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103 Public Reviews Given
116 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Auronium  
Review by C. T. Hill
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am not going to go through my normal reviewing process for this piece, mainly because I liked it and it is for a contest. I definitely think you followed the prompt very well. You created an entire world and it fit perfectly, nice job. I always have problems following prompts haha. I did think some of the dialogue could be cleaned up a tad, but part of it could have just been the difference in characters coming out.

All in all, the story unfolds nicely. At first I was like bah, another sci-fi story, but I was pleasantly surprised by the ending. The only other thing I saw was some minor grammar issues, but honestly I don't feel like nit picking through the piece to point them out. They are pretty insignificant anyways, mostly missing or misplaced commas.

Anyways, good job, keep it up.

And good luck!
27
27
Review by C. T. Hill
Rated: E | (4.5)
Haha, I like it. It is one of those stories that is so simple, yet so complex at the same time. Thanks for posting. :D
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28
Review of Just Got Out  
Review by C. T. Hill
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Please remember that these are only suggestions and opinions and I mean no offense by them.

Context: Stories like these that play out as a sort of 'Journal of Life' can be exceedingly interesting. As it stands, I think that it needs just a little bit more, though. I almost feel like it isn't finished yet, which is completely okay, but a note to the reader would clear up any misgivings about the piece. Overall the concept is pretty clear. I think you could have added a little bit more about the narrator's past, though.

Imagery: There is not much as far as descriptive elements in this piece. I don't necessarily think you need them, but they are a nice edition for the reader, if nothing else. In a story like this it is easy to get bogged down in 'I did this and then this and then this,' which takes away from the piece.

Emotion: I did not feel a lot of emotion from the piece. We don't really get a clear picture about any of the characters feelings towards well... anything. I think you could go into a bit of the moral standings of the narrator, whether they are good or bad, just to give the reader a broader view of who the character actually is.

Grammar and Spelling: You have quite a few grammar mistakes. Grammar is extremely important in anything you write. I know that sounds preachy, but it is so true. It makes or breaks your piece. It allows the reader to focus on the story, on your words, rather than trying to piece together fragments in attempts to determine what you actually meant. I will outline just a few of the mistakes I saw and you can go from there.

1) This sentence is a fragment. Mentally and physically prepared for my plan. Who is mentally and physically prepared? I know that it is the main characters thoughts, but as a writer, sentence structure is very important.


2) Getting pulled over Kenny starts bawling “I’m on probation , I got warrants, I’m going to jail.”. “Shut up Kenny what the hell is your problem, keep it together this isn’t helping.”.

Dialogue is best displayed in a standardized form, such as:
"I am sad," he said.
"Why are you sad?" she replied.
He frowned. "Because my dog died."
This type of dialogue allows the reader to have a clear picture of who is talking and what exactly is being said. When you place more than one piece of dialogue in the middle of a paragraph it can confuse the reader and bog down the piece.

If you take those two instances and give the piece a solid read through, you should be able to find and fix any similar problems with the story.


Overall: I feel like you have the beginnings of an interesting story and character with this piece. Remember that it really helps the reader to relate with a character when we know their feelings, as opposed to just their actions. I am not suggesting that you change the piece a lot, but some are necessary to enhance the story and allow the piece to flow. Even some of the secondary characters seem very interesting, but we never really know much about them.

With a little bit of attention, this story shows great potential. I encourage you to keep growing as a writer, and to do that input is always necessary. I would not be where I am today without the helpful reviews from this very site. The only other thing I will leave you with is that this piece definitely needs to be rated 18+. There is some cursing and most of it is about drug use, which is perfectly fine and I have no problem with it, but that is what the rating system if there for.

I enjoyed reading the story. Give it a little tlc and you will have a solid piece. Thanks for posting and I hope I was at least some help.

Kudos! Keep up the good work and stop by and check out my pieces whenever you get a chance!

Thanks for the post!
Elemenopy
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29
29
Review of Preface  
Review by C. T. Hill
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please remember that these are only suggestions and opinions and I mean no offense by them.

Context: I am a huge fan of fantasy, and epic fantasy novels and I think that you have the beginnings of a story here. The hardest part is creating a character or characters that readers can relate with. You have an intriguing background going, as well as a country and people that I could see myself reading about. I guess the main thing is how you correlate this story to a manuscript.

Imagery: You relate the geography of the area fairly well, not that I expected it to be complete in just a preface. I would assume you have a map working to base the novel off of.

Grammar and Spelling: I did not see much, but you have a few spots where commas aren't necessarily needed. Read it aloud to yourself a few times and you should be able to catch them.

Overall: I liked the preface. I think it alludes to an interesting story that could be something magnificent. There was the part about the handmaid and her daughter that confused me as to why you made it part of the preface, unless one of your main characters is going to be the daughter I suppose. Other than that I did not see anything wrong with the piece. Keep it up and you will have a completed manuscript some day.

Kudos! Keep up the good work and stop by and check out my pieces whenever you get a chance!

Thanks for the post!
Elemenopy
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30
30
Review of Primates  
Review by C. T. Hill
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Please remember that these are only suggestions and opinions and I mean no offense by them.

