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Review of Opherin--a ballad  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
pardon typos, hand in cast.

1st verse, third line and a few other places, you switch to past tense. it rhymes, and I couldn't come up with anything better so it's poetic license. lol

dark volcanic eyes- I figured deep, almost black, red?

--a most reclusive beast
pass caves where --is that supposed to be 'past'?

'come and stay' should there be a comma after stay?

I liked the way you used song to battle back. I just didn't understand why the minstrel had bleeding fingers.

I like the way you gave a slight twist to each refrain.

I like the way you worked in every assigned word. Not one was forced. Nicely done. I hope you won.

Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

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Review of Twins  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Please pardon any typos, hand surgery an in cast/brace.

You drew me in with yur little poem and I have to admit, I wanted more. You had your beginning ,middle and end. I just wanted a while lot more of the middle. lol

Yu did very well. I didn't count the syllables, but the meter was consistent. I count it out like when I direct music, and it was smooth and easy. There were no 'do overs' where I had to keep trying to make it fit.

Thanks so much for sharing. I loved it.
Love, LinnAnn

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Typing with a cast/brace on, forgive typos.
When I saw how long your piece was I almost passed on it, however I really enjoyed it.

I only saw a few piddly things that pulled me momentarily out of your story. An instead of And...that may have been poetic license.

I don't recall the other one, I was very engrossed. lol Thanks for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn

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Review of Train of Thoughts  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Pardon typing errors, I've got a brace on my hand.

This is a very interesting poem. It may sound odd, but it reminds me of Johnny Cash.

I thought it also interesting that you didn't know the destination of your thoughts. Then I pondered on that and understood. We know what sets off our daydreaming but not where we'll end up. lol

I like your 'owning' it.

This is a very thoughtful poem. I liked it. Thanks so much for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh how absolutely lovely! At the end of the day when I sit down, weary, you revive my spirit with your poem.

You have good rhyme and meter; and your count was right on.

Your starting with trash and depression and then sliding into beauty and grace was done well.

I love how you describe the dancer as nothing special, and then share how her dancing will stay with you the rest of your life.

Well done, thanks for sharing!
love, LinnAnn

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Review of Train Dreaming  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I don't know if you are European royalty but you sure came off sounding like a snobbish person of wealth and position. lol 'The great unwashed' was a nice touch that sold it. You really do have the snob attitude down pat.

The only thing that made me think otherwise was the 'sooty seat'. I would think the person would be in a private car, or at least one not covered in soot.

'Do people live there?' again, fits with the mentality of the rich.

The verse with the mountains, and the cold, and scotch...aloof, the 'cold' makes the coldness of the person more intense.

The disgust at the food the poor family is eating also shows the snobbery.

You did a great job. I totally felt disgust at the main character for having no understanding or compassion for the plight of the lower income people.

Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

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Rated: E | (4.5)
What a very sad poem. To think it starts out so positive to end in lies and despair.

One part sounded like the mom might have mental illness. That is also sad. I know that, in the poem, it sounds like all is hopeless, but age and time can bring wisdom.

You did such a good job of drawing me in and getting me to feel the anguish of both the mother and child. I liked the lines of wrestling with worry and the rejection. I had never thought of that. You added to my understanding of my children. Thanks for sharing that point of view and giving me some enlightenment.

Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
As much as I think this was fun and entertaining, it threw me off a bit. You asked a question that to me, required a yes or no answer. Then you gave me three options, that didn't quite answer the question you posed. Or just may be a bit addlepated from medical issues going on right now. lol

When you say 'my port' do you mean my portfolio? That is what I took it as. Asking if I've had one in my port isnt' the same as understanding. Just an observation on my part from a seriously dehydrated brain. lol
love you.
LinnAnn

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Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved it. I absolutely loved it. You are so clever to get such an inspiring and truthful poem out of NANOWRIMO for the topic.

I couldn't figure out why the family were all dressed up, I was thinking suits or tux's until I got to the line about the candy. Then I got it. lol

I also love the optimism in your 'third down'. Good for you. I was also doing that until I got sidetracked writing ya novels for my grandkids.

Thanks for sharing with us.
love, LinnAnn

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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
warning (a) family member or warning family member(s)

Sharon was doing her best to reassure her best friend.--Not sure you need that since we can already read the attempt just before that.

been off the mark (with) some (of) her predictions.-Your with is in the wrong spot. it happens.

She asks if anyone noticed how the woman looked in the ball, but no one really answers her except her one friend

She did not seem like the kind to stomp her foot. It's juvenile and she did not act or seem like that. What else could she do to show her fear?

you've heard of (the) self proclaimed blogging...

had a look of desertion--how about 'looked deserted'? keep it simple and clear

Mark knows it's not fake, maybe take out the 'fake' and put some foreboding in there. I'd build up more of blogger and ISIS thing. Maybe she gets a gypsy warning premonition.

