Hi! My name is CJ and I'll be reviewing your piece today!
I believe that this piece has a lot of potential, but it also needs a lot of restructure in order to tap that potential. I see that you're a newbie on WDC, so I'll tell you about some resources and tools you can utilize on here that will make things easier.
The first issue has nothing to do with writing and everything to do with appearance. Your story is currently single-spaced, in the default text setting. This makes it very difficult to people to read. Although double spacing is not a common aesthetic choice here, there is an option that you can check. When you edit your item, below the place to enter text, there are item settings. Below these item settings are some extra settings under the "ADVANCED" tab. The second of these is a paragraph spacing option, which will probably say "Single Space Paragraphs." If you change that to "Double Space Paragraphs", there will be an extra space between each paragraph, which will separate out your paragraphs so they are easier to read, without double spacing the whole piece. Another thing to do to make the font size bigger. You can do this by selecting everything in the item text area in the edit menu, and then examining the option bar above the item text area. This is the mL bar, and can be used to customize your text. There should be an option that has three S's on it; that's the size option. The typical font size used here is 3.5 (this review is in font size 3.5), but by clicking on the triple S button you'll be able to view how the sizes will actually look on the page, and select accordingly by clicking on the image, which will in turn put in a command that will make your text that size, which will end up looking like {size:3.5} your text here {/size}.
This text also needs a major grammar scrub. There are several comma and tense errors which need attention. For instance, in the initial conversation between Luci and her mother, Luci always speaks in the present tense ("I scream" "I reply"), and her mother always speaks in the past tense ("mom asked" "she replied"). It should either be all present or all past. I typically go for past, but that decision is up to you.
There are also several run-on sentences, which make a reader a bit unwilling to go on. Let's take your first sentence as an example. You wrote "Hi my name is Lucille I'm 20, my friends call me Luci and by friends I mean my mom I, well I have friends but they're all in Tennessee." This is like five or six clauses in one sentence, which is way too many. It can be divided up in many different ways, such as "Hi! My name is Lucille, and I'm twenty (generally try to write out numbers, especially those below one hundred). My friends call me Luci, and by friends I mean my mom. I... well... I have friends, but they're all in Tennessee." That's four sentences. Granted, one is a greeting, but you understand my point.
There are comma errors too, which you may have noticed I fixed in my rewrite of your first sentence. One good resource to avoid these is the Purdue Owl  , which has a comma rule quick list. There is another good resource for all writing in general that is right here on WDC! It's called the New Horizons Academy and is run by Katzendragonz   . This is a list of the classes they are offering for their next term: "New Horizons Academy Course Catalog" . I'd suggest taking the Grammar Garden, or perhaps Comma Sense. I've never taken a class myself, but I've had a friend take the Comma Sense class and her comma usage improved dramatically. I know you're a newbie, so GPs may be tight, but Kat offers scholarships, I believe, so I think it's definitely something to check out.
I hope to see this piece develop into something really good, because you've got a great idea here. Welcome to WDC, I believe you'll find that we've got great resources that I haven't even mentioned here, and your writing will improve dramatically so you can be the best writer you can be.
Thanks for letting me review your work,
CJR
|
|
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
Awards
Badges
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Auto-Reward Items
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
.
. This contest is inviting because of your explanation at the very beginning of what a Weird Tale is. Your images are always interesting, although I do question the copyright stuff sometimes. No matter, really, because you don't claim that it's your own artwork or anything. As far as image prompt-based contests go, this is one of the best, I think.
. First of all, your dog is really cute, and I can relate to having a naughty dog as I have one myself.
