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Review Requests: ON
781 Public Reviews Given
786 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to always pick out the positive points in a piece, even if overall I am not enamoured by it. I tend to point out grammatical and spelling errors. I will be honest, but not unkind *Smile*
I'm good at...
Empathising with people, giving my opinion, analysing poetry.
Favorite Genres
Travel, Sci - fi, psychology, opinion, music, horror, gothic food, emotional, death/dark, animal.
Least Favorite Genres
Western/war, Parenting, History, Erotica/Adult
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Flash Fiction, Photos, Articles.
Least Favorite Item Types
Campfire creatives, interactive stories.
I will not review...
Novels.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
101
101
Review of Firebug  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Nathan Peterson

I found your item on the Plug Page. I liked the title "Firebug" which sounded quite dramatic, maybe fantastical - not the case I realised when I read the description of your piece, yet this intrigued me too. When I was a child I was terrified of fire. I used to wake up in the night crying with terrible nightmares about fires and if there ever came anything on TV about a fire, like on the News my parents had to turn it off. I have no idea why and it stopped when I was around 10 years old and we moved house. Anyway, I was intrigued by the opposite perspective to mine!

I can empathise with your first paragraph - I am also a child of the 80's and I remember how things were then. My parents rarely smoked but I remember going up the shops with my friend to buy ciggies for her Mum. Imagine that now - a couple of 8 or 9 year old buying cigarettes!! We always had matches lying around - mainly because when the electric went and we didn't have 20p to put in the meter we could light a candle (I wasn't scared of those). Oh, and because we had a gas cooker with a broken clicker.

You have some lovely description in your piece - like how you remember the matches burning, the colour and the smell and even the sound of the flames. Your style of writing is easy to read and has a seductive quality to it. I am not too sure about the reference to heroin. Although I understand the analogy, it doesn't really seem to fit with the piece, because you are telling a story about a childhood memory. Certainly if you keep it, your item should probably not be rated "E"....

I thought this was an interesting insight into someone's childhood and generally a well written piece. I also enjoyed the ending, it made me laugh *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
102
102
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello silverpen

After meeting you on the general discussion forum, I decided to take a look at your portfolio. I chose this poem to read since Christmas has just been and gone so it is fresh in my mind I suppose.

Your poem here tells a story from the writers point of view about how he finds Christmas, or rather the Christmas spirit. The poem seems to point out that the commercial and stereotypical connotations of Christmas - the lights, the santas, the buying of presents etc - are not the things that provide true Christmas spirit, rather the little things which we take for granted - here, the simple kindness of a young child. I agree in principal with your moral tale as I don't really celebrate Christmas myself in the commercial way so I enjoyed the theme here.

Your narrative I found easy to read and follow, even though it is a long piece, and I like the way you have painted your imagery. As a poem however, I did not feel that it read especially poetically - more like one of those feel-good, inspirational, mini - stories people are always posting on Facebook. This is of course the style you have chosen to write in and does not mean I did not enjoy reading your poem - it is quite original as a poem after all, to me it just read more like a story.

I liked the heart-warming, if a little soppy ending which was a surprise as I did not really know what the writer would find at the end of his quest....

*Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
103
103
Review of When It Mattered  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating

I found your poem looking for blue cases to review for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1963677 by Not Available.


I am also checking out the competition for this contest as I am thinking of entering *Smile*

I thought that this was a quietly powerful poem which although is simply written, shows the pain and the emotion of the writer concerning this person she has lost. I am presuming from the last line that this person has left rather than passed away - the "searching everywhere" hinting at this. It shows that the writer has not yet been able to overcome her emotions for the person he or she writes about.

I think it works well as a love poem, if a dark one, although that is the kind of love poem I prefer, I suppose. Perhaps I can connect to them better that those full of delight, kisses and roses *Wink*.

My favourite line is this one:

"You left me shivering in the cold,
My soul adrift in time and space.

I think this describes the feeling of emptiness and being lost well. I thought the poem flowed well and had a sing-song quality to it which made it pleasing to read.

Good luck in the contest *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
104
104
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Lesley Scott

I found this article whilst looking for things to read and review on the "Random review" tab.