Mark says he's not so sure it's fake. But you just said he was an expert, so might want to take out the 'not so sure'

with that much explosives, they'd be dead. maybe make a run for it? They were too close to survive anything big enough to put a hole in a metal hull

spiraling out of control, makes me think of a flat spin. Is that what you wanted?

in your 'Beth fought the panic' paragraph, you have a lot of 'she's' I have to work on that too, try to put 'the new widow' or her name more etc.

She felt the pull of the ocean (become stronger) --or something like that, it would pull in from half a mile

'overworked in a workout'? Make that more. She was in an explosion, it would hurt more than a strenuous workout.

'heard an familiar sound' take off the 'n' only add n when in front of vowel or h.

reaching down to see if she's in shallow water is okay, but the wave catching her and rolling her in to shore is more exciting, just a thought lol The tightness in the chest as you mentally scream to breath.

she would probably have to be in more shallow water to get foot lodged so tight. he body would be too buoyant if water was to her chin. Get her to maybe chest or waist level. then she'd be heavy enough and could still have more panic as tide comes in, or shark or jelly fish wrap around legs etc

You could stretch it out and let her live. lol After all the gypsy wasn't sure.


Thanks for the reminder and a good read. If you fix some of those things and want me to reread and rate, let me know. I hope this helps.

love, LinnAnn
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Review of Inspiration  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
5th verse-how can you not notice? That drew me up short. Not notice words pouring out?

'It returns from it's spite' Using the word 'from' makes spite a destination, not a feeling. I've pondered and can't off the top of my head address how to fix that. It just throws me out.

I love your 'valor to rot' line, cracked me up as it is so true.

Last verse, I'd take the 's' off haunts. 'that haunt at midnight'. Love that last verse. The ah ha moment when you find it's dawn. lol I'm chuckling, as there are times I go to bed when the sky is lighting through my apple tree leaves.

Thanks for sharing. I have no memory, seriously, brain damage, so this is all fresh for me.

love, LinnAnn
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
ROFLOL, with all the flaying and guts...were you recently watching a horror show, murder mystery or do you hunt and fish?

I think that is the most graphic poem I've ever read. It felt more like a how to critique a poem rather than read it, but as I re-read parts, I got it. lol

This is my first review of the morning and you start it off with a bang. Good for you.

You got my attention that's for sure and held it. I couldn't wait to find out how all the slaying turned out.

I totally understood the 'twist muscled meanings' the way I took that is, we all take what the writer wrote, and take it in how it fits our lives. I know sometimes I've been wrong based on my life and what the poem means to me.

I love the 'illuminates the valleys of your soul'. Now that is deep.

You woke me up with this one. Thanks for the very interesting poem. Like I said, never read another one like it in all my 61 years.
love, LinnAnn

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Since your green section was in rhyme, I thought the rest would be too. It took me a bit of reading to realize it was in 'non rhyming' prose.

I like that you wrote each description in the color they are represented in for us. I'm glad you even mentioned the white cases. I've known a couple and it's sad when they are no longer with us.

I was wondering what inspired you to write about the case colors. If you have time could you please tell me? Thanks a bunch for your effort and tender thoughts.
love, LinnAnn

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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really like this game; I just wish it was more known around the site so more people played. Sometimes the words sit there for days at a time. I do like that you no longer have the eight posting limit. That was a bummer when the site was slow. If I knew how to do 'links', I'd put it at scroll all the time so people would play. I often tell people there to go play 'Three Word Mayhem' and someone says "what's that?". We have to get the word out there.
Love, LinnAnn
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Review of Pruning  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
You might want to put some dividing lines between some of this for easier reading. At the very least put a line between the cat and the woman for clearer transition.

You very well in describing the emotions and cycle of the cat.

Then you get to the woman and the part, 'kicks her ripe bely and falls out' I had five children and none of them 'fell out'. lol I had to push like crazy, hard work.

Your last part felt so sad. But if that is what is best for you, then I understand.
Thanks for sharing.

Love, LinnAnn

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Review of Paper Dolls  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Your first line, onions peels. Do you need an apostrophe? Are you thinking an onion's peels, layers? Since you mentioned it a couple of times, it felt like it. As a reader it pulled me out of the poem before it could be made clear. Just a suggestion, it seems the 's' on onions should be taken off.

I didn't understand the bones still light. It made me think of osteoporosis. Two 'lights' in the same sentence was iffy.

I didn't understand most of the poem, that is the nature of poetry. The writer pours their heart and soul into it and the reader tries to understand.

I felt the deep emotion in it, despair. I really wish I did understand it better. The part about Mary Poppins especially intrigued me.

If you have the time, could you explain it to me?
Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

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Review of White Lace  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Transition smoother between characters thoughts and feelings so you aren't accused of 'head hopping'. I've been reading up on POV, there is a way to transition from one character to another smoothly. I've been reading Orson Scott Card's 'Characters & Viewpoint'.

Unless the water or coffee is paramount in a scene, just pick one. Having both makes them seem more important than they are.

I like the way you slip in a bit of description with the black hair on the wedding dress.

'old fashioned types'...not sure the store would call them that. Traditional was a good word. You may want MC to call it old fashioned and the store say traditional.

