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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/emmacanread
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32 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of PAIN  
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (4.5)
This freestyle poem was about how pain always comes back to you. In the poem, I could tell how much the pain hurt you. You did an awesome job of showing how much it hurt you instead of just telling the reader.

I would suggest capitalizing the first letter of every verse. Also (and this may seem like no big deal to you), I would suggest only putting one question mark. It makes it seem more professional. Sorry, just my personal opinion.

This is a great poem - and that's a lot coming from me, who doesn't like poems that much. Awesome job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (4.0)
In this you are telling us about the new story that you are planning to write, and also telling us to read the three episodes on the link you provided (which I will make time to read soon!). I understand that this right here isn't really a story, but I had to say that you should probably take your formatting out of center align and on left align instead.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a heartfelt story about how you had a lot of self-doubt and are scared for the world around you. You have a lot of questions and emotions, which you do a great job of showing rather than just telling the reader. Your sentences flowed very well and I enjoyed reading this. The only suggestion I have is to make the font size 3.5 or 4 so that it can be easier to read.

Thanks for sharing your story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Ghosted  
Review by Emma
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This was very well written about a girl who was being haunted by a ghost. Apparently she was writing a story about ghosts that said if a ghost touched a human they would turn into a ghost, and this happened to Clare. I also liked how you made the italicized words be in the ghosts point of view.

The only suggestion I have is that if you're going to indent the paragraphs, you should not have a space in between them. It makes the formatting look weird.

I hope you were this winner for this contest entry! Good job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (5.0)
Story
I think that this poem was about how you didn't have a mother growing up. I think that it was really heartfelt. I may not know much about poems, but I liked yours. I could understand how you felt and the confusion you felt and the questions that constantly bugged you.

Punctuation
I feel like you should have had some more punctuation in there. From my understanding poetry doesn't really need punctuation that much, but (correct me if I'm wrong, please) it does need to have some punctuation here in there. One place where you could add punctuation could be at the first line where it said "Dear Mother in law" you could add a comma. This is what people typically do in letters, and that is sort of how you formatted it. It was sort of like a poem and a letter at the same time, and I liked that! Good!

Formatting/Structure
You formatted it correctly. The only thing was, like I mentioned before, that I could see that after the first line "Dear Mother in law" you should put a comma after it. The structure was great, and everything seemed to be in order fine. Although, I don't read or am usually attracted to poems very much, this was very good. It had me reading the whole way through. I felt sympathy for the author, and if that was your goal, you definitely accomplished it.

Overall, this was a well-written piece. I honestly think that it can be kind of difficult for me to find poems that actually interest me or are heartfelt, but this one had it. You should be proud!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
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Review of Guiding Shadow  
Review by Emma
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was amazing and I really connected with this piece of writing. I could feel your words. However, even if someone's piece of writing is as awesome as yours, I still try to find at least one piece of feedback that I can give them. I don't really write poems very often, so please forgive me if my suggestions don't apply to poems, and feel free to let me know, too.

- I am a newbie, too, and I just recently learned that you should make your font size 3 or 4, because it makes it easier for older people to see. You should also consider making it a different font to make it more eye-catching.

- I don't think you formatted the poem right. I'm not completely sure how a poem is supposed to be formatted, so I would suggest that you look at another author's poem on this website to see how they formatted it. To do this, you can just click on the search bar in the top left corner, click on "All of Writing.com," and type in 'poems.' Then you can scroll through and find a poem as a reference. I would suggest looking at a poem written by one of the Preferred Authors.

Overall, this was super good. I will be keeping an eye out for future stories written by you!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was really good :) However, I do have a few suggestions. Just keep in mind while reading this review (and any other one for that matter) that I usually just skip through stories unless the first few sentences or so catch my attention somehow. If you hadn't caught my attention like that, I probably wouldn't even be writing this review right now.

- There were a few sentences where I felt like you didn't phrase it right or it just didn't seem to be quite the right wording. Some of these places were where you said, "A few days before monsoons, we children used to build our treehouse." Another sentence that you might rephrase or add a few words to was, "The only thing I have, and I am not even sure that all of them are true or my mind created a few of them just for comfort." I think you should read through it again and find any other places that you might need to say differently other than these two.

-I am a newbie too, and I just recently learned that it is better you put your font size at 3 or 4. This makes it easier for older people to read and so that you don't have to squint to see. You also might try doing a different font to even better catch the reader's attention.

-Lastly, another suggestion I have is to either indent your paragraphs, or put a space in between them. If you need an example of how to do this, you can look in my portfolio at one of my stories to see how I formatted it.

This was a pretty good story and had lots of details. I hope to see more like this!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Writing.Com 101  
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (5.0)
How do you post something in a forum. I read an article about it but I still don't understand...
9
9
Review of The Last Date  
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was great. I have no words. For just a draft, this is pretty awesome.

