are very familiar to my own heart. I absolutely love the first stanza.

One suggestion, as a matter of punctuation:
Lord, free me from my worry
---------

Thanks for sharing your prayer. It is simple, yet deep.

God be with your spirit.
Beth,
a member of "Invalid Item" 
55
55
Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.5)
This short piece describes love very well. I pray there is something I may add to help it further, and that is the fact that we only have one word, "love," but in Greek, in the New Testament of the Bible, there are at least three words for love, one of which is described as the all-encompassing unconditional love, "agape." This love is descibed in 1 Corinthians 12:4-8. We have, as humans, have a hard time understanding this level of love, for there are absolutely no conditions attached, even emotional ones. This is the love we strive for with the one person we choose to spend our lives with. Forgive that I can't think of all the precise Greek words, but I will descibe them directly. The next level down is brotherly love, which is emotionally condtional, but innocent, just the same. If it someone does not stimulate our emotions in a good way, we tend not to associate with him/her. There is also the one that you do not suggest that love is, which is erotic love. It is a type of love, but it is totally emotion-driven, and is short-lived once the emotional and physical attraction die out.

Great thought-provoking essay here. Thanks for sharing it.

God be with your spirit.
Beth,
member of "Invalid Item" 
56
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very deep poem. What would make it have more impact is if you skip the description and just let the words speak for themselves. This poem seems to be trapped by its rhyme scheme, but maybe that is a deeper message that, indeed, we sometimes feel trapped and imprisioned in a world that doesn't give a lot of room to morality and selflessness. It's a forced rhyme, at times, and you may want to step away from rhyming just for rhyme's sake. I don't think you should, however, remove all of them.

You have some profound thoughts here, and it smells of the book of Revelations to me. This is a much bleaker view, however, with not much sign of hope for it to get any better. You could go further with this, if you so wish.

God be with your spirit.
Beth,
a member of "Invalid Item" 
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57
Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have an interesting start to a story here. The most difficult part of writing this will point-of-view, for the narrator seems to be in all of the characters' minds. Omniscient narration is hard to pull off without intimidating the reader by shifting focus so much. There are great writers who have done it, but I haven't tried to attempt it yet, namely because it establishing characters this way might lead the reader to have to make a chart of who is who. This is just a start, and I don't believe this is so with your story, so far. I know who is who.

Here are some suggestions:

His three friends were not very bright, but strong looking.--You can use strong-looking, or use another synonym such as "burly."

My crew and the Mechs--I can picture Mechs, mainly because my husband had been into MechWarrior games, but you might want to describe them to the average reader, who is trying to form the image in his/her mind.

She wasn’t particularly strict, as long as the job was done, she didn’t mind them having a little bit of fun. Besides, they were a good bunch of guys who didn’t mind taking orders from a woman, and that showed character.--That last part confused me a bit. You've already described her as looking and acting like someone the men might not consider feminine. The view of women in position of authority may have to be discussed later in the story, and why she would think that they are good men just because they obey her.

“They won't help an operation this small. To them, we’re not worth the effort.We must take care of ourselves.”

and was also a man who’d managed to avoid the Federation for more than five years.

all of the galaxies' peoples

Deagon though, was no man's fool and was good at hiding. He’d been able to shake them off for five whole years, and was even able to take residence on New Earth under a fake ID, before Cassus came.

looking for possible escape routes and ways to get out. --- Either escape routes or ways to get out, for this repetition slows down the action a bit.
------------------

All in all, you have a great start to a story. You've chosen a difficult way to tell it, but, then again, there's no easy way to tell a story except just to do it. *Bigsmile* Let me know when you have written more. Here are some glimpses into my current Christian sci-fi novel, "Invalid Item" :
 Background Work for Alien Bond  (ASR)
This holds background stories and exercises I've done for Alien Bond
#797916 by Beth Barnett



God be with your spirit.
Beth
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Review of Without You  
Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem gave me a bittersweet recollection of when I felt this way in my life. It brought back memories that I thought were near forgotten.

