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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brettmw
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34 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (3.5)
In the first sentence "warmed" and "stood" should be "warm" and "stand" to keep the entire paragraph singular, not mixed singular and plural, tense.

"out about" should be "out".

"its particular" should be "this particular".

"my face muscles have a true smile upon it" should be "my face muscles have a true smile upon them." because "muscles" is plural, and "it" is singular.

Pieces seems to be written about a peaceful communion with nature that brings the writer into one being with their surroundings.

May chose to revisit these suggested edits to further enhance the overall quality of this piece.
2
2
Review of Karmic Gauge  
Rated: E | (2.5)
"I'm trying" should be "I'm trying".

"everytime" to make it grammatically correct should be two words "every time".

"taht a few people" should be "that a few people".

"time where they" should be "time when they".

"couldn't still" should be "couldn't forget".

"everything went so well" should be "Everything went so well".

"was there a man" should be "there was a man".

Story depicts lost love, and what can happen when two people do not see eye-to-eye, and live to regret their little squabbles.

May chose to revisit these suggested edits to further enhance this story.
3
3
Review of Garbage truck  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
"This guy could almost ruin your car and sent us to the hospital" should be "This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital".

Good advice written into this story.

When someone does you wrong brush it off, keep smiling, and go on about your business like nothing happened.

Hard to do some times, but in the long run, probably best way to be.

May chose to revisit these suggested edits to further enhance the overall quality of this piece.
4
4
Review of Aliens  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"They went" should be "they went".

Makes you wonder what alien life forms, if they did exist, would think of humans?

Last two lines add a touch of humor to this story.
5
5
Review of In the Box  
Rated: E | (3.0)
"doorbell had rung" would read better as "doorbell rang".

"helpless creature in there that needed my help" should be "helpless creature in there" -- eliminates redundancy.

"myself out it" appears to be missing words. Perhaps "out of doing so"?

Seems your character was overreacting to a situation -- receiving an unexpected box.

And, probably felt foolish upon seeing the empty contents thereof.

May chose to revisit these suggested edits to further enhance the overall quality of this piece.
6
6
Rated: E | (4.0)
"the only name is chess" should be "the biggest name in chess". As written gives the illusion he is the only player in the whole wide world.

"tried reason" should be "tried to reason".

Some times you just have to do what you have to do, and go for it. Especially when over matched.

May chose to revisit these suggested edits to further enhance the overall quality of this story.
7
7
Rated: E | (4.0)
"immensely" may be a better word choice than "intensely" in this connotation.

Depicts what happens when one invades territory they do not belong in. Most times they are put in their place, and resign to accept their fate in life.

Should never try being more than you really are.
8
8
Rated: E | (4.0)
True, most women can talk ceaselessly for hours on end, and usually about not much of anything. Gets on a man's last nerve.

Because it is a list "snack, the screech" should be "snack, and the screech".

"LOL" Soon" should be "LOL." Soon".

Seems ole "Hank" was mighty appreciative of the thoughtful present from "Elly".

May wish to revisit these suggested edits to further enhance the overall quality of this piece.
9
9
Review of Keen Observer..  
Rated: E | (2.0)
The first sentence would read better as three sentences.

"He is a keen observer."

"He wants to catch a glimpse of everything in his sight: the furniture, the carpet, the curtains, the books, and the transparent water glass".

"All shining in his small eyes."

"Amazed" should be "amazed,".

"ever believed them to be exited before" should be "ever believed exited before".

"beautiful" should be "Beautiful".

"somewhere,returning" should be "somewhere, returning".

"state" should be "state."

"i realized" and "i am," should be "I realize" and "I am".

Story tells about a boy, who does not have much in life, who is full of wonder with what he observes, but the edits lower this story.

May chose to revisit these suggested edits to further enhance the story.

10
10
Review of True Winner  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Some times one has to decide what is most important.

Do they pursue something they want, winning the race, or help someone less fortunate?

Also seemed that fate had a hand in this race.

Perhaps someone told you to help the old man for your own good, as it turned out.
Story depicts treat someone else in life the right way because you never know what may befall you.

Saw no grammatical, or format construction, errors in this piece.
11
11
Review of The Salon  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"a little difficult" would read better as "difficult" -- gives more of an illusion of the street being "busy".

"name" would read better as "name on it,".

"Now wonder" should be "no wonder".

"was amazing luck" should be "was with amazing luck".

Nothing stops a woman trying to get to the beauty parlor to get all gussied up, even heavy traffic downtown in a location they have never been to before.

When that "mess on her head" had to go it had to go.

May wish to revisit these suggested edits to further enhance the overall quality of this piece.
12
12
Rated: E | (4.5)
"The Art of clothes hanging I learned from a dear friend: the clothes are hung in order, all the shirts" would read better as "I learned the art of clothes hanging from a dear friend. The clothes are hung in order. All the shirts".

"children,teaching" should be "children, teaching".

Well written story that certainly brings back memories of yesterday, when life was much simpler, and real joy could be found in small things like hanging laundry out on a line.

Somehow, clothes hung out in the fresh air to dry just seemed to have a different, cleaner, smell to them as well.

Only somebody who has experienced this will understand that comment.

Today, most people would not even remember this simple way of living.

May chose to revisit these suggested edits to further enhance the overall quality of this piece.
13
13
Review of Two Seconds  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
"Ave" should be followed by a period to end that sentence.

"in exactly" should then be "In exactly" to begin a new thought.

"will have chosen" should be "will choose" to keep the two tenses the same, and singular.

"young are never" should be "young are not", again to keep the tenses the same in the sentence.

"I wish it were different" should be "I wish it was different".

A poignant writing to make the reader think.

Tells this type of incident from a different perspective than it is normally thought of in.

May chose to revisit these suggested edits to further enhance the overall quality of this piece.
14
14
Review of Captain Luciun  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
"was a lot" would read better as "were a lot".

"there were also some of the crew too" may read better as "some of the crew was also there".

"that time asked" should be "asked".

Seems the captain wanted a new Cabin Boy and the missing youngster fit the bill nicely.

This story points out that friends, such as the roll these ghosts played on the tour, are not always as they appear to be.

These ghosts showed their true colors when they snatched the boy.

You may chose to revisit these suggested edits to further enhance the overall quality of this piece.

15
15
Review of Treatment  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
"The more the more" would probably read better as "the more".

Story depicts that the hated "Pop," who everybody wrote off as a complete loss, and one that would not be missed, seemed to become motivated to prove them all wrong.

The bedside manner of the hospital workers was probably not up to par, but, the "Doc" seemed to know what he was talking about.

Some times inspiration comes from the most unexpected sources.

You rated this 13+, however, the language in it might not be suitable for children that young.
16
16
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A Modern day fable, with a fairy tale "they lived happily ever after," ending.

Story drew interest from the first animal encounter to the alien greeting.

However, having the Zipple Monster a cat, to me, seems a bit far fetched, but clever none the less.

Young readers should enjoy this unique story of life on the farm.
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