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174 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I'm not a good poet, am still learning about poetry. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!


Why I chose it: It's part of I Write! Normally, I probably wouldn't review poetry from someone so well versed in poetry! Pun intended. *Smile*

How it made me feel: I know this is meant to be a happy piece, but it made me sad in a couple of ways. My kids are grown, and we might have a nice meal, we don't really do much for the season anymore. Also, with money tight, I can't even buy everyone nice gifts. So, the second stanza really hit home. Ah well, at least the religious angle reminded me of the Christmas mornings of my youth.

Points I thought you made: I thing you were saying it is often a time of joy, but not for everyone, and people should be reminded to be kind, because of that fact.

Anything Technical: I read through the notes, and I couldn't find a thing.

Adherence to Contest Rules: No problems here. After all, it "prompt free for all poetic styles."

Overall Opinion: It sent me through a range of emotions in three stanzas, so I'd have to say I enjoyed it.

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*

2
2
Review by Mastiff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I'm not a good poet, am still learning about poetry. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!


Why I chose it: Clearly, I posted after you in I Write. Oddly, I just wrote one of these myself as part of Rising Stars. Sorry it's taken so long to get this review done, but it's been pretty wild around here.

How it made me feel: I almost wish I'd done this yesterday! It was a wonderful read, and it made me smile remembering how nice it was with family. I'm agnostic, so I'm not really a god person, but it's one of those times you give thanks to whatever higher power you choose.

Points I thought you made: Well, clearly this was about Thanksgiving. But I must say, that had to be one heck of a spread! A bounty indeed. Wish I'd been able to see it through more than words.

Anything Technical: Last line, just one "s" on his.

Adherence to Contest Rules: It looks good to me. Kind of hard to mess up this type of poem! *Smile*

Overall Opinion: I enjoyed it. I covered everything I love to eat!

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*


3
3
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

I'm Mastiff, and I'm going to review your work! I'm just an amateur, so take it all with a grain of salt, as it's just my opinions. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I appreciate being able to read it.


*Vignette5*First impression:
At first I didn't quite get it, but then I read the contest rules and it made sense. I got the references, but I didn't know the reason for them. An interesting little piece!

*Vignette5*Things That Might Make It Better:
I think you might have used a bit more of your 300 word count to tie everything up. It's fine as it stands, but it would be nice to know who is saying what.

*Vignette5*Mechanics:

Para. 1 Ln. 2 - I'd put the second sentence on it's own line, and and a close parenthesis.
Para. 2 Ln. All - I think this is also someone speaking, so it needs quotes. I think this goes for all the next paragraphs.
Para. 5 Ln. 1 - I think you want a comma after "rescued" and "princess."

Overall - Not too bad, just needs a little bit of editing.

*Vignette5*Things I Like:
It was a good selection of fairy tales that really do have a common thread.

*Vignette5*Adherence to Contest Rules:
It looks like you covered all of the items well. Good work! *Smile*

*Vignette5* Overall Opinion
A very unusual contest, and you handled it well. Tying four fairy tales together in such a short piece isn't an easy task!

Mastiff *Dog2*




4
4
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Hi, it's Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful!

Title: It's straight and to the point. It would be especially intriguing if a potential reader didn't know the contest you were entering.

Initial Reaction: I generally read in a couple paragraphs, then decide to continue and review. In this case, I found the dialogue interesting enough to continue. Especially since I kind of knew this was personal.

Setting: It's well done, particularly since it's all done through the "eyes" and interaction of the items themselves. Of course, the inside of a camper isn't too difficult for the majority of us to imagine.

Character Development: Also well done. We not only get to know the clothespins, but they have very different attitudes on their lot in life. It's kind of odd, in that you're meaning to bring an inanimate object to life, but your writing shows how much you rely on them. I think this is the first time I've reviewed this contest, so it was fun to see them develop.

Plot: It was certainly a cute way to approach the contest. It wasn't so much of a plot, as it was an interesting interaction between two clothespins.

Ending: Ending with a "moral to the story" was an excellent choice. In fact, many of us could learn a thing or two from your clothespins. It added a nice punch to the piece.

