Amen. Many people need to hear this, and I'm definitely no exception. Life gets busy and we tend to forget why we have the blessings we do, and sometimes we even forget to count them, weighing our worthless woes against them.
I've written poems that have spoken to me even more so than they would speak to someone else. I read over that old inspiration and am intrigued of how the message is renewed again and again, each time I read it.
A couple of suggestions:
I touch you when you're ill
And heal you when you're lame,
But you're happy or so it seems
One other suggestion I have is that you capitalize all of the first person references, since you do say that it is God speaking. In Biblical Hebrew they refer to God in a number of ways, and one of them is "Hashem" which means The Name.
Thanks for sharing this thought-provoking and stirring message. Perhaps it will convict those who have given up on the blessings that are rightfully theirs.
I could feel the turmoil that must have been brewing and boiling inside as you wrote these words. So many times we can't or don't want to let loose the breakers of the dam of the emotions we feel inside. I don't know if it is embarrassment of what others might thing that keeps us from sharing our deep down thought, or if it is just stubborn pride, just thinking that no one would care any way. I'm not denouncing you, the writer, because I've been in this emotional upheaval before also. No one is perfect, except for the One who knows all of our thoughts, and loves us regardless.
The words flowed very well and exhibited a great emotional quality. Well done!
Amen. This is very well-said and has an in-your-face feel to it. The Bread of Life is an amazing, but true inheritance that the Lord gives to His believers. I think of the manna He provided when His people were wandering the desert for 40 years. The one thing, and I don't know if you would want to mention it in your poem, that really opened my eyes in that particular instance of the Bible, was the water coming out of the rock when no water was present as a source. Later on in the New Testament, Jesus tells the a foreign woman, even though her sin is great, that He could provide her with Living Water, and that she would never thirst again.
Thanks for sharing this. Most people spend their lives chasing after temporary things, when the Enternal is right before their eyes, if only they would grasp onto Him.
The songs that I love to listen to have a complete story within them. You have a good start here, but I wonder what this person did and what you are going to do. I do like the high esteem that you portray, which clearly makes what the other person did so painful that you must repeat these words to make it more profound. Although, you say that this "may" be the end of you. That makes it sound less intense and you sound less sure of yourself.
I want to find out how you are going to return the betrayal. I also wondered how strong the relationship was between you and this betrayer.
I do want to see this in its full glory. I know you have more words in you to complete the story, bringing the song to full circle.
You should follow through with this story idea. It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this "character" with artificial intelligence. My mind reels on the possiblities of complications that could happen if the artificial-life weapon becomes too intelligent for its own good. They seem endless to my imagination.
I see you have fanfiction as one of the genre categories of this piece. Which sci-fi story does this come from? Just curious.
I've seen story idea In & Outs before, and I like this one best because someone searching for an idea can find something that has a little meat on it, rather than just a nice theme .
Thanks for sharing this. I'm working with the idea I presented in an upcoming novel, but the idea I gave could elicit many different story ideas.
This is a very controversial question, and I have to say that I do not believe Bush had anything to do with the attack. The one other thing I had to say, however, is Clinton had a chance to capture Bin Laden in 1992 when he was creating havoc in Sudan. The Sudanese government gave the U.S. government his exact location. This proves that we really shouldn't play the blame game, because Bin Laden was going to do what his was going to do, and he surely wasn't looking for help from a Christian, which is what George W. Bush is. He is not perfect, but he has a foundation in the Word of God.
Thanks for presenting this question, for it has always puzzled me how people could think a U.S. President would harm his own people, especially when GWB sent troops to a country, whose dictator poisoned and killed his own people with weapons testing.
I am no expert on Depression, and have not dealt with a severe case of it in my life either. I can tell you, however, what and who helps me through the sad times, through the hard times when I don't see the end to the trials I am facing.
I don't know your faith, and assume nothing, but the story of Paul the Apostle in the Bible really stands out as someone who overcame much persecution in teaching others that they, too can rely on the God who can fill each person with a peace that passes all understanding. He stood in a Roman prison in chains, standing in excrement, because sanitation was not regarded as a high priority for prisoners, and wrote in the letter to Philippi, "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice." Phil. 4:4. Everything you wrote in the first stanza, and more, happened to him, yet he wrote some of the most ecouraging letters through this time of persecution.
I do not make light of your situation. Spiritual darkness can leave us, as you said, "frozen inside." That light that blinded Paul during his conversion, ultimately made him realize that he was not in this world on his own, or to go against trials in his own strength.
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I found one minor typo:
lonesome I am
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This poem really brought out a lot of emotions that were probably bottled up inside. Keep writing out your transgressions and releasing that painful energy. Keep reaching out for others, knowing that you do not have to be alone in this world. You are never alone.
Thinking back on friendships that have faded away, I feel the guilt build up inside me. I've lost count on how many times I have thought these words which you so eloquently wrote.
One minor correction:
Some days you seem so far away
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Keep pulling on those heartstrings, and your readers will keep coming back.
This is a powerful scene! The imagery you use really illustrates the icy terror the character is experiencing very well. Does this scene fit in with any story you have in mind. This sounds like a great beginning to a longer story, should you wish to pursue it.
I love the beautiful imagery in this poem. I can see the sunset as you have painted it with vibrant colors, mixing them with the steadfast darkening of night.
Here's the only problem I found. It's not grammatically incorrect, but wording doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem. The meaning here is unclear to me:
And except for the lingering of day,
Upon the hill, valley, and tumbling creek
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I would like to see more from you. Keep on painting those beautiful scenes with your words. Write On!
This is a very vivid poem, which sounds like an introduction to a much longer story. I'd be interested in hearing more. Is this from a dream? I've had such vivid dreams myself, so I would never discount what you see in yours.
The only changes I suggest are the changes below:
As sure as there are rivers on Earth other galaxies must have one.
It is now time to take off your seatbelt even though the ride is note over.
Because we just might jump into the Magenta River, and quickly as I am getting sober.----Placing these two lines together makes the end a bit smoother, and continues the rhyme pattern you've set in the beginning.
Thanks for sharing this praise to God, and how it feels to finally to understand that there is a purpose for your life. I pray that your experience with salvation will bring others closer too it.
I have a couple suggestions:
The fear inside of me,
Began to disintegrate.
Happiness upholds me
All my life, no more wait.
To live for my Creator
With satisfaction and love
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May God be with you and bless you all of your days. May the inspiration of your salvation spread like wildfire, cleansing those who need a touch of the Lord's pacifying fire, which burns for eternity in their souls.
This poem has some very profound imagery in it. I am anticipating more, though. I would like to know the rest of the story, and I know you have it in your heart to tell it, your username says that loud and clear .
Please let me know when you have more of this. I would like to know more about "Him." If this is about a real struggle in your life, make it your greatest victory by releasing it and sharing it with others who may be going through similiar circumstances. As Ghandi once said, "My life is my message." I pray that people learn from my life, as much as, or more than I do.
I can feel a building tension in your words. Release it and let it flow. You won't be sorry you did.
I found this story to be very entertaining. I like the cat as the narrator, and the sense humor in the story. I have two cats myself, and one of them is almost like the narrator. The other one barely speaks and is 12 lbs., as opposed to the 14-pound Tabby who speaks very loudly when she doesn't get her way. The quiet one is allowed to sleep in the bed.
I found there to be a lot of truth in the humor, for I know, what we think is annoying is sometimes very entertaining for a cat.
After reading this, I might just write a story about my cats, in the view of the more talkative one, Rakiki.
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