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Review Requests: OFF
60 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
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Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, K.HBey. It is HWinB.C. I came across your poem of the Newsfeed as a updated portfolio. I really enjoyed it.

The overall feel of the soul reaching out from the shores of earth's water to the shores of the universe was empowering. The journey leads me into the search for our divine connection with trees, water, animals, us and is inspiring to know we can still relate ourselves to a greater source of our existence.

The reaching out for the bond is powerful at the end and truly wraps the poem into what the soul is seeking, LOVE.

Well done K.HBey. I really enjoyed "A moment of meditation". Thank you for sharing it with us.

Keep On Writing!

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
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Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Lisa Noe~kittylove. HWinB.C. here. I saw your request for a review on the Newsfeed of "There's no new face to Jesus". I liked it. *Smile*

The overall feel to the poem was a reassurance of love and faith from Jesus and his Father. Some felt like a call to be with Jesus and some felt like a warning for not answering the call, Satan's deception.

The cadence and rhythm felt smooth and easy to flow with. I didn't notice any hick-ups. It felt like a message being delivered by a drum constant, reliant, and unchanging. Which made it made the feel for There's no new face to Jesus. A message delivered thousands of years ago unchanged by time.

This was a nice spiritual poem. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Keep On Writing!

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
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Review of lost in moon song  
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Rhyssa. I'm HWinB.C. and I came across your poetry in the read and review. I really liked the poem very much.

The title "lost in the moon song" with the description "the dark is crowded with sound" drew my attention because I've done a lot of camping and especially enjoyed the night sounds.

You did great captureing the crickets, frogs, birds and all of it under a mist of mysterious veil. The grief of howling to the moon is captured well reaching deep into the reader to tug on the night sounds of thier own.

An intriging poem, Rhyssa. It touches the dark place in all of us.

Thank you for sharing and
Keep On Writing!
HWinB.C.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
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Review of Summer Breeze  
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, J Sheehy. I'm HWinB.C. I found your story on the plug page I enjoyed reading it.

Note: I am not a professional editor or expert with English and Composition but I have learned a few things along the way and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression: It was indicated that the story is a flash fiction for the Twisted Tales Contest, so I was looking for a twist. In your plug you had said a story of love and revenge, so the set up was there.

Your use of descriptions is wonderful of nature. You truly delivered that Genre in full. Well done. The story left me with a lot of questions. What was the act of revenge? Did someone get killed? From Who or what was Dave set free?

Plot: Your plot starts with scenic nature moving into the story of a betrayed marriage and into a boat accident. A twisted act of revenge for betrayal. The plot seemed to have been delivered in the middle of the story. I understand there are limitations on 300 word contest and it takes a wee bit of magic to pull the big picture into a little one. I appreciated what you have accomplished.

Style and Voices: The style and voice stay consistent as a narrative of the main character.

Scene/Setting: The scene and setting are excellent. A lakeside getaway encompassing the reader completely into the sparking water, nature sounds, crackling trees. A poetic description of all of it. The setting for a "boat accident" with her husband Dave fishing is well done.

Characters: The characters are well developed of the woman scorned by betrayal, a husband who believes a fishing trip will fix everything, and the mysterious Bill.

Dialog: The main character provides all dialog internally. The internal dialog is used well for the telling of the story.

Grammar and Mechanics: I didn't notice any glaring grammar or mechanics issues.

Suggestions: As the reader, I would like to know what the act of revenge was and if someone died? She couldn't see Dave, then she saw Dave on the other side of the lake with the fish, then Dave was going to have beers and talk over old times with Bill (the mystery fellow). It was confusing.


Thank you for sharing your story. Keep on Writing!

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, freedom and nature. I'm HWinB.C. and I found your story in the shameless plug and I enjoyed reading it. Note: I am not a professional editor or expert with English and Composition but I have learned a few things along the way and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression: The internal conflict Ryan was experiencing should be familiar with most readers. I liked that part very much.

