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1
1
Review of Depression  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Asher, my brother used to write under that pen name so you caught my attention. Your poem is very real and direct. It gets right to the heart of the matter and explains something most people do not understand. My advice would be to just expound on it. That's all... great write!

~River

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Review of City Life  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is an excellent free verse poem filled with honesty and truth from an eye who sees. I do not feel like anything is forced, but instead it flow evenly. The only thing I would change to make it more powerful is the opening of some of your sentences. You do not have to use the word "the" or "to" ... instead just state what you are saying.


For example,
To hang on to the life of late
To walk among the balustrade



Take away the word "to" and just state as is.

Also,
The fingerless gloves stained with
The certainty of doom

Take away the word "the" and just state as is. It paints a more powerful picture and takes away from the repetition of using the same opening word.


Write on dear poet,
River
3
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Review of Hole in My Heart  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi thers Autumn,
Your title one made me read. There is such grief and raw emotion I dont know where to begin. You dont hold back which is a good thing im writing. You need to let it out. Your pure essence here is emotion. I enjoy in your last lines

"I have this hole in my heart, so hard to sustain."

But you are sustaining so kudos to you. I don't know if this was a true story from your life or not. My gut tells me is.

Keep writing dear poet,
River
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Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Tim,

I have traveled all over the world and this poem reminds me of the mind set of just getting it done. You just move forward despite the conditions or the odds. I did not read your bio so I'm not sure if you are from the USA or not, but my first thought is that you are not. There is much to be said here in your poem and understood by many.

Write on dear poet, and thank you for a very honest, raw, and inspiring read!

River
5
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Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Mrs. B. Ray


It is my pleasure to review for your item: Through the Peephole

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*



1.*Note1* Overall Impression: This is an exquisite poem that has me wrapped up in emotion

2.*Note2* Strong Points: Your honesty and truth. You hold nothing back. This makes it all the more beautiful.
Your most impacting line:
"Memories etched in crimson
cut deep into the heart none can see."


3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: None. Don't change a thing, despite what anyone says.

*Check2* Overall Rating: 5.0

Thanks for a wonderful read! Keep writing dear poet...


-River



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6
6
Review of Another Name  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Tigris,

There is much going on in this poem and from what i can gather, much conflicting emotions. I feel a sense of home and peace but also a sense of resentment and bitterness. The ending moves toward despair, one of wanting to hide from the truth, choosing not to face it. Because it appears better for everyone that way.

A well written piece of art..
You have much talent to offer,
River 😀
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Review of Thanatos  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ulysses

This is a very unique and beautiful poem. It has a certain depth of darkness to it, but charm to. I see something grand that has slowly turned to bitterness and a sense of overwhelming emotion, perhaps fear or despair of some nature. This is well written and I enjoy your realism and imagery.

Write on dear poet,
River
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Review of The Distant Song  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Fairport, thank you for a very stirring and insightful poem. I enjoyed reading this. At first it seemed like a soft romantic piece but then quickly wove into something much deeper and insightful. Thank you for a deep read that gets one thinking beyond the "fluff".. I enjoy this poem very much.

-River
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Review of Silver  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Silver. This is a beautiful poem. What really struck me most is your use of descriptive words and imagery. This is a poem that leaves the reader to make it their own in many ways because it is so open for interpretation. There is nothing I would change about it. Thank you for sharing ☺ -River
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Review of The Carpetbag  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello TurtleMoon

Thank you for entering the contest - A River of Poetry and Prose


Promp: Pride

Attached is a review for your item: The Carpet Bag

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched one or more of the judges. Please do not take this review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*


1.*Note1* Overall Impression: Very original and unique idea, wrapped up in a poem, that can easily be a short story.

2.*Note2* Strong Points: Great flow and speed contained within. This is a sign of a more experienced writer. You don't stop or break the flow, which can make it awkward to the reader and be distracting.

3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: None.
*Check2* Overall Rating: 5.0

Thanks again for your entry! Good luck in the contest!
River McKenna



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Review of The Apology  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Ken

Thank you for entering the contest - A River of Poetry and Prose


Promp: Pride

Attached is a review for your item: The Apology

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched one or more of the judges. Please do not take this review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*


1.*Note1* Overall Impression: Very moving story that conveys emotion well, those of the words we say or don't say...the way we react and then wish thing were different

2.*Note2* Strong Points: Excellent form and emotion within your lines. Nothing seems forced, is very real and vivid.


3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: None.
*Check2* Overall Rating: 5.0

Thanks again for your entry! Good luck in the contest!
River McKenna



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Review of No One Cares  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


Hello Hello Dizzy Daizy, and welcome to Writing Dot Com!


It is my pleasure to review for your item: No One Cares

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*



1.*Note1* Overall Impression: Your poem is so filled with emotion and even a sense of desperation. Each line is like tears being dropped. This is very powerful energy. It seems the individual here needs answers. The whole poem is an outlet, a cry for help. I hope that the character finds these answers and learns to love herself, even when it appears no one else does. Keep writing, it is so good for the soul.

2.*Note2* Strong Points: Emotional content and depth.

3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: Your thoughts are out there, now work on form. Like art, mold and shape it into a form. Give it style as you rewrite and organize the thoughts and intention of your write.

*Check2* Overall Rating: 4.5

Thanks for a wonderful read! Keep writing! Again, welcome to this site...


-River McKenna
*Smile*




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Review of Rainstorm  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Drifty! Welcome to Writing Dot Com!


It is my pleasure to review for your item: Rainstorm

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*



1.*Note1* Overall Impression: A sad and moving account of the present, past and future...and interesting perception on what is, and what could be, and yet what will not be.

2.*Note2* Strong Points: This is an excellent idea! A great story full of emotion and depth, your perception here is very realistic and appeals to a wide audience. You should continue to work with this piece and I believe something grand can become of it.

3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: Some of the grammar and punctuation could use a little work. You have gotten the ideas out there, now is a good time to revisit the technical parts. For instance, when you state: "Of her little home of almost fifty years that she shared with her husband and how her grandkids should be there now and she should be there spoiling them."
*This is like a broken sentence. There is so much emotion packed in, but it is weakened by the way you state it. You could transition the sentence by not starting it with the word 'Of'. Work with it by restructuring, and you will see what I mean.


*Check2* Overall Rating: 4.0

Thanks for a wonderful read! Keep writing!


-River Mckenna *Smile*



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Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Freedom 22 and welcome to WDC! I am giving you a 5 star simply for content. You have a message to be told here, and it is wonderfully written, composed with passion and depth. Don't get me wrong, I think this could be perfected within time...revise as you go, and as you see fit, but don't go writing to fit another's perspective. Just tell it like you mean it, and the rest will fall in to place. Thank you for sharing...

River *Smile*
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Review of Just Remember Me  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Emalee!


It is my pleasure to review for your item: Just Remember Me

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*



1.*Note1* Overall Impression: Wow, very intense! Interesting insight from the narrator. This seems like a true account or recollection. If so, you have a done a wonderful job retelling it.

2.*Note2* Strong Points: Depth and energy contained within. You write with a nice speed that keeps your readers attuned. Diologue is easy to understand. Your last line is chilling and hangs in the air...you seem to have a gift for story telling. Do keep writing!

3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: None

*Check2* Overall Rating: 5.0

Thanks for a wonderful read!


-River



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Review of A Weeping Earth  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello James! Welcome to Writing Dot Com!


It is my pleasure to review for your item: A Weeping Earth

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*



1.*Note1* Overall Impression: Short and sweet but very sentimental and deep...

2.*Note2* Strong Points: Easy to understand and identify with. Nice sense of completion.

3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: I feel you can draw your readers in with more emotional appeal. This can be hard to do but sometimes as simple as changing one word. Just keep writing and rewriting as the thoughts come to you...

*Check2* Overall Rating: 4.0

Thanks for a wonderful read! Keep writing!


-River



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Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Hallow Furnace!


It is my pleasure to review for your item: Why The City Is Safe

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*



1.*Note1* Overall Impression: Wow, what a thriller! I like the energy within...nice flow! You seem to have a natural talent for writing. Nothing seems ackward or forced.

2.*Note2* Strong Points: You keep it moving along at a nice pace. I could sense the nervous energy, the hint of sarcasm in parts. This is excellent set up for suspense and a turn for the worse.

3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: None. I thought your story was great...a great intro to something longer.

*Check2* Overall Rating: 5.0

Thanks for a wonderful read! Keep writing!


-River



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Review of Christmas  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Francesca! Welcome to Writing Dot Com!


It is my pleasure to review for your item: Christmas

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*



1.*Note1* Overall Impression: A short story set around Xmas time...elements of joy and a certain amount of charm are evident.

2.*Note2* Strong Points: Starts out strong with great description. Also you do well at placing the setting that gives your audience a sense of realism.

3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: There is no climax or point to leave the reader with. This seems more like a recollection of the days events but lacks purpose or vision that makes the story feel complete. My advice would be to add this pivotal point that makes reading really worth something to you and the reader.

Thanks for sharing! You will find lots of writing friends here!

*Check2* Overall Rating: 3.5

Thanks for a wonderful read! Keep writing!


-River McKenna

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Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Fiammata! Welcome to Writing Dot Com!


It is my pleasure to review for your item: Lost In Wonderland


This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*


1.*Note1* Overall Impression: Your title is intriguing...and your poem contains interesting questions that takes the reader back to the title.

2.*Note2* Strong Points: Depth and emotion. Your first line is captivating and pulls the reader in. You mention angels flying with tattered wings and there being broken dreams. This is very deep and pulls the emotional trigger that sets the tone of the poem.

3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: Rhyming seems forced in some areas. Sometimes to tell our story we don't need it to rhyme but instead let it flow as a free verse poem. However, when developing ourselves as writers we have to start somewhere. My advice would be to keep writing and rewriting as new ideas come to you that don't take away from your overall message. I sometimes get new ideas for a rhyming poem that was written years previously and it fits like a gem, a piece of the puzzle that was missing before.

Thanks for sharing! I hope that you enjoy WDC as much as I do!

*Check2* Overall Rating: 3.5



-River McKenna



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Review of First Moments  
Review by River McKenna
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello K. Charles!

Thank you for entering the contest - A River of Poetry and Prose


Attached is a review for your item: First Moments

1.*Note1* Overall Impression: A delightful poem describing first impression and how important they can be.

2.*Note2* Strong Points: Sense of realism and true emotions... nice flow throughout, nothing seems forced, but instead the simple emotions of that first meeting and wanting to impress.

Line that really stand out is your very last...this is wonderful! It drips with the feeling of relief and one can sense the adoration the narrator feels.

3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: Work on the present tense within your structure throughout. For example, in 3rd stanza:
"Humbly I await my cue" (instead of humbled since that is past tense. Decided whether to go in present or past througout and depth will be much greater and visible to reader)

*Check2* Overall Rating: 4.0

Thanks again for your entry! Good luck in the contest!
River McKenna



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Review of The Game  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Darlene! Welcome to Writing Dot Com!


It is my pleasure to review for your item: The Game

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my rating personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*


Nice creativity and imagination! Thanks for sharing and we look forward to seeing more from you! You have nice flow to your story and easy to follow sentences with great diologue!


*Check2* Overall Rating: 4.0

Thanks for a wonderful read! Keep writing!


-River



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Review of The Escape Plan  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Evade! Welcome to Writing Dot Com!


It is my pleasure to review for your item: The Escape Plan

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*


Watch out for breaks in your story telling...it can take away from your flow. Make sure your sentences are complete with subject, verb, etc. You have a great imagination. I am looking forward to seeing more from you. Keep sharing your ideas and letting the creativity flow!


*Check2* Overall Rating: 3.5

Thanks for a wonderful read! Keep writing!


-River



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Review of My eagle  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tara and Welcome to Writing Dot Com!


It is my pleasure to review for your item: My Eagle

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*



1.*Note1* Overall Impression: You have nice flow in your writing, with simple easy to follow sentences...

2.*Note2* Strong Points: nice how you kept it in the same tense, some people struggle with this. You kept it all in the presence and I think this was a good choice...also a good theme that leaves the reader with something to ponder about.

3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: none that come to mind... awesome job

*Check2* Overall Rating: 4.5

Thanks for a wonderful read! Keep writing!


-River



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Review of I Am A Cornfield  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Lisa! Welcome to Writing Dot Com!


It is my pleasure to review for your item: I Am A Cornfield

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*



1.*Note1* Overall Impression: What a great write! Way to let the creativity flow...I like how you described used the cornfield in your title, but led us back to the scarecrow.

2.*Note2* Strong Points: imagination and creativity, your rhyme and rhythym are also spot on.

3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: none that come to mind... awesome job

*Check2* Overall Rating: 5.0

Thanks for a wonderful read! Keep writing!


-River



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Review of Suede Patches  
Review by River McKenna
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello A.C. Forrester! Welcome to Writing Dot Com!


It is my pleasure to review for your item: Suede Patches

This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that! *Smile*



1.*Note1* Overall Impression: Nice flow in your story and easy to follow

2.*Note2* Strong Points: nice use of verbs to drive home description

3.*Note3* Points of Improvement: none that come to mind... awesome job

*Check2* Overall Rating: 4.5

Thanks for a wonderful read! Keep writing!


-River



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