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 2 Ln. 2 - Generally, it's after all, not one word.
Para. 5 Ln. 1 - Consider a comma after "help."
Para. 7 Ln. 1 - Typo... "Yeah" is what you want.
Para. 9 Ln. 1 - No need for extra exclamation points.
Para. 11 Ln. 2 - Rethink the colon. I bet an ellipsis would suit you better.

Overall - Two things. First, most normal dialogue uses contractions. Technically correct, yes, but if you say it out loud it sounds stilted. Second, it's almost never good to use all capitals for emphasis. Both times would be better suited to italics.

Adherence to Contest Rules: All looks fine!

Overall Opinion: I enjoyed reading it quite a bit, and I hope my review helped. Most don't go back and edit old contest entries, but I try and be helpful for future writing as well.


Writing On!

Mastiff *Dog2*

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5
5
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello there,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I'm not a good poet, am still learning about poetry. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!


Why I chose it: Clearly I posted next in I Write 2019, but I like to think I'm getting a little better at poetry reviewing, and even if I wanted to cherry pick, many of ours writers are poetry people.

How it made me feel: I laughed! That's a rare thing these days, so congratulations. Even if you hadn't used Halloween, it would have been clear through the candy corn and color use.

Points I thought you made: A joke. I hadn't heard of the Little Willie form of poetry, I am always amazed how many are out there. Also, don't eat too much candy or go to an old hag's door!

Anything Technical: If anything, you might want to work on the four stresses per line. It seemed to me you may have had more than four on at least one line.

Adherence to Contest Rules: Aside from the accentual (#2), it looked fine. And that's just my opinion, really. I'm certainly not the expert here...

Overall Opinion: It was a quick easy read that was lighthearted, even with a busted spleen! *Smile*

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*


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6
6
Review of I Write in 2019  
Review by Mastiff
Rated: E | (5.0)
Because this contest has been awesome!
7
7
for entry "The Disaster...
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,
It's Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful!

Title: I suppose I'm up for a disaster story anytime, so it made me want to see what happened. Not sure what to make of the ellipsis, but it seems fine to me.

Initial Reaction: I always read a bit, then decide if I'm going to continue and review. At least, when it's not compulsory at I write! Now I had to wonder what kind of disaster could happen at a birthday party. I know you couldn't use the word, but I can! *Smile*

Setting: In such a short piece, it's difficult to set the scene, but you had enough for a reader to get a good feel for where we're located. At least, anyone who's been in the south. People who haven't would need much more than you could provide in a short story.

Character Development: If you ever lengthen the story, this would be a good place for development. I'd have liked to have "seen" your people with some description. I got a feel for them through their actions, but couldn't visualize them.

Plot: It's cute, and certainly not what I expected. Maybe it should have been Kitchen Disaster! It tells the tale front start to finish, and flows well.

Ending: It wasn't what I expected, that's for certain. It could have even worked better if you had foreshadowed the "giant hole" earlier when you mention the rented cabin.

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 1 Ln. 1 - I think you need a comma after "day."
Para. 2 Ln. 3 - A comma after "more." Also, you should avoid ending a sentence with a preposition, even if it's not as big a deal these days.
Para. 5 Ln. 3 - I would have incorporated the text in parenthesis into the sentence, but that's just me.
Para. 6 Ln. 1 - Comma after "baker."
Para. 9 Ln. 1 - Comma after "reveal."
Para. 11 Ln. 2 - I think you want "chagrin" there.
Para. 14 Ln. 2 - Computer, or "leetspeak", still isn't a very acceptable unless you're writing about computers or an internet story.

Overall - Not too bad, mostly just punctuation. I'm sure a quick edit could fix those right up.

Adherence to Contest Rules: No problems here, I didn't see one naughty word.

Overall Opinion: It was an easy read, and I liked it. I do think it could be better if you added more content.


Write On!

Mastiff *Dog2*

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8
8
Review of Origin  
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

I'm Mastiff, and I'm going to review your work! I'm just an amateur, so take it all with a grain of salt, as it's just my opinions. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I appreciate being able to read it.


