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Review of A Life Lesson  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great story. You got up early, did you dream about this? I enjoyed reading this.
I've got a question. Where did the deer carcass come from? If it was the work of the wolves then I'd feel better if you used a couple words to describe it. In my experience wolves don't leave much except blood on the snow and a few torn bits an maybe back bone, and skull. They tend to drag ripped parts away from the kill site.

Definitely a worthwhile read.


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2
Review of Fear  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
You touched upon the fears that we all share to some degree. I certainly empathize with your protagonist. You did a good job of dragging your readers right into the place you describe so well.

Consider changing {Not far now} to something like "Too close."

Remember to check for punctuation.

You have used each word effectively.


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3
3
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great Goals for 2026.

I, being 84 in two days, have somewhat less ambitious goals for myself. I've been trying to work on at least one item in my portfolio each day, and without fail, to do one review each day.

WDC is changing. I hope to see improvements in all the contributors' skills over the coming year.


Working on my patience with others is a constant effort.

I hope all your efforts are rewarded this year and that you reach the goals you have set for yourself.


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4
Review of The fading bloom  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This smacks of reality. You put your readers exactly where you want them to be in this bare bones script. A Good Job that isn't quite finished. If you flesh this out it would be more apt to stick in your readers minds.

I know its fresh, so I would recommend letting it sit a few days, then come back and read it like this is the first time you read it. Don't jump ahead anticipating the next scene. Let your mind work. Ask yourself how much more of this story do you want to share with your readers?

It looks to me as if this could be a 1/2 hour script or as long as two hours. It kind of depends how much immersion in this story that you can tolerate.

You have good bones now take it to the limit!


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5
5
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Have a rewarding 2026. May you reach your goals and enjoy doing it.

I like this. You have an exquisite talent for transcribing your thoughts and perceptions into a form that your readers can readily identify with.

A lot of thoughts are smoothly placed into a small space.

Kudos!

MO


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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good progression of thoughts, well-transcribed into this poem. You did very well with your structure and rhyme. I can tell that you breathed a sigh of relief when you reached this phase. Not perfect, but you got what you had in mind onto the screen and still maintained close to the constraints you set for yourself.

I'm not sure exactly why you chose certain word progressions.

Did you read this aloud or have someone else read it aloud to you?

You will hear, as I did, a couple of rough spots.

I think that you stopped this creation just short of excellent.

It was a pleasure to read and offer my kudos.

Achieving perfection is a process that occurs in steps. The next one is your choice.


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Review of Atlas shrugs...  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I follow your train of thought well. I would offer the following suggestion. This thesis does not lend itself well to the class (story), nor is it verse.

I recommend that you gather your presentation into small paragraphs, like separate steps, which lead your reader to the point where they must make a decision. What do they believe?

I encourage you to write more philosophy from the mind of BOB COUNTRY.


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8
Review of Penitence  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is an excellent story with a moral. Too rarely do I encounter new stories that present a moral lesson so poignantly.

In a piece this short, every word is a larger portion of the message that you wish to communicate to your reader. You have done well with one small exception.

(The Hischain of thoughts went to his early days in the New World)

The chain of thoughts puts thoughts outside your protagonist. His means the thoughts BELONG TO HIM>

The rest of your story seems excellent to me.


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Review of Are we there yet?  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
Great Story! I enjoyed it. But in a story this short, there is very little room for mistakes. This piece needs a thorough edit. Shame on you for decorating the story with typos that detract from it. I say TYPOs, hoping that, as well as you, you use words you must understand punctuation. So the only conclusion I can draw is that you didn't think this piece was worth spending a few minutes to make it twice as good. HMMM


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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting way to handle this prompt. You did a creditable job of building a story in just a few words. In a piece this short, EVERY WORD COUNTS.

The presentation is coherent and easy to understand, and it needs only one thing.

Editing is critical when you write anything. You used this word costantly

I'm sure you meant constantly. Not editing this implies that you were in too big a hurry. Take your time, check, and recheck what you wrote.

A little effort at this point will significantly improve the quality of your communications.

Keep writing, you have the skills to be great, use them.

