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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jonjacques
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169 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Time  
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings MediocreStephenKing:

Interesting story - very creative and mysterious, and very descriptive in its narrative. I have always wondered how Stephen King cranks out one novel after another - it's like he's a perpetual writing machine on steroids! In any event, I was reviewing one of his most recent releases a few weeks ago at a Barnes & Noble near me, and the first thing I noticed (as I always do) was the immediate personal dialogue involving the initial characters. It's something you might want to keep in mind as you continue with your writing. While descriptive background narrative is (certainly) important, I believe readers identify more with the story and the characters through personal dialogue. An exception to this would be an essay, or a , "how to" type of book, etc..., but I believe you did a FABULOUS job with your submission !

Thank you for posting !


Jon-Blair Jacques
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Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings AJW -

Fabulous story ! Reminded me of my Dad and his passing. He was from England, and although he was able to travel there and visit, he still missed it, only natural, I believe. In any event, we did the same as you and your family and had him cremated, returning some of his ashes back to where he was born and raised. Like your grandfather, it only seemed fitting. I know your grandfather is looking down, smiling, thanking, and wishing all of you the very best of everything for all the love and care you showed him and your grandmother. And I'll close with this favorite Irish good luck saying I felt your grandfather wanted me to send you & your family:

"May your day be touched by a bit of Irish luck, brightened by a song in your heart and warmed by the smiles of the people you love. A sunbeam to warm you, good luck to charm you. A Sheltering angel, so nothing can harm you. Laughter to cheer you, faithful friends near you, and whenever you pray, heaven to hear you."


Jon-Blair Jacques
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Review of Danny  
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings Shadow !

Enjoyed your story. Having lost a sibling in the prime of his life many years ago, your story certainly resonated.
My own faith has since strengthened, if for no other reason that (current) life would be meaningless if there were no life afterwards. In other words, what would be the point? You story goes on to say you reminded your brother to forgive and to accept God's gift of forgiveness. Something tells me he did both, whether you heard him acknowledge it or not. Rest assured he IS in a better place, like my brother !

Thank you for sharing, and thank you for your very eloquent poem, "Today."


Jon-Blair Jacques

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Review by jonblair
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings Princess Megan Lily Munster (interesting name) !

Enjoyed your poem story. Appears the Crow and the Squirrel were able to share friendship, food,
the good company of others, and they even had a nice security arrangement. Sometimes when you
think a friendship could/would never occur because of certain differences, the strangest things DO happen !
Your story is certainly proof of that.

Thank you for posting !

Jon Blair Jacques
5
5
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings !

Your story reminded me of the novel (and movie) "Of Mice and Men." Have you ever seen it ? Basically, your story is similar in its lesson, that no matter how foolproof plans of humans may seem, they often go awry. Your characters reminded me of those same characters in the novel (and movie) I mentioned. And it also reminded me of that famous phrase, "The best-laid plans of mice and men."

I enjoyed your story. It made me smile !

Jon Blair Jacques
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Review of Working Novel  
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)

Greetings !

Interesting story of a retail store loss prevention detective. It reminds me of my time spent in the Insurance Industry investigating my share of phony or exaggerated claims. Bottom line is we ALL pay for this illegal behavior. And now even more alarming, is the lessening of penalties (thank you 'justice' system) for those involved in Organized Retail Theft (ORT) employing all their criminal skills and tricks of the trade. It could actually threaten the core of of our retail economic system.

Thanks for your submission !
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Review of Football God  
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings !

Looks like Benny didn't 'kick' so well that evening. Question is, why? Benny was the, "star kicker" so what happened? Why couldn't the Wildcats "Star Player" come through for the team that particular evening?
Both teams were undefeated, and they were rivals. Neither side wants to lose THAT game when they finally meet. Benny certainly APPEARED to be ready to make that winning kick. When the coach said, "Alright Benny. This is your time. Nobody can take this time away from you. Just go out there and do your thing. Put the ball through the uprights. Win this game for us.” And Benny said, (enthusiastically I assume) β€œYes sir !" SO, what happened?

I enjoyed the story. From a metaphorical point of view, I can see it as symbolic regarding many of life's challenges. Good job !
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Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for your very eloquent, "letter of thanks" to the U.S. Military. I was a very proud part of that, "Greatest Military in the World" for 20 years, the first ten during the Vietnam War era. During that period the military was not held in the highest esteem by the general public - that changed after the first gulf war, in which we were "warmly and appreciatively greeted" upon return home, which was in stark contrast to being, "spit on" when we returned from Vietnam. As a veteran of both wars, I can tell you this: either way, men and women in uniform don't forget.

Thanks again for your tribute !!



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Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings !

Interesting story of a bullied student at school. I interpret his dreams as his subconscious attempting to resolve the issue of the problem he's facing at school. And now he believes he has the solution. Will it be a benevolent resolution, or something more nefarious? One thing we know for sure; as the story states, Samuel couldn't wait to awake and to start a new day to confront those bullies. Bravo Zulo for Samuel !

I enjoyed the story - thank you for posting !

Jon Blair Jacques

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Review of A New Look  
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings !

Exactly my mental process(es) whenever the thought, "is it time for a new phone?" arises. A new look ? Yes ! Software updates? Yes ! A new ringtone ? Yes ! A new phone? NO ! But not without a fight, because they (the phones - or their sales person advocates) will still try their level best to persuade you otherwise ! Oh yeah, been there, done that !

Thank you for the very eloquent (and timely) reminder !

Jon Blair Jacques

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Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings amy-Looking Forward !