*Vignette5*First impression:
I must say, you got me hooked from the start. The title doesn't give much. In fact, I never assumed it was a name. You don't always get the subtitle, so the title and the first few lines might be all you get. You did a fine job with the opening, so good job. One thing I'd mention, it's easy to add a cover picture, and they have plenty of stock items here. Use them, they can also draw people into your tale.

*Vignette5*Things That Might Make It Better:
An opening chapter is a good place to let us "see" your character(s), and here is no different. A nice spot could be where you describe the black gloves. If you made him dark in hair and features, for example, we can start to get a mental image for the rest of the story. Since it is a chapter, you have more writing that can fill out the setting and develop more people who will be part of the overall body of work.

*Vignette5*Mechanics:

Para. 2 Ln. 2 - Even though people are more lax about it these days, "with" is a preposition, and it's best not to end a sentence with one. (Next sentence, too.)
Para. 4 Ln. 2 - Same thing. Those should be easy to work with and end them differently.
Para. 6 Ln. 1 - As begins a prepositional phrase, which generally requires a comma. It would be after "beings." Also, I think you missed an "it" in there.
Para. 6 Ln. 2 - Again, same thing. You need a comma after "detective" and another "it." Remove the "from" as well.
Para. 7 Ln. 3 - I do believe "Depending on how you look at it." is a fragment.
Para. 9 Ln. 2 - Another comma after "awhile." Also, I believe you want "mastered."

Overall - Not too bad, really. Punctuation fixes and a solid edit is mostly what you need.

*Vignette5*Things I Like:
I like your writing style in this piece. You seem to have a good lexicon, and it shows. But further, you put them together well. If you do write more chapters, let me know, it would be fun to follow.

*Vignette5* Overall Opinion
Is it the newest plot? Maybe not. But it's not one I've seen explored often, and it looks like you're going to continue the story. It will be interesting to see where you take it! *Smile*

Mastiff *Dog2*

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9
9
Review of Mercy  
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Mia,

My name is Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful!

Title: Short and to the point, and you give us more in the sub-title. Just remember you won't always have the latter to bolster the first. Descriptive titles can often draw in readers.

Initial Reaction: I tend to stop after a little bit to decide if I want to review and read on, and you had enough of a hook in the beginning to get me to finish the story and review. That's a good thing. Catching a readers interest in a few lines means you've started off well.

Setting: It's quite short, so it's difficult to add much description. At the end, Emma "found her way into town," so I imagined it in a kind of rural setting. If you work on this more, it wold be a good way to beef it up.

Character Development: The same is true here, even though we certainly understand all the parties on an emotional level. I think knowing their ages, and capturing a snapshot of how they look would be a nice addition to what you've already accomplished.

Plot: I enjoyed it. I think it needs some revisions, additions, and polish, but it's a good start on a story.

Ending: Truthfully, I wanted to know more about what happened to Emma. At times, authors will leave a reading hanging on purpose, but be careful not to do to much of that. I'd enjoy having a few more paragraphs to let me know how it turned out for her.

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 1 Ln. 7 - This is a fragment, so consider reworking it. Also, you want "me" instead of "I."
Para. 2 Ln. 2 - When doing dialogue, you don't have to be formal. Is it more likely Cole would say, "I have.." or, "I've?" Just a thought.
Para. 3 Ln. 1 - Use a comma after "well."
Para. 3 Ln. 2 - Again, "cannot" is probably not what Emma would say. Replace it with "can't" and it will give better flow.
Para. 8 Ln. 1 - Try it without the "um." It takes away from the exclamatory sentence.
Para. 8 Ln. 3 - In general, all capitals is frowned upon in formal writing, even though they have their place. I'd replace all of them with italics.
Para. 9 Ln. 2&3 - I read your piece twice and have no idea what "comma" or "the demon" mean to the story. You could just pull those two sentences.

Overall - This would be a much easier read if you broke it into paragraphs. Start with separating the narrative from the dialogue.

Overall Opinion: I hope this didn't really happen to you or anyone you know. It was one of those times I want to slap a fictional character. It certainly needs some work, and I tried to give a bit of advice. If you decide to do a rewrite, let me know and I'll be happy to look at it again.


Writing On!

Mastiff *Dog2*

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10
10
for entry "A Gift of Freedom
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

My name is Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful!

