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Review Requests: OFF
326 Public Reviews Given
326 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
WARNING: If I say "I'm going to be brutally honest" I'm not lying and you may or may not cry (it's happened before.)
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Historical Fiction, Mythology
Least Favorite Genres
Nonfiction, Romance (although the occasional good one I'll review)
Favorite Item Types
Well, I suppose statics. I like crosswords, but those don't particularly need reviews. I read more short stories than poems.
Least Favorite Item Types
Uh, I probably won't read a script, because I would prefer to see them acted out.
Public Reviews
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26
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Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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This review courtesy of House Florent at "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.

Well, that was certainly less sinister than I imagined. I really must realize that not everyone is a horror writer like me.
But, after I realized it wasn't a horror story, it was very sweet. Not how I'd pursue a girl, but still sweet. I would have to offer the same advice I did for Ace of Scrolls. The sentence choppiness (or, I'm beginning to think the word I'm looking for is run-on) is a lot better in this one, although it's still not perfect. I'll take your first sentence again.
"Claire was aware that she had woken up in a bad mood, especially when she considered her appalling date the night before - she shuddered."
One possible so.ution is
"Claire knew she'd woken up in a bad mood, especially considering the appalling date she'd had the night before. She shuddered."
The she shuddered just feels really tacked on at the end, so I'd suggest making it its own sentence or removing it. But, other than that, it was a great, sweet, romantic story, and I hope Greg does well on his date.
CJR
27
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Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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This review courtesy of House Florent at "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.

Hi, Fran,
I don't think I've read very many of your pieces, despite the fact that I see you around often. Well, I've clearly been missing out.
The story itself was very interesting. Now I'm wondering whatever happened to Kat and Luke. I may have to poke around and see if you did end up continuing their story.
There are a few things I would like to mention that I think would greatly improve this story. This may have just been me, but it felt as though the sentences were a bit choppy. After musing on this, I think I figured out why. You use, in my opinion, some words that are not necessary and clutter the story. Take the first sentence:
"Kat sat in her favourite restaurant: her friends were sat around her laughing and joking"
It gets a bit repetitive, I think, but you could write it like this:
"Kat sat in her favourite restaurant, friends laughing and joking around her."
And that, though it's not a huge difference in amount of words, feels a lot shorter and flows a bit easier.
Of course, not every sentence is like this, and you may wish to dispose of my opinions, which is perfectly fine. However, it was a great story, and I liked the pictures at the end as well.
CJR
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28
Review of John 17  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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This review courtesy of House Florent at "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.

This is very encouraging to me. Just the other day, I was lamenting to a friend about how, although with God's guidance I can glean wisdom from the Bible, there is nothing addressed directly to me. Technically, I suppose there still isn't, however this is addressed to "future Christians", a category under which I fall. It is very humbling to think that Jesus, in his earthly life, prayed for me, and for you, and for my friends as well.
It truly is a miracle that these words have reached us, and I am very thankful for it. I also liked that you added your own interpretation on at the end, because if you hadn't it would've just been a Bible verse in your port with none of your originality. Your insight was very helpful to me, and I'm walking away from this feeling very, very encouraged.
May the Lord bless you and your family, ruwth. Thank you for encouraging me today.
CJR
P.S. I didn't know about that World English Bible either, it's cool that it's available as public domain.
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Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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This review courtesy of House Florent at "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.

Fascinating. I've always found it interesting discover how other people found writing.com. I joined in 2011 and I can't imagine what life would've been like if I hadn't. And I can relate to stealing a character's name. My username, azulofegypt39, is taken from my favorite character from my first ever novel, Azul Ramirez. He was an expert on Ancient Egypt, which is where the Egypt part came from.
That would be a cool thing, to find out the stories behind people's usernames and handles. You may have just given me an idea for an activity.
I can't believe you paid for that first story in bottle caps. That's just unfathomable to me, but that's probably because I was 2 at the time you wrote that. I apologize if saying that made you feel old, other people have told me when I mention my age in relation to WDC that's what happens.
It is a shame your account got automatically deleted. As far as I know, that feature has been erased, although I sometimes wish it hadn't been. I can't decide which would be better, but I think it's good that they don't delete accounts now.
Thanks for letting me know how you came to WDC,
CJR
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Review of The Kiss  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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This review courtesy of House Florent at "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.

