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The craft of this was really great, it managed to make me feel suspense over something like a pool. I think it would be interesting if you took the beginning of the piece and set it to something with bigger stakes, like maybe a crucial dam about to flood.
This was really funny. A great idea for a flash fiction where in my experience, most flash fiction pieces are super dark. Only complaint is maybe make the beginning more clear that she's answering a question.
On the second to last line, the your needs to be changed to you're.
Maybe split the line that starts with 'baby girl' into two? It's too long and it bugs me.
Think the title is off- this doesn’t come across to me as being about your shadow. Or about anything but general loneliness, really. Maybe try to use the shadow as a symbol of loneliness more? Good base idea though.
I like the writing is... I think I get what you're trying to get at there, that writing can be whatever you want it to be. But it needs to be longer. It needs more buildup. Also, the constant commas after the beginning 'writing' in each sentence bugs me. But the biggest thing is to extend it. It's too small to really have an impact right now in my opinion.
This is so scientific that to me it doesn't have any personality. You could make it so scientific is its personality if that makes sense, but that's not really working for me the way it is right now. Right now this poem just feels like an essay with line breaks. Sorry if that's a little harsh, but that's my current impression.
First thing I noticed, Face is capitalized in the second sentence and it shouldn't be. Also, this whole piece lacks personality for me- any husband and wife could have this. Maybe add special details about your marriage? Then again, I'm not a big romance person, so don't take this critique too seriously.
Ok this is great but maybe add a random keymash and some other really random thoughts in there just to expound on the idea of the writer being super tired. It's a really great start, but I think it could be longer, as it is a very entertaining idea for a poem.
This is an awesome poem. I really liked the Mom@heaven.com part. One minor grammar error I noticed, though it might be on purpose, is that it should be "If there are windows, Mom, know I'm looking beyond and seeing you once again...." I really liked the poem though, great job!
This poem is so funny and true! The only thing I would really revise is breaking up the big paragraph into smaller lines and maybe give it its own stanza. But other than that it's really an awesome poem!
One word: characterization. The character feels kind of bland. I think you could stretch out the story and make it longer and make the character have more personality. I like the opening sentence and title, though I think the opening sentence should have its own paragraph.
Think the title could use some work. Maybe call it “the woman you loved”? And feel like it needs to be a little more pining. Maybe a hint of frustration that he doesn’t seem to be noticing her? Anyways, overall it’s good, just my two cents
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