Title: It works. It's apt, and doesn't give away the story. I clicked on it! *Smile*

Initial Reaction: This is usually where I stop and decide if I'm going to do a review, after a couple paragraphs. It is an I Write 2019 item, but it's an extra review, so I can choose what I wish! I was drawn in enough to continue to read and then review, so good work!

Setting: It does what it needs to do on a short word count. If you ever decide to beef it up, this could be one place to add some description. Not sure if German hospitals differ much from the US, and most readers have been in one, but scene setting is important. The objects are well described, and that is more important to the piece.

Character Development: Again, not bad at all. I think we could "see" them even better with some description of their features. Usually Doctors Without Borders are younger, but not always! A bit more wouldn't hurt.

Plot: It paced along nicely, and was devoid of the hiccups you often find in short fiction pieces. I enjoyed it throughout.

Ending: There was a little mystery left when you finished, and it really made for a strong ending. We don't know exactly how the doctor will be able to use the gift. Will it just be flying like in a dream, or will he eventually control it more? I'd like to believe he can use the gift to visit places he wants to see!

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 1 Ln. 2 - Consider a comma before the "and."
Para. 6 Ln. 2 - Perhaps a comma before the "but."
Para. 13 Ln. 3 - One more before the "but."

Overall - Not much save a little comma work, so very well done!

Happy Writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*

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11
11
for entry "Rosebud backwards...
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,
It's Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful!


Title: I'm glad you used the title you did. I'm not sure I'd have ever read the name backwards and realized this fact!

Initial Reaction: This is where I would normally decide if I were going to review or not, but since it's part of I Write 2019, it's kind of mandatory. I think I'd have gone ahead anyway, since I'm big on dog stories, but you caught my attention right away. I had a pitbull mix who was about six months old. One his first vet trip I asked about docking his tail. I remember clearly, and this was in 1985, the veterinarian saying, "Well, he knows he's got a flag, and he likes to fly it." So I didn't have it done. Oh yes, he could slap you around with it or clear a coffee table, no problem!

Setting: There was enough for us to get the idea. You could always buff it up here if you do a re-write. But anyone who has had a similar experience will fill in the blanks easily.

Character Development: The dogs are very easy to picture, but you forget to describe yourself to us! I would have loved to have known more about the dog owner, and it would have invested us into the story even more.

Plot: Of course I loved it, but I'm a sucker for dog stories. It's well told, and I enjoyed it from beginning to the end.

Ending: It's sad. I know about losing dogs, too. My roaming rover used to climb the chain link fence paw over paw. Unfortunately, it ended up costing him more than a strange new home, he was hit by a car. I wrote a whole lot about that dog. I even have an oil portrait of him on the wall next to me!

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 1 Ln. 3 - Probably need a comma after "and."
Para. 2 Ln. 3 - I'd consider breaking up the sentence into two.
Para. 7 Ln. 2 - A comma after "eat" is probably in order.
Para. 12 Ln. 4 - Comma after "but." It might not hurt to divide this sentence into two as well.
Para. 14 Ln. 1 - You may want to add punctuation to this one.
Para. 18 Ln. 1 - Probably best to break this sentence into two or three. Also, 'til is just fine, but it needs the apostrophe.
Para. 19 Ln. 2 - Comma should be in front of the "but." Also, if it were me, I'd put -- on either side of "having a taste of freedom."
Para. 20 Ln. 1 - Comma after "wide."
Para. 21 Ln. 1 - Comma after "home."

Overall - Be careful beginning too many sentences with a conjunction. You seem to have an affinity for "as" and "after." *Smile*

It was a very nice story, sorry how it ended.

Mastiff *Dog2*

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12
12
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I'm not a good poet, am still learning about poetry. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!


Why I chose it: I really am trying to do more poetry review, I'm doing extra reviews for I Write, and the title caught my eye. I really wasn't sure what to expect, so I was curious.

How it made me feel: Well, I'm glad I read it. It was very relatable on two levels. First, it reminded me of times when I've been so wrung out, all I can think of is bed, and also the times I've been in bed, but sleep eluded me.

