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69 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Very nicely done! This story really held me in until the ending. I liked how you established a character for the reader, and how you told us about his job, feelings, and how he did not want to be at the dentist. Then you proceed to relay everything he thought about while at the dentist's office, which I liked as well. And the ending is great, especially since you don't say what the symbol was, but we all have a general idea...
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Review of The Twins  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Wow, what a story! This must've taken you quite a while to write, and you've obviously put a lot of effort into it. It was pulled in from the beginning, and I stayed interested for the entire time. A few suggestions: the dialogue is confusing at points, and it's hard to tell who's talking. Though this could be caused by copying and pasting the story from a file into the site. Second, when Tim is hiding, I'm confused how he got from a second story roof to a bush. Perhaps a bit more explanation into that? As well, how old are the twins? Finally, the epilogue is quite confusing... to the point where I have no idea what is being said. Sorry to be so "blunt".
Overall, a great short story. Good work!
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Another good skit! I'm really beginning to enjoy these! Having the Number Cards held up, along with the band playing every time Nebuchadnezzar mentions "horn and pipe" brings some great humour to the skit. Also, I like how you include all the other children in the skit, so no one feels excluded. One thing though, there's no place where it says that Jesus was in the furnace. I know it's a popular idea, but it's not rock-solid.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this! It is a lot of fun to read, and I'm sure it would be a riot to act out! What I love the most about this is that instead of sticking with what the Bible says, you use items like a candy bar and a trophy to really reach out to the children. Keep up the good work!
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Review of Raising Lazarus  
Rated: E | (2.0)
I love to turn Bible Stories into scripts, and I do it quite frequently for my church. You do a good job of turning the dialect into a scene, and the detailed movement of the actors is very nice. However, I'd like to challenge you to move beyond the actual text. Instead of having Jesus say "This will bring glory to God. We’ll wait here a few days, then go see Lazarus." He could say something like "This is a great chance for Me to honour My Father. Let's stay here for a few days, and then we'll go see Lazarus". This makes the script more interesting, and allows you to avoid parts when there are unanswered statements. (eg Disciples: But they tried to kill you in that town!

Jesus: Lazarus is sleeping. I need to go wake him up
is an unanswered statement)
This is what I have done for my scripts, and I tend to include humour, as it livens up the skit. But don't be discouraged. I like this. Let me know if you have any other ideas.
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