MO


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Review of LOVING A GHOST  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a moving little piece. Thank you for sharing it. I want to point out the one word that needs replacing.

re·​cog·​ni·​zance ri-ˈkäg-nə-zən(t)s -ˈkä-nə-
Synonyms of recognizance
1
a
: an obligation of record entered into before a court or magistrate requiring the performance of an act (such as appearance in court), usually under penalty of a money forfeiture
released on his own recognizance
b
: the sum liable to forfeiture upon such an obligation
2
archaic: token, pledge

You need to pick a word that says EXACTLY what you mean.

One word in a piece this short carries much of your message.

A rule of thumb: Know what a word means and its nuance BEFORE you use it.

Your computer probably has a great dictionary included. If not, there is the old-fashioned reference BOOK. Using it judiciously will help you communicate more effectively.


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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
POWERFUL! Intense! It touches deep within the defenses, where the ability to put one foot in front of the other is enough to exist without truly being alive. Physical damage, the loss of innocence, the exposure to EVIL, the change to that part inside that interacts with our surroundings, can make us numb, or it can intensify and cause a trickle of perspiration to run down our side when we encounter a trigger that brings a flashback, more than a memory, the reliving of an experience with smells, sounds, sights and the whole range of senses.

Yet those experiences, both sensory and psychological, shape who we are and the reality we perceive in response to any given set of stimuli.

You can make your readers see and feel your story. I sense the responsibility that you feel when you write. You consider the effects of what you write before the fact.

This is you sharing the sum of your experience and the thoughts that frame the lessons you offer your readers. I wonder how many will comprehend the depths you reveal.

I can see no way, at the moment, to improve this piece.

I'm so happy that you shared this with me! THANKYOU!

MO


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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Two Arms, to Arms,

On a Sunday in August in the year 1964, an older man sat in a public Square under a Gazebo In Carrington, North Dakota. The grain harvest was in full swing.

I worked for a Combine Crew harvesting Grain. Our typical workday was from an hour before sunrise till two hours past sunset, six days a week.

This bright Sunday morning, I decided to stretch my legs in town on my only day off. I spied him sitting on a bench with a pile of willow sticks beside him.

Being A curious individual, I decided to sit on the bench across from him and find out what he was doing.

He gestured toward the willows. "Whistles for der Kinder." Whistles for children

I realized he spoke very little English.

He asked me in German and sign language if I had a knife. Over the next couple of hours, he showed me how to make willow whistles. I was twenty-two, but no one had ever shown me the magic of willow branches.

A young man with a dog came by, and they talked in German. The newcomer spoke good English and chatted with me and Hans Schmidt, the whistle maker. I asked if Hans had anything he wanted me to remember. After a long exchange with the dog owner, the old man spoke.

"TOO SOON OLD TOO LATE SCHMART!"

After 84 years, that statement has taken on greater significance.

Everything we write or say has long-lasting effects. And Wisdom comes at a high cost.

Are we willing to pay the price?

You know how to reach subtly into your reader's mind. You do that well.
What do you wish to tell your reader? With a few well-placed words, you can instill fear, then hate, then call to action. Or you can impart wisdom and help mend this broken world.

The results are on you; are you ready to accept the responsibility?


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Review of The Wall We Share  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good capture of the feeling when your closest sibling drifts away. Understated but powerful. I like understated vs." in your face." You ended the story in a subtle but poignant way.


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Review of Studying  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
I applaud your efforts. I offer this suggestion for making the story more reader-friendly.

When starting a story with dialogue, it is invaluable to your reader if you identify your speakers as they are introduced. This one change would make a big difference.


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Review of The Cheater  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
You are improving a lot! I would suggest a follow-up piece. There are several ways the next scene could go. Right now, the evidence is DAMNING! There are several possibilities, though. You could even go as far as murder if you wished.

This story leaves me with a sincere desire to find out more. I lean about 10% toward "He is innocent and has a logical reason for his behavior. (This would require a lot of close attention to detail as well as a fertile imagination.)

90% guilty as charged! In this case, you have a lot of possibilities.

If you did a short follow-up, just the scene where the confrontation occurs,
I definitely would say you have developed the skills to do a very credible job writing scene 2.


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Review of The Deep State  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a well planned piece. Kudos.