Context: Very, very cool depiction of Lucifer's psyche. I am, to say the least, pleasantly surprised by this piece. I read through it twice to make sure I didn't miss any of the context. Very cool.

Imagery: You did a good job on all accounts.

Emotion: Very well done. I absolutely loved the variation of good and evil. Who is good, who is evil? Is what we have been told correct? Awesome emotion in this piece.

Grammar and Spelling: I saw nothing.

Overall: I can see a lot of people having a problem with this story, but I think it is a very unique and interesting view of past events, of the psyche of he who is thought of to be the most unclean. I smiled once I figured out what this story was about. Absolutely cool. Glad I found this.

Kudos! Keep up the good work and stop by and check out my pieces whenever you get a chance!

Thanks for the post!
Elemenopy
31
31
Review of FOREVER  
Review by C. T. Hill
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please remember that these are only suggestions and opinions and I mean no offense by them.

Context: I was uncertain of where this piece was going at first, it sort of takes a bit to get into it, but once I got to the end I was pleasantly surprised. I liked the entire premise of this piece, very cool.

Imagery: You do a very good job of painting a detailed picture of the events unfolding over billions of years.

Emotion: It is funny to say I could understand the machine's feelings, but I could.

Grammar and Spelling: Nothing that I saw, but then again I was pretty hooked into the story.

Overall: I think you have a very interesting story here. I definitely liked the revelation at the end of who, or better yet what, the narrator was. It was a nice turn of events. I also enjoyed the different perspective you place on the life of humans as opposed to everything else, it was spot on.

Kudos! Keep up the good work and stop by and check out my pieces whenever you get a chance!

Thanks for the post!
Elemenopy
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32
Review of The Choice  
Review by C. T. Hill
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please remember that these are only suggestions and opinions and I mean no offense by them.

Context: This story is a very good depiction of a age old tale. I liked the simple explanation of how they found the fountain, and then the struggle between two lovers on what to do with the contents. It is a very good tale of morality.

Imagery: You did a good job of allowing the reader to really see the story unfold.

Emotion: There is definite emotion between the two characters and their struggle to decide who will live forever.

Grammar and Spelling: There one thing I saw.

By his late twenties, he had already contributed more to the scientific and academic communities that most accomplished in their lifetimes.

I figure that should be than.

Overall: This is a very well done story. It is short, to the point, and well written. I definitely liked the ending. True love wins, at least in stories ;)

Kudos! Keep up the good work and stop by and check out my pieces whenever you get a chance!

Thanks for the post!
Elemenopy
33
33
Review by C. T. Hill
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Please remember that these are only suggestions and opinions and I mean no offense by them.

Context: Very nice. I enjoyed the premise of this story very much. The speech patterns and twang you put into the narrator was simply perfect, it definitely made the story.

Imagery: It played out like a movie and I have nothing negative to say.

Emotion: I think we feel the emotion in this piece. I tell people over and again how hard it is to find stories with true emotion. It is one of those things you simply cannot teach.

Grammar and Spelling: Next to nothing.

Overall: Very well done story. I have nothing bad to say about it. I do not ever give out fives, but this story warrants one I do believe. Thank you for posting, and best of luck to you in the future.

Kudos! Keep up the good work and stop by and check out my pieces whenever you get a chance!

Thanks for the post!
Elemenopy
34
34
Review of The Sound  
Review by C. T. Hill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Interesting piece. It is simple enough and easy to read and I liked that. The narrator is funny in his own way and easy to like immediately. I like the fact that you never really know what the sound is or what is actually going on. It reminded me of George from Seinfeld and how everything seems to go wrong for him. There were not any mistakes that I noticed on the initial read through and the story flowed well. Kudos, keep on writing!
35
35
Review by C. T. Hill
Rated: E | (4.0)
Fun piece, I liked the premise, and it kept me interested through the entire piece. Thanks for the post!
36
36
Review of The Tenant of 306  
Review by C. T. Hill
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Please remember that these are only suggestions and opinions and I mean no offense by them.

Context: Nice story, it got my attention and kept it throughout the entire piece.

Imagery: Very good imagery, sometimes though it is almost too much. For instance, the first sentence is so chalk full of description that it almost turned me off to the entire story, though I am glad that I finished it.

Emotion: It has a dark feel to it the entire time. I liked the spookiness, the unknown.

Grammar and Spelling: Grammar is good, the only real thing I saw at all was here: Gemma's chest gently raised and fell as she lay flat on her back, raised should be rose.

Overall: Well written, good flow, and an interesting story. Nice job, I want to read more!

Kudos! Keep up the good work and stop by and check out my pieces whenever you get a chance!

Thanks for the post!
Elemenopy
37
37
Review by C. T. Hill
Rated: E | (3.0)
Please remember that these are only suggestions and opinions and I mean no offense by them.

Context: I have to admit the context of the piece is sketchy. I get the premise and the setting, but I find myself asking why? For one, it is too short and we do not know enough about the character. Two, you are trying to have us get to know this character with details of his life, but they are thrown at us in a few paragraphs and not a lot sticks.

