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151
151
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, Star Kaat Author Icon!

I am a member of the Paper Doll Gang Rockin' Review Academy and have just read "Secrets Of The TreesOpen in new Window.. I would like to share my thoughts.

PLEASE REMEMBER: THESE ARE ONLY MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS.


First Impression
My first impression after I read your poem was that I could completely relate. You've done a good job creating the trees message of reflection.


What I like
I like the last stanza because of its reminder to keep our lives in perspective.

Remember when you stand in the middle of the forest,
how small you really are.
Remember that life and death are a cycle we all are a part of.
Remember that we all need each other to survive.



Mechanics
I saw no misspellings or punctuation errors.


Mood
I felt a sense of reverie when I read your poem. Especially when you began with, Oh the untold secrets that you hold.

Meditating in the woods could be very relaxing!


Diction
In my opinion, this stanza doesn't flow well.

There are even special people
that can hear the whispered message.
They are one with the forest and understand its need.
There is no simple way to tell that to someone.


Perhaps you could word it something like this:

There are special people who
can hear the whispered message.
They are one with the forest
and understand its need.



Imagery
Based on the first sentence, Oh the untold secrets that you hold, can you imagine what the forest could tell you?!

Your poem brought back memories of hunting days with my husband. I love being in the woods. It's very tranquil and it fuels your imagination.

I've seen many animals while sitting out in the Shawnee National Forest - racoons, opossums, chipmunks, turkeys, pheasants, deer and squirrels. Always lots of squirrels.

The wind moving through the trees certainly whispers messages. Hopefully messages that you want to hear!

It's amazing how silently you can walk through the leaf piled forest floor if you try. It's even easier if it's wet.


Ways to Improve

I think you might want to reconsider using the word "canopy" in back-to-back stanzas. Perhaps "cover" could be an option. But again, this is just my opinion.

The whisper of leaves, the sweet calls of birds
and the chirping of insects.
The pitter patter of water dripping from the canopy
and the rushing of streams over rocks.


Ants, beetles and millipedes making their way across the fallen leaves,
deer walking majestically through the woods.
Dappled sunlight on the forest floor as it breaks through the canopy.
Spiders spinning webs and bees buzzing loudly.


The third line of the following stanza could be stated differently but keep the same meaning.

When I stare into the vacuum of your eyes,
I see the innocence of a perfect world.
But as I continue to gaze into your now dimming golden-blue pools,
I am reminded of life's imperfections.


I believe you could restate it something like, As I gaze into your dimming golden-blue pools,


Summary
Secrets Of The Trees is a lovely poem that gives the reader a greater respect for the forest and the perspectives we glean from their stories and put into practice in our own lives.

I enjoyed your poem. You did a nice job. Never stop writing!



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152
152
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Jen~ Author Icon!

I am a member of the Paper Doll Gang Rockin' Review Academy (I'm a newbie) and have just read "Elephant Lessons-14 LinesOpen in new Window.. I would like to share my thoughts.

PLEASE REMEMBER: THESE ARE ONLY MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS.


What I like
I love elephants and that is what drew me to your poem. Elephants are such social and sensitive animals. They have long memories and it's amazing to see two elephants that haven't seen each other in years be reunited. It's a truly awesome site. Well I digress...

What I liked about your poem is the mood. You'll read more about that below.

I also like rhyming poems and each time I read your poem I like it even more.

Mechanics
Live your life happily, Pay attention to what you see I feel like there should be a period after happily as you've capitalized "Pay".

Tone
The tone, to me, seemed to be inquisitive. It's as if the speaker was having a particularly confusing day and decided to take a trip to the zoo. While checking out the elephants she had this great epiphany.

Mood
I thought it was light and philosophical. You made it fun (just by being at the zoo) with a message (Follow all your hopes and dreams, to the very end).

Poetic Devices
I believe the poetic devices used are Rhyme and Imagery. Although you didn't necessarily "describe" details, I could picture myself at the zoo watching the elephants wondering what they might think of us!

Pace
The pace was quick and smooth except for one stanza. She's happy where she is, knows there is no fears, I would have said knows there are no fears.


Rhythm
I felt that the poem read like one from child's story, which isn't a bad thing. I love to read with my daughters even though they're a little too old for me to read to them now. I love to read rhyming poems with my nine year old. We take turns reading the stanzas.


