Good, but I saw some grammatical and spelling mistakes. You spelled memories first of all. The other things is that in poems, each line ends in either a comma or a period. Each verse ends with a period, all other lines in the verse end with a comma if you want the specifics. However some poems have two or, the ones with long verses in this case, even three sentences. Each verse should be separated by a gap, but lines in verses should only be returned. Kinda like this:
Words words words,
words words words.
Words words words,
words words words.
Next verse.
That is a common format, but that content is not meant to e accurate nor offend anyone or any piece. However, onto THIS poem's content.
I liked it, you captured the essence of dreams eloquently and beautifully. They come, they fade, they entertain, they scare, they are truly an enigmatic wonder, and you nailed it on the head.
You know I've never really reviewed this but this time. I love the campfire! It's sad that 3 and 1/2 members don't add much. But I do love this campfire's concept. Being a Pokemon, when I add my entry, and I bet this phenomenon occurs to you guys too, I feel like I AM a Pokemon, even though it just an illusion. (And Zorua joke!) I hope this gets as big as an interactive can get!
Tell me, what is the sound of two virtual hands clapping? Whatever it is, they are mine and I'm clasping a big bravo for your story! Humorous and interesting, you have a bull tell a story. Every little point a fine detail. It was errorless and a wonderful read indeed!
Eloquently written! While I read, I saw your knack for description and the collosal amount of said must have in a piece of literature. The fact that it was in first person created a relatable connection between the author and the reader. You also capture the feeling, the mood, the everything that one feels when in a rush to grab that must-have item on Balck Friday. I did notice a micronomical size of errors, so there is that. Other than that, you're good in spelling.
Ha ha ha, that was hilarious man! Oh dang, glorious. Anyway, it was cool how you explained the history of computers with Babbage. But you could go back even farther as Leonardo Da Vinci had a design of the very machine Babbage tried to create in his notebook. Or you could just sell out and say the abacus or something. And the jokes that turned into actual parts of the lesson was simply amazing how simple and effective it is. Please keep writing more of it.
-Thornton
Great! (Sorry, I'm running out of synonyms of great to say.) I liked how you showed the way Torin uses his power and what he does with his spare time. I admired how you made clever insults and rebuttals in Keton's conversation with Torin. However I once again noticed a few grammar errors and one spelling error. You spelled stare as stair in the line "not even look and stare anymore." As for the grammatical errors, just make sure you add the correct punctuation mark at the end of the each sentence. Overall judgement: Two Thumbs Up.
-Thornton
Here, I will from now on gift all of my points to you as you deserve to continue writing. So I'll just have to set up an announcement for everyone to pool gift points into your account. Fret not Lucario, I, Thornton, shall help you through and through!
-Thornton
Bravissimo! I loved how you captured the calm, reliable, and tough demeanor of Jon, along with Thornton's laid back, caring, and hoping attitude. And those flashbacks told me a lot about Lucario's character. One thing you need to do more though is have balanced use of all four characters. But overall, great!
-Thornton
Cool! It could use more detail and maybe a bit more length. In the next part, introduce the new member in a description of himself, along with his name Anemoi.
See ya!
-Thornton
Amazing! I loved how you portrayed Thornton as a happy go lucky friend and Jon as an experienced adventurer. I also enjoyed how Lucario viewed Ignus. It's different from mine and that's what I hoped. Can't wait till you tell more, just make sure the story goes a different path then mine. Otherwise no one would want to read a copy. So take it how you want it. See ya!
-Thornton
Spectacular! All that detail, it was much better than my telling of Lucario's past. I also love it that when you write, you have scientific and "smart" names. For instance, instead of Lucario biting the hunter's neck, he instead bit his Jugular vein. I'm going to be waiting withe baited breath for part 2 and to see what direction you'll take with the story. This is really good, advertise it to everyone, especially our group. See ya.
-Thornton
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