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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/prudhviraj12
Review Requests: OFF
26 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I am working on a style now. But for now, I just tell how I personally felt about it, tell you my favorite part and then will give you some suggestions along with some gps.
I'm good at...
Encouraging. Understanding the feeling and emotion behind your writing. Giving some constructive suggestions. I try to tell anything in the maximum positive way possible.
Favorite Genres
Anything apart from non-fiction.
Least Favorite Genres
Non-Fiction
Favorite Item Types
Personal emotions, Creating new worlds, Science Fiction and extra terrestrial elements.
Least Favorite Item Types
Stuff that has something/anything to do with politics.
I will not review...
There are no such things like that. If you have requested me for a review, it means you wanted to have some good feedback from me. I shall give that to you. I will review anything. In case, something comes around that I can't, then I'll see what I can do.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I seriously got to admit this. I gagged a bit every time I referred to those bullying lines.
There are a lot of bullying done across various parts of the world and every time I read a story, I really feel bad for them.

But the second act of your story made me icky, I guess. I just can't find a better word. I don't mean this in a negative way. Your writing is so powerful that I felt the creeps of that situation like it was happening to me.

I'll come back to the deep review in a moment. First, as you asked, my views on your grammar and flow.

1) I couldn't find any grammar mistakes. A bit of tense difference that I felt while reading, but couldn't find. There might have been here and there but nothing that can impact the emotion of the story.

2) The flow was meticulous. It was like a river.

First, I was taken into the world of Martin, who was wearing his Ninja Turtles T-Shirt. You developed his character enough so that the reader can care about him in the second act. And then the second act began. Things started to go south. Angus was another great character who was also given the action so that we reader could hate him. Personally, I hated him. The third act was set up nicely with Angus's father. I thought that he would root for his son, but thank you, you took the high road with his character. I really like that Martin felt sick at the end seeing someone, even he hurt him, beat to death. Finally, I really loved your work, and I haven't reviewed such powerful writing in a long time.

My Favorite Lines:

1)The tall boy had his hands behind his back and told Martin that his name was Angus and Angus thought "Marty" was the perfect name for a little faggot.

2)He held the stick six-inches from Martin's face. Martin gagged from the smell. Angus told Martin that someday, Martin would have to taste shit.

3)He grabbed Angus by the throat pushing him forward into the yard until he threw Angus down. In front of Martin and his father, he beat Angus.

Alternate Take:
Another way you could have ended is after Martin hugs his father, he could have said something like this.
Martin, with tears in his eyes, "Please tell him to stop beating him, dad. He is in pain."
But I really liked the way you ended.

To summarize, it was a really great piece of work and I sincerely hope that this kind of scenario doesn't happen to anyone in real life.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Avrak & Eve  
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, Joshua.

First of all, the descriptions were lucid. I could see the action in front of my eyes while I was reading. I have to admit that I had to look up in the dictionary for some of the words you used in the first half of the story. The character development was above par and your words perfectly fit their emotions and actions.

MY Favourite Part(s):

1) The extraordinary introduction for Bargus.
"Avrak faked a smile as the pot-bellied, ape-faced crime boss walked past with the target. A jet-black dove tattoo adorned her right cheek. Bargus's cheek was scarred where his dove once was; made him even uglier, if that were possible."

2) I could see this image in my mind while I was reading this lines. From this, the entire fight was exceptionally shown.
"Two short swords sheathed across the front of her legs, Eve crossed her arms to draw them as she stepped further into the pit. They extended like they were part of her arms."

3) I don't even have words about this line. Concise to the point with emotion.
"As the shadowy beast retreated to whatever hell had spawned him, Avrak studied the corpse. Her eyes and mouth were closed, her brow softened. She looked... peaceful."

Suggestions:

I seriously don't have any suggestions to give you.

Exceptional work. Keep it up.

Cheers !!

~ Prudhvi
3
3
Review of PolyEsther  
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Firstly, Kudos to the amazing concept. I understand that it is difficult to describe different characters in a same person in a story. If this was a screenplay, the writing would have been easy. Though this is a story, your hard work deserves full marks. The concept of exploring the multiple personality disorder was fantastic.

Your timing was on the mark. I felt that the pacing was coming down a bit when you were showing the details of Ester and Esther. By coming down, I mean that the single thread was extending too much. Then, BAM!, you introduced Estur, with a 'U'. Then the pace was up automatically.

The way you handled multiple threads in the story deserves applause. The use of vocabulary, italicized sentences, and the imagery were impeccable.

MY Favorite Part(s):

1) "Bath time was over and they stood before the mirror over the sink drying off. Esther saw a shameful naked sinner, anxious to put her clothes back on. Ester saw a beautiful nude flower, feminine in gender, petals open for the universe, still unsatisfied. But she saw something else also. A situational alignment that she had been looking for, tumbled into place."

2)" My name? I don't have a name. But you can call me Estur, with a 'U', from now on sweetie. We all have different needs; You need to be anonymous. Ester needed to be needed and I simply need to kill.

3) I guess I've figured out how to murder from the outside and the inside now. This was the line that I loved the most.

MY Suggestions:

1) When there is more dialogue, you generally have to decrease the descriptions of surroundings to make it pacy.