The main thing that strikes me about your story/article is the vast amount of knowledge that you exhibit about this subject which is evidently very dear to your heart. To be honest I have not had much to do with horses/donkeys/mules etc. in my life and it can sometimes be tedious to hear tales of other peoples passions about the latter, however, I found your story quite charming and, although you use some technical terms in your piece, I feel that it is written well for the average person who perhaps (like myself) knows little about this subject.

It was interesting to read about your mule related exploits - although I am not quite sure of the relevance of this kissing! Perhaps this is just to draw people to read the story*Smile*

The best bit - "Save Fuel, Ride a Mule" - Inspired! *Delight*

*Horse**Heart**Bookopen* *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
105
105
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello very thankful

I found your recipe book looking for things to review for the "Invalid Item"  challenge!

I was attracted to your username from the list because I am a big fan of bees *Smile*. I thought I would take a look at your cook book for several reasons:

1) I enjoy reading recipes/cook books because I like to cook. *Smile*

2) I know a lot of people who are wheat/gluten intolerant and often choose gluten/wheat free options myself purely because I think eating too much of the stuff probably isn't good for you.

3) I have been toying with the idea of starting my own "cook book" on WDC - a vegetarian/quick and easy/budget style one - being vegetarian myself, and I find a lot of veggie cookbooks are about dinner party food or fancy dishes rather than something you would make for yourself on a Wednesday night at home! *Wink* So anyway, I was curious to see what kind of layout other people would employ.

I think the idea of a gluten free cookbook is a good one, if this is something you think you would like to persevere with, as many people these days are going down the gluten free route for one reason or another it seems. I like the fact you have a variety of recipes in there already - the Rasberry and Mushroom salad sounds lovely whether you eat gluten free or not!

Your recipes sound easy to follow, but one of the main things that struck me was the fact I don't know what a lot of the ingredients are! Thawed Whipped Topping? (possibly whipped cream?) Philadelphia cooking creme? (Is this like Philadelphia cheese?) Ranch Dressing?? - could be anything *Laugh*

This is not a criticism of you, more an interesting fact that ingredients in different countries can be so different - as well as the measurements of "cups" rather than grams or ounces. Of course, you have probably written this for the American audience {I am guessing!) but it might be something to think about if you were thinking of writing a cook book. For myself as well *Smile*

I would love to see some pics of the finished dishes to accompany your recipes - I always like looking at the pictures in cook books!

*Smile* *Cake2* *Lemon* *Pizza* *Starstruck*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
106
106
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello ElizabethHayes-DaughterofIAM

I found your poem looking for things to review for the "Invalid Item"  challenge.

I was drawn to this poem as it fits the season of the year! I do like the way that you have written in the poem in festive red and green which really fits with the theme of the poem.

It is a short but sweet, cheerful poem which captures the sentiment of Christmas for children. I would say that maybe it is a little too short and almost abrupt, although this is really just a personal opinion. The imagery is mostly appropriate although I find that "Little bodies lie in a heap" sounds a bit sinister! *Shock* This could just be me of course!

It is a cute poem which I am sure would appeal to children.

*Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
107
107
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Patrece ~

I found your article/story whilst looking for things to review for the "Invalid Item"  challenge.

By the way, welcome to writing.com and I am glad you are loving it *Bigsmile* *Heart* It is indeed an awesome place.

I was really interested in your story as this is a topic I know little about. I have no children of my own and indeed am rarely in the company of them for long. My knowledge and experience of autistic children is even less, but because of where I work I am often curious as to the life that lies behind the "disabled" child on paper.

Your piece is heart warming and displays your love for your grandson but is also very matter- of - fact. I think it is amazing that you take care of him on a daily basis as if without any judgment or complaint - as it must be very difficult at times. You speak very honestly and openly and I am sure that other people in your position would be able to connect and relate to this.

In terms of the execution of the text itself, you probably need to check your punctuation a bit, maybe run it through a spell and grammar check. Also, I don't think you need the last line, "to be continued" as it works well as a piece itself - although it would probably be a great thing to make a collection of stories about if this is what you intend to do.

I really enjoyed your content here - it is an interesting insight in to a world very far from my own.

