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54 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Loves2write
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Asella
My name is Tracy and I did a review of A Story Why Not that I found in "Read a Newbie" and I wanted to share my thoughts. Remember we are all here to learn and/ or improve our writing skills, so take from my review what you can use and let the rest go. What I read I found to be very intriguing beginning to a very promising story, I wish you had taken it at least a little father before putting it away, but her re I am just being selfish because it will be hard to complete the review expected from me for the newbie class I am taking. Yes, I, too,am a newbie with just a month or so to go. You can keep that in mind while reading my review, too.

Overall my first impression was positive and there is another of my selfish reasons for wishing it was longer. My favorite lines were She remembered the smell of new books and the feel of old pages. Stories were as important to her as air. She needed a job A.S.A.P., and what better job than working in a setting she knew well from childhood? Granted, she had never heard of this particular shop before but all bookstores had roughly the same layout, collection, and atmosphere. so far you are spot on when it comes to the key elements of a short story. Thus far you have limited your characters to two and developed them very slightly. We know Ceili grew up with two parents and whose father owned a bookstore until her mother became I'll and it was sold to pay the bills. We also know she loved spending time there. Your setting, as we know it now,is a simple bookstore and I love your description,"She steeled herself and strode up to door, turning the knob before she could change her mind and back away again. She stepped through in to the dusty little shop, the door swinging closed behind her. The light was warm, but muted, filtering in through dust-shrouded windows, giving them an almost supernatural glow. Clearly the shop needed quite a cleanup job. She gazed around herself, looking at the haloed windows and the towering bookshelves crowded with volume after volume. There were new books as well as old. Popular series and classics. Unwind sat beside Jane Eyre; Blood of Olympus nestled beside The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. The room was one large open square, the shelves lining the walls, but in the middle of the floor, the tiles formed a large chessboard. " So far a time frame has not been established. As far as the plot goes the only clue we have is "Ceili tentatively follow him through a small doorway behind his desk that she had neglected to notice up to that point. It almost seemed to her as if it had appeared out of thin air. As she crossed the threshold of the back room, a sense of vertigo came over her, causing her to stumble. She glanced back behind her but everything looked exactly the same as before." we also know it it's being written from Ceili's point of view. .Now, as for spelling and punctuation, I saw nothing to note, but when it comes to grammar I think you missed a couple words, both in the last paragraph. First,"Ceili tentatively follow him " and secondly"Ceili looked back into the she just entered". Aside from those two things, you have a promising beginning to a story or book. Great job! Keep Writing!


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Review by Loves2write
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Mr. Durham,
My name is Tracy and I did a review of your short story The Weight of Death and I wanted to share my thoughts. Remember we are all here to learn and/ or improve our writing skills, so use what you can and let the rest go.
Overall my first impression was wow. What a strong and moving story that touched home for me in a couple ways. My favorite part was his way of handling his Aunt 'Manda Lynn, especially "Unaware of my Aunt 'Manda Lynn lying across the foot of his bed, her face buried in one of his pillows letting out intermittent sobs." and "She can still stay by his side and NOT drape herself across him like a dachshund, I sneered,". And the lines, " I pulled Aunt'' Manda up of the bed with as much force as I could muster. I walked her over to the chair next to my grandmother. I shoved her into it with more force than I needed to," and " 'Manda Lynn jumped up and cried "I'm not going anywherrreee." " Yes you are!" I grabbed her by the elbow and dragged her, shoving her out into the living room.. The llines,"She wept, I don't want him to die," and " Letting him go isn't going yo make that any less true," I stressed," I don't want him to die either, but I am going to let him go because it's the best thing for him," really struck home for me. A little over two years ago my best friend, and ex-mother-in-law died. About 18 months earlier, she told us she was having difficulty with her coordination, sometimes difficulty walking or even holding a water glass. The whole family knew her to be something of a hypochondriac, and brushed it off. She went to the doctors and huge ran a lot of tests. She had a disease called peripheral lateral sclerosis. Within months she could no longer care for herself and was losing the abilities to walk unassisted or carry anything. Her sons' made the decision to put her into a retirement home with a medical unit. In the six months she was there she declined rapidly, losing the ability to speak and swallow. Then we got the call, while checking her skinVa Kennedy bedsore was discovered. This bedsore is known to be fatal 100% of the time, in one to four days. We all rushed to her sideand took turns sitting and talking to her. Sometimes we went in as a group and carried on a conversation, as if she could join us. As day four was passing, the nurse told me her morphine dose had been increased,.yet she wasn't sleeping much and obviously fighting to live, but I couldn't figure out why. We had all given her permission to die, telling her we'd be okay. Then it dawned on me, my son was often in her room but rarely near the bed and I hadn't seen him speak to her since we had arrived. So I asked him to walk with me. I talked about her dying and how we'd all miss her, then I asked when the last time he'd spoken to her was and he said the day we'd arrived. I asked if he had told her it was okay to go, that he would be okay. He said never, he couldn't do that. I told him he had to, that's why she was fighting so hard to stay alive; she was worried about him. Then just before shift change, he sat and talked to her. Then the aid came in and said it was time to change the sheets. I was allowed to stay due to my paramedic training (not that I was going to use it on her). After changing the sheets, I told the aid we also needed to change her night shirt as the one she was wearing was soaked with sweat. During that process, she sat up a little and her eyes opened wide. I told her everything was okay now, she could go. She took 1 last breath and as the rest of the family returned, I nodded confirming she was dead to each one. She fought so hard just to be re-assured that her only grandchild was going to be okay. Not as surprising or as startling as you ending. I also had a grandfather on hospice, and as a paramedic I have seen death in many ways and you don't get used to it, ever. I'm sorry that was so long, but your story really struck a nerve. Not a bad thing, exactly the opposite. Your story drew me in and held me, because of my experience, just as it should. You hit all the key elements of a short story and brought it to a shocking conclusion. As for grammar and punctuation, I only saw a couple missing commas. I'll let you find them. You wrote an excellent short story! We are all here to learn and/or improve our writing, so use what you need and toss out the rest. Keep Writing!