This is a very powerful poem. Few attempt to enter the mind of what Christians (myself included) view as the absolute Ultimate Being, and you have done so wonderfully. I had never though to compare Judas and Peter, although now that I think about it, it is a good comparison. I have always wondered the eternal fate of Judas, and this poem has brought back some of that pondering. I feel as though there is equal argument for either case, but I obviously don't know. I'll find out one day, I suppose.
I'm not a huge fan of this poetry style, if I'm being honest. I just don't like the rhyme scheme. But, you were following the orders, and you did a good job with that.
I at first was confused as to why Jesus, an omniscient being, would ask Judas if he was born solely for the purpose of betrayal, but then I found some meaning in it. This may not be what you intended, but I think it is Jesus reminding Judas of all the other great potential he had. "Just" in this sense means "only", and Jesus is asking Judas if this is really all that his life was supposed to be. That is kinda what it has become, in our day and age. Judas the betrayer.
This poem caused me to think a lot. Thank you for that.
CJR
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Review of Carolina's Curls  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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This review courtesy of House Florent at "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.

This is such a sweet story. It reminds me of Phoebe, SM and SMS's daughter. I loved the kids' and teachers' reactions to Carolina's hats. A grammar note "Said the kids" should be "[s]aid the kids." Similarly, "Said the Art Teacher" should be "[s]aid the Art [t]eacher." Also "some plastic gems...' Carolina" is missing the space between ..." and the C. Don't quote me on this but I'm pretty sure it should be "ART ROOM" as opposed to "ARTROOM" and then you have that same capitalization after a quote error with "Yelled". Also check the grammar on "Art Class" and what the capitalization should be on that. However, don't take my many grammar corrections for dislike. I loved this story, and I think it would make an excellent picture book. You really should consider contacting children's publishers. I work in a nursery and both of the stories of yours I've read are great because they tell a story, but are quick. I am not big fan of reading two paragraphs per page of a 32 page picture book aloud, so your style is always a blessing to me.
Thanks,
CJR
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Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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This review courtesy of House Florent at "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.

I really enjoyed this poem. It brings back memories of those frustratingly runny waterpaintings in my childhood. I remember once, in an art class ,my painting became so runny and gray that my teacher had to press seran wrap over it to dry it out, which left an interesting texture (luckily I was painting a river). At first I had a bit of trouble understanding exactly what was being painted, because you start with a little anecdote about the trees before you actually get to the story. If this were a story, I'd say leave it, but as this is a children's poem, I'm not sure a child would be able to follow it. Also, the spacing you have really throws me off. It looks like you have page numbers, like it is a children's book (it would make a great children's book, BTW). However, this is a static item, so I would suggest getting rid of those and just having a line between stanzas. There were no grammar errors that I noticed. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for letting me return to my childhood for a bit.
CJR
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Review of Our Parent's Love  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a lovely poem about parents. Unfortunately, I feel like this relationship you describe is not always true, which is very sad.
This poem doesn't appear to have a rhyming scheme, which threw me off because of the format. I usually write quatrains with rhyme schemes, so that's why. But it's interesting to see it without that.
Also, there is a grammatical error you make in the title and in the poem. It should be "Our Parents' Love." The way it is currently, you are implying a single parent. "Our Parent's Love" means just one parent. But you are referring to "parents". So that needs to be fixed. I have to say this is probably the oldest thing I've ever read on WDC. It's older than my little brother. *Laugh*
It is a very beautiful poem. It does have a very good message. However, I think you should touch on the fact that some parents aren't like this. A shadow makes a light seem even brighter, doesn't it? And also that way it'd be more realistic, because, unfortunately, there are several bad parents out there.
All-in-all though, a good poem.
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Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey there!
Welcome to WDC! I see this is your second item ever created.
As of right now, it is a very good sentence. There is a grammatical error in it, though. Make sure to add a second comma after "more" in "suffer more." So like this:
"like he needed to live longer, suffer more, to even begin to understand."
Also maybe add a "to" before suffer more to make it more definitive.
The only problem I do see right now is that it is, in fact, a sentence. It is a very intriguing sentence, however, which is good. I think this sentence has a lot of potential. You could make it into a story about war. Maybe provide a snapshot into what war is like. Maybe write a story about an old war veteran in a retirement home. Whatever you feel like. It is a great opener. Maybe I've just come across it prematurely. Do let me know if you write a story about the sentence. I'd love to read it.
Also, you may want to change the title to "The Soldier's Eyes" with the s and e capitalized and the comma in the right place. Usually items with grammatical errors don't get as many reviews or views.
I've attached some GPs to this review as well to get you started. Welcome to WDC, I really hope you like it here!
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Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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~~a HOUSE FLORENT review~~

