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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bobinusa/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/2
Review Requests: ON
54 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I aim to be straight-forward. My reviews will focus on my reading experience, not the way I would write your story.
I'm good at...
Story logic and motivation are important to me. I enjoy word play and crisp dialog.
Favorite Genres
Short stories of interpersonal drama, comedy that comes from character, and science fiction are my particular favorites.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror and gore have to be really good to keep my interest.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and flash fiction
Least Favorite Item Types
Horror
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by Ari Lox
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Very good evocation of a dire situation which got terminally worse.
My only constructive comment is to ask you - what makes this a story?
I always think story should involve a character and change. This is more an illumination than a story.
Perhaps you don't care about that distinction, but most editors do, imo.
Again, I enjoyed the reading.
27
27
Review by Ari Lox
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Interesting story with close parallels to today's US political situation. It reads pretty smooth.
The story lacks a convincing argument over the force field. Why did one side want it so badly and the other side so despise it?
Then to have Kallik kill Dimcea, not because of a dispute over the force field, but for personal aggrandizement, undercuts the theme of the story.
Despite that, you did a good job with 1800 words. Keep writing.


28
28
Review of When Ends Meet  
Review by Ari Lox
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Good try and keep trying.
The story flowed fairly well, but the characters didn't have back stories that would motivate their actions. They did things because the story demanded them, not because their characters forced them to act that way. Until the dangers and tensions are lined to character emotions, the story will fail to evoke emotional reactions from readers.
Anyhow, that's my two cents.
29
29
Review by Ari Lox
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Well-told bleak story, especially after the opening.

I had to puzzle through the meaning of the first sentence and a couple more. After "Moments later, the supervisor ...", I was totally in the story.

Copy alert: the paragraph starting "Despite a sour whiff ..." is doubled.

Thanks for relating a difficult situation facing first-responders


30
30
Review by Ari Lox
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
J. Robert Kane, your piece about myths of history is clear and well-written.

One thing you might want to consider is explaining why these false beliefs are a problem? I.e. why people need to know they are false.
31
31
Review of Antonia  
Review by Ari Lox
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
"Antonia" is the first story I read on this site. A very smooth, enjoyable journey into a life style outside my experience.

With its short length, the character development and motivation are necessarily circumscribed.

An excellent story to introduce this site.
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