My Thoughts: this is an iteresting poem, I must admit from talking to you I never have guessed that you write dark pieces. I prefer the idea of a fairytale that isn't in a perfect world. your choppy flow worked really well with this kind of poem.
My Favorite Part: would have to be lines 3 though 8.
the following is just my opinion please take what you want and leave the rest behind.
My Thoughts: This is a great poem, even in spring I felt a chill of winter on my back as i read this, but it was the good chill of winter caused by snow soaking though your coat.
My Favorite Part: I can't decide it is all so good.
My Suggestions: my one suggestion is that the line before the last one, it's flow is a little off, you might want to find another way of wording while tropical birds seek the south
the following is just my opinion please take what you want and leave the rest
My Thoughts: this is a great poem, you made the dragon a real breathing mammal, ( i think they are mammals}, Instead of a being in your head, well done. I hope the dragon's finds the end of his seclusion.
My Favorite Part: would have to be the last three stanzas. They seem more poetic.
My Thoughts: this is the first story I have came across that had demon hunters the way you have encompassed them,
My Favorite Part: would have to be the idea of the little girl helping grim fight the demon that was put inside him. I can't wait to find out where you are going to take this story.
My Suggestions: would be to add a little more detail into the more important people but that is just my preference and not even that important with prologues.
My Thoughts: This is a great poem, your Mystic Meadow sounds like a confusing place. From ether end be you the one that doesn't see the mud and muck, or the one turning up there nose to get away from the smell. You would be confused about what the other person was doing, but it sounds like a wonderful place to be. I hope one day I find my Mystic Meadow.
My Favorite Part: would have to be the idea of a Mystic meadow. which I think you have already guessed.
My Suggestions: your flow on the first two stanzas could use some work, Maybe changing some of the bigger words to smaller ones that mean the same thing would help, but this is just my opinion and you are free to disregard this comment if you wish.
My Thoughts:this story has a lot of potential, but it needs some help. oh and I would love to read this again once on finish it.
My Favorite Part: would have to be the relationship between Danny and Max.
My Suggestions: okay this is going to take a while so please bear with me.
one,the story is confusing their are two things you can do to fix this. you can cut the long drawn out paragraphs up in to smaller paragraphs, which you should do anyway, and you can make it more clear who is talking.
Two, you have places where you say things like. together from my who would talk about it.
the my isn't needed and just creates confusion.you have a couple more places like that and reading it out loud should make them show themselves to you.
three, you need more detail, and you can do this while cutting down on the confusion. when you tell us who is talking you can also tell us what the person talking is doing that instant.
as I have said before this story has potential and i would love to read it again after editing.
the following is just my opinion, please take what you want and leave the rest.
My Thoughts:This story has a lot of potential but it will need a lot of work before it is ready to be published.
My Favorite Part: would have to be the originality of it all of course there are no new ideas just slightly changed old ideas, but this is a idea that I haven't came across before.
My Suggestions: okay there are a lot of things that need to be fixed so bear with me here. One, you should really break it up in to different paragraphs it will make the story read a lot easier.
Two, you need more detail in the first scene, maybe instead of so much he said, she said you could tell use what the person talking is doing at that moment. my mom always tells me to never miss a chance to add detail and you missed a lot of chances.
three, your fight scene was not realistic, i know that they have super powers but still I would expect a lot more fighting in a sparing match.
four when you say, “This was caused because of the war between Roxen and has already engaged in action all over our beautiful planet you don't tell us who the Roxen where fighting.
Hello Ebony Whiteand welcome to wdc I use to not post a lot of the stuff I did ether but trust me once you get to know a few people here you will start posting things just to get their opinion.
My Thoughts:This is a great poem, your point was made very clear.
My Favorite Part: Would have to be lines 6-10, they where the most poetic.
My Thoughts: this is a great poem, I see a lot of evergreens but I don't see beach sand but that's be cause there isn't any beach is in Arkansas. But to be honest I had to read it twice to get how it compared following to leading.
My Favorite Part: would have to be the first stanza it sets up the hole poem well.
My Suggestions: your flow on the third stanza needs some work.
My Thoughts: This is a great poem and you made it very clear how you feel about her, but I have to disagree with you when you said that happyness is a given with love. That is only true if the other person loves you back. If the love is not mutual then it will only cause pain for someone.
My Favorite Part: would have to be how clear you made your feelings because thats the one part i have problems with when I write poetry.
My Suggestions: your flow needs some work if you read though it a fix all of the place's that you cut off a sentence to soon or let it go to long than their won't be anything wrong with this piece.
My Thoughts: This is a great poem. I have felt like giving up a few times but to be honest i think that and this poem may be about to different things.
My Favorite Part: It would have to be the subject it self believe it or not this is one that I have never encountered before.
My Thoughts: this is a great poem, although I must disagree with you on the third stanza I find matters of the heart to be much more confusing then anything else that flows in to my mind.
My Favorite Part: I can't pick any one part that's better than any other.
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I use to not post a lot of the stuff I did ether but trust me once you get to know a few people here you will start posting things just to get their opinion.