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317 Public Reviews Given
318 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
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Review of Two Ordinary Men  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Far too often, the focus is on generals who strategise, organise and stand on horses safe from conflict. Far too long have we focused on those who give everything to make their nation proud and serve her interests.

This remains the great truth about true soldiers and I am thrilled to read such a magnificent true piece of such illustrious champions reminding us about devotion, love and fighting on. How unique it is that circumstances and family should unite these great legends. Hail these men and their courage.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am amazed that this work was presented to this site 5 years before now! What a transformation you must have made to grow even further from this wonderful written piece of work. You have established that you have written this tale to a particular person, thus explaining the thematic usage of the repeated pronoun "You". You clearly expressed the Majesty and enthralled nature that your soul mate has in your eyes, mind and heart. Thank you for sharing this with us, Zeke. Well written, indeed! Never stop writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I was torn with this rating. Kyle Peterson there was so much good in this chapter. The blank expression of Becky, the empathy and pain of Garen, the wise understanding and revelations about Cody. And of course, the fallout from the death of Max. That having been said, there is a lot of work still to go with this chapter. I am still undecided about whether to continue reading. I will take some time to decide. Keep writing though. And try to avoid skipping ahead when possible. And please take time to explain things. Information dumping can be a sign of terrible writing, you are way to good for that. So take the 4 stars and edit your work. Well done!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
So once again, I find myself being critical. This was actually a fine chapter full with descriptive settings, improved characterisation and interaction...but it fell flat. While I acknowledge this is a bridging chapter, there is something missing that makes me sad. You need to do some serious editing, so this story can reach the standard it deserves. You need to increase the interaction to make things a little more seasoned. Thanks again for writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Well despite the need to improve spelling, this chapter is an improvement, continuing the theme of each chapter rising and falling in quality. While there is still the need to build more scenarios rather than simply stating actions and emotions, I can see some significant movements towards a better story. I said that in my last review and though I need to say it less, I still need to say it. While I have been immensely critical of your writing, kyle peterson; I see a published author in the making. Please do some editing and keep writing this fine novel.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Well despite the need to improve spelling, this chapter is an improvement. While there is still the need to build more scenarios rather than simply stating actions and emotions, I can see some significant movements towards a better story. While I have been immensely critical of your writing, kyle peterson; I see a published author in the making. Please do some editing and keep writing this fine novel.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
While a clear improvement on the last chapter, with more established themes and character interactions being made, I must repeat my earlier critisms. I must confess supreme disappointment in the themes, characterisation and interaction of the new antagonists in this chapter. Characters are acting so bizarrely out of character that I must say this. Still at least, you have managed to pull together a working narrative from this chaos, Please edit as you keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
The explanation at the end might provide a response as to the disjointness of this chapters but alas I do not perceive it to be so. I must confess supreme disappointment in the themes, characterisation and interaction of all the protagonists and antagonists in this chapter. I am doing so, because this was enormously hard to follow. Characters are acting so bizarrely out of character that I must say them. Please edit as you keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I am torn with this review. On one hand, the story is excellent and the characters have elements that make them enthral long to read. On the other hand, the pacing is completely off.

Kyle, you need to have a break when you are writing time slips. One minute he is outside the village, the next a crowd appears out of nowhere. Neotasha's shift made no sense.

Nor did the fact the village just believes Garen without proof. Keep writing, I will give you a middle rating.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
35
35
for entry "Chapter IV-The Loss" 
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
an interesting effort. I didn't dislike this chapter and indeed, we can see the Lord of the Rings like redemption of Kyle that has to this point reminded me more of the Legend of Korra than anything else.

Because I am not reading this on a computer, I won't critique the formatting. But I couldn't help but feel there was a little too predictability in this chapter. It felt uninspired as the seeds were being planted too early. Kyle capable of Frodo like fall, Garen/Galen a Samise man. Shelby stood out as a great character. Keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
i like this chapter. It carries on well from the previous chapter in spit of the fact that is one of those less than pleasant fast forward chapters years into the future (I think no more than 15 months personally is best).

The characters have evolved and that is a good thing. The villains on the other hand are overdoing the mercy thing. There is a little too much of the matter of fact in our new teacher. Despite that, the lack of overdoing the current state of the village was good. Keep writing?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Well this has proven to be an interesting chapter. The mysterious villain sparing the young protagonist rather than killing him seems all to familiar. A sense of foreboding, the characters are well set up and the theme of romance hammered in firmly.

