It is an interesting story, but the presentation is confusing. The opening paragraphs are narration, and then you switch to first-person, with a little bit of Matt's voice thrown in.
One of the most difficult things in writing is determining who is telling the story and then sticking with that person or narrator.
The first two paragraphs are too long. I almost did not read the story. The idea of someone borrowing a body is interesting, and I can see how it could be expanded. I could even see how you could make a series out of it. Each body she borrows could make a chapter. You would be able to develop both Julie and her boyfriend/husband.
I would not mind reading some in the future.
The ending was not what I expected.
Good story and well written.
I liked it.
You might consider shortening the paragraphs. It would read faster.
One suggestion might be to separate the last sentence of each paragraph to add emphasis.
This is a poem about honesty and hypocrisy. We see what we expect to see. Each of us has a lens through which we see the world. Your poem is an unusual way to say that.
Good essay. You make an excellent point. Learning has become more available because of the internet and AI chat bots. Personally I am enjoying many courses available on utube. There is so much knowledge available,we just need to want to learn. WTH AI we can learn at our own pace.
The opening sentence was puzzling. It would have been clearer if you had said DEAD body.
The paragraphs were too long. Stories with long paragraphs are harder to read.
Your characterization of the detective was interesting. He constantly complained about the high brow life style, when he was just as snooty in his way.
An interesting story.
Too much irrelevant information in the beginning. No need to know it was a catholic school etc.
The dialog is also irrelevant. No need to say “hello” etc.
The end was good but the beginning was slow. You can lose your reader too easily.
Interesting wording. By the picture I believe you are talking about building. But your poem could be applied to organized religion in general. A sad commentary at
Well written poem.
Short but with a good message. We all must remember to seize the day. Too often we take the lazy way and just go with the flow,follow the crowd. When it is really up to us to make things happen.
The story was well written. It kept my interest. The story moved along quickly.
I wondered why you did not end it with who or what was at the door.
I thought it might be her husband who had forgot his keys.
However I guess your ending makes the story more spooky.
Very informative, and written in language I could understand. I am amazed at the advancements in AI. You helped me understand some of what these advancements are.
An interesting twist on an old story.I enjoyed the tale. Especially the ending.
Jimmy’s questions at the beginning sounded like something a child might ask.
Interesting perspective. Cats have such interesting personalities.Like Kiley they are usually very proud of themselves.
I think it would read better if some of the long paragraphs were separated. Into shorter paragraphs.
I have several cats myself,so I could relate.
Sorry,I don’t get the joke. Why is it no longer on a corner?
You should break up the paragraphs so it reads faster.
The fact that the hog got home safely but the restaurant burned down is funny.
You could elaborate more about chasing the hog. I have chased hogs they are hard to catch even with lots of help.
The contrast of heat and cold is excellent. It was an interesting way to use the contest words. It reminded me of summers sitting on the porch before we had air conditioning.
We did not have blue snow cones then,but that made a better story.
A cold shower was always great in summer heat.
Fascinating, concept. Death of a robot.
The story needs more setting. I felt lost.
You have one especially long paragraph that needs to be separated into several paragraphs. This is sometimes called an info dump.
Your wording is good,and filled with emotional words, which is good.
I enjoyed the story. It was well-written and exciting, the characters were well-developed, and the weapon technology was interesting. We live in a strange age when AI and biological weapons are so common.
The story contained a complete arc: beginning, middle, and end. Many short stories leave at least one piece of the arc out.
It's a fascinating concept. I bought into the story from the beginning, and I would like to read more. You also did a great job of the ending.
The pace was fast, and the dialogue was interesting. In the end, I was not sure who was speaking, But that did not take away from my understanding.
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