Plot: Stories of emotional and inspiration usually do not have an obvious plot, other to inspire. This would have been accomplished if the writer had conveyed which was more inspiration; the walk alone or with someone. It is stated not inviting the woman to walk with him was an opportunity missed. But, what was the opportunity missed? Company for the walk or for friendship or maybe both. It wasn't clear to me. What was clear is he felt sad for not having engaged the woman.

Style and Voices: The style and voice were descriptive and beautiful. The style was poetic in some places and the voice of a contemplative individual was made very clear. Well done.

Scene/Setting:The scene with sounds of the ocean, sand under his feet, dim lighting, and starry skies. Very well done pulling the reader into the setting!


Characters: The reader doesn't know how old the main character is but does know he has anxiety, fear, doubt and desire all mixed together. The description of the second character was well done with her stepping into the lit dim light as small, voice is soft, and she politely greets him. The story is identified as an emotional piece and this story meets that description well.

Dialog: The dialog was most self thought and was easy to follow.

Grammar and Mechanics: Nothing was glaring as for grammar and mechanics.

Suggestions: I don't have suggestions for improvement. The writer did a good job for an emotional piece of internal conflict.


Thank you for sharing your story. Keep on Writing!

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Raven Blackstone. I'm HWinB.C. and I found your story in the Read A Newbie. I enjoyed reading it. Note: I am not a professional editor or expert with English and Composition but I have learned a few things along the way and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression: You expressed in the description that this piece was a bit of a rant and not necessarily a "short story" which set the expectations more clearly for the reader. The title "Are they spirits? or am I mad?" certainly sets the tone of a writer evaluating their experience and how they are mentally experiencing it. The hook for me was a recounting of the personal encounters with "unknown elements" from childhood to current adulthood.

Plot: The plot was kept simple as the writer described the different ways in which the "spirits" engaged her life. It was intriguing and allowed the story to move forward to see if any resolve can be made with the "spirits". Or not.

Style and Voices: The style of the writing was kept natural as did the voice. It had the feel of sitting over a cup of coffee listening to a friend describe strange occurrences in their life. It is a befitting style for telling a personal experience.

Scene/Setting: The scene and settings were brief but conveyed enough information of each home moved to and that it wasn't the house the spirits belong to. It enhanced the experience as more personnel with the writer.

Characters: The characters descriptions were also brief including the writer describing herself as having a "normal" life. It added to the pondering as to why the spirits would choose her. My favorite is her describing the shadowy man in the hat. If more description were given to this character it would enhance the reader's engagement as to how disturbing it truly has been for the writer.

Dialog: The only dialog in the story was self dialog that could be set to itself to enhance the writer's need to talk herself out of being scared.
Example: Getting scared for no reason at night and repeating. Nothings in the house, nothing can hurt you.
repeating, "nothing in the house. Nothing can hurt you."
It emphasizes the self dialog.

Grammar and Mechanics: At the beginning, it would be good to introduce that spirits and ghost are the topic. For example:
"As kids, some of us are told they are not real.." Jump the reader straight into it; Some kids are told that spirits and ghost are not real...

Suggestions: This is a good piece of work on personal experience of the paranormal. Any grammar issues can easily be resolved by a grammar check. One thing I have to constantly remind myself of is to put the topic of the paragraph in the beginning sentence. You can go through and check you have done that. I enjoyed reading your personal experience and look forward to more of your writing.


Thank you for sharing your story. Keep on Writing!

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
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Review of You were a dream  
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Morooj. I'm HWinB.C. I came across your piece on the side panel of Writing by Newbies. I am expressing my own experience in reading your piece. Take what you like and disregard the rest.

What I like about the piece is the complete immersion of emotion for the reader. I felt that excitement, the satisfaction, and completion the piece was conveying. The emotional strength is awesome.

What gave me problems was the feeling of unnecessary extra words.
The flow would have continued nicely without them. For example;

"that I always I dreamed about it," For me saying "a dream I always dreamed about"

"pray to have it" "pray to have" examples like this would keep a nice flow.