*Smile* *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
108
108
Review of Sugar  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello b_boonstra

I found your short story whilst looking for things to review for the "Invalid Item"  challenge. The title "Sugar" did not give much away about the story so I decided to delve in and read more.

I think you have touched on an interesting concept here - a future society where the government has decided to ration sugar for the good of the people - with talks of "Fat Tax" and compulsory labels now on everything, this is not such a far fetched notion and it sparks an interesting debate.

I would have liked to know what the prompt question was - often authors tag this in their entry. I suppose this is personal preference but personally I find it interesting to see how a prompt has been interpreted. *Smile*

I enjoyed the story although felt that the tenses used got a little confusing as it begins in the present tense but the last paragraph suggests that a story remembered from the past is being told. Other than this I like your style and the way you have written it sounds like it really happened! *Wink*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
109
109
Review of Camp 39  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Dave

You have entered
FORUM
The Holiday Contest - CLOSED FOR REFURB  (ASR)
Holiday themed contest - submit your poems and short stories to win!! :)
#1922341 by Jellyfish-on holiday


For the Month of October/November 2013

With your poem/short story "Camp 39" 

What I liked about your entry was....

I thought the imagery in your poem was great. I can really picture the people in the poem and follow them on this short trip. My favourite image is that of the sunlight filtering though the leaves, reminiscent of a stained glass window. *Smile*

What I was not so keen on was...

I found the style of the poem a little odd. Although it is very well written, it seems more like a flash fiction story split in to sections to me, rather than a freeform poem. I appreciate that this is probably what you intended, but am unsure if this is a style of poetry I favour.

How well your entry fit the prompt of the contest "HOLIDAYS"

The poem fit the prompt perfectly, being about a camping trip. The poem seems to indicate that the two young guys find that this "escape from the city" is not all it is cracked up to be - which would certainly echo my own thoughts on camping - not my preferred type of holiday.... *Wink*

In conclusion

A well written poem with great imagery which tells a short story about a camping trip. Perfect for the prompt, although I am a little unsure of the style employed.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
110
110
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Don Two

You have entered
FORUM
The Holiday Contest - CLOSED FOR REFURB  (ASR)
Holiday themed contest - submit your poems and short stories to win!! :)
#1922341 by Jellyfish-on holiday


For the Month of October/November 2013

With your poem/short story "One Fine Morning of Thwart" 

What I liked about your entry was....

I liked the fact that your poem told a story and an amusing one. It's funny because when I think or write about holidays myself I always think about the classic good points - sunbathing on the beach, drinking cocktails in the evenings, swimming in the pool and so on. A few people however have written about holidays going wrong. This is just as entertaining to me and I enjoyed reading the story within the poem here, wondering what the outcome was going to be at the end....

The poem has a frantic tone to it which I felt as I was reading it - I could almost see the couple in this farcical tale getting stuck in the doorway, piling in to the taxi and so on. The end of the poem made me laugh, it is a good ending - I hope though that this is not a true story! *Wink*


What I was not so keen on was...

The poem flows pretty well to me but there are some odd references I do not quite feel fit (this is of course just my personal opinion, there is nothing wrong with the images themselves!)

For example:

(somewhere on Bermuda scurries a crab.)

This seems a bit random! Are crabs particularly prolific on Bermuda?? Maybe they are. It just seems an odd thing to be thinking of when going on holiday! Later the crabs return to "frolic" on the beach - this seems an odd reference to a crab but perhaps you have just used this image for amusement. *Smile*

check on the tickets, do not be a hick.

This could be the transatlantic differences in meanings coming out but I thought a "Hick" was a term for someone who lived out in the country, like a "hillbilly"?? Again the reference did not make sense to me in the context used.

Louie then turned and chimed, “This is so rare.”

The poem seems to be about a man and his wife, I am unsure of who Louie is - their son perhaps? But this seems an odd thing for a child to say.

As I said, these things are not huge errors or anything, just things I thought of when reading the poem and had me slightly confused, so stilted my enjoyment of the poem a little.


How well your entry fit the prompt of the contest "HOLIDAYS"

Your entry fitted the prompt perfectly - the holiday theme ran throughout the poem highlighting the many things which could go wrong on the day you are supposed to be leaving for your trip!