Imagery: The imagery is good. I could almost feel the heat from the sun and you did a good job of establishing the mood.

Emotion: I find my self searching for the emotion. You build up anxiety and if this were a piece that required such I would have enjoyed it, but I had a feeling there would be a let down at the end and I was correct.

Grammar and Spelling: Grammar and spelling was good, I saw a few minor details but they could be accounted for writing style so, not much there.

Overall: As far as simple writing goes, I think it is good, but when I read a piece I expect something out of it. As far as your piece goes, I came away wondering what I had just read. I mean, perhaps I just missed the entire purpose of the piece, but I feel like you were trying to let me know what a worker in the grape fields in California goes through every day. Instead, I come away thinking, "hmm, seems like there was a lot of build up for nothing." Anyways, like I said, I could have just missed something. You obviously know how to write, because despite the context of the story I still felt like I had to finish the piece.

Kudos! Keep writing!

Thanks for the post!
Elemenopy
38
38
Review by C. T. Hill
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
First off, incandescent light is made by burning a filament of metal inside of a globe, it would be hard for the moon to replicate such a light, just thought you might want to edit that part. Overall I thought the piece was nice, though rough at parts. It definitely needs some read overs to get some of the kinks out. There are some grammar mistakes that I noticed in my initial read through, if I were you I would take a few hard read looks at everything and iron out as much as you can. There was also some things I noticed about tense jumping. I know you are trying to write the story in present tense, which is actually more difficult, as I'm sure you are aware, and some of the words get jumbled in between her past tense story and the present one. Just something to think about.

The second thing I noticed was the abundance of exclamation points that you used. I have to say I felt like they took away from the story. I mean, it is supposed to be dark, right, and she seems to be telling a story of sadness, yet she is reflecting on something that is obviously gone and probably ended in tragedy with excitement? It doesn't really make sense.

Last, there is some great use of adjectives here, but try not to let them rule you. Remember that simple can be good too. For example: "The tiresome black material of her dress" now, this could be planned on your part, but to me as a reader I am trying to figure out what a tiresome dress is. Is it indeed tired and are you hinting at something to go along with the story, which I think may have been the case, but on the other hand the story is kind of heavy with description so I am not sure if you just misplaced some words.

Like I said, I think it is a solid story, and I think it can be a magnificent story, but it just needs a bit of cleaning up. I hope I am at least some help. I look forward to reading more of your stuff, kudos!
39
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Review of The Keeper  
Review by C. T. Hill
Rated: E | (3.0)
Interesting piece. I liked the premise, and the ending was done very well. There is not any grammar issues that I can tell and the structure is sound. Good writing, keep it up.
40
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Review of Eternity of Love  
Review by C. T. Hill
Rated: E | (2.0)
It is a decent piece, but I find myself wondering what was the purpose. I mean, it is too short to really identify with the character. I get that she loved her mother, that her mother was the most important person to her, but it all feels rushed. Like, the story is going well, and then all the sudden you got tired of writing and boom shes gone and the girl seems sad but unable to cry. I don't know, it could use some read overs and definitely editing grammar wise. There are a lot of problems with sentence structure and overall composition.

You could even add in a bit more about their relationship. For example, times that meant the most to the girl, stuff like that. Give us a chance to identify with the character.

You definitely have some talent, just slow down and write from your heart, take the time to get the story exactly how you want it. Don't settle just so you can post it quickly. Good luck in your future writings, hope I was of some help.
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Review of This I Believe  
Review by C. T. Hill
Rated: E | (1.0)
First off, all religious views aside, your writing seems forced. When talking to readers it is important to have a certain purpose in mind before pen strikes paper. To me, your purpose for this piece was to let the world know that you are a Christian and that because you are a Christian you are undoubtedly more refined. It is almost insulting to read this, actually. I reread it twice just to make sure I wasn’t being naïve, but I believe I am on point here.

Your belief is exactly that, yours. It is fine to be excited about something you care deeply about, encouraged even, but you have taken this to a different level. You are quintessentially the exact verbatim example of conceited Christianity, not to mention the fact that not only are you talking down to everyone else who isn’t a part of your religion, but you even take the time to bash those that are a part.

My first question is why even write about this? Is there some purpose behind telling the world that you are a member of something that two billion other people are also a member of? I mean, is being a ‘good Christian’ dependent on how much one goes to church or how loud one sings or whether or not you write about being one?

Also, do you not think that any feelings you have towards your mother are perhaps just a bit biased? And I cannot even fathom why you put the part about Africa in here. So you were a kid, I am assuming, and you were not really scared because you probably were selfish, as are most kids, and were more worried about your toy collection being taken from you than any of the other outstanding circumstances that could have inevitably taken place.

The last thing that irks me is your statement about morals.

Really.

So you are telling me that Christianity is what gives people morals? So the other 5 billion people on the planet are devoid of any moral standings because they are not of the same faith as you? Tell me if you will how you came to your conclusions, because I am dying to know.
All in all, I find your excerpt to be poorly written, choppy, without flow, and insulting. Oh and I am a Christian, so please try harder in the future to not lump us all together into one big group, because I am positive that I am nothing like you.
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