Hi! I have just read your poem Heart of darkness. I re-read pieces a couple of times and let you know what stood out to me, whether it is good or bad. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or at least you can enjoy my thoughts from a reading point of view.
Impression: I enjoyed the Devil's point of view, matches the way he is portrayed to be.
Suggestions: The rhyme is there, however if you re-formatted your rhyming sentences it will flow better. It may be just typing errors but see these examples: Be he young, be he old, be his pockets full of gold. Be he young, be he old, Be his pockets full of gold.
For once his innocent heart I see, that innocent man WILL belong to me! For once his innocent heart I see, That innocent man WILL belong to me!
Overall: Like I said, good rhyme and point of view from the Devil himself.
Hi! I have just read your poem Worlds apart. I re-read pieces a couple of times and let you know what stood out to me, whether it is good or bad. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or at least you can enjoy my thoughts from a reading point of view.
Impression: Very touching poem. Beautiful words to honor the memory of a loved one.
Hi! I have just read your poem In Loving Hateful Memory. I re-read pieces a couple of times and let you know what stood out to me, whether it is good or bad. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or at least you can enjoy my thoughts from a reading point of view.
Impression: Definitely dark. Good imagery is clearly seen with your words.
Hi! I have just read your poem Stick A Fork in Me I'm Done. I re-read pieces a couple of times and let you know what stood out to me, whether it is good or bad. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or at least you can enjoy my thoughts from a reading point of view.
Impression: Wow, I feel your anger. Good rhyme and flow between stanzas.
Hi! I have just read your work The Callahan Brothers: Short Story. I re-read pieces a couple of times and let you know what stood out to me, whether it is good or bad. Hopefully reviews such as this can help further hone your writing skills or at least you can enjoy my thoughts from a reading point of view.
Initial Thoughts:
I enjoyed the setting and plot of this story. I wonder now if it will be continued...?
Spelling/Typos/Technicals: “Wasn’t that the point?” grumbled Joe as he came up beside his older brother. “I still don’t understand why were out her in this bitter cold freezing our nuts off.” here in this bitter cold “What the f…!”Shouted Jack as he dropped to his knees and covered his face grasping his nose trying to stem the flow of blood. TRY it this way: “What the f…! ”Jack shouted (missing space between quote mark and next word) ALSO, sentence is too long. Try breaking it into two sentences. “Why exactly are we out here?’ Should be double quotations"
Suggestions:
Tagged dialogue can be a little tricky but it improves the more you write it. Generally, when you attach dialogue to the speaker, close the dialogue with a comma. The tag of he said, or she said is then not capitalized, see your sentence example below:
“It wasn’t one of my better ideas but Ben needed to get away from grams’ nagging.” He said, side stepping his younger brother.
Overall Impression:
Generally, I liked the story. It held my attention, so I kept reading. You created nice imagery; I could almost feel the cold and see the ice. Overall good job!!
Thank you for sharing this with the WDC Community.
Very well written short. I was drawn to the separation the couple were forced to share and I almost thought you were going to keep them that way. Good job with that!! I loved the outcome and what the priest wanted to say.
I noticed no grammar/punc. errors. One thing though, shouldn't Mark be pulling Carlie's hood down, not up? It could be just my interpretation.
Ok, I will admit that the 'kitty' in the title of this work was what made me stop and read it. Now, as I sit here wiping tears, may I say overall job well done. Having just lost a loved one to cancer, I know the pain you express with the parents and the 'hope' they still have. Hope...purrfect name for the kitty who brought joy to Jade when she needed it most.
There is one place you may want to correct...[Jade put on a pearl and diamond necklace and pearl ring. Shayla went to town as soon as she got and bought a cat box and cat food. Kitty was eating before Jade got up.]..I believe you meant to say 'Shayla went to town as soon as she got *UP*. Also the next sentence. Is it meant to be part of the same paragraph or a new one?
Again, great job. Thank you for bringing forward the belief of miracles.
WOW! The details were great; I like the slower tempo you used, as to tease the reader to keep reading to see where these two strangers were headed. I am so glad it wasn't to the bathroom..I like your scenario much better! Please keep writing, I'll definitely keep reading.
See you around WDC,
Eyz
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Impression: I enjoyed the Devil's point of view, matches the way he is portrayed to be.
Suggestions: The rhyme is there, however if you re-formatted your rhyming sentences it will flow better. It may be just typing errors but see these examples:
Be he young, be he old, 
Be he young, be he old,
Spelling/Typos/Technicals:
Overall Impression:
