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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ravalyn
Review Requests: ON
48 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I cannot figure out how to create a new folder to organize my work...can you help me by sending instructions?
2
2
Review of Hello new year  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Interesting piece. Odd formatting...almost like different poems pieced together


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I feel odd calling a piece about Halloween cute, but it was


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed the story. The humanity of the two characters is portrayed well. The severity / beauty of nature is, as well. The wolves hunger juxtaposed with Brother's was clever. Walker was a complex character and details into her reactions and motivations would have been nice (e.g., why did she seem so creeped out by religion? how did she become so skilled in outdoor survival?). Nevertheless, it kept me reading.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of The Nut Tree  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow. Beautiful tribute to nature and the Creator.

I enjoyed the different rhyme for each portion.

Keep on writing--I would love to read more!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Farewells  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (1.0)
I enjoyed some lines in this poem. The structure was confusing, however. It is probably just me, and, if so, apologies.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of LIFE LEARNT  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (1.0)
This could use some touch ups grammatically. Stylistically, was this a journal entrance or a freelance poem?

I think there is allot of relatable content with some editing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of For Us To Find  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (3.0)
Interesting
Not sure if you were criticizing people or God or people who look to God for answers as your launching pad for criticizing politics
Nevertheless
Interesting read
9
9
Review of The Tree Sap  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice
Maybe use some spacing so its easier on the eyes?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Cinderella  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Wow. Dark. Well written


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Dream Journal  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Very articulate retelling of dreams...are these actual or a fictional account of probable dreams?

Regardless, they are all well told. Pardon. Well written.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Love to leave  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow. Powerful-- nice


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Doughnut Saga  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (3.0)
Cute and funny. I want donuts now.

Recommendations: tantalize is spelled with a 'z' not an 's'

Commentary: The last two lines...the last one makes sense. The one before about 'something nice'...was that you tongue-in-cheek saying that you are to punish yourself, as well?







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Well chosen scene to write for such a sobering subject.
Little grammar slips here and there, though:
"If he were younger" > If he were younger,
"the day she last seen" > day she was last seen
"she last seen her mother" > she last saw her mother
15
15
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Nice plea for peace


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice use of a full circle life lesson. Clear scene by scene set up.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (5.0)
Quite a story, sir. Well written.
18
18
Review of Forms of Fear  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (5.0)
Such a wonderfully written poem born of what sounds like deep rooted suffering.

I am going to rate this as it impressed me, and I would like to offer a site that might allow you to remember with less pain and fear. www.copingwithpositivepsychology.weebly.com I manage the site and if you want to know more feel free to reach out to me here on writing.com


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like the hope you give with the repeating refrain of god knows and sees all.
I wish that you would have included seeing your son again in paradise.
I wanted to know what happened to the son who fell ill.
The ten commandments seemed to be an admonition for the reader to be 'good'--is that right?
Is heaven, then, earned?

Thank you for sharing your work and vision
20
20
Review of Relapse  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I hope this, if a real personal problem, is being dealt with hopefully with a professional counselor.

Writing recommendations:
This cup awaits my hell --> In this cup awaits my hell
But please don't tell ? --> who?
Trust I am too --> Trust me, I am, too

I see that you tried to connect hell to your personal reality more by mentioning the devil with a capitol D, but maybe make it like the hell awaiting you in the cup is the devil?

Otherwise, nice work making alcoholism's reality a personal tale--lonely condition.

21
21
Review of Matter Horn  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (2.5)
Clearly there is a beautiful vision for this piece. The introductory stanzas that they appear to be presented as, though, are confusing. Are the readers also on the planet of the unicorns or a different one where the scrolls were found? The reference to Paul Bunyan was completely out of place unless the story is told from Earth in the future when history of this planet favoring history from the Western continents is still learned as other galaxies are explored and scrolls of antiquity from those alien planets join in Earth's folklore...or...

Maybe this was the first fleshing out of a brainstorm and with some editions it will be an irresistible read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Very fascinating. Graphic at times but not tastelessly. Valeria is an interesting character. The little guy's personality beyond falling for a pretty, older lady could use a little more development in order to get empathy for his love pangs and sympathy for his shrunken state.
23
23
Review of Army of None  
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow. I enjoyed reading that. Thank you for sharing. The repeating stanza of 'what army can fight as anrmy of none and succeed without shot or powder or gun' is powerful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Nice.The writing needs some editing (spelling and all that). The over-reliance on a U.S.A. perspective as well as masculine identifiers of an entire species of male and female do not sound like we are being viewed and commented on from the outside looking in, but rather from the inside looking out...wishing, as a male, to be alien to our ways, perhaps? Clever.
25
25
Review by Mary T (Ravalyn)
Rated: E | (3.0)
I found this to be a profound poetic reflection of your personal woe. Speaking of "your" that is the possessive form and you used it where I believe you meant to use the contraction "you're" for you are.
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