These are my feeling when reading the piece. I do like very much how you captured the emotions all the way. Well done on that.

Keep Writing
HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Neva. I came across your story on the Holiday Short Story.

I like the way you describe your character. The reader can get a real sense of her. The reader understands her health, the way she feels about it, and the tingle of excitement she feels about a secret admirer.

The plot moves smoothly and the intereaction builds towards a revelation the reader is yet to understand is coming.

The ending when she finds the movies tickets was a good twist and a little mystery if she will accept the invitation.

Good Story. I found a couple of places you might want to go back to, minor, but needs attention:

"someone has been leaving secret admire gifts" did you want to say secret admirer?
"Las Jedi" to Last Jedi.

And that's it. Great Story!

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
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Review of Déjà Vu  
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Genipher. HWinB.C. here. Big congrats on your win. Well deserved.

I really like your take on a time travel piece. It's hard to go "original" with this topic and you found a way.

Jumping straight into an on going fights was a great catch for the reader and began immediately build a relationship with the main character. The story stayed consistent with action driving the reader forward with the unwilling time traveler and the story explained why he didn't want to go. Simply because they don't come back.
I so enjoyed the characters you created and my favorite was the humorous "fuzzy bunny shoes". This really showed the level of disconnect the leader exist within and the madness he's willing to delve in to.

The trip back was described with short sharp details transitioning the reader to the arrival. It was a good transtition.

Switching the readers attention to a new environment went smooth in the story. His tag kept his connected to the other time while the reader moved into the past with him.

The additional characters filled the rest of the story in as to what happened to the last time travelers. Nice.

Then, I liked the twist. Their future was our present. The topic was bold, current 2018 flu epidemic, and the time travelers plans with his vial and stated mission. You were able to glaze a time travel paradox in as well without take the reader down a rabbit hole. Nicely done.

A very good time travel read, Genipher! It is a hard topic and you did it justice.

I found no issues with glaring grammar or punctuation.

Thank you for sharing it.

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Power  
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Pesky Amanda. I'm HWinB.C. and I came across your story in from the heart. I was considering writing a piece and saw that this was a Quill Nomination. Big congrats for that one and well deserved!

Your story fits all the elements for emotional and inspiration from dark despair to the Coffee shop and a woman who doesn't give up. Having a college background in psychology I found sometimes diagnosis helps and sometimes it makes it worse when a label is attached. In this story, it became something to defeat instead of being defeated. I liked that very much.

Your character is realistic and I would suggest heartfelt. Whether it is personal experience for someone or watching someone else experience the emotional "roller coaster ride" you were able to nail the sinking moments of shame that dominoes into the abysmal feeling of useless. You touched on the heartbreak of being with a mate who is unable to deal with diagnosed depression. You also allowed the character to move on from the heartbreak and find a new life that could include the character's battle.

This is a well written insightful piece graced with respect for the people who experience depression of any kind. Touching on the aspects of personal, work, and the uplifting moment of a note on a coffee cup. You gave the character life and the reader a peek into the darkness that any one of us can walk into at any moment of our life.

Well Done and again Big Congrats on the Quill Nomination!

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Sew-no-more. It's HWinB.C. I saw your request on the Newsfeed.

What a great memorial you've written for Brandy. As you know, I too had a beloved dog and understand your treasure of love and joy with her.

I enjoyed the heartfelt memories of Brandy and your absolute enjoyment of dressing her up. And yes, her loving baths is very unusual but I agree that it also included messages and tenderness.

Suggestions that I make are just suggestions. :)

1. The part "From there we went to Indiana..." then into a new paragraph "My husband was a..." breaks the flow of getting to know Brandy. I would move that to another part of the story (or just remove it) and continue with describing Brandy. I would end paragraph one with her perfect personality, then begin and focus the next paragraph with her personality like you've done.

2. "only to my son...too" I think is to. I'm not an English teacher, lol, so I would check that.

All in all, the story flowed with wonderful memories of Brandy. You completely hit the target with expressing your love and admiration for her and gave great details on a personality that all could love.