In conclusion

I enjoyed your amusing poem which tells a short story within it. I think the poem rhymed and flowed well and was easy to read and understand on the whole, except for a few references (to me). Your poem fit the prompt of "HOLIDAYS" perfectly. *Smile* *Sun*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
111
111
Review of unemployment  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello charlieb

I saw your item on the "Noticing Newbies" page. Welcome to WDC and nice to meet you. *Balloonp* *Bookstack3*

I was drawn to read your item because of the title "Unemployment" and thought it may be an opinion piece on the topic. The title is a little misleading as the piece is more a journal type entry about relationships rather than a article about unemployment as such.

You might in fact want to consider starting a journal/blog item if this is a type of writing you are interested in - you certainly write in this manner here and I think you could write a good blog, your "thoughts on paper" as it were. There are lots of blogging groups and competitions going on here at WDC as well which may interest you. I would say that this does not necessarily work as a story or article though as a blog entry it would be perfectly at home. *Smile*

I would avoid using "text speak" in your work such as "IDK" as not everyone will know what this means and it does not read as well as typing the words. I would perhaps also check punctuation and capital letters for names if you are writing a story - you can always run it through spell check (this is what I do as I am not great at spelling and punctuation myself! *Blush* )

On the plus side I found your casual style here easy to read, honest and open. I am also intrigued by the last line - "He is my cactus..." - an interesting term of endearment I have not come across before!! *Wink*

If you are planning to write in this kind of style I would definitely consider a blog item *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
112
112
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon

This is a Rising Stars review for
STATIC
Surviving A Drama Queen  (13+)
“Oh Daddy, it’s just terrible. My life is now unbearable!” What could I do?
#1947313 by 🌕 HuntersMoon


Here are my thoughts and opinions on your piece *Smile*

*FolderB*Title*FolderB*

The title drew me in, I suppose, because it contained the word "drama" - and having just been in one play and auditioning for another next week I suppose this word is at the forefront of my brain!! *Wink* Of course, the poem is not to do with drama of THAT kind - I think the title fits well for this different kind of drama queen.....*Smile*

*TrainB*Theme*TrainB*

The theme of your poem is a humorous outlook at being a Dad of teenage children. Having no children of my own, this is not something I can really relate to but this is not necessary to enjoy the poem and these are issues we are all aware of, from the media, things people talk about at work or on Facebook - even memories of one's own childhood (although it was all a lot simpler WITHOUT social media in those days *Laugh*)

*InfoB*Impressions*InfoB*

Your poem tells a story and I like this in a poem - the poem rhymes and reads very well, flawless really and you have kept to a specific form throughout which I think works fabulously. I enjoyed the poem more on the second read which I think was my brain getting used to the specific form here *Wink*. Your descriptions are illustrative and your rhymes often clever, such as here:

“Is it a bully? Or a boy?
Have they said something to annoy
or has someone’s life been ended?”
“Worse than that! I’ve been un-friended


*StarB*Favourite Bits*StarB*

My favourite part was probably the ending - A clever twist and also tying in the prompt sentence!

*GiftB*Overall*GiftB*

An enjoyable poem with a humorous take on the modern life of a teenage "drama queen" and her doting but slightly bemused Dad! Great rhymes and tells a lovely story. *Smile*



A sig for my Rising Stars reviews


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
113
113
Review of I Saw a Dragon  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Magoo

Header for The Gift Shop This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that Ghostranch bought for you with the message: 'Congratulations on winning 3rd place in the Poetry Treasures contest.'

I was attracted to this piece in your port as I am a fan of dragons in general and currently am kind of obsessed with the game app "Dragons of Atlantis" *Wink*

Your poem did not disappoint and I thoroughly enjoyed it - you say you would like to write poems for children and I think you have created a perfect example of this - only of course adults can appreciate it too! *Smile*

The poem is cute, it's funny, it's original and it rhymes perfectly. I am transported to a land where dragons sell snacks and meet with their ladydragonfriends in the woods for illicit chats! *Wink*

I am hard pushed to find my favourite bits but here are a few that stand out for me:

then swallowed whole, a pickled snake. I found this funny, I don't really know why - it kind of reminded me of those huge jars of evil looking pickled eggs you find in pubs!

a lady dragon by the trees
applying makeup in the breeze. - I love this as I love the idea of applying human qualities to such mystical creatures

The dragons soon had dragon kids
who learned to fish for squirmy squids.
The kids sold squid within the square
and to the prince with maiden fair.

