These four journal entries were very well written and did a great job of showing a lot about both your protagonist and the rest of the family too. Continuing to write seems to me to be a good way of coming to terms with the grief. I did feel a lot of pity for your main character, having to be the strong one, but they seem to be coping.
This was a very entertaining piece of poetry. I guess it shows the dangers of relying completely on modern technology when getting from place to place, although in this case it seemed to have lead to a very advantageous detour. Lots of clever use of the word 'eggs'!
Well, this was a very well-planned sci-fi story. Great descriptions of the extreme coldness of the tunnel and the red flickering light. I liked the way you went backwards and forwards through dreams, and the uncertainty about which was real. A bit of a sudden ending, but I cannot imagine that the men in white coats were going to be friendly.
Oh, boy, this was such an emotional poem to read. There really is so much grief in those words. Memories of times in the past, regrets of never being able to relive those moments again. And also the thoughts of being abandoned, left alone. But overall this poem speaks of strength and the ability to carry on.
This was quite an interesting and educational read. You did a good job of describing the usual routine, but the best part for me was when the surprise happened and you described both the rider's nervousness followed by the exhilaration. What a great beginning to a new life.
Wow, well you certainly knew how to build up the tension in this story. I guessed it was a victim's reflection that he was seeing, and that those cooking references referred to what Carl saw as a very special meal. Kind of stomach churning in places, but so well written too.
I could very much relate to this. I imagined a window ledge from which a movement either way would determine life or death. Some very good weighing up of thoughts; what impressed me the most was that you allowed atheists like me to interpret it too, whereas so many would have pitched me over the edge themselves.
Nice work.
Wow, this is an impressive piece of writing; both in its readability and the amount of information that it contains. You made me think of swimming being a bit similar to walking through a jungle, where the dangers can stay well hidden until they choose to strike.
I'd heard a few of the rules about bleeding and jewelry, staying in a group; the dangers of swimming with a dog was definitely one that I'd never been aware of.
Excellent work.
This was a nice bit of mother and son interaction. Clearly Poilin was missing his old life far more than his mother; and it wasn't all down to the difference in the climate either. It was nice to see that the boy had at least managed to make some new friends. Well done to Avica for finding a solution.
This is a very entertaining piece of poetry. You did an excellent job of showing the vampire's increasing desire to bite, and it was so close too. Garlic breath! And a string of it around the neck was an instant turn-off. A solid rhyme pattern throughout - well done.
This was really beautiful world-building, with both echoes of times passed and at the same time futuristic. I could well imagine the shock on being presented with the book - the idea of smacking the savages over the head with it brought a laugh. It did not take long for the son to realize the true value of his gift though - that of knowledge borne of experience.
Fantastic writing in this chapter. I loved the observations Mia made about there being something odd about Mr Neckerson's arrival; and I also loved the questions regarding freedom when those late arrivals pushed their way into the hall. But it really was Steph that stole the show.
Not one single typo or grammar issue that I noticed.
A very emotion-filled piece of poetry. I liked how you left the reasons the love cannot be returned unclear, giving plenty of room for the reader to guess. The comparison with the puppy was very effective, as was the concern that giving voice to feelings might finish the relationship completely.
Two tiny issues: 'You're loved by many' and 'But their love.'
Overall, a very well-written poem. The choice of font color was a nice touch too.
Some excellent character interaction in this. I kind of guessed quite near the beginning that Kyle felt much more than friendship for Emily, that he was determined not to say anything and make their parting for a year any more difficult. Once Emily spoke up, he had to, too.
This was one of those pieces that left me wondering: Did they both stick with their plans?
Some very impressive writing here. I particularly liked the way you included both versions of 'Wedding Anxieties'. Although the thoughts and feelings of Claudia were the same, they came across very differently when there was character interaction. I also liked the idea of Shakespeare's writing block. I bet it really happened sometimes, too.
This made for a very impressive read - it really was so well written. I loved the interactions between Ceravic and Nex; King and sorcerer seemed to both be able to hold their own. Some sardonic humor, especially from Nex; that remark about stupefaction made me laugh out loud.
Oh, I really enjoyed this. It was quite a convincing character sketch written from the point of view of a mug. Routine seemed to play a very big part in their relationship, so much so that I felt quite sorry for the mug when things worked out differently.
Seriously, this was a lovely fun read.
I'm guessing that this was meant in a very tongue-in-cheek way, as my experience of these places is not one that is the slightest bit relaxing. Although, having said that, there's a definite physical relaxation when leaving. Don''t you just hate it when they divide these places up!
An entertaining read!
Well, this was pretty entertaining. We don't have Wal-mart here but I should imagine a lot of the things you describe would apply to other places too. Especially the management tactics - playing statue and staring are very good techniques at putting people ill at ease.
This is very nice. Powerfully put together and very Gothic in its imagery. The sheer brutality of the transformation is shown well with the 'tearing off flesh piece by piece.' Clearly from the final line, the transformation isn't total, but pieces of the previous person remain.
I liked this right from the start, when you showed the difference between players in the way that they traveled to matches. You did an excellent job of showing the determination to win that first set - you really had me willing that character on. And the fact that the rest of the game lost didn't matter, because that initial goal had been reached.
Excellent story-telling!
I rechecked the date that you posted this, because there have been so many stormy years since then. Nature can be a formidable enemy; invisible, stealthy and inescapable. You do a good job of showing the sense of resignation that builds up over time, and the amazing ability we can have of making the best of things.
You made this both interesting to read and acutely observational. There is no getting away from the cursing and swearing, and it does often seem like there is some secret competition going on to prove who can swear the most. It doesn't bother me, but it's not something I do. Well written and thought-provoking.
This is a piece of very clever story writing. You not only wrote a story full of insecurity and emotion and the need for reassurance, but you managed to use those lyrics so naturally. The dialogue flowed back and forth very convincingly and if you had not have underlined them, I'd never have been able to pick out the lyrics so well did they fit with the story.
Ha! This was an excellent read. It's amazing how many small disagreements can escalate out of control. I like the solution you come up with - that of compromise but of equality too. It's definitely not an easy balance to achieve though, and most often it is the female who has to give in. I hope someone writes a companion piece - 'Son, oh son...
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