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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kittynadem
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592 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of End of the world  
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love it! Short, sweet, and to the point! It looks like you took one small, tiny thought, and turned it into a great short story. The legnth is perfect in my opinion, you said what needed to be said without going overboard - or not saying enough for that matter. The words you chose to write the story with fit perfectly, I think no other synonyms could have sufficed. The one and only thing I have to pick at is, in the first sentence you wrote: One day, the sky fell, and darkness decended upon the human race. - I can't help but question the second comma. Don't quote me, but I'm not sure if it's necessary, and it might even read better without it completely. Of course, the decision is up to you, I just thought I might bring up the possibility. *Bigsmile* Other than that, great work! WRITE ON!

Happy Holidays!
KittyNadem
*Santahat*
*Bigsmile*
2
2
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Great Christmas story! I really enjoyed reading it! I did notice that in some of the dialogue you used you did not begin the letter after the quotation mark capitalized. Even when you are continuing a sentence the first letter is always, always capitalized in dialogue. Like this - "The rabbit jumped so far," the bear said using big arm movements, "That it touched the clouds!" - I wasn't sure if it was a typo or not so I thought I should point it out, just to be sure. *Wink*

Other than that, your grammar is pretty good, your idea for this story - wherever it came from - is so creative and wonderful. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem

Happy Holidays!
*Santahat*
*Bigsmile*
3
3
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a great religious poem, it has a lot of meaning in it, and I love the last line, it signifies hope and puriety. There are a few things that I recommend changing, but keep in mind they are only my opinions. First, I believe that if you started the lines with capital letters, just like you did with the very last line, it would be easier on the eyes. Next, I found the second to last stanza to be awkward as "forgiven" and "wishin" don't rhyme at all, and it seems that was the rhyme scheme that you were going with.

Other than those little nit-picky things you have created a great read!

Live Long Laugh Hard! *Laugh*

KittyNadem
4
4
Review of Days of Rays  
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very good poem. We like the muse, embrace the muse! *Laugh* Really, I loved your poem, it was cutesy, but at the same time rang absolutely true. The only thing that I did notice as I was going through your work, that in some of the stanzas the lines are so long or so short that they mess up the flow. The very last stanza especially. But, that was the soul problem that I found with your work. It was absolutely enjoyable! WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard! *Laugh*

KittyNadem
5
5
Review of Luminosity  
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your poem is very deep and very original. I love the creativeness that you poured into it, as well as the imagery you used. My favorite stanza - by far - is the second from last. It flows really well, and it rhymes without trying - if that makes sense at all. The only suggestion that I have for you (in my personal opinion) is, firstly, I believe that the poem would be easier on the eyes if you began each line with a capital letter, as I noticed you have only a few lines that begin with capital letters and I found that odd. Secondly, you use of punctuation also seems slightly awkward, since I noticed quite a few places where commas were absent and places where they were not necessary, the same for other forms of punctuation.

Other than that, you have a jem on your hands, something a lot of people can relate to, WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard! *Laugh*

KittyNadem
6
6
Review of Dark Poetry  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great collection of poetry. I love all of the poems that were put together in this file, they make up a really awesome collection and all of them go together perfectly. You should turn them into a poetry book, they would be great, I would totally buy it! Changeling is really a great poem, very unique! WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
7
7
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love all of these poems. They all have quite a different view on completely different subjects, and I think that's why this will be a collection that everyone can enjoy. My favorite would have to be alone. I do have a few suggestions for you, though. Firstly, with all of your poems above, I noticed that you are not very consistant with your punctuation. The last one has a lot of periods to end the lines, and it's a stopping point at the end of every single line, it wouldn't hurt to leave some punctuation off of a few lines so that the reader can simply flow on through to the next line. Good Bye My Love is a nice poem, and there wasn't anything wrong with that one, that I noted. Faded Love has scary punctuation, it almost makes me wondering if you were trying to use punctuation or trying NOT to use punctuation. Either way, I think some consistant punctuation would be a great addition to these poems. Other than that, great ideas, great writings, WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
8
8
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Really, really good short story. I simply loved it! The characters are very realisitic, especially for a short story, I was pleasently surprised by that. Also, the punctuation and grammar couldn't be more perfect, I really didn't notice anything wrong with it at all. The story line is absolutely brilliant, the discriptions are excellent. It's just a really, really awesome story. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
9
9
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great story! I love that last line, the ending, it leaves the ready quite satisfied with the overall story, a great closing. I love the horses, and the overall scene. The characters could be a little bit stronger, you might want to work on adding a few details about them, maybe hair color, or eye color or something that sets them apart more, makes them more realistic, you know? Other than that, I don't have anything worth picking on. Your story is very good, and I really enjoyed reading it. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
10
10
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love the imagery in the second stanza about hard packed snowballs. Very creative! The entire poem, was very creative and very well thought out. It flows really well, and it has a really good meaning to it. I know that I wait for the calm after the storm too, it's always the best part. I know a few people, me including, who can relate to this poem. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
11
11
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Laugh* This is a cute little poem, one that I really enjoyed reading. In fact, it's breakfast time right now where I am, this makes me hungry. *Laugh* I love how each line rhymes with the next. The flow is decent and the imagery is awesome! WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
~Wanna see what a young author can do? ~ http://www.agiftfromabove.webs.com ~
12
12
Review of Your Eyes  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
First, let me start out by saying Welcome to Writing.com!

