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Melancholy Scribblings
Found in a notebook dated 1991. Apparently I was depressed over my non-existent love life.
Ornithologist Ostrasized
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Melancholy Scribblings
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jasper-kasper
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jasperkasper
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Public Reviews
E for Everyone
ASR and below
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1
1
Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.
#
4698295
Review of
In search of love
Review by
jasperkasper
Rated:
E
★
★
★
★
★
|
(4.0)
Given:
May 23, 2023 at 3:51pm
Length:
135 Characters
|
135 w/o WritingML
I like your imagery with the lotus.
Possible suggestions would to drop the 'was' in line 2 and not repeating 'I found you' in line 4
2
2
Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.
#
4698294
Review of
Cat
Review by
jasperkasper
Rated:
E
★
★
★
★
★
|
(4.5)
Given:
May 23, 2023 at 3:48pm
Length:
102 Characters
|
102 w/o WritingML
I like the play in cats need to be in boxes but are already putting their next adventure in the house.
3
3
Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.
#
4697362
Review of
Surprisingly Luxurious
Review by
jasperkasper
Rated:
E
★
★
★
★
★
|
(5.0)
Given:
May 16, 2023 at 9:54pm
Length:
199 Characters
|
199 w/o WritingML
I really like your juxtaposition of the hair and the importance it has in this poem.
And the parts of us all that remain in death as well both physically and hinting at the spirit left in the world.
4
4
Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.
#
4672740
Review of
White Cutlass
Review by
jasperkasper
Rated:
13+
★
★
★
★
★
|
(3.5)
Given:
Oct 3, 2022 at 6:53pm
Length:
267 Characters
|
267 w/o WritingML
The first and third stanza it feels a little off and first read I thought you meant you as in your person and not the car.
Then the closing stanza feel a little heavy handed might want to look for another phrase for high specs and not end so hard on the word sex.
5
5
Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.
#
4672460
Review of
Autumn
Review by
jasperkasper
Rated:
E
★
★
★
★
★
|
(4.0)
Given:
Sep 30, 2022 at 11:40pm
Length:
98 Characters
|
98 w/o WritingML
I can feel the energy you capture in your words. I can feel the winds moving my hair reading this.
6
6
Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.
#
4672182
Review of
Aloneness
Review by
jasperkasper
Rated:
E
★
★
★
★
★
|
(5.0)
Given:
Sep 27, 2022 at 6:45pm
Length:
118 Characters
|
118 w/o WritingML
I really like the story you are telling in and it encapsulates feelings I have felt tugging at me time and time again.
6
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