I wish that you had provided a biography, It would aid this reviewer to access your skills in the presentation of your thesis.

There are several typos in this that a thorough edit would have caught. I am now 84 years old and I no longer hurry when writing or editing.

trappad??? concluse??? I want to precise???

I can not see anyone rating this piece above a three no matter how much they agree with your thesis. To do so is stealing the opportunity for you to improve your communication skills.

Keep writing, but slow down and take the time to eliminate distracting errors in presentation.


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Review of Fog  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like this poem. A cat named Fog seems like precisely what you needed at that moment. Funny how that works. A little company is just what is required to keep on keeping on.

The reader's introduction to the cat in the first stanza was a memory jogger. My oldest daughter had a knack for finding homeless animals.


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Review of The Dreaming One  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have no idea how you create the artwork you do, but this poem could make a delightful illustrated storybook.

This piece has levels and levels and more. I like your philosophy that subtly blooms like a flower from these lines.

"The dreaming one" lives in the way your senses perceive the world around you, and the gentle way these lines pass it on to a reader.


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Review of Watch for Morning  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
(The Big One)
It is a great subject to write about. There has been much speculation on exactly what the effects would look like. This piece could be improved with compound sentences: one subject (HE?) and multiple verbs (Actions).

This story switches between verb tenses in a somewhat random fashion. It is a good idea to stay in the present tense, as it will make the story feel more real when you use it as much as possible. NOW!

A good clean-up, eliminating unnecessary words and tightening spacing, with no large voids, would make this much more reader-friendly.


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Review of Broken  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
You have learned to give your reader a peek into the place where you store feelings.

You communicate well. There is a time to share feelings as a process of learning to be present. Now, what is essential is to let go of those things that are painful. The secret is simple: when you share them, don't put them back in storage. Storing them so you can experience them again is unbearable.
And it traps you in the past.

There are three places we can touch with our minds.

Yesterday! Gone, out of our control.

Future! Not here yet!

Which leaves the only place we have any control over. We can choose to be present to the opportunity in front of our face or hang on to a sharp fragment of the past and block the chance to enjoy NOW. We live now. It only makes sense to make the best of it now.

You must define the best for you. Would you rather have ice cream or spoiled milk?
Only you can make that choice for yourself.


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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
You use words well to create an intricate visual in your beginning, very skilled but not perfect! If I were to give you a 5-star rating, that would be cheating you out of a possible learning experience.

Adhering to a form sometimes makes it difficult to express an exact thought. Thus, searching for the perfect word becomes necessary.

I rely heavily on my thesaurus. I'm 84 years old, so I use a book I've had since I was 17, and when that fails to provide, I go to a newer, more complete version.

I won't ever cram my words down your throat; it is your piece. It should express your thoughts in your words. If you happen to learn a new word in the process, then you have one more brick to use to create a written piece next time.


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Review of Color Me Slowly  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a well-presented short story. The thought processes and hints about what lies behind the protagonist's actions are brought to a climax very well. I understand what the ending was saying.

I just really had to WORK AT IT.

A wisp of an echo, brushed between memory and absence, made complete in his vanishing.

Losing in here helps, but might not be the complete answer. You have the option to write this in numerous ways; the trick is to say what you mean in the easiest-to-understand way possible, allowing you to reach most of your readers. I occasionally miss what should be obvious because I see multiple, confusing meanings.

Let me say this: This piece is well worth spending time editing.

It is my goal to help and, when possible, contribute to the elevation of a piece from GOOD to EXCELLENT. BUT I won't stuff my words down your throat! I'll point out rough spots, but you get to smooth them out. It is your writing and should be in your own words.


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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem puts your thoughts and feelings right out front, not in your face, more like a gentle tap on the shoulder and a whispered invitation, "Follow me." Thank you for this place which you implanted in my memory almost as if I stepped onto this beach. It stirred complex thoughts and feelings in this old man. You opened your soul in this if one cares to look, and understand.



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Review of Zoey Girl  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SENIOR CENTER GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fond memories of a beloved pet, including what made her lovable and what made her that ***** dog. Your rhyme scheme was good, totally consistent with an author who is becoming a poet worth remembering. I look forward to seeing more of your new poems.
MO


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