|Greetings DeeJain !
Enjoyed your story. I thought it was particularly brave of you to share this aspect of your life, not only in reference to your new journey regarding writing, but of other aspects of your life . That takes a LOT of courage! I believe many of us live with fear of some sort or another, whether, as you stated, it's one's health, fear of failure at work, relationships, parenting, flying, etc... I believe to be fearful of certain things is quite normal, and in some cases, healthy. Fear of catching the flu motivates us to obtain a yearly flu vaccine, for example, not only so we don't become ill, but to prevent passing it on to our loved ones. Fear of spending all our income before the end of the month motivates us to create a budget, another healthy kind of fear. These are just a few examples. Your positive outlook regarding five different jobs that rejected you leading you to believe "something good" will come out of it is another healthy outlook. For me personally, there is an old saying which states, "nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely." And it appears that is exactly what you are doing.
Bravo, keep up the good work !!