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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cipixie
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166 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Burning  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nice! I like the story. My daughter draws a picture that would go wonderfully with this story. Good read. I found no errors in form or spelling. Keep up the good work!
Lora
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2
Review of Poppies Fall  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Bless you for writing this. Many I love I wear a poppie for. You did a wonderful job! I find no errors in spelling or structure. My only suggetion might be that you share either at the beginning or end why "poppies" those from other countries and even some from the USA may not know or understand the signifigance. A fitting MEMORIAL, I am sure your Father would be proud!
Peace to your Heart,
Lora
3
3
Review of Not Forgotten  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Truely sad. I like the poem and the conflicts behind it. My favorite stanza is 4. Not only does it speak volumes. It also has flow. It resonates in your mind as you read it. You have a good topic and very well worded. Maybe too worded, somehow it needs more flow. It reads almost forced not felt. This poem has too much "feeling" not to resound when read. The last stanza makes the reader fill up with questions and leaves them wanting more. Well done!
No spelling errors found. Keeping writting!

Peace to your Heart,
Lora
4
4
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
What a ride! I love cats! I think this story is wonderful. Your characters are well formed. I love it when Joshua finally punches Tommy. This is a story I would read a chapter a night to my kids. WELL DONE!

I was reading with a 18 month old in my lap so I may have missed spelling errors but I did catch a sentance structure problem in chapter 6. Mr. Emery is talking to Joshua after Sam hits Tommy. " I know Tom giving you a hard time." I think you were thinking faster than you were typing. Don't you hate that? LOL

Peace to your Heart,
Lora
5
5
Review of Heart of a Dragon  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You have the beginning of a wonderful self portrait in words. My best advice is lengthen your attention span and your poem. You got me hooked then dropped me.You let me glimpse behind your beautiful eyes but still hide the heart. Don't tell me you have the heart of a dragon...show me. Make me see it let me hear it beat. I believe text messaging is the root of young writers lack of grammer. If you want to be taken seriously, capitalize "I" and pay attention to detail.

You have shills sharpen them. If you decide to show that heart of yours..email me with a rewrite!
Peace to your heart,
Lora
6
6
Review of Uncleansed  
for entry "Chapt. 2
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
You have a wonderful beginning here. One little tip: Read it out loud to yourself. It will help you catch simple word or phrase structures that are not fitting well or little goofs. It is good. I know I get caught up in the story and not always the structure.

I love the idea and characters. You are building them well. I love the Aussie accent. Check it though. I like he would say " Me mum" instead of "My Mum".

Semper Fi,
Peace to your Heart,
Lora
7
7
Rated: E | (4.5)
OH MY GOODNESS! I love the song. From my point of view it is now funny but I am sure at the time it was anything but! Bless your heart!

You did a wonderful job with the tune and story/song. I really enjoyed it.

Lora
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8
Review of I'm Perfect  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You go Char! I feel your strength in your words. I am not sure who this is to but baby you told them whats what! I love the spunk and praise the truth in this piece. Great job!
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9
Review of Daddy  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a strong piece. You said so much in so few words. I pray your father is smacked in the face by your strength, beauty, and grace. From the sound of it he truely missed out on the growth of a beaytiful flower.

Great job..keep growing and writing!
Lora
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10
Review of Tristan  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I cannot imagine! I lost two boys in second trimester still births. But I never held them. I never heard them cry or kissed their little faces. I cannot imagine having done so and then lossing them. My heart breaks for you. God knew I was not strong enough to lose a child after holding one.

Your poem is precious and well written. I find no errors. The flow is very good and it reads easily.

Thank you for entering the contest. These entries are sometimes hard on my eyes cause I cry through most of them but they truely bless my heart.
Lora
11
11
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a beautiful poem. It is very bitter-sweet and well written.

Personally, I would shrink your font so that your lines appear shorter. This will help your reader follow your flow. The flow of the poem and rhyme are good but would be easier read if the lines did not overlap.

In line 4: "bye" should be capitolized as it is the first word in quotation.

Other than these minor things, the poem is strong and touches the reader very well.
Nice job,
Lora

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12
12
Rated: E | (4.0)
I agree that roses are powerful. All forms of love are indeed special.

Technically,In paragraph 1 replace the - after love with a comma or semi-colon or reword it. Also, I don't believe "surcharge" is the word you were looking for in paragraph 2.