Kiya, I really like the idea behind this contest. There need to be more music-based writing contests around here. But, I think the problem others have run into is that the entrants won't find inspiration with the songs. This solves that problem because everyone picks their own songs. I'd love to see this contest reinstated. It appears you only did it once? Unacceptable! *Laugh*
That being said, let's get down to the contest details. Your time frame is reasonable. I would make the rules double spaced because it kinda just turns into one big block of text as is. Some spacing would, well, space it out. Also, I'm not a huge fan of the survey style contests. I prefer to have message forums so that way I can see everyone's entries (scope out my competition, LOL) and see other questions answered that I might have.
I understand that the prizes are huge. If the price is problem now, I would suggest lowering them. Also, I love the contest image. (It'd look great on a merit badge, hint, hint).
I hope that you'll consider reopening this, I'm glad I found it in your portfolio. It's really a great idea and I (assuming I wasn't suffering a case of writer's block or really busy) would totally enter it. I REALLY like this idea.
Best regards,
*Ankh*CJR
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Review of Kalamity  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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~~a HOUSE FLORENT review~~

I love this story. I find SteamPunk intriguing, and the title drew me in. I don't know why you spelled the title with a K other than for Kiya. Now that I think about it that actually bugs me a little. I don't like misspellings.
Poor Sarah was right after all, huh? SteamPunk stories always seem to be tragic, and this is no exception. The first section was very surreal. It contributes to the sort of postmodern feel SteamPunk is supposed to have. I originally thought he was on a train. By the end of the story, I was really wondering what the tick tock was. Then the last section answered my question. The ticking reminds me of "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge", if you've ever read that. The question I have about the story, though, is at what point does the water pressure in the ocean become enough to crush a steel hull? Okay, I just looked it up, it's 600 or so. Good. That would've been the only thing I would've changed-- the depths. I'm not sure what was realistic. Now knowing this, though, you might want to space out his estimates as to how deep he was during the last section. I feel like a submarine sinking is going to sink a lot faster.
Also, why couldn't they just swim up if things started going south at 25 feet? That's like swimming up from the bottom of a deep end of a swimming pool, twice. Some guy in New Zealand (you've got me looking stuff up now) dove 328 feet down and then back up without aids in four minutes and ten seconds. Obviously this is an extreme, but still.
Ah that's not really relevant to the story I just am criticizing the characters' choices.
Well thank you for the intriguing read, it inspired me to look up some interesting facts.
Best regards,
*Ankh*CJR
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Review of The Lie  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, ,
I've decided to review your short story. Just as a disclaimer, please remember this is not my piece, but yours. Any suggestions I offer you you do not have to take.
*StarW*FIRST IMPRESSION: Wait you mean Santa isn't real??? *Laugh* Just kidding...
*StarBl*PLOT: I thought this was absolutely adorable and sweet. I loved the careful, loving explanation. That makes the lie make sense.
*StarW*GRAMMAR/TYPOS: None that I noticed.
*StarBl*FAVORITE PART/LINE: "Santa Claus came back to life, right here." I tapped my chest, and tears blurred my vision. "
*StarW*OVERALL SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT: None!
*StarBl*FINAL THOUGHTS: *Happycry* This is so sweet!
*StarW*Thanks for letting me review your work,
C.R.
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Review of Woman Bites Dog  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, PandaPaws Licensed VetTech Author Icon,
I've decided to review your short story. Just as a disclaimer, please remember this is not my piece, but yours. Any suggestions I offer you you do not have to take.
*StarW*FIRST IMPRESSION: Your title caught my attention. I was drawn to it, hoping for something funny.
*StarBl*PLOT: I honestly thought the darkest secret was something well.... darker. It made me laugh when I found out what the secret actually was *Laugh* great job surprising me with that.
*StarW*GRAMMAR/TYPOS: I did not notice any.
*StarBl*FAVORITE PART/LINE: " Sarah couldn't believe they hadn't noticed the one trophy she kept from her youth.It had been over the stove,where she had served dinner... the tiara proclaiming her the "Queen of Dogs". She had won it by eating a disgraceful 100 hot dogs in 10 minutes at the Kentucky State Fair."
*StarW*OVERALL SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT: None!
*StarBl*FINAL THOUGHTS: Thanks for a laugh!
*StarW*Thanks for letting me review your work,
C.R.
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Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
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SHORT STORY

