I found your story on Please Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Interesting concept, and I enjoyed the execution of the idea. It felt rather steampunk inspired, what with the technology and then the bowler hat and style of speech. As a preview, it works well, but I definitely feel that this piece was a bit rushed; there could have been more information, more explanation of who, what, when, where, why, and how (I am glad this is only a snippet of a longer story!) I am really interested in reading the rest of the story. You hooked me on it, and it isn't even my genre preference!
As a preview, I didn't expect there to be much of the plot revealed, but you did well to introduce the larger body of work.
Style and Voice:
A lot of big words! I actually enjoyed your style, it was descriptive but not in such a way as to remove my ability to imagine the scene.
Steampunk dystopian feel to it. I haven't seen a lot of that recently, or ever, and your descriptions set a rather concerning tone. I definitely feel like there could have been more setting, but again I assume there is more of that in the longer story.
I didn't really feel connected to Damien. He was just sort of dropped into my lap--I was much more interested in the setting and even the orb. Perhaps provide a bit of explanation for Damien Black and his purpose. Who is he? Why is he being hunted? What exactly did he do? (If you cover these things in the full story, perhaps look into the places where you added this info in and see if you can rearrange some things.)
So Victorian. It made me smile so much. You did well with the dialog.
I am a thesaurus junkie, but some of the words you used are a bit too much, in my opinion. Most readers don't want to have to open a dictionary every couple of words or sentences. I am not saying to remove them or change them, but take into consideration the level of knowledge and comprehension of your average reader.
Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!
Please remember that this is only my opinion and that I am not an expert, just another writer