Points I thought you made: I think you are speaking about the longing to be in the bed, and sleep will come. The second item I mentioned, not necessarily insomnia, but restless nights. The subtitle suggests the former.

Anything Technical: I'm not sure why you didn't rhyme the second stanza. The first and last are axa, and it would have been easy to create the same scheme in the middle stanza. Perhaps, for example, use "light" singular with "covers tight" instead of "the covers." Just an idea.

Final Thoughts: It's a nice take on "to sleep, perchance to dream." But Hamlet was talking suicide there, and I think you just wanted some rest! *Smile*

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*


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13
13
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
for entry "Halloween--Luc Bat
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello there,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I'm not a good poet, am still learning about poetry. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!


Why I chose it: Well, I'm going to be doing some extra reviews (Don't know if I'll get 16 or not...), and your piece looked interesting. I used to love Halloween quite a bit, but now I'm old and want them off my lawn! *Smile* Of course, my wife is a witch, so I can't escape.

How it made me feel: It made me remember how much fun I had dressing up as a scarecrow and scaring kids, or putting fluorescent lights in the trees and keying up my ham radio to make them light up with seemingly no power source! Good times.

Points I thought you made: Clearly you were showing how much fun All Hallow's Eve can be, and maybe reminding a few of us to boot. But additionally, the first three lines suggest that just fall in general is a season you enjoy.

Anything Technical: Well, you played a little fast and loose with a couple of the rhymes, but everything else looks fine to me.

Final Thoughts: It was a cute little poem, and another form of poetry I'd never seen. I'm beginning to think it's a barrel that has no bottom!

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*


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14
14
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello there,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: Clearly I posted next on the I Write 2019 contest! I don't know about you, but doing reviews of different types of items, like poetry, has made me a lot more comfortable reviewing them.

How it made me feel: I related to this quite a bit. You really caught the essence of those nights when sleep just will not come. I usually just read, because it's usually some stress item keeping me up. I also felt a little sad for whomever experiences this.

Points I thought you made: I get the overall message is that sleepless nights are awful, but I also came away with that understanding that you simply cannot force natural sleep. The question of where the dreams have gone left me a little curious. Nice take-off on a line from Hamlet, even those his words were a contemplation of suicide. I'm fairly certain that wasn't your intent here.

Anything Technical:

Stanza- 1 Line - 3: Caffeine doesn't really rhyme there, but I'll bet you knew that. *Smile*
Stanza- 2 Line - 5: Same thing, "now" and "allowed" are quite close, though.
Stanza- 2 Line - 5: I tend never to emphasize with all capitals. I know these days it's considered like a shout, but I'm old school I guess. I'd have used italics instead.

All in all, it's a nice piece of work, hitting a subject most of us have dealt with at some point. I've never seen this form before, so it was nice to see something new!

Final Thoughts: I liked how you ended the three stanzas with the same sentence. I assume that's your refrain. Of course, dreams can be a mixed bag. So, be careful what you wish for!

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*


15
15
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "September 9, 2019
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

I'm Mastiff, and I'm going to review your work! I'm just an amateur, so take it all with a grain of salt, as it's just my opinions. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I appreciate being able to read it.

*Vignette5*First impression:
Interesting reading the title and the first line. I had to try and decide if I believe that being mindful is the remedy for all things. It certainly can't hurt, but I'm not sure a real panacea exists!

*Vignette5*Things That Might Make It Better:
I think you could have exchanged "everything" to make the piece work better for you. Perhaps mindfulness is really the path to inner peace, which seems to be where you went after the first line.

*Vignette5*Mechanics:

Ln. 1 - Panacea coupled with everything is somewhat redundant.

Overall - Syllable counter says... 24! It's handy https://syllablecounter.net , but not always accurate!

*Vignette5*Things I Like:
The last line. If I'm correct on what you intended to convey, it would be listening to yourself without preconception or judgement. That's what it said to me. *Smile*

*Vignette5* Final Comments
You conveyed quite a bit in just the 24 syllables, and it made me think. That is always good!

Mastiff *Dog2*




16
16
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: Well, clearly I posted next after you on I Write 2019. As I said, I'm not the greatest poetry reviewer, but I'm getting more comfortable with it, mostly due to the contest. So perhaps I'll do it more often.