         Hi, anujmathur Author Icon,
I've decided to review your short story. Just as a disclaimer, please remember this is not my piece, but yours. Any suggestions I offer you do not have to take. The final decision is yours.
         *Graph*FIRST IMPRESSION: I'm pretty sure that this is the first chapter in a fantasy sci/fi book. Or I have extremely misinterpreted everything. My concern with this is it moves too fast. I mean we go from writing to cooking to aliens in like four paragraphs (not counting dialogue.) I'll explain more when we get to the plot section.
         *Writing*PLOT: As I said in the impression, it moves way way way too fast. Slow it down. I would suggest not introducing Morphy until the third chapter at least. If I were doing this (and this is your work so this is just my opinion) I'd probably spend the first chapter talking about Vikram's normal life. Where does he live? Who are his family and friends? What does he do right now? The second chapter would be about getting the job in the kitchen and working. Maybe before anything else he notices strange things about the place. And then you can introduce the whole alien thing.
As for the alien thing, interesting. Morphy seems almost childlike to me. Especially the way you depicted him. Something just screams "child" to me.
You have an interesting foundation that gives you a lot of options of where you want to go. It could be a fun little kids tale where Vikram explores the universe. It could be a tragic drama as Vikram and Caesar try to keep Morphy hidden, like ET. It could even be a sort of space war. Morphy missing some of his memory adds mystery that I'm sure you can use.
         *People*CHARACTERS: Like I said above, we don't know much about Vikram. Nothing of what he looks like, how old he is, what he does, anything other than trying to get rich. The Chef is the same way. Morphy is probably the most developed character, although he could use some work too, like where he's from, stuff like that.
         *Beach*SETTING/IMAGERY: One thing: give a date. I thought this was in present day until you talked about 2054 being in the past, which confused and startled me.
         *FlagR*GRAMMAR/TYPOS: When you make a quote that would end in a period like "Throw the ball, Jim." and you want to put "Sally said." after it you put a comma in place of the period, like so "Throw the ball, Jim," Sally said. That is consistently missed throughout the piece.
         *PointRight*OVERALL SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT: Slow down. Roller coasters don't go straight up, they go up gradually.
Thanks for letting me read your work,
C.R.*Ankh*
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Review of Sonnet #2  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Your Recipe For This Review Is: GRILLED HANDS AND CHEESE

*Jackolantern* DISCLAIMER: This is your work, and you don't have to take my suggestions.