2) Since you gone of 18+ rating, another scene on Ester's need for sex could have been described in detail. Especially, the scene with Nile Onteaux could have been more seductive to show the character of Ester explicitly before its death.

I was expecting Ester in the end. When the nurse sees her, she sees the woman with her hand up her skirt or something like that. This was JUST my expectation. But, you ending was better than I imagined.

I have a small doubt. Does the ending mean that Esther is dead and Estur has taken over her?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of BODY AND SOUL  
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
First of all, the concept you chose was fantastic. You took the nuance distinction and confusion between heart's feelings and bodily desires and converted it into a tale of love. The flow was impeccable. The twists and turns never seemed to falter the narration. The usage of words was apt.

MY Favorite Part/Verse:

Three lines attracted my attention the most.

1) She greeted him and he drew his hand out from the pocket in his shorts and put his finger on her lips, and praised, ‘You would have shut these curvy lips forever’.

2) She was beautiful and her beautiful body had trapped even the fussiest man in California. She had begun to adore for he had never tried to have sex with her since they met.

3) They parted away but they still meet to talk about music, weathers, sorrows and jubilation in their lives. Jane feels that David is a real man as the trauma he went through cannot be faced by a woman.On the other hand, David feels soul is more important than body.Bodily desires at times kills our soul and murder our existence.

Suggestions :
1) If you could add another paragraph, that you make it much better.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: E | (3.0)
The short story you wrote is good. I had no problems relating to the concept or any other things. But, I can't say it was excellent, but, it was good.

MY Favorite Part/Verse:
The last three sentences. "So Buttercup, let's surprise them. Let's make some mad. Let's change the world with our love."

Suggestions:
1) Try to use a wide range of vocabulary.
2) Instead of such short sentences, use connectors to make it flow while reading.

Cheers !!

~Prudhvi
6
6
Review of Purpose  
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: E | (3.0)
Firstly, the theme you chose was wonderful. When you chose something like this, the strength of your words should be more. I mean, they must be hard hitting. They must strike chords. Your poem does that to some extent, but fails to deliver the required emotion. There is emotion, but not as much as the purpose you chose to write this.

One improvement, as I said earlier should be the used of powerful words and phrases.

Cheers !!!

~Prudhvi
7
7
Review of Doggy Heaven  
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: E | (4.5)
First of all, my heartfelt condolences. I never had a dog or any other pet. But your poem makes me want to have one. It was really touching. You convert the most difficult thing in the world, feelings, into poetry. Every verse had its own thing. I could see how much you were attached to it. Hope you get over it soon.
Coming to the poem, the vocabulary usage was fantastic and kudos to the way you conveyed your feeling. Hoping you will become an expert in poetry. Cheers !!

~Prudhvi
8
8
Review of Samantha  
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: E | (4.0)
My first thoughts were, eh.. I was boring. A mosquito blah blah. Then I started reading at least to finish what I started. Then I realized that this was more than some stupid nonsense. It had a life, your own small word. It was fantastic. Love to see more nonsense from you. FInally, you have an exquisite sense of humor (the pee-pee part). Cheers !!

~Prudhvi
9
9
Review of Love.  
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: E | (5.0)
First of all, congratulations to that lucky guy. He must have done some great deeds in the past to get someone like you. Many people think people who write poetry about love are suckers. But, they don't know how it feels to truly love someone and be loved at the same time. I loved your writing to the core. I want to give 10 stars but writing.com allows only 5. So, a small token of gratitude for you from me.
10
10
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't have words to say how good it is. The emotions were conveyed in a very gentle yet subtle manner. The last two verses or paragraphs stand out for me. It satisfies all the genres you put and the grammar and vocabulary usage is also very good. That 'tell them stories and laugh out loud' part was awesome. I am still an amateur, but I would not recommend any changes. Cheers.. !!
11
11
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: E | (3.5)
First of all, it was philosophical but not completely inspirational. I feel inspirational should be somewhat optimistic. But, you took a complete pragmatic approach to your writing which is good. But in order to convey your message, it should be more or less unreal. My favorite line was, "It's easier to pretend you don't care, it's 'cooler' to be 'chill' because no one wants to think about it but everyone wants to complain." Cheers mate !! :)
12
12
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: E | (3.5)
Your poem had emotions, in fact a lot. But, it could have been better if it was more touching. I feel like there is something missing. The concept and the approach was good, but a better use of vocabulary could have made a much needed difference. Personally for me, the third verse stands out. Cheers !! :)
13
13
Review of Ember  
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well.. you just made ember a synonym for utopia. You description of minute things like trees and grass is very impressive. My favorite line was about trees talking in foreign language which only purest hearts can hear. While I was reading it, I almost became breathless. But, another few more lines added could have been better. Finally, it was fantastically fabulous.
14
14
Review of Glass Statue  
Review by PrudhviRaj12
Rated: E | (4.5)
Really touching and thoughtful.I was more like an abstract version song of life which was erupted from depression and emotional pain. I mean, I felt like that. "I am a statue of glass
With a molten steel core
And each time I break
I am remade once more
" stands out for me. Totally loved it.
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