The only suggestion I have is that I noticed in some paragraphs you didn't have spaces in between them. Maybe you should go back and put those spaces there.

Great story! Can't wait to read more of your stories!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Coffee  
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is great! It flowed well and had a surprising ending.

*Whenever you say whatever someone is thinking, I like to italicize it. For example, whenever you said Why had he even asked her out, he wondered, for the billionth time. Instead, I think you could format it as, Why had he even asked her out, he wondered, for the billionth time.
*I think you should make your font size 4 of 4.5. Older people may have a harder time reading or have to squint to see.
*Check to see if there is anywhere you can add a comma. What helps me find these hidden places are by reading the passage aloud. (hint: check the first sentence)

This is great! It will be even better after an edit. I hope you take my suggestions well! Have an awesome day!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of I Forget  
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (3.5)
I liked it and the message it contained. However, I feel I would have liked it a lot more if it were longer. I felt like the story didn't wrap up very well, because you ended with a paragraph talking about their parents.

This story has great potential and I can sense a great background story... I would love to read more. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Sleeping  
Review by Emma
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was a great story! I love stories that are rewritten from fairy tales...

I only have one suggestion. In the first sentence, it said, "Luna yawned she was tired." I would put a period in between "Luna yawned" and "she was tired."

Anyways, this story was great :)
13
13
Review of Fresh new life  
Review by Emma
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This was great and really heartfelt. I could feel the emotions through the paper... or in this case through the screen. Great job!
14
14
Review of The Moment  
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good job! I liked the message in this story. It flowed well and was a great short story! Keep up the good work!!
15
15
Review of Familiarity  
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (3.0)
When I give someone a review, I like to tell them what I think their writing piece is about so that they can take into consideration whether or not they have made the point of their story clear or not. I think this story is about (and don't take it too hard if I don't understand the meaning of this poem right. i am horrible about poems) how water is your happy place, and in it you feel familiar and like you belong.

This is a pretty good haiku. However, I do have a few suggestions to help better improve your writing...

*Make sure to capitalize the beginning of each verse.
*I'm not sure if it's just me or not, but the last verse, "it, familiar," doesn't really make sense. Again, it may just be me, but it was kind of confusing.

Take these suggestions as a good thing! I want to help you in any way I can. If you have any questions, feel free to email me! Have a great day :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review by Emma
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was an amazing piece of art. You had me very engaged from the first paragraph. Out of all of this, I could only find one suggestion for you:

*Whenever a new character starts to speak, start a new paragraph. For instance, whenever Henry said, "'This is the chemical I told you about, that can raise the dead. I call it the Lazarus Compound. To be honest, I’ve never actually tested it. This will be my creation’s first trial. All I ask is for you to let me prove it works. My calculations all indicate it should. Just wait here for ten more minutes, that’s all I ask. If the test fails, we'll never speak of this again.'” You had it in the same paragraph that the narrator spoke.

Very good. Keep writing good stories :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of Memories  
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (3.0)
It is a great poem! I do have a few suggestions, though...

*Make sure to capitalize the first letter of each verse.

*You have one extra syllable. Try to find a different word to narrow down the number of syllables you have.

I hope you liked my suggestions! Awesome job. If you have any questions, please email me. Also, if you liked my review, fan me!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of CAN YOU  
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is amazing. I have no words. Absolutely no suggestions for you to improve your writing. It was perfect :)))


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of The Bank Job  
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (3.5)
I didn't really understand the point of the story until the very end. Everything flowed and there weren't any unneeded sentences. Nice job!

The only suggestion I have is to not capitalize the word 'sir.' It is not a proper noun.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of THERE FOR YOU  
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was SO good! It had an awesome message and really flowed together.

The only suggestion I have for you is on the first stanza to make the last verse kind of match up with the other verses in that stanza. I don't know if you understand what I say by this, but it didn't really match up. Email me if you need any clarification on what I mean.

Overall, awesome work! Wish I could write a poem like this!! ;)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Tantrum  
Review by Emma
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This made me laugh. I have been staying home alone for years now, and I remember that the first few times I did it I regreted telling my parents to let me. Good job!!
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22
Review of The Oak  
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (3.5)
It was a really good short story that had a good message at the end. You wrapped it up really well at the end. One suggestion is that I think you should probably find a way to make the beginning of the story more interesting. I felt like I was kind of zoning out at the very beginning. Other than that it was overall really good :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review by Emma
Rated: E | (2.0)
I think that it was a pretty good draft for your first short story! It was kind of hard to follow along with, and I think you should consider adding some transition words to make the flow of the story better. I am new on this website, so I totally understand if you are still getting used to everything! Hope you have a great day ;)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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