*Grave* RHYTHM/FLOW: This poem follows the style of Sonnet perfectly. Great job!

*Ghost* GRAMMAR/TYPOS: Okay, I am not as picky on grammar in poems. I feel sometimes a comma or something would interrupt the flow. So I may not point out something even if it doesn't technically follow rules. However, if you wish to begin a line with 'And,' I think it would be best to end the line before with a comma, as it is a continuing of the sentence. I think everything else is fine.

*Witchhat* EMOTION: I can feel the pity of the speaker on the tree. I don't really get the "philosophy is what may think the bird" line though. Could you explain that to me?

*Pumpkin* STORY: Poems tell stories. Yours is the story of a fallen tree. I have to wonder about dreaming of making things from the fallen tree. It seems like a complete change of heart, and I guess this is your way of telling us that's how the speaker changed.

*Jackolantern* FINAL COMMENTS: A beautiful sonnet.

HAVE A BOO-TIFUL HALLOWEEN!
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Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Your Recipe For This Review Is: GHOUL-AID PUNCH

*Jackolantern* DISCLAIMER: This is your work, and you don't have to take my suggestions.


*Grave* PLOT: This story is hilarious. You answer a question we wonder about, what do cockroaches think? I love how the cockroaches have figured out all of the poisons and are too smart to get killed by them. I have to wonder why the woman would allow the cockroaches to raid her trash, though. That's just disgusting. *Sick*

*Ghost* GRAMMAR/TYPOS: I did not see any.

*Witchhat* CHARACTERS: The woman is never given a name, and we don't know much about her. That's fine. This is a short piece that's intended to make people laugh. The cockroach seems smarter than the average cockroach. Or maybe all cockroaches are that smart. Who knows?

*Pumpkin* SETTING: Setting isn't really needed here either, so it's fine.

*Jackolantern* FINAL COMMENTS: A hilarious read.

HAVE A BOO-TIFUL HALLOWEEN!
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Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Click the Picture for a Link to the Forum
Your Recipe For This Review Is: GHOUL-AID PUNCH

*Jackolantern* DISCLAIMER: This is your work, and you don't have to take my suggestions.


*Grave* PLOT: A sad story. A woman discovers her husband's been cheating on her since before they were even married. It's sad that he still married her. He only made the situation worse. You leave the story open-ended, we can only imagine what happened to Sam next. This gives us a hopeful message. Great job *Thumbsup*

*Ghost* GRAMMAR/TYPOS: Whenever you decide to add a little something after '... said' make sure that you put a comma. So for example:
“Yes? Or No? I don’t want to hear anymore lies from you,” she said with her teeth clenched.
Add a comma after said. Also, no should not be capitalized in this sentence. You make the 'said,' mistake at least three times. Other than that, nothing I noticed.

*Witchhat* CHARACTERS: I still wonder why David would marry Sam even though he loved someone else. He seems kind of stupid and selfish. Or maybe just stupid, and he honestly did not want to hurt Sam. Sam seems like a likable character. Her life should now be better, right?

*Pumpkin* SETTING: There's not much setting here but it is not needed.

*Jackolantern* FINAL COMMENTS: Welcome to WDC and Keep On Writing On!

HAVE A BOO-TIFUL HALLOWEEN!
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Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Your Recipe For This Review Is: ADAM'S APPLE PIE

*Jackolantern* DISCLAIMER: This is your work, and you don't have to take my suggestions.


*Grave* PLOT: I love this story. I was honestly expecting it to be some twisted gruesome story, as the night flashed back to him, but then the relief of the pig's heart made me laugh. Although, I am left wondering if it is a pig's heart, or if Barney's father lied and was the one that killed the girl. But it doesn't matter, it's funny anyways. *Laugh*

*Ghost* GRAMMAR/TYPOS:
"something wrapped in tin foil lie upon the near-barren shelves" lie should be lay.
“Hi dear.” should be "Hi, Dear." when addressing someone put a comma before using their name. And also since dear is used as a proper noun it should be capitalized.
“Yes, your Father got it." father should not be capitalized. This is not a proper noun in this case.