Here are a couple suggestions to help the flow:

But there's only so much my heart ignores

And they way we could've been ---Look through the other contractions, also, to add apostrophes in the correct places.
God, how much I wish ---You may also want to look at the end of the poem to captilize "I," or you could keep it lowercase all the way through as a statement of feeling insignificant. It's up to you. *Smile*
--------------

Time heals, that all I can say. There will be someone who will come along and take you away from your rumination of loneliness. I know that from my own experience.

God be with your spirit.
Beth
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem is appropriately titled. Love is such a confusing thing when we seek to define it within our own guidelines. When we find true love, however, we know it, and our faith becomes strong enough to defend it. It takes strong fortitude to be humbled by this confusion, and to just have faith that love is just love, and that there is someone else out there who completes your definition. *Smile*

Here's one suggestion to improve the flow of this line:
I know they're coming; I'm just feeling so confused.
-------------------

Thanks for this thought-provoking poem, vested in your own experience.

God be with your spirit.
Beth
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Review of Amran Chapter 1  
Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very grabbing beginning to what has the potential to be a great novel. You have set up your main character well. I have a similar story to this, as you already know. I do have a trial toward the end of my story, with my main character's father at the prosecuting end of it, trying to avenge some of the things her dangerous mind has made him suffer. Your character is altogether unique. I wish you much joy in writing Amran's story.

Here are some minor points you may want to look at. These are suggestions, so use them as you will*Smile*:

there was not a soul that could heard him

Even the food was sent through a slit

He peered into the darkness and right through the guard's intentions and he could tell immediately that he was just there to slide the miserable rations

Also, you'll want to be careful in repeating the character's name over and over again, especially when he is the only one, besides the guard, who you are focusing on.
-------------------

It looks like more to me. *Bigsmile* Tell me more about Amran.

Write On!
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Review of Razor  
Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.5)
I feel the bottled-up distress that is bottled up so much that nothing short of physical is be thought able to release it.

I remember when I was your age, and can remember the feelings of self-doubt, knowing that I didn't have the popularity and prestige other teens had. Although I didn't use a razor, I demeaned myself, thinking I wasn't worth much because other people made fun of me. I learned a very valuable lesson when I was seventeen that has changed my life dramatically.

No matter how much my parents built my self-esteem up, and they did, it did not keep me from worrying about what other people thought of me. I made a friend in middle school who became quite popular very quickly after moving to our town. She invited me to this small church she went to. She wasn't perfect, mind you, but she was confident, and didn't seem to mind what other people said behind her back. I wanted to know how she could be so ambivalent about what other people might say, and why she was so confident.

I learned from her and other people at the church what it meant to be accepted for who you are by God. It wasn't about what other people thought. That did not matter. They could say all they wanted to in spite, but after I had built my faith on a loving, firm foundation, it fell on deaf ears. I learned, at this time and through other trials of life, that putting total confidence in people who will pass away, will eventually lead me down the a path of destruction and dark longing for something used to be. I know now, that all of those words those people whispered were not about me, for the Lord told me that through His word. People are much more concerned about themselves than me, so their motives, if they do say such bad things about me, are not all about me.

The Power of His Love  (13+)
I feel I must share this with you. I pray that it touches someone out there.
#798443 by Beth Barnett

--------------
Here's one line that needs editing:

Whispering soft, meaningful things,

---------------

Thanks for sharing this gripping poem. The hurt is real, I don't deny that. I pray that my life experience can help you through this difficult time in your life.
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Sounds like a complex, well-thought-out plot line. I'm trying my hand at Christian Science Fiction also. I can see a similar theme, although the alien in my story is on Earth by herself, and she's not trapped, but there on purpose on a fruitful mission that God had given her. My character thinks she knows why she is on Earth, but God has bigger plans. I weave in a bit of the Holy Spirit, actually, without the Spirit, there is no story. I have doubts about what type of publisher to send this, too. I would appreciate any advice you would give me.
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#794265 by Not Available.