Are you sure you want the word 'bemused' with the MC's character finding the dress?

Marie watched the two enter --I've forgotten which was mother in law or sister in law. You might want to state Marie watched as bride and ... entered. Don't make the reader go back to the beginning to find out who is who.

Nicely done. Thanks for sharing.

LinnAnn

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Review of Glow-Worm  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
You gave good imagery and drew me in. It brought to min d the days of my youth an glow worms.

When you mentioned the handkerchief I grew sad. I kept wanting you to tell me you' let it go. So if this was based in fact, tell me you let it go.

I like the line-charmed my imagination. I love fantasy and you brought to mind fairies and all.
Thanks for sharing.

love, LinnAnn

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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Sparky...did I ever tell you my grandmothers nick name was sparky?

I enjoyed the article, as usual, but this time it seeme disjointed and there were so many mistakes or choices that seemed like errors that they pulled me out of the read.

..minding your own writing bidness---I didn't know if that was a joke or mistake (business) Why not personalize it 'minding my own writing...'

You write your own stuff usually. But you read a book. Magazine. Article. Comic even---What about--I write my own stuff, usually, but then I read a book, Magazine article, comic even...

watching something, angry at something, something with bacon, and other things.
---This sounds like you are angry with bacon. What about---watching something, something with bacon, (or) angry at something and other things. (The angry part threw me out too. I couldn't get why anger brought on bacon thoughts)

Next thing you know, YOU are bacon. NO. You are doing the same thing---I tried to see the 'you are bacon' but then someone would be frying you up in a pan. It didn't work for me. Doing what same thing? I missed something there.

Ok, maybe narrow that down to a few weeks might---I'd either put 'narrowing' or leave that and put in 'and it might'. I am NOT a grammar expert, so I'm not sure what is correct.

In another spot you say desert instead of dessert. I was taught dessert is yummy, you want more, so two 's' in dessert.

I suggest reading over it again, slowly and out loud to find any other errors. The way we talk is often how we write but if you want a more international audience the you may have to make a few changes. lol

I write stiff and formal, but I don't talk that way. Doin', thinkin', I don't wanna...I need to find something between the two.

I don't know if you wanted this much feed back. If you edit and want me to review it again, I'll be happy to.

It was amusing, as usual. I do enjoy your work.
love, LinnAnn

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Review of Destiny  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I have to admit I am impressed with your ability to write a poem with the repetition and not sound repetitive.

You did well in telling the story about the heartache and fear of loved one going off to the military and the fear of losing them.

So often the pain of those left at home is forgotten, but you put it well in how they suffer.

Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn
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Review of Heretic  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
I'm not sure if you want me to help correct your English, but just in case you do...

In English we often say 'feelings' plural, it would be 'my feelings' or 'a feeling'

You might want a comma-
everyone, every person

They are friends together (plural so you need s on friends)

bugs crawl, crawl (no o, spelled with an a--also comma is needed usually when you repeat a word

There are no choice.--You need either 'There is no choice' singular or 'There are no choices' plural


Now fore poem, I think I understood until the last verse. Why call them and then shut your ear?
a single 'ha' is usually a sarcastic laugh, I do not understand the question mark

For not being your native language you did pretty well.

thanks for sharing it with us.
love, LinnAnn

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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The whole first part was interesting, got me to thinking and that is always a good thing. lol The whold bendy thing was a bit incomprehensible. I wish you'd given some examples so I could understand better.

As for writing outside the box, I think it's managible and not end up boring. lol

Harry Potter didn't turn into a bad guy. He grew up and decided to not be a victim and to put more effort into saving others.

I loved your last lines; and guess everyone is entitled to some finger pointing. Those of us who don't like all the gratuitous sex, swearing etc. Don't know where those people live, but real life, anywhere I've lived hasn't been like any of the tv shows, let alone movies.

Thanks for the read.
love, LinnAnn

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Rated: E | (5.0)
You did a great job on this poem. You broke my heart! I am empathetic and boy did I empathize with you on this. If you ever feel like this again, let me know, and remind me as I have memory issues. I will be happy to sit on the curb with you until you are ready to stand.

I rarely give 5's for free verse, but as I said, you really touched my heart. Your second to the last verse almost made me cry.
thanks for sharing.

Love, LinnAnn

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Review of Weight Loss  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
I can totally empathize, though I can't say I reached your success. Every time I make progress I get injured or something. I am so happy for you.

I liked your poem and can see you worked hard at the rhyming. I liked the 'out and stout' pairing. lol Good job.

Did you sign up for the poetry newsletter? I have memory problems, but even though I forget they styles, I love learning about them.

Thanks for sharing
love, LinnAnn

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Review of Magnolia  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm not sure if the picture was part of the contest for you to write about or if you put it on for the contest, but I love it.

You did a great job, I loved every line. Each can stand alone, but each blends with the others to make a lovely whole.

I was going to pick out a couple that I liked better than others, but I couldn't. I really like them all. Thanks for sharing.

Love, LinnAnn

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