Believability
Your poem is believable because I do this very thing. I can totally relate and watching the elephants is my most favorite thing to do at the zoo.

Summary
This was so nice to read, over and over again because it brought back warm memories of seeing the elephants just this summer at the St. Louis Zoo.

Very nice job. I look forward to reading more of your poems.

Happy writing!


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153
153
Review of Annie  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (1.0)
Hicarlton607 Author Icon. This is a review for "AnnieOpen in new Window. from the "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. and I'd like to offer the following comments.

PLEASE NOTE: These are only my opinions and suggestions.

Overall Impression:
I absolutely love thunderstorms so this story peaked my interest. Even though I love storms I could still relate to Annie's (and her dog's) fear.

You have a lot of ideas going on all at once but I think it has potential.

Suggestions:
*Dog1* You reference an event that happened in the past. It might move to story along if you describe the "it" event.

*Dog1* I can see where you describe the character Annie. For example, Annie was frail. But she screamed out loud in that dark and storm. She was not that old and her hair was blonde turning brown and her waste was small. It could read easier if you worded it something like this: Annie was frail but she was not that old. She had blond hair and a petite body. The sentence, But she screamed out loud in that dark and storm. could be removed as you've already made reference to a stormy and dark night in the first paragraph.

*Dog1*She giggled and remembered the time when Buster was a puppy and turned sullenly onto her side. I don't think the word giggle works well within this atmosphere of fear. Although some people do giggle when they're are scared. Perhaps the sentence would read smoother if you removed it. Let's see. She remembered the time when Buster was a puppy and sullenly turned onto her side.

*Dog1* Annie groaned at the pain she felt and tried to clutch her heart but her hands didn't move. We can't "clutch" our hearts but we can place our hand over our hearts. In this case she's too scared to move her hands at all. I see how you paint the picture of how afraid she is.

*Dog1* You reference Annie's eyes a couple of time in the story but you describe them differently. In one sentence you describe them as sea blue but in another you describe them as sky blue. Pick one color and stick with it.

*Dog1* We typically don't start sentences with "And", but that could be the old school in me. The sentence And then she gathered up all her strength to pull the blankets over her. could possibly read like this: Eventually she gathered up all her strength to pulled the blankets over her.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
Always re-read your story to hunt out any misspellings. For example the sentence, Her breathes came in deep gasps. The word breathes is spelled breaths with no "e".

Final Thoughts:
I like the thunderstorm theme. I think this will be a great story once you work out the sentence structures and misspellings.

I see a lot of potential with your story and I think you're doing a wonderful job. Keep practicing and most importantly, keep writing!



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154
154
Review of Cheerleader  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi doc15 Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "CheerleaderOpen in new Window.!

I have the following comments to offer but remember, these are my opinions and suggestions only.

Overall Impression: Your story made me feel sad because Eleanor lost her soul mate, her best friend. But it's bittersweet because she eventually finds a love interest, someone with which she could share her heart. It's especially sweet considering it happened with the help of her best friend from the afterlife. This could be a real story and I'm sure it resonates with many people.


Suggestions: I was confused about whether or not Eleanor and Lexi were roommates. Since Lexi didn't have any family I would assume that to be the case, but I was confused. Did Lexi and Eleanor meet in college?

What happened to Lexi? Maybe that's up to the reader to decide, but I wanted to know.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
In the sixth paragraph down where you start, "I'm Dr Dean Harper" I believe there needs to be a period after Dr. In the same paragraph you, like so many of us do, missed a "to"...I think you should come down to the hospital.

In the second paragraph where it says, Nothing good ever came of a middle of the night call... I think it should read, Nothing good ever came from a middle of the night call...

In the last paragraph where you say, He wasn't my soul mate, that title was truly held by Lexi, but it was the person who held my heart. I would suggest to change "it" to "he".



What I Like: I like that my sadness was lifted reading that Eleanor had discovered a friend she could love. I liked that Lexi continued to be her best friend forever and always. My favorite line is: That day she picked me up and showed me the rest of my life. Loved it!!

This is a heart wrenching as well as a heart warming story. Great job!


~QPdoll

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155
155
Review of The Fading Light  Open in new Window.
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Wow! I don't read much poetry, but I think you could get people to stop and think.

Don't stop writing.
156
156
Review by QPdoll Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I think you did an excellent job of portraying the difficult and sad feelings we often feel about life when we're depressed.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.
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