My favourite verse - such alliteration! (Imagine saying that after a few glasses of wine *Wink*)

Great poem, deserves no less than 5 stars in my opinion! *Smile* *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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114
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Twitch

Header for The Gift Shop Thank you for your order at "Invalid Item" . We appreciate your business.'


I chose this poem to read as I have a particular personal hatred of winter and all its connotations and I was intrigued to discover why a man would have so much love for the season. Unfortunately I did not really find the answers to this question - although your poem is written in a beautifully passionate way with an almost dreamlike quality to the words. The writer seems delirious in his love for this season which he finds so exquisite yet so cruel.

I also found the style of your poem appealing although unusual - to me it seems freeform almost to the point of becoming prose, although that is not necessarily a bad thing. The poem tells a story, and has a sing-song quality to it.

I am not quite sure why you keep using the word "mine" instead of "my" - this seems to be purposely rather than a typo but strikes me as being harshly grammatically incorrect.

A couple of other things I noticed:

"Oh how softly thy singing is to mine ears" - "Soft" would be better here than "softly" - unless you perhaps changed the line to "Oh how softly thy sing"

"that wreches a man to his feet and to his death. - this is probably a typo which should read "wrenches"

You have an interesting poetic style here and some great imagery - although I am still feeling slightly lost at this overwhelming love for "winter" which is not quite explained....


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
115
115
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jeannie Cheering for Martel

Header for The Gift Shop This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that Fran 💜 💜 💜 bought for you with the message: 'Thank you for bidding on my package at "P.E.N.C.I.L. Fundraiser CLOSED" . Enjoy!

I picked this item from your port for two reasons - Firstly I like to hear about the "real person" behind the fiction in a portfolio and so enjoy reading about personal opinions and feelings of that member and of how they came to writing.com. Secondly because reviewing is such a huge and topical part of the site.

Of course, one can be a member without ever reviewing and simply write, but this way you are less likely to meet people and make friends with similar interests and tastes - and also less likely to get your own work reviewed...

It certainly sounds like you really love the reviewing element of this website - I don't think I am such a born reviewer as yourself *Wink*. A lot of my reviews may be relatively short, but I feel if you have bothered to read/look at a piece you have come across on the site, it is worth even sending a couple of lines to tell the author rather than nothing at all. I sometimes find it difficult if I am required to review something (for example as part of a contest or because someone has asked me to) and I don't have much of an opinion either way on the piece I am reviewing, or if it is about a topic which doesn't interest me. Some of the reviews I receive are amazingly detailed and several times longer than the piece they have reviewed! I don't think I have that kind of commitment.....

I do however like to review things like this, that I have an opinion about and can start a converstion, or perhaps just share some thoughts. Likewise I always like to review something - especially poetry which I genuinely love and can express my love for it to the writer!

I have received some lovely reviews from SAJ and you members really are devoted to the cause.

I only noticed one grammatical error in your article here:

"There hasn’t been any regrets since. " - I believe "hasn't" should be "haven't" as regrets is plural.

I enjoyed this well laid out insight in to your thoughts on reviewing, as well as the cute kitten picture *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
116
116
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Mike Makara

I found your article on The Plug Page.

To be honest I think you have done a good job on the "satire" element here and it certainly made me laugh! *Laugh*

I like the way you have turned typical "diet tips" such as drinking water, planning meals etc around in to a ridiculous situation which is completely far fetched - but as we all know, long term weight loss can only truly be achieved by eating less and exercising more *Wink*. This is obviously a very topical subject in the modern, developed World (sadly) and you have highlighted the idiocy of it in your satirical take on dieting. The article could spark many debates I'm sure!

The one reference I don't get is this -

"If you can avoid last minute food choices, you can lose up to 100% of your body weight in a year, depending on how damp your burial site is. "

I don't quite understand the latter part of this sentence!?

