"There's Life on my face" is a wonderful ending to your poem. The rhyming and meter are very well accomplished. The first verse hooked me! Life definitely is about choices, which have consequences, both good or bad. Life is, indeed, here for the present. Keep writing!
We are on the cusp of when science fiction becomes reality in exploration of what is beyond our universe. Your poem describes this learning curve perfectly. Beautifully expressed!
Oh, yes! Karma! You wrote a wonderful poem that is applicable to most who fail to see beyond the superficial. It speaks volumes about lack of empathy and how society casts a blind eye on those less fortunate. Well done!
Great poem! I especially like "When the deviants straighten their lane by driving the normals insane" is exactly what happened following the POTUS election! Keep writing!
I learned a new word from your article! Aubergine is an eggplant!(nice to know) We surely could use the R.W.U.P. in this country,and I would love to be a member of the group. Why is it difficult for people to know the differences between there, their, they'er? Incorrectly using whelp and welt gets on my very last nerve! "Off with their heads!" Or is that "Off with there heads"?
I enjoyed your story. It is informative and a little scary!. I see no grammar mistakes. Well done!
Wonderful poem! This poem made me feel the narrator's frustrations and fears, never living up to his expectations of himself, and never accomplishing his goals. No grammatical errors. Keep writing!
I love your poem! It s beginning made me want to keep reading. Spelling, grammar, meter are all good. Such a great idea to use a paper heart! Goood work! Keep Writing!
I really like your poem! Having visited France will little knowledge of the French language, I can identify with your character! Great rhyming and meter! Dribble Lip is a great name for your character! I do not see any mistakes in grammar. Nice touch at the end with the dictionary and pronunciations! Keep writing!
Yes, Christmas is entirely too commercialized. However, the REASON for Christmas is for loved ones to come together to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ! It is not about the trappings of Christmas such as presents, decorations, or meals. Christmas is about giving, not receiving. I agree that small children should receive presents, that are given because of our love for them, but should not be given to excess. To celebrate Christmas, we should focus on the "reason for the season"! Some families "adopt" a family living in a homeless shelter, and buy gifts for each member of that family, instead of buying presents for themselves, as they are blessed in having a home and everything needed to survive. Other families go to soup kitchens and help prepare and serve homeless people a Christmas meal. Some families visit nursing homes and bring presents to the residents. While the residents enjoy the presents, they enjoy your company much more. Many of the youth of today feel entitled to receive anything they want because they have been spoiled by their families. In having so many material things, they lack respect for the important things in life....honor, courage, selflessness, knowing right from wrong, etc. We should celebrate Christmas as Christ would have us do, every day of the year.
This is a beautiful poem. My only suggestion would be to leave out the last two lines.
This is my favorite verse: "The ship of state in each man's life,
oft tied to winds of change,
The trough reflects the days of strife,
the crest, the best arrange."
I have, too, done the blind exercise. You described your exercise very well. Being blind certainly makes your other senses more astute. I like your story!
I like your list of family traditions! I would add to #11 some teaching skills made by grandfathers. Is Spring cleaning actually a family tradition? I do not see any grammar corrections to be made. Keep writing!
Having ADD myself, I can really relate to your wonderful poem! Those with ADD and ADHD are exceptionally bright as you have portrayed well in your poem. Children with this disorder are often ridiculed but grow up to be exceptionally intelligent. "A split mind, so full of wonder, Yet, so lonely' is touchingly poignant. Very well written!
This is a beautiful poem! I can see the colors of sunset and the rise of the moon. I really like your descriptions of constellations especially how the "Big Dipper scoops up the Star-Milk and splashes it across the sky". Beautifully written!
I like your poem and especially like the line about "a black sheep in an intellectual herd slipping backwards"! All the verses have six lines except for the last verse. Being somewhat OCD I would want six lines and maybe a better rhyme for ignorance than chance.
I had some confusion with the first verse about who was looking where. "I sit here looking up at you looking down on me looking up at you. Just a suggestion, but I would leave out the second looking up at you.
In the third verse I am uncertain who is speaking. Is it the narrator or is it the soul sister?
I like how the two souls will become one in the universe.
I love your descriptions of smells and noises. The zombies watching a movie about themselves and loving a good comedy is great satire. Keep up the good work!
Mari
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