How it made me feel: Kind of sad, a little. I have two sons that were born to me, and I've since informally adopted four more. But, aside from having a step-daughter who I saw very little, never had a little girl. It might be for the best, I'm protective of my sons, so I can't even think what I'd be like with a daughter.

Points I thought you made: What it means for a true father, as opposed to a sperm donor, feels about his daughter. I can only imagine it, but even having sons I believe I have a good understanding. I know how I felt when they were apart from me for two years.

Anything Technical: I didn't find any issues, but I didn't think I would. *Smile*

Final Thoughts: I'm always amazed at how many forms of poetry are out there! At this point, I think I could write a poem a day (poorly), and not run out in a year!

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*


17
17
Review of Sidewalk Tarot  
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

My name is Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful!

Title: It's nice. It can easily draw a reader in, but it doesn't give away the story.

Initial Reaction: Usually I stop after a paragraph or two to decide if I'm going to review a piece. Since this is part of I Write 2019, it doesn't matter! *Smile* That said, I'd have probably read it through.

Setting: I think you give a well detailed description of the two locations you've set up. It was easy to follow.

Character Development: Again, not bad. But you give a much better look at the mother, and not nearly as much with the narrator. If you look to beef up the story, that could be a good spot!

Plot: It was interesting, and not a normal topic I find, anyway. It flows well, and keeps on track. (You have to work through the formatting, but I'll mention that in a moment.)

Ending: I'm a bit confused about the miracle. You could give more explanation here to really give it some pop at the end. I might have enjoyed if she recognized her daughter, or something more substantial.

Suggestions: I only found a couple minor things. I'm going to assume the paragraphs.

Para. 3 Ln. 20 - The period after "reading" needs to be in the quotes.
Para. 4 Ln. 13 - Might fix the ellipsis.

Overall - I'm not sure why, but on my computer, your lines are broken up all over the place. Just a format issue, and I have no idea why it happened.

Happy Writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*


18
18
Review of WhataLand  
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Enjoy!
19
19
Review by Mastiff
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
The two contests I've finished here have been a challenge and had me writing my best, because they are not easy. Keep up the great work, it motivates me!
20
20
Review of No Show  
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Dominique,

It's Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful! I usually try and do reviews right after I post, but I was just wiped out last night!

Title: It doesn't give much away, although the sub-title leads me to think that there is a young man who is being raised by a single parent. I know how that works all too well.

Initial Reaction: It seems like I was correct, and the young man is abandoned, probably just another time in a long string of disappointments.

Setting: It's very easy to visualize the home and the cemetery, at least, once you realize where you've taken us!

Character Development: We get to know Noah much better than his mother, but I think that's kind of the way it was supposed to happen, and he is portrayed quite well. I know I went back to look at his anger to try and see if you could read any hints into what was actually happening. I didn't see any.

Plot: It's a nice twist, and not simple to complete in under 600 words. It is the twist, of course, that makes the story, but you knew that.

Ending: I certainly didn't see it coming. You did well in making it seem like he was waiting for his father who was uncaring when it came to his son.

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 2 Ln. 6 - John Deere is the proper spelling.
Para. 2 Ln. 7&8 - These two sentences don't read quite right. A comma between them could help.

Overall - Not bad at all technically! All in all, it's a well told tale!

Happy Writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*


21
21
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Snow,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: Clearly it's because I posted after you in I Write 2019. I'm not a big poetry reviewer, because I'm not much of a poet. But this contest is like a box of chocolates!

How it made me feel: A little hungry as I read it right before lunch! Of course, I like my veggies with a little meat and dairy, so it was only a partial drool. *Wink*

Points I thought you made: Perhaps that people should eat healthier. That's what I really took away from it. It's hard to tell exactly what a poet is trying to say, but if you meant to make that particular point, it was a success.

Anything Technical:

Stanza- 1 Line - 1: Line has 7 syllables instead of 8.
Stanza- 1 Line - 6: Line has 7 syllables instead of 6.
Stanza- 1 Line - 3 & 6: Lovers and discover don't really rhyme. I'd suggest "lover!" at the end of line 3, which would fix it.
Stanza- 1 Line - 6: I might have punctuated with a comma or semicolon, but that's just me.