A fun article to read, don't give up on the satire! *Smile*
117
117
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Magoo

Header for The Gift Shop This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that Ghostranch bought for you with the message: 'Congratulations on winning 3rd place in the Poetry Treasures contest.

I love this poem! *Smile*

Your imagery and description are fantastic here - straight away I was drawn in to the scene, picturing this evil creature on a dark, misty night, out prowling for his prey...As well as your great images the poem rhymes and flows perfectly so that the reader carries on getting drawn in to the story as it play out - but perhaps the best part is the ending - what a twist! It made me laugh too. I found this very clever and imaginative and enjoyed reading it. Five Stars deffo*Smile* *Star*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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118
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Chrys O'Shea

Header for The Gift Shop This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that you won at the "Invalid Item"  raffle.

The main thing that I felt from reading your poem is the powerful message which it sends out - it is simply written and makes a clear point to the reader - The World could be a nicer place if we were all a bit nice to one another *Smile* which of course is a fantastic message to share.

I felt that the poem had an underlying musical tone to it almost as if it could be lyrics to a song rather than the words to a poem. It is neatly formatted - with the three central verses representing the three lines in the first and last - the World as it was, as it is and as it could be. I am not sure however that the past was such a romantic and pleasant place to live as the poem suggests - if anything we are more affluent now (in the Western World) than we have ever been - and there have always been soldiers fighting in wars - at times when medical science was little advanced and general health and sanitation was poor. Still, I certainly appreciate the sentiment you have expressed here . *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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119
Review of The Zombie Diner  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon

Header for The Gift Shop This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"  that you won at the "Invalid Item"  raffle.

The title of this poem drew me in - "The Zombie Diner"....hmm, I wondered what kind of poem this was going to be? Very fitting for the time of year of course. The picture is a bit disgusting - but in a funny way and it made me laugh, as did your poem. Whilst I do like my dark and depressing poetry, I do also love a poem which makes me smile and laugh and your competition entry poem did just that. I found it very imaginative - in fact it reminded me a bit of those poems I read as a child - was it "Ghastly nursery rhymes" or something like that??(googles) - Rhoald Dhal - Revolting Rhymes, that's the one! *Smile*

Although you have given this an 18 + rating (and I see why) I think some kids would love it.

As for the rhyme and flow of the poetry, overall I think this is a success with the ab, ab rhyme sequence, apart from the second verse:

"There on the page was the food list:
Grilled Hand and Cheese Sandwich.
The fine print read “It can’t resist.”
Was this a real sales pitch?"

where the rhymes don't seem to fit as well as those within the rest of the poem.

Some of the rhymes however are very inspired, my favourite being

"Still, I had to see if this was real
or just some clever gimmick.
And so I dropped by for a meal
prepared to be bulimic."

I also love the image of the "EYE SCREAM" sandwich - ha ha, very clever *Wink*

I think this is a great response to the prompt, it is highly creative, made me laugh and you have some great imagery. I enjoyed reading it *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Black Widow  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Marci

I love this poem! Quite fitting for the time of year with all these spooky goings on he he!

Firstly I think you have used the prompt words very effectively. I think it is always hard to use so many prompt words in a poem and yet still come out with a good poem at the end! You however have definitely managed to do that here and the prompt words slot effortlessly in to your poem.

I also love the tone of the poem, I read it in my head in the sound of someone or something with a very sinister and creepy voice! This creature thinks nothing of going in for the kill! *Wink* *Bug*

As in most of your poems you have lovely rhymes here and the poem flows easily. The only line I think does not fit so well is

So with the candle wax burning bright

There is nothing wrong with the line but it does not seem to flow as easily as the others.

A great poem though, I enjoyed reading it and very fitting for Halloween!!

** Image ID #1958097 Unavailable **



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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Isola

Thank you for your review request.

I felt that your poem definitely flowed well, the rhyming couplets all worked and I could see no errors in either the form nor the grammar. The writer is evidently relating this poem to someone in particular - you have told me that this is your Son. I wonder if he has read it and how he feels about it?

The theme is something which I am sure many Mothers may be able to relate to. As I am not, I find this difficult. To me, 19 seems quite old, in the sense of being "grown up" - certainly at this age my life was well and truly underway! If the child in question was 12 or 13 I could maybe understand the sentiment more.

