I really like this poem! The image of words going round and round like a Ferris wheel is so effective in describing what it's like trying to pluck the right words, get them into the right order before letting them rest from the mental spin. A unique comparison to make but one that is so appropriate.
Definitely angry in imagery! And I think there's a bit of showing and telling. You really went into a lot of detail about those poor neglected feet. Fungus gnawing flesh from bones, green pus... I have to admit that I was relieved I'd had my meal, otherwise you might have put me off :)
Seriously, though, this was an excellent example of getting a message across.
Very well written short poem, and a very timely piece, too. Three colors: red, white and blue, that can signify so much nationalistic feeling. I like the admission of flaws, for there is not a country in the world that does not have them, but also the determination to keep on trying.
Very nice.
Very nice. It's certainly true that being a parent brings with it a lot of responsibility. Young children are far more likely to accept the love and the guidance, but even in adulthood there are times when the child still needs the love and backing of a parent.
A good solid rhyme pattern throughout this poem. Not easy to do, especially when trying to keep the sense of the piece but you aced it here. You showed the desire and the ambition, but also the down-side of hard work and responsibility.
I think you did a good job with this.
First off, I was diagnosed with depression at thirteen too, after taking an overdose. A lot of the feelings you have expressed in this are very relatable. Expressing thoughts through writing can help especially poetry where you can really let the words flow.
I've never managed to keep it at bay for long. I wish you all the best.
Wow, that was some descriptive piece of writing. Especially of the stormy sea and those waves that were like monsters. I really liked the description of them being like 'muggers with lead pipes from dark alleys'. I think surviving any such traumatic incident would change a person.
I loved the way you started this chapter, with the building modern yet purposely made to look old. That gave a great sense of the place. The chapter moved along at a brisk pace with lots of character insights and interactions. I noticed no grammar or spelling issues.
Altogether an enjoyable read.
What a beautiful moment you catch in these words. The repetition works very well in reminding us of the importance of the color.
This is what I think of as a gentle write, one that makes me pause and smile at the simple joy that can be found in nature.
Oh, that was harsh - having the poor plant last just a week before it was so carelessly cut down.
This had a lot of rhythm to it, and is so true. Planting the seed is just the beginning of letting a plant flourish.
This works equally well applied to writing, I think.
Excellent, Ned.
Haha! This was brilliant! Honestly, from the start I had no idea where you were going to go with this but you really put the zombie in poetry with this.
Excellent rhythm from the very first verse that stayed consistent throughout. Perfect rhyming and one hell of a lot of humor of the darker sort.
You did such an excellent job of describing Wanda that I got a real picture of the sort of person she was - a real traffic-stopper, at least as far as attitude went. I was impressed by the fact that she was a real-life character too.
I liked the way you used the crosswalk as something that was not used rather than something that was.
Oh boy, that certainly was a marriage that was never going to work. To be honest, I was rooting for Lauren - after all, it can't be easy to move 200 miles and give up everyone only to have your husband be unfaithful again. The lie changed everything though; that was really playing unfair, and what a tragic ending.
Beautifully written with convincing characters.
It was interesting the way you gave your two characters the same surname even though they were unrelated. A good choice of music for Bobbi to play. You did a good job of showing the competitiveness between them.
I noticed no spelling or grammar issues. Well-written.
You do a great job of showing the build-up of anxiety when a pet goes missing. As you described the poodle it was more and more obvious why there was such a worry. The discovery was one that really brought a smile, having a dog that is quite happy to hide under covers herself.
Nice work.
I can only imagine the shock and discomfort that Elizabeth must have felt. Already feeling drained by the funeral no wonder seeing her son so unexpectedly was so painful. Although I guess no time would be right to hear anther woman called 'Mom'.
Nicely written; no spelling or grammar issues that I was aware of.
Well, you certainly made the life of a princess one that perhaps wouldn't be envied, especially those early getting up times. I could see why she was fed up, but she certainly could not have expected to find herself being abducted.
Well written. A few oddly spaced lines but that was probably down to formatting issues.
This is a very emotional poem but a positive one too. It's not easy being the middle kid, or being one that stands out as being different. The temptation is always to try to fit in, to do something that maybe you don't want to do in an effort to fit in. You came to an excellent conclusion.
Wow, well this was a very hard-hitting story. Definitely a serious case of emotional abuse and dysfunctionality. I was starting to feel sorry for the lad, and how he was treated, but his plans, the violence of the murder... I ended up unsure.
Really well-written and the dialogue was perfect!
Oh, I loved how the thinking up of excuses created a genuine one - very clever. The excuses certainly seemed to get a bit crazier with each one, especially the knee. And then the final crowning moment - who could not attend when they are about to be made Queen.
I good story that brought a smile.
This sounds like it would have been quite an interesting workshop to take part in. I'm one of those that rarely plans although I have written a couple of 35000 to 50000 word pieces, just jotting down the odd sentence here and there of where I want to go. I think I would have enjoyed this as I love working to prompts.
I see that you describe this as true - it must have been a real shock, one that would be hard to ever shake off. I liked the way you did not make out that every visit was happy, which might go some way to explain why there was no attempt to waken the grandmother. She looked happy - that's all any of us can hope for.
A very moving piece of poetry.
Wow, well this was some poem! Some very, very effective use of alliteration, more so because you did not overdo it. You brought in a lot of different gods from the past, all of which I recognized. My favorite verse has to be the one that begins: 'Woken willow winders!' - really strong writing.
Ha! Very inventive. A computer that actually funded its own upgrade! I had to laugh out loud at the computer's description of Dave -'a pathetic little flesh-bag'. There's one thing you might want to correct; on the second line you have 'here' instead of 'hear'.
Honestly, though, you've got me thinking what my modest laptop might be thinking about me.
Brilliant! I wish I could follow this story to the letter. No matter how much we do, how little others do, it is still up to us to do the laundry. I like the idea you finished with but I can't see that going anywhere here either. One thing though - socks! Do you have any idea where all the odd ones go, because even when I do all the laundry there are always so many solo ones.
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