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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/davidehrgott
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31 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Johnny  
Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This was a fun read but it kind of leaves the reader hanging. One does now who got hit with the knife did the victim die? But I can relate to this as as a child I was bullied quite often. Later in life I had learned that my sister had put most of them up to it. Write on!
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Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
This is a well done rondelet and if continued would tell an entire story. The way it reads is as if the cookie monster is reading it and all we know is that there is a stalker in the neighborhooh and not much else. A holloween card rhyme perhaps and then again perhaps not.
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Review of COLORS OF FALL  
Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
I liked reading this wonderful piece of prose. It is very visual and I could see the colors and the leaves as they fell. The second to the last line throws off the ending. Either it's "to transport" or "and transported" otherwise it just doesn't read well. Proofread and rewrite and it becomes a gem!
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Review of Double Picnic  
Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really loved this child's tale. It was fun to read. There are typos in it and that is why I am taking off a star. If you can find an illustrator you could easily turn this into a children's book. This reminds me the stories my son would tell me between the ages of 8 and eleven. Well done!
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Review of A beam of light  
Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: E | (3.0)
AAH, shining the light, what a bright topic to write about. The issues I have with this piece is it is listed as poetry and is mote of a prose piece. Titles should be in caps i,e, A Beam of Light. And I think the second to last line should be "And came to know." Just suggestions. Keep writing.
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Review of Death  
Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: E | (5.0)
perfect!
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Review of Ziggot  
Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: E | (3.0)
I was amused at this cute little children's tale. I think however that it should be reworked to and more rhyme. Also the meter isn't all that it could be. And it could be a better length. Heck with a topic like Ziggot, this could be extended to the length of a book. But, a fine tale anyway.
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Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
As a young lad of tour years of age I lived in Las Vegas, NV. The neighborhood I lived in was just off the strip and was torn down to build Commerce Center. I am haunted by the fact that I can never go back there. This smithing was hauntingly fantastic nd gave me chills. Well Done.
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Review of Beethoven's Fifth  
Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I have just a couple of issues with this piece of writing. First I think it belongs under the heading of prose more than poetry. And for the life of me I just don't get the relationship between the composer and a fictional trained nazi other than their nationality. Other than that I like it.
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Review of Freedom  
Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: E | (2.5)
The thinking behind this piece of writing is freedom and letting it ring which is a Great Idea. T'm not sure if this is poetry or prose. The meter is off at times as are the unrhymes. There is one line their freedom their birthright, could have a hashmark or better yet a semi-colon or comma. A little reworking and this could become sensational. Also who is taking the freedom away? Don't leave the reader hanging. Keep writing.
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Review of Mother and love  
Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: E | (3.0)
Okay, the thought behind this poem is of purity and kindness. Some errors are obvious. First the title: Should be Mother and Love. The other issue I have with this "poem" is that it is more of a prose as there is some rhymes but, not where some should be. Keep writing.
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Review of Futile  
Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: E | (2.0)
I don't mean to be mean but, I just don't understand this nonsensical 5-7-5. As it was explained to me (haiku) the first line is about some type of nature. There you done good. The second line reinforces the second line and that is where you have me lost. Third line is the ironic twist and there you have done good again. It's the second line that throws it all off and makes it sound like some teenage angst poem. Sorry, but you need to rework the second line. You will be better received if you do.
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Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I take this as the writer disregarding the media, which often blows out of proportion events considered newsworthy. This tells the reader that the writer has better things to do in life then sweat the small stuff. Very well done. But, (and i see this a lot), this should be under prose and not poetry. Keep Writing.
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Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: E | (3.0)
This piece of writing portrays the readers thoughts on his personal ability in the sport of bowling. I think you miscatagorised this as poetry. Although prose is considered poetry, this should fall under the heading of prose. Or maybe i'm just jealous of the fact that i never could develop a curve.
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Review of My Mask  
Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: E | (2.0)
This is okay but how about reworking it into a haiku to make it more poetic instead of just a couple of lines worth a prose for example:
with my jokes i hide
behind my tears and sadness
with this happy mask
or something along the lines of that.
It's a good thought. I just think it could be improved.
Don't get discouraged and by all means KEEP WRITING!
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Review by DavidEhrgott
Rated: E | (3.0)
This done me wrong poem couldn't tell more in it's story. Sadly though today's audience wants happy thoughts and this poem is so sad. That is why I am only giving it three stars. The work is good. The punctuation is correct. But the story has been told too many times. Keep writing!
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