The poem is well written but the content seems a bit flippant to me - this "life is good/it's all a learning curve" vibe is not something I have an affinity with, but it is interesting to see your perspective on life, and I am glad you feel so positive for yourself as well as your son! *Smile*


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122
122
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello M.A.GEORGE

You have entered
FORUM
The Holiday Contest - CLOSED FOR REFURB  (ASR)
Holiday themed contest - submit your poems and short stories to win!! :)
#1922341 by Jellyfish-on holiday


For the Month of August/September 2013

With your poem/short story"Certainly (NOT) Cool"

What I liked about your entry was....

I like your style of writing, the short lines and dreamy imagery - it is the kind of style I like to read, and often to write. The poem has a bit of a satirical tone to it (to me). It is short but tells its own little story.

I love this line:

It runs, as if the tears of a clown
from the overhang of the cornet
to meet my heated hand.


What a great metaphor!

How well your entry fit the prompt of the contest "HOLIDAYS"

Although I really enjoyed reading the poem and I think it is effective in itself, to me it was more about the ice cream, possible a day out rather than a holiday.

In conclusion

I thought this was a great poem, so I want to give it a nice rating! Although in terms of an entry I did not quite get a holiday feel from reading it. *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
123
123
Rated: E | (4.5)
HelloJudith Sandala

You have entered
FORUM
The Holiday Contest - CLOSED FOR REFURB  (ASR)
Holiday themed contest - submit your poems and short stories to win!! :)
#1922341 by Jellyfish-on holiday


For the Month of August/September 2013

With your poem/short story "Sojourn at the Cape"

What I liked about your entry was....

I really liked the imagery in your poem and whilst reading it could really picture those waves lapping on the shore and the radiant sun beating down. I thought it was a lovely "feel good" poem and at the end almost believed I was there, and not in my bedroom in the South of England *Wink*.

My favourite line is the opening one :

"There is no sorrow here,
where the sea shines and laps the shore
with tongues of frothy waves."

I think this says it all really, this is why I love sun holidays!

How well your entry fit the prompt of the contest "HOLIDAYS"

I thought your poem fit the theme very well and really captured that feeling of escaping which I think holidays bring. As you say - there is no sorrow under the blue sky, on a beautiful beach! *Smile*

In conclusion

An enjoyable poem to read with lovely imagery and a perfect fit for the holiday theme *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
124
124
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Angela Death

You have entered
FORUM
The Holiday Contest - CLOSED FOR REFURB  (ASR)
Holiday themed contest - submit your poems and short stories to win!! :)
#1922341 by Jellyfish-on holiday


For the Month of August/September

With your poem "The Little Beggars"

What I liked about your entry was....

I thought that it rhymed well and gave a good description of children trick or treating on Halloween - although this does seem to depict the occasion from more of a parents point of view having to look after their hyperactive children!

What I was not so keen on was...

In the second verse:

Sugar highs will rage all night long
As costumed children hover in throng
Clever are the rascals now
As mommies and daddies make them vow

"Throng" should be "Throngs" to be grammatically correct I believe, although I see that this would not rhyme!

I am not sure about the third line - Why are the rascals clever? It could just be me but I don't see how this fits in to the poem.


How well your entry fit the prompt of the contest "HOLIDAYS"

Whilst your poem is about an occasion - Halloween - I did not pick up any sense of the theme of "Holidays" in your poem. Perhaps if the children had spent Halloween on holiday somewhere, maybe learning the customs in a new place or spent the weekend away with friends etc it would have fit the theme better *Smile*

In conclusion

I thought this was a fun poem to read about Halloween - There are lots of Halloween contests around at present, you should definitely consider entering it in to one of these! *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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125
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jeff, I have been wondering for a while why there is little regarding screenwriting here on WDC - I would definitely be up for a screenwriting interest group - although unlike you I am no professional but I have tonnes of screenplay ideas! I would also love to know what you have done as you say you have worked in the industry??! I also think there is a lack of screenplay - or even stage play contests/events etc.....I'd be up for getting something like this together *Smile*
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