-----------------

Creating other worlds in your imagination is fun, isn't it? If nothing else in my pursuit, I'm spiritually stronger for writing the above novel. I know you probably had to dig into scripture yourself to bring the Truth into your story also.

God be with your spirit.
Beth
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63
Review of Beyond reach  
Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am a Sociology major in college right now, and you have many people who would agree with what you say here. There has been a study done, to the best of a sociologist's abilities, to find out the percentage of the homeless who are mentally ill. It was measured to be 20%, but is said to be an underestimate of the truth, due to inablity to reach out to those with no place to call home.

The problem you deal with is not with psychology, in general, but with psychiatry. Since Freud came on the scene with his theories, those with minor neuroses were of more concern to them, and they abandoned the asylums and the severe cases of mental illness. The focus on mild depression and occasional anxiety has left these people who really need assistance to fight for their rights in a system that no longer seeks to understand them. It is, indeed, sad. If you want a very frank view of what happened to psychiatry, read Creating Mental Illness by Allan Horwitz. It's a sociological view, but I'd say that you would agree with what he has to say.

Here are some suggestions on some minor changes that could make this easier to read:

I picked up the receiver with a vague sense of trepidation and said, "Hello?"

This soon became too much for him, and in his early twenties Shane moved out of home into supported independent accommodation.

he left his government-supplied unit and took to the road

Like many of the mentally ill, he has wandered the country

We lost contact with Shane, occasionally hearing of his whereabouts when he'd run into trouble or was admitted to ahospital.

He has escaped from thehospital--look for other instances that have hospital without an article.

As a family member, the sense of responsibility and the desire to help is overwhelming, yet I know I do not have the skills to deal with this situation, and I also do not know where to turn for help.

stay the night in a backpacker's hostel

Institutionalization of the mentally ill may be an inhumane response to the problem, but leaving these people, and their families, to cope on their own, with inadequate support and little hope, is an abdication of our responsibility as a society to care for those in most need. --You may want to look at this sentence to split it up, so the readers won't lose the message in the length of it.

Thanks for sharing this. Do not worry about offense. You are in good company in your opinions. It is Jesus who said that what we do for the least of these, you do for Him.

God be with your spirit.
Write On!
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64
Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.5)
I've been published in anthology of theirs also, and received the Editor's Choice award.

I am quite realistic about what Poetry.Com does because I know they are in business, like any other, to make a profit. I never considered myself a poet, but thought I'd take a stab at it anyway. *Smile* The one thing I didn't like was that I had to keep my poem to a certain number of lines for the contest. The poem that was published in the anthology is a shorter version of the below poem, I like this one better:
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#871161 by Not Available.


I figure that I get what I pay for, but since being a published poet isn't as important to me as being a published novelist, I won't be paying to go to the Poetry.Com conventions, unless I'm a guaranteed winner, which is not promised to me.

I, too, am making a goal to go to 2006's Writing.Com convention. I do not have the funds to go this year, but I have a feeling that in this year I will be blessed.

If you are passionate about being a published poet, then I say you should associate with others who are passionate about the same thing.

I received offers from the same type of company as Poetry.Com in London. I did buy the anthology from Poetry.Com, but I do not necessarily need to buy any others to prove that I've been published, because they publish it regardless of whether or not I buy one.

I know you will find many writers on this site who have had dealings with Poetry.Com. I'm sure your inquiry will yeild good results.

Write On!
Beth
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Review of Do Chistians Sin?  
Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.0)
I do agree with the basic premise of your essay. It is very well documented. I only see a couple flaws in your argument. I believe that everyone who is saved can live without sin. I believe that once saved, always saved is not true, just as you do. I've backslidden myself. It was because I said the words of the salvation prayer, that my life had never been the same. You're right. Saying those words at a certain moment in time does cleanse from sin, but it does more than that. When people believe those words as they say them, something happens in their spirit, to where if they sin again, they can feel conviction. Conviction is first felt at the moment the Spirit moves on an unbeliever. It becomes stronger as the believer grows in his or her faith. When I went back to the world and sinned, as I had backslidden, I felt a terrible tearing at my spirit. It took a little while to catch up with me, but sometimes it takes those tragedies in our lives to guide our attention to where it really needs to be, on God. The other thing that concerns me is that you say that you live above sin. You might want to explain the battle you are going through, especially with all of the peer pressure you face each day. If you don't explain, one might think that you are saying that you are without sin, and 1 John 1:8 says that whoever says this, does not have the truth in them. I don't think that is what you are trying to say, so you should explain this further.

