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10 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Spring Is Sprung  
Review by John
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Good evening! I am going to review your post and provide feedback for you. The scale system is 1 needing a lot of work and 5 being it is outstanding. I have provided my opinion on the work you provided. It is just an opinion. You do not have to take any suggestions I might offer.

Voice

What I mean when I say voice, I am talking about the continuity with the flow of the piece, and do we lose ourselves in your poem. I would certainly say there is a definite voice within the piece. It is apparent there is a flow within the poem. When I read this out loud, Some of the rhymes did not flow, the sequence of rhyming words was inconsistent. You used the AABB for the rhyming scheme for most of the poem and used ABAB rhyming scheme for others. I believe if you were to change this, the reader would become more immersed in your poem. For the use of voice, I award a 4.

Originality

In thinking of using these words read to the rhythm of The Sound of Music was very original. The words used were well thought out before finalizing your poem. Your disclaimer at the beginning of the poem was a good placement. It readied the reader to how the verses were to be read. Your creative voice made this fun to read/sing the poem. For the use of Originality, I award a 5.

Overall:

I liked the idea the rhyming sequence was taken from The Sound of Music. Having watched the movie several times, while I read it, I sang it in my head. it is apparent you were very creative putting this together. Also, it is obvious you had to take time to come up with the rhyming sequences. The consistency of the flow is important to the reader. If it doesn't flow well, the reader will become less attentive to the poem and focus on the errors. For the overall appearance, I award a 5.

Again, thank you for creating this fun piece. I wish you all the luck with your future writing.
2
2
Review by John
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nelly, it was an honor to read your piece. I am going to provide a review of it. The information I provide is my opinion, any suggestions I provide are just that, suggestions.

The Story:
The information you provided was an accurate rendition of a factual event. You gathered the information and wrote your story with that information. You provided factual detail of the events. I will give you one star for this.

Style:
You used a news-style approach to this story. It perfectly matches the information you provided. Your tone was neutral. I wondered if you considered providing a human touch about the victims. Added a short piece about them would have given this a sense of compassion. This would have given the neutral information a caring touch about the victims and their families. I will give you one star for this.

Originality
This category is for the originality of your piece: what sets this piece apart for everyone else. The writer's voice, if you will. Considering the tone and content you provided, the use of your voice was limited. Limited, but not impossible. I would have liked to hear from you, not the newsfeed. That could be a short report of the victims or their families. I understand this information would be hard to get from China; however, this would have been from you, it would be your opinion of what happened, the concern of the families, and a concern for the tragedy. I am giving half of a star for this category.

Overall:
Overall, this is a good piece. It held my attention, showed a clear voice, provided information, and allowed the reader the opportunity to decide their own feelings regarding the information. I am giving you two stars for this category.

Thank you for allowing me to read your piece. I enjoyed providing you with my opinion and thoughts.

jtpete86
3
3
Review of Amorphous  
Review by John
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, my name is John, and I am providing a review and overall impression of your piece. The following is my impression and personal thoughts of your piece.

Impressions:

I enjoyed reading your poem. I felt intrigued by the way you placed the stanzas. They each added to the mystery of how the poem would end and who Amorphous is. I enjoyed the way each stanza could stand alone in describing the author yet smoothly added to the previous description(s). The second to last stanza appears to be more defiant than the others. I had the image of a beaten-down old person, all bent and withered with age, standing straight with their chin held in resolve after everything they have gone through.

I became immersed in the specific wording of the poem. Each stanza had three lines of "I" statements with the last line either emotion or physical reaction. We are provided with the story of the speaker in their voice.

The last stanza is the powerful culmination of the poem. It had me re-reading the poem with that in mind and it was much more powerful than the first time I read it. It also provides the poem with the hard reality of who the speaker is.

Feedback/Suggestions:

I felt the first line in each stanza was a statement. In this, try placing a period in the end. The second line is a prelude to the third and fourth lines. if so, it would need a break, giving the reader pause and leading into the descriptive final statement. A period would end the stanza. I wonder how effective your poem would be if you added periods and semi-colons? For an example:

"I am Amorphous.
I retain no shape;
I listen intently with no ears
and feel no warmth."

The following stanza would have the same format.

The last stanza, to me, could have two meanings. "I am no more" as written could mean the speaker no longer exists or "I am No More", as in the name of the speaker.

With or without punctuation, this is a strong piece. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and it was an honor to provide my thoughts and feelings regarding your piece. If you need clarification on my response, please ask.

Best wishes,

John



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by John
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
It was an honor to read these chapters for you.

I had to read this twice because the first time I got so involved, I forgot why I was reading it. As a former English teacher, that says a lot. When I reread the story, I did see a couple mechanical issues. They didn't take away from the story nor the narrative, so I did not record them, just shrugged them off as preference.

Your introductory paragraphs caught my attention and kept it. I was very interested in who this individual was, why were they there, and who was the red haired red eyed man was who stepped out of the trees?

Your use of narrative and descriptive wording placed us into the story. You assisted the reader to visualize the conversations, the rooms, and even the characters themselves.

As this story picks up from Chapter 6, I did not get an opportunity to see any previous character development from chapters 1 - 5. However, you added information when Spider came into the storyline that allowed readers flashback/reinforcement knowledge. I liked that. Even if I would have read the first five chapters, I would still have appreciated the information.

Again< thank you for allowing me to read part of your book. I appreciate being part of your writing process.


5
5
Review by John
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Support of 400
6
6
Review of Lost in my Mind  
Review by John
Rated: E | (3.5)
Sabrina:
I really liked the story. I do, actually, get lost in my mind at times. Scary place!

One of the things I noticed the most was the wandering feeling your story had. I felt as if I was walking through a huge room, such a a library, having these thoughts. Contemplative. You set the mood beautifully.

There are a few grammatical issues that that away from your story, however. "You're" should be "your" mind. Also, you are asking a question when ending with the word "reality". Be careful of punctuation and wording: "Then ,there are times you are reliving a bad memory; those are not always the best to be getting yourself attached to and getting lost into. Even though its your brain and your mind, its not always safe. As long as you can pull yourself back, you will be okay." The word "wither", I believe, should be whether.

Overall, I really did enjoy this piece. I made me think. I like that. I don't like being handed my stories, I like to work for them.

Keep up the great work and I am am always free to help you with questions.

Trinoir

7
7
Review of Writing.Com 101  
Review by John
Rated: E | (4.0)
When I taught Speech in High School, one of the most enlightening aspects of the job was providing evaluations for the Speech students. When I began teaching Creative Writing, much of the grading information could be altered for the writing students. I felt both classes were using much of the same styles of creative thinking skills.

What is strived for the educator to do is be honest in viewing and assessing of their work. Encourage every effort they do because the words may motivate the writer to write more or try again, this time with a different path, motivation, or extra effort.

Be respectful of all work you are assessing. Remember all the hard work that was placed into the bodies of pages you are reading. Don't compare work between writers, only with them self; always strive to be well rounded when critiquing the written work of your writers: for every area that needs work, find something they did well and expound on it.

Remember when giving a 5.0, the writing should not contain any errors and be used for the perfect example of perfection. Conversely, when a writing receives a 1.0 and appears to have many errors it appears beyond redemption: work with the writer to return the writing to raise the score. This will more likely receive a more positive response.

Finally, while using WritingML during the processing and grading of your writers papers, make direct refences to the writers information included, provide fun Emoticons to highlight important lessons or information. Make them aware you read their word and wanted them to know what you thought of them. However, don't over-do using WritingML. As it is often said, said." "Too much of a good thing can be bad".

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