*Witchhat* CHARACTERS: We aren't given much insight to the characters. I do wonder what Barney was doing the night before though.

*Pumpkin* SETTING: Not present, not necessary.

*Jackolantern* FINAL COMMENTS: Nice funny story. *Thumbsup*

HAVE A BOO-TIFUL HALLOWEEN!
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Review of What I hath lost.  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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(Click the Picture for a Link}
Your Recipe For This Review Is: ADAM'S APPLE PIE

*Jackolantern* DISCLAIMER: This is your work, and you don't have to take my suggestions.


*Grave* PLOT: Interesting. I think you have a good basis, but maybe you should expand this. There's a conflict set up, but no resolution. Perhaps continue to tell the story through letters. Will she ever find her son and husband? Stories through letters work well (if you want a good example check out "The Island Letters" Open in new Window. [E]) and this could be a great historical drama.

*Ghost* GRAMMAR/TYPOS:
"to your loyal servant, Jon-Luke Lefèvre who hath worked" put a comma after you state his name.
"Louie XIII" this is spelled "Louis XIII" but we pronounce it "Louie"


*Witchhat* CHARACTERS: Maria seems like a good wife. You really need more expansion to get more character added.

*Pumpkin* SETTING: It's in France. I can't say much more about the setting 'cause there's not a lot there.

*Jackolantern* FINAL COMMENTS: Expand and this'll be great. You have nice groundwork. Keep it up.

HAVE A BOO-TIFUL HALLOWEEN!
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Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Your Recipe For This Review Is: ADAM'S APPLE PIE

*Jackolantern* DISCLAIMER: This is your work, and you don't have to take my suggestions.


*Grave* PLOT: I love how this is told in letters. It really expresses the passage of time well, and if done right (which you have) works even better than a regular short story. It is a challenge, but you mastered it.
I am left wondering if Grand ever did get better. It's slightly sad how Kira doesn't seem to realize how bad Grand's illness is. And I can relate to her situation (my grandmother's been in and out of the hospital since May) so I feel for that. I like this.

*Ghost* GRAMMAR/TYPOS: Nothing that I noticed!

*Witchhat* CHARACTERS: I'll admit it took me until Grand explained her age to figure out that was a nickname for "Grandma." But, I'm bad at picking up stuff like that, so I'm sure other people figured it out faster. The bond between girl and grandmother is very well expressed. Great job on that.

*Pumpkin* SETTING: You're very good at describing the island, and the girl's home. Great job!

*Jackolantern* FINAL COMMENTS: Wonderful story. Well deserving of an awardicon.

HAVE A BOO-TIFUL HALLOWEEN!
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Review of 'The Cave'  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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(Click the Picture for a Link to the Forum)
Your Recipe For This Review Is: ADAM'S APPLE PIE

*Jackolantern* DISCLAIMER: This is your work, and you don't have to take my suggestions.


*Grave* PLOT: Two brothers explore a cave. Then they get attacked by what, a zombie? Try making that part a little clearer. I had to read over it several times to understand what was happening. But, other than that, pretty good.

*Ghost* GRAMMAR/TYPOS: "Reigning in his younger brother" This should be "reining." Reins are like for restraining things, reigning is ruling over something.
"I mean it's possible I guess, but don't get your hopes up." Try adding a comma after possible, to emphasize a pause.
A note, when using quotations, if there should be a period at the end of the sentence put a comma inside the quotations. eg: "We will. In a minute.", answered Eric should be "We will. In a minute," answered Eric. And if there is an exclamation point or question mark then you leave that, but do not put a comma on the outside of the quotes. eg: "We need to leave, Eric. We need to leave, now!", urged Haeden. Should be "We need to leave, Eric. We need to leave, now!" urged Haeden.