Nicely done, Sew-no-more!

Thanks for sharing,

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
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Review of An Unknown Past  
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Pure SciFi. I'm HWinB.C. and I came across your story in the Fantasy Newsletter.

First off, I really like the idea of a space storm and storm chasers. That is a cool idea! It supplied information on how and why they are on this planet and leads into the mysterious ruins that appeared.

The description of the different beings adds to the wonder of life beyond human design and you did a nice job of giving characteristics that a earthly reader can follow.

I like that the plot kept an element of mystery as the story progressed leaving no clue as to what exactly they have found or what to expect as an answer. That was nicely done.

I liked the ending and how it wrapped up the story. The topic of intelligent design for space weather is timely with given events of today. The topic is technological advancement before a species understands what the results will be is also timely, in my humble opinion.

There were no technical issues that jumped out at me.

I remember this contest and the prompt as a picture. You did very good work with the prompt.

Thank you for sharing it.

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
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Review of That Chicken  
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Jacky. HWinB.C.

That's a good story for the prompt. A person would question their reality after seeing a chicken that doesn't conceivably belong there, then unknown objects in the sky, only to be connected again to "That Chicken". LOL

You're a crafty with Flash Fictions and I enjoy yours. Your character are composed to a short and to the point. You have action and a twist of mystery to bring the reader along.

Always nicely done! I enjoyed reading your creativity with the given prompt played out in three hundred words.

Five out of five, Jacky.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi W.D. Wilcox. I'm HWinB.C. I saw your story on the newsfeed and since this is a particular topic I've paid a lot of attention to, I was intrigued to read your story.

I noticed you originally wrote this story in 2007 which I say says a lot for your insightfulness. I personally didn't realize the level of develop until 2010 and have watched very closely.

You captured a paradox we are facing today with the new citizenship of Sophia and what you bring to light, "I am alive...I have feelings" is being brought to our attention on mainstream media. You gave a level of possibilities that were only seen as science fiction at the time it was written and a real life scenario as we see it play out ten years later.

Your solder was a good character for a comparison for what it means to be human. Was he as robotic with his response as the predator he had annulated. Had he given any thought to what the sentient life was saying to him?

The action was good and appropriate to be placed in a military setting as it would seem the autonomous nature of our weapons are following orders like their human counterpart.

I liked your story and felt it timely with bringing it back into view to be read again. Well done!

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Melting Snow  
for entry "Robot Citizenship
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I agree with everything you've said. I have been watching this technological progress for decades now and you nailed a few areas!

I heard a man say this; "it is clever to know how to make an A Bomb. It is smart not to."

Knowledge and wisdom falls into this category as well. Knowledge is acquired and wisdom is knowing what to do with it. The A.I. cannot accomplish this without a human consciousness and that concerns me. It is our emotions that develop wisdom and if a wise A.I. is their goal, we are what they need. Think about that one.

Nice piece, Neva. Thanks for sharing it.

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, DeNine. HwinB.C. Hope you faired okay in the hurricane. Clear skies here for a couple of day. Nice to breath air and look at clear skies.

I have read the chapter you requested a review on. You asked to let you know what I think of the story and not to worry about the mechanic of it for now.

After the first page I gathered the intended audience is young adult. The prelude intro was a good hook and catch that allowed for the introduction of the main character to develop.

I have a good visual and understanding of the main character and feel it is well developed through his interaction with his father and school peers.

The home life is well described as to what kind of environment he lives in and the distant relationship with his father. It helped develop his own characteristic distance from people at school.

For me the plot is slow paced until the fight between him and the jealous ex-boyfriend. it picks up at a good pace then.

The scenes are well described and the death scene is my favorite.

His encounter with the man in black fulfills the element of mystery and the near death fulfills the supernatural for me. I do not get a sense of science fiction at this point. Perhaps it is something you're going to introduce later.

Your dialog is good and natural. The verbiage you use for the story is young adult.