By the way, if you're ever unsure about the count, use this handy tool: syllablecounter.net It has saved me a time or two.

Final Thoughts: The rhyme pattern is good, and it was a cute little read. But no cheese?! It must be a vegan poem. *Smile*

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*


22
22
Review of Milieu  
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Kellie,

I'm Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: I followed you in the I Write 2019 contest, so here I am! I'm not someone who reviews poetry very often, but this contest makes you review outside your zone!

How it made me feel: Almost like I was back in Philly. I might hate your sports teams, but I have never failed to have fun in NYC, some of it kind of wild and scary at times, but still fun. It's so true that it never sleeps.

Points I thought you made: I'm not sure you were making a point, other than having a little fun. That's how I saw it, anyway. Perhaps the point was to just have a little fun!

Anything Technical: You might want to work on your meter. I don't think 8-7-5-4 is typical of anything. I know you don't have to use a meter if you're free forming, but it's all I see.

Final Thoughts: It was a pleasant read, and it made me smile. By the way, I do fine! *Smile*

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*


23
23
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "May 20, 2019
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello,

I'm Mastiff, and I'm going to review your work! I'm just an amateur, so take it all with a grain of salt, as it's just my opinions. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I appreciate being able to read it. This is a review for I Write 2019, as I posted above you!


*Vignette5*First impression:
This was actually an odd first read for me, because what I think now isn't the way I thought on my first quick read. I've well into a book series about medieval armor and fighting, that has a great deal of the old religions in it as well. That's where my head first went, but I think I was wrong. At least in part.

*Vignette5*Things That Might Make It Better:
I thought I knew what buckram was, but I looked it up to make sure. It isn't something you come across every day. I think, if you could have spared a syllable elsewhere, a modifier to the cloth would help. Any good old time remedy would work. Just an idea.

*Vignette5*Mechanics:

Syllable counter says... 24! *BalloonP* I love that counter. It's syllablecounter.net and handy.

*Vignette5*Things I Like:
Well, now I have to say, the second read made me think. This, I believe is a response to the local state laws in places I'm glad I'm not. Time is going to tell.

*Vignette5* Final Comments
Well, don't aim at me, I'll be on your side. I don't much like bullies.

Mastiff *Dog2*




24
24
for entry "Shadorma
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello there,

I'm Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: Well, you posted before me in I write 2019, so it was kind of required. *Smile* I'm not a huge poetry reviewer, because I don't think I'm all that good at it.

How it made me feel: It made me chuckle and smile. I believe some poetry is meant to do just that, and your did. It started amusingly, then summed things up well, not an easy task in so few lines.

Points I thought you made: You kind of defined the structure to some extent, then explained what you thought you should do with it. I wouldn't have known completely without the full explanation, but I read that first anyway!

Anything Technical: Nothing I could find. In fact, that's a handy reference, the syllable counter, so thank you for that!

Final Thoughts: I'm not sure I've ever seen a poem that, well, describes the type of poetry being written. It's unusual, but I thought it was very cool!


Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*


25
25
for entry "A Blaze Of Glory
Review by Mastiff
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

I'm Mastiff, and I'm going to review your work! I'm just an amateur, so take it all with a grain of salt, as it's just my opinions. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I appreciate being able to read it. Of course, this is part of the I Write 2019 contest, too.


*Vignette5* First impression:
Of course the first thing to do here is check the syllable count! I haven't slept but six hours in three days, but by my math, it's spot on! *Smile*

*Vignette5*Things That Might Make It Better:
I see what you went for, and I like the way you did it. It's by the nature of it quite short, but it came with a nice little punch, that whomever this is about has put in the time and effort and made a go. I hope the title is apropos!

*Vignette5*Mechanics:
I didn't find any problems here.

*Vignette5*Things I Like:
The scheme was interesting. The syllables 7/8/9, but then the poem went 3/5/5. I thought it an interesting choice.

*Vignette5* Final Comments:
Hard to write a whole lot on such a short piece, but we get what we get in this contest! I enjoyed it even in its brevity.

Happy Writing!

Mastiff *Dog2*




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