*Witchhat* CHARACTERS: I'd think that Haeden would be more interested in the coffin than Eric, but I guess it probably works better the way you have it. Other than that your characters are good.

*Pumpkin* SETTING: They're in a cave. You express that well.

*Jackolantern* FINAL COMMENTS: With a little grammar clean up and clarity, this will be great. Welcome to WDC and Keep On Writing On!

HAVE A BOO-TIFUL HALLOWEEN!
47
47
Review of The Nymph  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Your Recipe For This Review Is: SPAGHETTI AND EYEBALLS

*Jackolantern* DISCLAIMER: This is your work, and you don't have to take my suggestions.


*Grave* PLOT: Wow! What an interesting story. So this nymph has the ability to switch bodies with people, or something. Neat. It's a little sad at the end, it seems like the boy has learned a lesson about loneliness, but that new boy has to learn it as well. I have to wonder how he can just go back in someone else's body and fit right in.

*Ghost* GRAMMAR/TYPOS: You say "bared" during the nymph's story but it should be "borne." So it would read like: "A pain that must be borne in order to gain a better gift than before." Also, at some point you use "it's" when it should be "its." This is an exception to the generic 's shows possession rule. It's means it is while its shows the possession of it.

*Witchhat* CHARACTERS: Was the nymph the original nymph or just another lonely person trapped in that body? That's the confusing thing about this. How far back does the cycle go? Everything else is fine.

*Pumpkin* SETTING: Described well, no improvement needed.

*Jackolantern* FINAL COMMENTS: A story well deserving of an awardicon.

HAVE A BOO-TIFUL HALLOWEEN!
48
48
Review of Daphne  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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(Click the Picture for a Link to the Forum)
Your Recipe For This Review Is: SPAGHETTI AND EYEBALLS

*Jackolantern* DISCLAIMER: This is your work, and you don't have to take my suggestions.


*Grave* PLOT: The plot starts out simply enough. We've got your average, overworked guy. But boy does his life ever change. I love how you use old Daphne to introduce new Daphne. And the little twist (I did see it coming, but I also have heard the story many times) about the revelation of who old Daphne was, was nice.

*Ghost* GRAMMAR/TYPOS: None that I noticed!

*Witchhat* CHARACTERS: Lee, our quiet worker. I like how he's lonely, but kind of content. It makes me want to root for him. And then old Daphne. I find it ironic that she who ran away from love helped a man fall in love. It seems a little out of character, but, it's an important plot device so leave it. And new Daphne, we don't actually know that much about other than Lee falls in love with her and marries her. But, that really is enough.

*Pumpkin* SETTING: You use a lot of big words that I don't know the meaning of. But it works.

*Jackolantern* FINAL COMMENTS: What a nice little myth-infused love story.

HAVE A BOO-TIFUL HALLOWEEN!
49
49
Review of The End  Open in new Window.
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
(Click the Picture for a Link to the Forum)
Your Recipe For This Review Is: SPAGHETTI AND EYEBALLS

*Jackolantern* DISCLAIMER: This is your work, and you don't have to take my suggestions.


*Grave* PLOT: What a sweet little piece of science fiction! It almost reminds me of Krypton and Superman, aside from the fact that they knew the world was going to end and most people left. There's an impending sense of doom, but at the same time utter contentment is expressed. Well done!

*Ghost* GRAMMAR/TYPOS: I did not notice any grammar mistakes.

*Witchhat* CHARACTERS: We have the old man and the old woman. They are very content with their death, they have lived a full life. It's really very sweet, reminds me of a Greek myth.

*Pumpkin* SETTING: We don't know anything about the planet because it's about to die. It has two suns and two moons. But, it's very well oriented nonetheless.

*Jackolantern* FINAL COMMENTS: Well done! Welcome to WdC and Keep On Writing On!

HAVE A BOO-TIFUL HALLOWEEN!
50
50
Review by CJ Reddick Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Interesting...
Looks pretty good! I wish I had been there to take part.
Are you going to do another one any time soon?
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