I chose to read this piece because well the idea of people sticking their foot in there mouth was funny, oh and by the way I can stick my foot in my mouth. you Maine people are crazy.
my favorite part would have to be the idea of hundreds of people trying to stick their foot in their mouth.
My first impression: Was that this is a poem topic that is done a lot well i don't care if there are a million of poems with this topic if their all this good I would read them all.
Flow: your flow was choppy but i found that it really helped get your point across.
This is the second Review in your just because Elven Tea Garden Party Gifted to you by: ~A.J. Lyle~
when I clicked on this poem i was expecting a surprise party on WDC but this is a lot better. all i can say to this is that yes you are a poet and you do have the touch.
This is the first Review in your just because Elven Tea Garden Party Gifted to you by: ~A.J. Lyle~
The following is just my opinion, do disrespect is meant by this review.
first thoughts: I have never came across a poem with this topic before.
flow: the flow was great.
Rhyme: I wouldn't even mention this except that it is in a folder called rhyming poetry anyway your rhyme needs work you only rhymed 4 of the 12 lines but don't worry about it to much rhyming doesn't mater all that much in poetry.
the following is just my opinion you are free to take what you will and leave the rest behind. No disrespect is meant by this review.
First impression: I wasn't quite sure of this piece I had never heard of horror being use as a flash fiction because how much you have to get the reader to understand the characters for a horror book to work. and I was a bit confused on who was talking at the beginning.
Ways to improve the story: add more detail the reader never really under stands Amanda why does she react the way she does to her husband turning in to a monster, did he actually turn in to one or was it just her imagination.
My favorite part: would have to be how you killed tad ofcorse I am obsessed with things exploding.
the following is just my opinion you are free to take what you will and leave behind the rest, no disrespect is meant by this review.
First impression: when I opened this piece up i was expecting some reason not to fear death but instead you answer your own question, and you do so beautifully if I may add.
flow: your flow was choppy but with the subject you chose choppy is a good thing.
my favorite part: would have to be the first stanza. you really set the tone for the hole poem on the first stanza and that has never been easy for me.
the following review is just my opinion, feel free to take form it what you wish and leave the rest behind, no disrespect is meant by this review.
first impression: You really lite your self shine though this piece I saw that right from the start, what i get from this poem is you don't like the advance of man kind well finale some one out side of my family that agrees with me.
things that i would change: the only thing that I would change would be to separate it in to stanza's.
my favorite part: would have to be your view of the human race it self, that all we have done by harming earth is delay are inevitable destruction.
The following is just my opinion there is no disrespect meant be any of this and you are free to take or leave what you will.
I love this poem.
It flowed of of my tongue like melted butter.
I know it doesn't madder if it rhyme's and I wouldn't mention this if that rest of the poem didn't rhyme but you did break the rhyming on this line. I feel compressed by life’s monotony.
and this is just a suggestion but I would make different stanza's each time the rhyming pattern changes.
This is a great story, I only wish that it was longer. The uncle sounds fun I want to learn how he he went from the third floor to the main floor so quickly.
I couldn't find any mistakes sorry.
Anthony well I don't know a lot about Anthony and I wish I did.
This is the first Review in your Elven Tea Garden Party Gifted to you by: Joey's Spring has Sprung
the fallowing is just my opinion you are free to take or leave what you will, there is no disrespect mint by this review.
I would like to start out by saying that this was a fantastic story. your imagery was superb.
The way I see it there is to ways you can go, one he can convince his mom to try to talk his dad into letting Jess go to the circus, two you can make him fail at convincing his mom to talk to his dad so he sneaks of to see it and then he enjoys it so much that he runs away with it.
I can't wait to read this story once you com pleat it.
Again this is just my opinion take from it what you will.
This is the first Review in your Elven Tea Garden Party Gifted to you by:Song Bird
I loved this story, I never saw that he was imagining it all coming. I have never heard of a Uzi before ether. he does have a overactive imagination doesn't he.
aw come on tell me the secret, but seriously i love this story. The way you mad it seem as if the clock had a mind of it's own was pure genius. The visual was amazing. my favorite part was the way the clock laughed at who ever tried to find out it's secret.I couldn't find any spelling or grammar mistakes.
Keep writing, and while your at it writ down the clocks secret.
This is the second Review in your Friendship/just because Elven Tea Garden Party Gifted to you by: Morbid Ink of Fate.
I was compelled to review this because i am a Capricorn and i have never come across a piece about Capricorns before, the rhythm was throwing me off a bit. I couldn't find any spelling or grammar mistakes. All and all a great piece of work.
Taelents (E) A place to foster bonds between members and just having fun with words. #1732161 by Words' Queen
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I love this story, i didn't even know of a UZI. my favorite part would have to be the beggining. I couldn't find any mistakes but the second part seems incomplete.
This is the first Review in your Friendship/just because Elven Tea Garden Party Gifted to you by: {username:callumw}
I love this story. It feels like a prologue to me I wish it was one but oh well.
There was on part that didn't make senses. And she was wont The wont was a bit confusing.
This is the third and final Review in your Just Because Elven Tea Garden Party Gifted to you by: Anon
I really liked this. I was suprised by you using her name. I expected it to be an accrostic using MOTHER or MOM. <smiles> Your poem makes your mom sound like a really great lady. I hope you showed this to her. :) It is a poem worthy of any mother.
We hope you enjoyed your Tea Party and Keep Writing!
This is thesecond Reviewin your Just Because Elven Tea Garden Party Gifted to you by:annon
This is a great prolougg.It was almost perfect, the only thing i would change is to break the first paragragh in two once you got to: Jared looked at the burning city of Zatire from the safety of a mountain. He stood frozen with desperate fear and sadness as he thought about all the people who died such a painfully tormenting deaths of burning and suffocation from smoke. He smelled traces of the inferno carried by the wind.
This is the First Review in your Just Because Elven Tea Garden Party Gifted to you by: Anon
I really like this story. You did a good job picking out the names of your characters. Your sense of humor really shined through with this. However, the first paragragh was a little long. You might want to make it smaller some how or break it up into more than one paragraph. It also need some proof reading. There where a few typos, mainly where you turned words around. Reading it out loud to yourself will help catch those. But over all I really did love this story I can't wait to read more of your work!
Keep writing!
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