|I loved your concept here and can agree with you.
This is full of good ideas but unfortunately marred by lack of punctuation. For example:
Let me give an example...a normal family...in English culture this would probably be separated parents and disillusioned children, since they make up the majority in surveys...but this would not be the considered "normal", for "normal" does not mean normal in our language, it means "what the system decree's as acceptable" or "what constitutes a good robot (Human - if you prefer)"...
As this is all one sentence, it is saying an awful lot, but the messages you are trying to put across are lost.
I too, until very recently suffered from the same fate of long sentences, and losing the message. To a degree I still am, but I am learning. Each sentence should say something, not 5 or 6 ideas; while each may be fundamental to your work they lose effect. Therefore the whole piece suffers as a consequence.
Someone suggested to me; try reading aloud what you have written, the lack of punctuation and/or sentence construction makes this near impossible. As I said I am learning myself, but this was good advice and I try to follow it.