This is a very nice poem. Slightly long, but nice and meaningful all the same. I found that I could really relate to this poem in many different ways, and I'm sure that others who read this would agree. The words you use aren't used often so that makes this poem a diamond for sure. The only suggestions that I have for you (and keep in mind these are my opinions ONLY, use your own judgement) is to think about shortening the poem, or run some of the lines together. And my other suggestion is to add more punctuation where it is needed.

Overall, this poem flows very well, I kept up with it the entire time, and it wasn't, at all, confusing as a lot of poems are. And I like that. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
~Wanna see what a young author can do? ~ http://www.agiftfromabove.webs.com ~
13
13
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Nice story! It's very creative and imaginitive! Your characters are quite powerful especially for being characters in a short story. I didn't notice anything wrong with it and there is nothing that I would reccommend changing! WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
~Wanna see what a young author can do? ~ http://www.agiftfromabove.webs.com ~
14
14
Review of A Restless Heart  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a truely touching and sad story. I like the ending, it eases away from the crash, and I like that it wasn't so sudden. I believe that this is the best that anyone, at all, could have done in writing this story. It definitely caught my interest and it kept me reading through until the end. The characters are strong, and the moral of the story is one that is said, but it never really seems to sink in: Don't drink and Drive!

WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
~Wanna see what a young author can do? ~ http://www.agiftfromabove.webs.com ~
15
15
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a really nice story I can see why it won first place in the Short Shots contest! I love the picture associated with the story, it makes it even better. It's a really good story for a short story, the characters are really detailed and believeable. I didn't notice any errors in your work. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
~Wanna see what a young author can do? ~ http://www.agiftfromabove.webs.com ~
16
16
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Another good chapter. Can't wait to read chapter four. This is the chapter where it's really starting to get into the story. The readers know just enough to understand the story and now they can focus on the story its self, and the reason for writing it. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
~Wanna see what a young author can do?~ http://www.agiftfromabove.webs.com
17
17
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Another excellent chapter! I throughly enjoyed it. This chapter reveals some more details about the character and it really introduces necessary aspects of the story its self; things that need to be written for the reader to understand. I found a few more errors in this chapter than I did in the chapter before, but I noted them in the EPs. Other than that, there isn't anything else that I found wrong with it. Very good, very captivating!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
~Wanna see what a young author can do?~ http://www.agiftfromabove.webs.com~
18
18
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A very interesting first chapter! Normally I would have rated it 4.0 stars, but this is the first chapter, the real catcher, and you did manage to do just that, catch me and grab me into the story. I was able to jump right into the mass of characters right away. Immeaditely I was able to get into their heads and see what this story might be about. The hardest part of writing a book is always starting and beginning it. You did really well though.

Would I be wrong in saying that you know/knew your characters very well at the time you wrote this? It seems very well planned out. I only noticed the error that I pointed out in the edit point. Something else I wanted to point out was how short the paragraphs were. It might not hurt to see if you can go through them and see if you can legenth them a bit, even join some paragraphs together. Other than that, excellent work! WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
~wanna see what a young author can do?~http://www.agiftfromabove.webs.com~
19
19
Review of Sometimes  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so sad! I LOVE IT! *Laugh* I love the style of poetry that you used, the way it gets bigger and then it grows smaller again. Excellent flow. And of course, there weren't any errors. My favorite part was line #7. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
20
20
Review of Loving Eyes  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This entire poem is really excellent, beautiful, and touching. The entire poem flows really, really well, except for the last line. It's just sounds too long. The poem has a feel of naturality, almost as if the lines of the poem just go that way naturally. Each line moves smoothly onto the next. And, I just loved it, I really did. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
21
21
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another beautiful song. I love the title, "The Greatest Treasure". It's very beautiful. I didn't notice any errors in the lyrics, and the entire song flows very nicely. There isn't anything in your work that I would change. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
22
22
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very beautiful. I've never been to Ireland, but I sure do adore that green place. This song represents Ireland very well. "Far more than forthy shades of green" I love that line. A happy and cheerful song, I love songs of these types. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
23
23
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is really good, quite enjoyable. Your characters are right on target, I can tell already. It is very entertaining, and jumping right into the story was easy to do for a short story. I found the ending quite surprising, the aliens are like little bugs! And and that little tid bit right there just lined up the story together very well. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
24
24
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a really funny story, I really did enjoy reading it. It's quite clever if I do say so myself. *chuckle and grin* You and your friend are really good writers. *Wink* I do reccommend changing the apostriphies to quotation marks though, but other than that, wonderful story!

Live Long Laugh Hard!
KittyNadem
25
25
Review of Ella  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
There were quite a few spelling errors in this story, you might want to put this in a program like Microsoft Word that has a spell checker in it. That will definately help. In the second sentence of the story I found this error: two-storey
Change storey to story. The first few paragraphs of a story is what lures the reader in, it's very vital that those first paragraphs are in almost excellent condition, not only does it make the story better, but it makes the author look good. Your characters are decent, but I'm sure they could be better. Get out a piece of paper and write every detail about them, from height and weight to their favorite foods and their attitudes, it really does help to make strong characters.

Keep writing and keep working with this story, you've got potential, the plot is really interesting. WRITE ON!

Live Long Laugh Hard! *Laugh*
KittyNadem
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