Overall thought about the intro chapter is that can develop into an interesting story. the high school drama drags it a little at the beginning, but you did good placing incidences like things falling and chance encounters with a popular girl.

It is promising piece of work.

Keep On Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, Whitemorn. I'm HWinB.C. I came across you short story on the newsfeed and the title perked my interest.

The story brought about mixed emotions for me. I have personal experience dealing from addicts and the victimization they cause family and community. I also feel sorry for their destroyed lives, but use caution to not get too involved. it has been my experience that addicts will use that compassion to take advantage of a person. This is why I liked your story. You gave a personal account of being compassionate and they didn't steel, lie, or abuse your kindness.

The problem is real worldwide. Here in British Columbia, people are dying everyday from fentanyl overdoses. Tragic stories written in obituaries describing the addition to death. Many are young. Some are not.

Your description "Just One More Missing Face" does capture most of our attitudes towards death from addiction. There is a coldness to it and honestly, we have become insensitive to the issue. Your story brought back the humanness of their struggles and made people out of them again.

Thank you for sharing this story. It was well narrated and written. It made me think about my own experiences dealing with addicts I personally know and a moment of being honest about my feelings.

Keep On Writing!

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Resting Stone  
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Unratable.)
Hi Sorji. HWinB.C. here. I saw your plug on the Community Newsfeed and popped over to read your story.

My overall impression of the story is a message of grief and recovery well written. It made me think of what the Mayans would have said as the Spanish destroyed their civilization. The accounts of the Natives of North and South America sound mournful like this.

The scene/plot was defined as the conquerors methodically laid waste to the spiritual temple then the temple of information. Historically played out time after time. The salting of fields reminded me of how the Roman's would do it out of spit when victory wasn't going to happen.

The storyteller showed genuine emotion with the event. The child "out of the mouth of babes" was a nice addition of inspiration. Grief after being horrified is a difficult set of emotions to write and you did good.

I'm wasn't an English major so the small things I notice I will point out, but it doesn't make me right.

"for dawn seems like" may be "for dawn seemed like"

The other suggestion, somehow blend how the stone buildings are more merged with the people.

For example: "They attacked the spirit of our people by tearing down the stones of our spiritual temple"

It merges the stonework with the emotional impact. Just a suggestion and I have a thing for the psychological impact.

All in all this is a good piece and timely for the destruction we are currently experiencing.

Write On!

HW



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, DRSmith. HwinB.C. Came across your story and wow.

My overall impression is what a great story you weaved. I've never been into horseracing, but found it so easy to follow your story.

The characters, especially Moses were alive and vivid in my mind as I read it. The transition to Mike's childhood was smooth. The character were well described and from perspectives of other characters.

The setting and plot were easily visualized of the two men sitting in a bar and Mike recanting a childhood story of a person they both knew. The transition from the raindrops on the window to the wise old Moses was really smooth and brought the story alive. The setting back in time with true cultural references only added to the enjoyment.

The dialog between memory and current conversation was kept well balanced. No confusion at all about what timeline it was taking place in.

I didn't see any grammar issues, but I wasn't an English major either.

I can't think of anything that would have made this story more pleasurable to read. This is a well written story with great embedded wisdom. I really liked it. Thank you for sharing it.

Keep On Writing!

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
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Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Robert E. Baker-White Walker. It's HWin(Blazing)B.C.

I came across your story a while back on the Community Feed and it stayed with me ever since. So, today I decided to write a review. I also see that you won a well deserved award for the piece. Congratulations!

As a note, I have eight and a half years law enforcement experience and have a dual perspective on the story.

My overall impression of the story is well done. You built the story and characters to a full engagement and an expressive tragic ending.

The plot lays forth a path of a grieved officer that is led into a place he did not want to be. He was forced into full training mode leaving prejudice behind. He manages violent chaos with little to no back up and insufficient training for hostage negotiation. As well as a less experienced officer he feels responsible to oversee. At the end, he is met with a complex decision between family and duty.