The question you have the reader ponder is an easy one. Those who live in sin WILL NOT go to heaven, because in heaven, there is no flesh, but only the spirit, so we will not have to delight in such short term pleasure any longer, because the joy will fill us to overflowing.

I smiled at the website listed at the bottom of the page. I have spoken with my Stepdad many times about theology. He was once a pastor for the Church of God in Ohio.

Here are some fine grammatical points that would increase the ease of reading this:

Because whoever sins belongs to the devil, so why would he want you to stop sinning?

People say that a 'white lie' is not as bad--You don't need the word "as" in here. It makes perfect sense, and is more powerful without it.

How do you think that if you can't live above sin here on earth how do you think you can in heaven?

There is nothing too great you cannot overcome if you are saved.

If you still sin, it does not matter who says different, you are not saved.

Even if some *man* has told you thatyou are saved, and you still sin, then that man is wrong! You know, if you are right trully down in your heart, whether you want to admit it or not, that there is no once saved always saved: That is not true.

If me, a young person in this day, can live above sin, please don't think yourself any lower: You can too!

Now that you have read this andif you disagree, please email me where it says in the bible that we cannot live above sin! I want you to, because if I am wrong, I want to know and correct myself, but if I am not, you need to consider what I have said.
------------------------

It is very touching to read a young person so on fire for the Word of God. I can feel that in your writing.

God bless you!
Write On!
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I wanted to send along the GPs for my two new beautiful sigs that I won in the auction. What a great fundraiser going to a wonderful cause. Thank you so much for your support in prayer.

Glory to God! *Smile*

Write On!
Pray On!
We need each other. God be with your spirit.
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I usually don't take part in very many interactive stories, but this one was irresistible. I just had to add Robyn in there. I hope I added some more flavor to this intriguing story that was under way. I look forward to reading future additions, and, perhaps, adding more of my own.

Write On!
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.5)
This story was original in its point of view of 9/11. The description of what happened from a cat's point of view was interesting. This was a touching story, in that the reader could feel what Little Cat was going through. I could feel her loss, of family, and, eventually, her life. But she had put others first, before her own life, as many of the rescuers of the World Trade Center had done. What lovely souls that would risk their lives for another.

I have to also say that I know someone with the last name, Rizzo, and he is from Brooklyn. Funny, huh? *Laugh*

I, too, felt compelled to write an account of 9/11.
New York City Calling  (13+)
Vision of 9/11--an attack on all senses. Robyn was helpless, but now in NYC, remembering.
#772162 by Beth Barnett


Thanks for sharing this story, which was touching, yet not too graphic, although I cannot say the same on the second account for my story.

Write On!
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for sharing this story of discovery. I had an English teacher in 8th grade inspire me to great lengths to continue writing. I also had a high school English teacher who said she looked forward to reading my writing when we would write vocabulary exercises. I used Robyn in them, which is still a favorite character of mine. I still have the 8th grade writing, and I have some of the vocabulary writings. They sound juvenile compared to my writing today, as I've discovered my true voice and have gained much more experience in life, and as a writer. I am posting the work from 8th grade, in hopes that I can correspond with that teacher who ignited that flame within me. We lost touch, unfortunately, but, who knows, someone on this site may know her, or she may be reading herself. We'll see. I'll be revising the play a bit, though, as I didn't understand how to tie plot lines together when I first wrote it.

 Mystery Woman  (13+)
A celebrity wishes to get in touch with her past, and stirs up a rural Indiana family.
#922062 by Beth Barnett


I am a firm believer that when someone takes the time to really confirm their passion through writing, there is a seed planted, and one never knows when the harvest will be reaped. Igniting someone else's passion with the written word is what it is all about. I'm sure that the Apostle Paul didn't know that his letters to all of those churches would be canonized in the bestseller of all time.