Thank you for a very eloquent and informative essay. The first thing that came to mind was my recent foray into the world of eBook writing, and the publishing of my first three eBooks. My current task now revolves around (marketing) those books. Your essay really hit the proverbial, "nail on the head" spot regarding this subject.

In any event, MARKETING what you write (if that's what you want to do )is the mainstay of your submission above, and without a doubt just as important (if not more so) than writing the story(s). 'Getting the word out' begins even before you pen that first word!

Having said that, I wrote an essay (here on WDC) about my experience titled, "Who wants to write an eBook?" Please feel free to review and comment should you wish to do so.

And thanks again for your post !


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Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reports of UFO's have exponentially increased subsequent to the Roswell incident in July, 1947 along with the proliferation of nuclear weapons - go figure !

Excellent story about a particular alien species who has decided how they will 'deal' with Earth's inhabitants. Not very benevolent of them, but it's what (they) have decided, like it or not, agree with it or not. Humans aren't doing THEM any favors (they have concluded) and are concerned (and perhaps rightly so) about the dangers the inhabitants of this planet may spread within and/or beyond our own solar system. Can't really say I blame them, can you?

A different view on why other life forms may be visiting us -

Thanks for posting !
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Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
Enjoyed your story ! Reminded me of a couple of things:

1. Ants are 'tireless' workers. Makes them PERFECT circus performers - and Andrew and his ants worked
well together !

2. When my daughter was little, she once asked me to explain the purpose of a 'flea' market -

Well, I thought it would be funny to answer by telling her it's a place where you can see 'performing fleas.'

"What?" she asked, a befuddled expression appearing on her little face.

"Oh, yes," I replied. "Big fleas, little fleas, talented fleas of every color in the rainbow. They hop, jump, and skip around like little circus performers. That's why people go to flea markets - to see the performing fleas."

Of course, she looked at me like I was stone cold crazy - her mother shook her head and said to me later, " I can't believe you told her that!"

Anyway, while visiting my daughter a few years ago (she's a married adult now) she was showing me her two new cats she had recently adopted. I was checking them out, and she asked, "what are you doing, Dad?"

"Checking them for fleas," I answered.

"FLEAS?" she yelled out.

Now "I" was the one who rendered the befuddled expression.

"DON'T even go there," she bellowed !


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Review of The Printer  
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
Mice, a snake, and a ruined printer, ughhh !!

Can't say I blame Phaedra for wanting to strangle her brother. Did he (her brother) go to that same store Phaedra called (and eventually visited) and purchase that printer from the worker she spoke to who earlier told her the printer was available? Was that a set-up he engineered just to aggravate his sister further ? At the end of the story it seems like she didn't know whether to hug him or choke him, LOL !

GOOD STORY !

Thanks for posting!

Jon Blair Jacques
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Review of The Last Goodbye  
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
That was a sad story. It's always a very sad event to lose someone close. You think of all the time spent together, but also of the time not spent together, and what you could have or should have said and done. It does make you feel like your world has ended, and about that last goodbye never said. It makes you reflect for sure.

Thank you for posting !
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Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very excellent flash fiction short story and use of the three words, "skeleton, grave, and moan." The story reminds me of the many 'creepy' places I was assigned to investigate over the course of my career in the Insurance Industry. Also reminds me of, "Halloween Horror Night" at Universal Studios in Orlando. Some of their shows scare the bejesus out of adults !

Thanks for posting !

Jon Blair Jacques
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Review of Why I Write  
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Those horrible parents of yours should be 'horsewhipped' for the crime of encouraging you to be your best !

And taking more English classes than was necessary for a Psychology major? Well, did you know the (preferable) undergraduate degree for law school is English, NOT Political Science ? Now, why do you think that is ? Hmmmm -

Thank you for posting, and thank your parents again as well. It WAS all their fault !

Jon Blair Jacques
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Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed the story !

Having said that, however, Rachel was already hurting when she decided to trust complete strangers. The moral of the story is it's okay to be kind and giving to others, but not at the expense of your own vulnerabilities. The Good Book says, "BE MEEK." It doesn't say, "BE WEAK." Don't be WEAK while being MEEK. I think Christians conflate the two at times - not a good thing !

Thanks for posting !

Jon Blair Jacques



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Review of City View  
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
That was a very interesting and eloquent view of, "the city." Very descriptive and accurate in so few words.

Thank you for posting !

Jon Blair Jacques
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Review by jonblair
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Very nice story - thank you for posting !

Jon Blair Jacques
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Review of Once Upon A Time  
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
Enjoyed the story !

Having said that, I would suggest you consider removing the numerous semi-colons, replacing all or most with a comma. When reading your submission, it feels like I'm in "Stop and Go" traffic, lurching forward and stopping suddenly on a continuous basis - it just throws the whole 'rhythm' of the story out of whack. Go to Wikipedia and look-up "semi-colons" and when their use is appropriate. Otherwise a very nice story !

Thanks for posting !

Jon Blair Jacques
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Review of People Problems  
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
One thing I've learned through the years is that there are (some) people who should NEVER marry; in this case Charles is/was one of those people. Then again, 'she' should have figured this out as well -

Thanks for posting !

Jon Blair Jacques
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Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
Enjoyed the rhyming short story !

Having said that, you need to replace the word 'to' with 'too' in sentences 4 & 6 to make those TWO words and sentences grammatically correct.

Thanks for posting !
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Review of A New Day at Dusk  
Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
I've experienced many days as described by Thomas in the story. At the end of the day, however, if you go to bed HAPPY, then it has been a good day !

Thanks for posting !

Jon Blair Jacques
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Review by jonblair
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your descriptive story is sooooo spot on - thanks for posting !

Jon Blair Jacques
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