Well I very much enjoyed this chapter, although the Kyle-Shelby romance was hammered in a little thick. Despite that an excellent contribution. To the next chapter! Keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
38
38
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Another excellent chapter is Chapter 6, C Scott Gray! The constant threat of danger coupled with the intelligence, strategy and strength of our primary character was wonderful to read. A little humour that your provided was also well received. My only suggestion comes from format. When you read a long story, you need to have short paragraphs and sentences. Some of the sentences could be shorten a little or broken up. Otherwise an excellent Chapter, please keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
39
39
Review of Black Magic  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am saddened, Aimber. It was so poorly edited, that I had difficulty following the story. Spacing, spelling and grammatical errors permeated this great tale and I was forced to downgrade your effort to a sad 3.5 stars. Your description of this man and his acts were powerful and gave a sense of foreboding dread. You have a strong sense of settings. But if your reader can't read it....it counts for nothing. Please re-edit this work and get a much higher rating, you deserve it. Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
40
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Review of The Encounter  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I gasp Dean at the detail and vivid description that you put into this critical piece of work that you wrote some 4 years earlier. I am deeply impressed by how well you crafted the characters, prepared the ground for the encounter, explained the Macedonian invasion of India with such simplicity and yet such elegance. Honestly I thought I should find some criticism, but other than a bit of drag in the middle which by the end proves critical, there is no real criticism. Thank you Dean, keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Mirror of Reality  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I was a little nervous about this as reality isn't in my wheelhouse. While editing is needed, the general theme of reality, mirror changes and magic is very interesting. Obviously as a fan of genderswapping lesbian romance, this was nice. So to speed up this review, you had good characters in the principal character and his sister, consistency in the settings and you attracted people to contribute. Keep writing! We;; done
42
42
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is an interesting chapter....but the editing is in desperate need for improvement. I had to re-read it several times to make sure I could follow it all. The sentence structure is in need of work as well as the lengthy initial paragraph. There are a few grammatical errors (is that how it is said?) and the odd spelling error. (You should edit it to say Ivy said in amazement, not amazing (which is a verb)). But the characters that have been introduced, the magnificent settings with vibrant descriptions and the wonder you have created (this is an example of a sentence that needs to be restructured and split) deserves at least 4 stars. Brilliantly done, please keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
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for entry "Prologue/dedication" 
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Okay, this is a review for the just prologue. I feel that I should review this before I start review the other chapters. Kyle, this is a well explained prologue. I can't help but notice how much it is like the old PC Game: Legend of Kain. I truly hope it's not an adaption of that story. Otherwise, it is well explained as I stated, good use of setting, the balance themes reminds me of both LOK and ATLOK and the narrator seems interesting.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
44
44
Review of Finding Love  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well....this story has a lot going on. The themes of family, adulthood, growing up....I am going to try to review it not for the plot and contents, but more for its artistic value. It is a nice story, well spaced, strong conversations progressing, good characterisation and its extremely consistent. So a nice job, please keep writing more of your short stories. I am certain the next one will be even better!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
45
45
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This has potential! I can't fully understand your reluctance as literarikinesis has always been something that I have found interesting. If I take possession of this, I have some integrative plans I know people will like. Hawkeye Pierce and Consul Asinius trusted me with their work, I can show the same with this. It just needs a little editing and attention! This is awesome, thanks again Dayaman. Keep writing!
46
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Review of That's you  
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi JP,

I must be blessed today! After a rough start, the day is going really well with all these fantastic stories, poems, pieces, novels and other writing shining through today! I have lost track how many 4 or 4.5 stars; that I have awarded today. This story is so sad and touching, I will look past the blasted rhyming to give you the near maximum. Well done, JP! And to think this was 3 years ago! Keep writing great pieces like this!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
47
47
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow!

Tabitha was right, this was a good one. Short, but full of mystery, of the nature of reality and the neverending search for true freedom from oppression whether internal or external. I am stunned to see such a novice display such a mastery of expression; the ability to convey so much with so few letters. I wish I could display such a skill. I am deeply impressed, Lecters Protege, keep writing for you are now Lecters Master.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
48
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Review of Bite of Vengeance  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ok, I figured out she was a dog when I heard the words obedient; but it didn't detract from the beautiful way that this story was written. It was so clever the way that Vesta acted. Less like a dog and more like a human, romantic companion. It was very impressive, all round. I can think of no higher compliment or discussion other than to give it a high score. Congratulations and please Tabitha, keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
49
49
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A brilliant story, Maryann. I am excited to read that you wrote this 13 years ago! Are you published yet? If so, could you suggest what steps would be best to get started. I seem to be writing these days for fun, because I have rewritten my stories many times. Anyway, this story was brilliant. The way your characters experience things, describe things and act are brilliant. Thanks for preparing it, keep writing like always!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
50
50
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well I'm not one for fantasy stories. In truth, I find their mythology overly complex and in need of an encyclopedia or index to follow correctly. This however was not one of those stories. Now this is what I look forward to reading, Scott Gray. It's beautiful and strong and full of poetry, especially for a book. It has that beautiful human touch, something we can all relate to. The endless battle between adventure and pride and nature and man. You could feel Ai'Liel' s terror and pain as nature struck him down. Wonderfully written, please keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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