God be with your spirit as you continue to pour out your passion.

Write On!
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (4.0)
I had to smile when I read this, for I am often the quiet person that someone might ask this of. Maybe the person being asked this question is of the same temperament I am.
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#869788 by Not Available.


I am a Phlegmatic, and I often don't understand the pain of being left alone because that is how I deal with things. I tend to shut myself off or run away. I'm getting better at letting out my feelings, and not being so quiet, but it took a lot of prayer and building of my faith to get to that point. I am still, however a good listener, which is what the subject of this poem appears to be. He/she often masks their problems while helping others with theirs. In many cases, however, you're right, their problems may be hidden away in the heart of someone they really trust. Phlegmatics can be so subtle, sometimes though, that the message they want to convey about their feelings is often misunderstood.

Here are some suggestions for changes that I have:

When I saw you, the world was full of grace that I forgot the trace of doubt you left in my head
But just the other day the doubts are bought again when someone I knew thought that they knew me too
They asked and they asked and I replied too
But the reply I got from them brought tears to my eye and I cried so softly even the air could not spy
-This stanza stands out like a sore thumb, not looking like the others. I believe I know what you are trying to say. I don't want to put words in your mouth that aren't there though. It just needs to be smoothed out. I know you can do it.

You take me into a world of fantasy then you mesmerize me; and take me into a dream

--You may also want to think about punctuation in this poem. It would make reading it a lot easier.
------------

Please do not let my words discourage you. You do have a great idea here. And, you gave me something to think about, too.

Write On!
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you. Some of these tips that you give, I've already done, and now I have over 1,000 views to my port. I've also written poems that have to do with my family, so I love for them to read it, because I don't have anything bad to say about any of them. My mother, especially loves the poems I've written about her and my father, the latter being a very dramatic piece: "Invalid Item" .

Some of the tips, like business cards and linking my port within my private emails, are things I still have to do, being that I'm looking for my novel "Invalid Item"  to be published before the end of next year.

I saved this as a favorite to remind myself of things I have to remember to do.

Write On!
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I've been reading many personal development books lately, and I can relate to this poem. Your creative use of words to paint a swirl of darkness and light is breath-taking.

It's deep, but then again, I like poems that leave an impression deep into my mind. You talk about spiritual renewal and how twisted perceptions try to creep their ways back into our renewed minds. Bravo!

Thanks for sharing. And, I do hope there is more soon. *Bigsmile*

Write On!
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: E | (5.0)
I've received much more in-depth reviews since they started being rewarded, very generously. This reward system has benefitted me both as a writer and a reviewer. I don't think I could say thank you enough to pay for that benefit.

I pray that you continue this effort, and let me know if I could be any help to you.

Write On!
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Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow! The scene you paint in this story is both throat-grabbing and dramatic. You chose your words very meticulously to give the reader a very good feel as to what story is going to be told. I know I want to read more.

The only thing that you might want to look at is the small mixture of present tense in with past tense, which dominates the rest of the story.

Other than that, you have a very good, very vivid story that you should most definitely continue writing.

Write On!
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Review of The Unknown Girl  
Review by Beth Barnett
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Thanks for sharing your story. It is powerful. This is definitely an ongoing tale.

What I've found to be true is that, if you expect positive things to happen to you, no matter what the present circumstances, they will. That is called faith. The roses in life would not smell so sweet, if we had never felt the thorns which helped strengthen our scent.

Your last paragraph reminded me of the Apostle Paul and the conclusions he drew from all of the beatings and riducule he faced when delivering some of the most powerful messages in the New Testament. He didn't stay around very long where there was negative. He searched for the optimistic people and kept in close contact with them through his long journey.

Thanks again for sharing this intimate story. You are a blessing, and God will use your testimony to touch hearts and open doors that I could never find the key to.

Write On!
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