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14 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Drizzle on a Lake  
Review by Labradorian
Rated: E | (4.5)
There is something to be said for imagery based freestyle poems. No meter, no rhyme scheme, nothing but words weaving pictures in ones mind. (Sorry for my failed attempt to be poetic there)However, I happen to dislike it in general, especially because without format, it's so easy to slip up and turn a poem into an indecipherable mess of ideas - but the few poems that get it right
can be incredibly powerful.I believe yours is one of them.

This may be because of your incredible way with words. Just the imagery the word choice provokes is incredible, but when added with the symbolism, the metaphors, the personification, and alliteration - particularly in the line "Spoke of spring's sluggish begging" it becomes not just an image, but an interpretation of it.

This poem - from what I can tell, is not just about spring, but about who is responsible for all the beauty and mystery around us. It addresses one of the most commonly asked questions on the planet - but does so creatively and subtly, something I envy in poetry and applaud you for achieving.

Now, with all these compliments you are probably wondering why I didn't give you a perfect rating, but I do have a reason - your decisions on punctuation. Some sentences are punctuated, while others are not, for no reason I can comprehend. My advice in general is either punctuate completely, or don't at all - a mix leaves the reader feeling rather confused, and I extend that advice to you. Perhaps putting a period after 'begging' in the fourth line, 'mirror' in the sixth, and 'face' in the tenth would help.

Thank you so much for sharing your poem. Reading it was a joy, and I have a feeling I will be doing so more than once.





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Review by Labradorian
Rated: E | (5.0)
I've never personally read a triolet before, but the effect is stunning. Although the whole poem contained only 5 lines (two of which repeated, of course), the repetition made it so much more meaningful. I especially liked that although you were repeating the same lines, their meaning shifted from the begging to the end - starting as a fact, and then moving on to a question at the end of the poem. The rhyming was also effective and natural. Great job - I don't see anything that should be changed, so I'll rate this a 5.
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Review of The Storm  
Review by Labradorian
Rated: E | (3.0)
Although I did enjoy the imagery and metaphors expressed in this poem - especially the third line - I did feel like the iambic pentameter was off. I kept wanting to stress syllables that weren't stressed, and had to read the poem many times over until I was able to read it allowed without stumbling. This, more than anything else, was what took away the overall pleasure of reading your work.

I also found that while some of your couplets, particularly the last one, rhymed effectively, others felt forced: like you wrote the idea around the rhymes, instead of the rhymes around the ideas. I also couldn't find the rhyme in couplet number four - the first line rhymed with the line above it, instead of the line below it. Although I do feel a little young to be giving such an experienced writer suggestions, and you have to keep in mind I am not a professional poet in any way, shape or form, I'd try to speak your poems allowed to check for rhythmic conformity. Also, I find that rhyming dictionaries are incredibly useful when stuck. Still, despite the short comings, I did like the metaphors and overall meaning in your poem, and look forward to reading more of your work.
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Review by Labradorian
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The emotions in this poem, mainly defiance and independence, were constant and strong throughout, helped along by appropriate stanza breaks and punctuation - something I appreciate but do not see quite as often as I'd like.The first two stanzas provided the background of the narrators life- all the reader needed to know for the remaining three stanzas to reveal a powerful message. I loved the imagery, but the metaphor of life being a painting was what gave the poem personality.

The only thing keeping this poem from a 5 star rating is the lack of risk that was taken. Perhaps it's just me, but there are so many poems that are formatted almost exactly the same way, about the same topic, that there was no surprise factor, no gasp of realization. Perhaps delving a little into the reasons for the narrators tears and overshadowing would give the poem a new dimension, and make it stick out from the rest.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
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Review of reflection  
Review by Labradorian
Rated: E | (3.5)
The message in your poem is profound and meaningful, however you might want to use variety in your rhyming (if you ever become really stuck, I suggest buying or using an online rhyming dictionary). See and me can only go so far - but an assortment of truly creative vocabulary can spice up a work and bring it to life. I look forward to reading more of your work!
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