A nice piece and nice read for Valentine's Day
Lora
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13
13
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The more I read the more intrigued I am as to your style and depth. I like the author's not on this one. It helped me understand more about these stories. You have quite a talent for depth and preception. I hope to have time to sit and read all of the pieces to this story.

I find no technical errors.
Lora
14
14
Review of Unbroken  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A very interesting and seemingly tragic poem. Again, I must ask truth or fiction. If these things are not based on truth, you have a wonderful imagination and eye for details within a story.

Technically sound. I find no errors. The last two stanzas leave the reader wondering what happened. It is certainly a cliffhanger.
Lora
15
15
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Bless you! I can totally relate to this piece. I can feel the pain but also the strength. Very strong. I find no technical errors.

Peace to your heart and gentle breezes for you strong, beautiful wings,
Lora
16
16
Review of Rescued  
Rated: E | (5.0)
That ROCKS! Great job! Your flow is good and your words smooth. I can feel the pain and the relief. You did a wonderful job with the imagery. "Did they even know how their words made me bleed?" There is a lot of power in that line. I too am glad you are you! I am also glad to have come to know your talent! Write On!
Lora
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17
Review of I Chose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Beautiful poem! I am interested in the dates given. What are they in reference to? I will probably feel stupid when you tell me because it is probably something I should know.

I love you listing the people effected by your choice.

One oops, line one "a" should be "at". Other than that nicely done!

Lora
18
18
Review of Life Eternal  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a sad yet precious poem. It touched my heart. The circle of life is never-ending.
Technically sound.Flows very well. Good read. Thank you for sharing.
In answer to your question...We live forever if we are loved and our lives remembered.
just as the Nanny said.
Lora
19
19
Review of Without Sin  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Interesting topic, nicely woven together. Read it out loud, there are a few place you should put with out together (without). In one place you used the word "dank". I am not sure that is the word you ment to use. You flow and technique are good. Other than those item mentioned your grammer and spelling are fine. All and all a good read!
Lora
20
20
Rated: E | (4.5)
That is a truely wonderful story. At first I could not figure out where you were going with it. Your purpose is a little unclear. But at the same time, the uncertainty was the hook for me. So I am not sure if it was a good thing or needs clairifying. I ws drawn in my the old man character. I wanted to know what he was working on. Very nice! One question...Does he get the girl with the song?
Lora
21
21
Review of I'll Stay As Me  
Rated: E | (4.5)
"To thine own self be true" Very well done! I like the attitude of this poem.

Technically it is a little choppy. It is good and your point comes through but it could flow smoother with a few commas and maybe some restructured sentences to make it easier to read.

Read your first stanza out loud. Do you feel yourself stuggel with the word placement?
Now read this out load...

What am I, if I am not me?
What do you think, I should be?
Will you like what you see?
If I show you the real me...

Can you feel the difference in the flow? Your words are still there just placed in a way that creates a flow for the reader. This is just a suggestion. Your piece is your's and you should be proud of it. This is only from a reader's point of view. But read it out loud and see if you feel other places that need a little smoothing.

Nice job! I am glad you entered it in the contest. good luck!

Lora
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Review of Shannon's Gift  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh! That is truely a blessing! I can not begin to tell you have precious this story is. I could not wait to see how it would unfold. Shannon is a very special person!

I fould two misused words. In the next to the last paragraph. "Make a remarkable gesture" should be "Made a..." Eleven paragraphs from the bottom. "Shannon say" should be "Shannon saw..." Other than these two little errors I find no other problems. The story itself is perfect.

Lora
23
23
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You made me cry. I can not imagine changing anything. This is a beautiful testimony to your spirit and the love you and your family share for your mother. This story could only be better with more details. It left me wanting to know more about your Mom. You write about her voice. What is the one thing you would love to hear again? You mention you child...does he share your facination with flight? I love the story. Great Job!
Lora
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Review of Spixy  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very interesting! Welcome to WDC! I like your poem and hope to read more of your work. You sound like a wonderful young lady. Believe in yourself and others won't have a choice but to follow suit!
Lora
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25
25
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is a good base for a story but you need to check you tense and words. You used loves instead of love, named instead of name and built instead of build. Some of your wording disrupts your flow and takes away from your plot. Read it out loud. Look at your words and note any flow diruptions as well as word and sentence structure.
Lora
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