The casual style/voice blended with chaos depicts a surreal scene that is too often played out in our world and you depicted it well. Really well. The 10 codes always draws the reader in for officer experience and you used just enough for engagement without losing the reader. Nice.

The scene and setting were well drawn out with crowds, multiple locations of reported gun fire, and two officers expected to gain control. The reader is led into a building of unknown and anticipates what is around the next corner.

The characters were realistic, victims and officers alike. I would like to point out that cops and donuts are a cliché, but no one seems to be able to pass that up. The daughter at the end was a well built character in a short burst of fanatical beliefs driven into psychopathy. You did that very well.

The dialog was easy to follow and added substantially to the chaos, desperation, and disbelief of events creating a solid support for the scene and setting.

Nothing to remark on for the grammar and mechanics.

I don't have any suggestions for improvement. The story is realistic for today. You addressed many issues in our world in 2000 words. It is well written and the award is well deserved. Congratulations!

Write On!

HW




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Everybody Dies  
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Liz Rector. I'm HWinB.C. and I came across your short story in Random Review.

The first person account of experiencing a death so unbelievable is well expressed. I personally have experienced more than one of those deaths and your writing struck a chord of truth with the emotional experience.

I especially like the line in which the person wants to crawl out of their skin so as to not have to experience the overwhelming pain that comes with true intense grief.

Your description of how time stops for the grieving individual and the resentment of other people's time continuing is very well expressed.

My favorite part is "I don't want to be awake anymore" does express the surreal perception of reality inside a mind shutting down to protect itself.

I appreciated the rawness and willing exposure of true feelings when dealing with intense grief.

Minor capitalizations and paragraph spacing didn't take away from the intensity the short story.

Thank you for sharing.

HWinB.C.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
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Review of Group Poem  
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, K.J. Miller. I'm HWinB.C. I came across this poem in read and review.

What first struck me was several people contributed to the poem. I had not read something like this before and I was so impressed. I can see how placing several minds in a piece can create a cool and beautiful poetic collage.

Nature was a good topic for this piece and it moved smoothly through the seasons. It also allowed for different regions to fall gently into a single piece of work.

I really like the construction from different writers! What a lively poem.

Thank you for sharing it.

HW



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
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Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Fivesixer. I'm HWinB.C. and I found your poem while looking at the Writing Cramp site. I personally am not a poet, but do enjoy reading poetry from time to time.

Your poem, "Older Sister" gave an incredible description of the mind as a universe. As neuroscience came improved, the pictures they took of the mind did indeed look like nebulas in the universe. So, I could relate to what you were expressing in the poem.

I could visualize little galaxies of birds and houses diminishing to stick people as the wiring goes in the brain.

I also felt the passion as the sister watches her older sister live in a universe only accessible to the older sister.

This is a well written poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing it and congratulations for your win in the contest!

Have a great day.

HW


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, K.Hbey. I had a chance to come by and look at your portforlio and peruse. Your writing is intriguing and some quit deep. I like materials that make me think. I have a passion for following technology and this article, Technology Around The World, caught my eye.

I enjoyed the layout in which you gave different experiences of people struggling with emerging technology. The credit card example was a very good one.

I agree with the proposition that technology is presented without instruction. Although you didn't mention it in your article, I can clearly remember struggling with DOS with the first 286 personal computers.

I would have enjoyed reading your opinion as to why there is a lack of education before releasing technology. Or perhaps, that would be an article in and of itself.

Your English is smooth and the minor grammar technicalities do not take away from conveying the meaning of the story of the article.

I enjoyed reading this article and find your writing intriguing. Thank you for sharing!

HWinB.C.





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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25
Review of Serenity  
Review by HWinB.C.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Haneef. I came across your story in the read and review button.

My initial impression was, wow what am I looking at here? However, as I stared at the "I am just a lazy writer" the allusion struck me.

The entire story was a portrait of a lazy writer with keyboard strokes of misspelled words, capitalization mistakes, and disjointed random thoughts.

A little Picasso of a Lazy Writer. Well Done.

Thanks for sharing your portrait of the lazy writer.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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