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Review of My Angel Was Born  
Review by Loves2write
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Sassy,
I found your poem on "read a newbie."I enjoyed reading it and I hope you find my comments helpful.As I too am a newbie, we can learn together. Please send me any comments you might have on my review. We are all here to learn or improve our writing skills, so take what you need and don't worry about the rest.
Overall, I felt it was a wonderful freestyle poem. My favorite your comparison of the conception and birth of a child to that of the planting and growth of a flower.. Your choice was both beautiful and fitting. Your freestyle format was an excellent choice of formats. Your poem flowed beautifully. I was initially drawn in to your poem because of its title. First, a friend of mine just had a baby, and holding her in my arms was wonderful, but also, reason number two that drew me was the word "angel". I thought it might have been about a baby's death. My first grandson was lost to me when he was just three months three days old, and I never had the chance to hold him in my arms. I am glad yours was about an angel you get to hold and love.
As for your spelling, punctuation, and grammars, I saw no problems there. You wrote a wonderful poem about a beautiful gift, I completely enjoyed.
Thank you for sharing your poem.
Keep Writing!


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Review of The Outside World  
Review by Loves2write
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Mr. Charles
My name is Tracy and I did a review of " The Outside World" and I wanted to share my thoughts. Remember we are all here to learn and/ or improve our writing skills.,what you need and toss the rest away.
Overall my first impression was very interesting and I wonder where this is going. my favorite part was: "I was in complete shock with my mouth hanging open as despair and hopelessness washed over me moments before the hands came grabbed all different parts of me. I looked up at the sky, and I saw a blue balloon floating across the cloudy sky.s.I fell backwards onto the ground, and I watched as the blue balloon had popped and the color had expanded outward and changed the whole sky." Now, as for spelling, grammar, and punctuation, I noticed a few places where commas might have made thing more clear. I had to read it several times aloud to get it. Also there were a couple of places where you verb tense didn't match you noun. Try reading out loud, if you feel you need a break or a breath then there is a good chance a coma or a period might go there. A very interesting start. Keep Writing!


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Review by Loves2write
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Ray,
My name is Tracy and I did a review of your essay KODA.and I wanted to share my thoughts. Remember we are all here to learn and/ or improve our writing skills.
Overall my first impression was wonderful! Your grandmother is as lucky to have you as you are to have her. I know a little of deaf culture as I had gone back to college to become an ASL interpreter. We were required to go on outings within the Deaf community. More than a few times I heard KODAs talk about resenting their Deaf parent(s), or in your case grandmother, and as they matured most of them came to believe their parents were a gift. Thank you for your great essay.As.for spelling, grammar, and punctuation , everything looked good.to me. Keep Writing!


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Review by Loves2write
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, JoyceFox,
I found your poem on review request.. I enjoyed reading "A Letter From "Jolene" and I hope you find my comments helpful. We are all here to learn or improve our writing skills, so take what you need and don't worry about the rest.
Overall, I felt it was very good. My favorite parts were the first stanza and the others like it in the poem/ song.Your rhyme was fairly consistent, in one stanza it would be these two lines and in the next stanza it would be a different three lines. The same is true about your line breaks and punctuation. I do know that some of the things I hear as I read it out loud might very well sound different put to music. The image you created with words ways that of a more experienced other woman giving advice to the more innocent girlfriend or wife and that was very clear. I really enjoyed your "Letter From Jolene". I love the idea of an answering song.

Thank you for sharing your poem.
Keep Writing!


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Review by Loves2write
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Shaara,
I finally got to read "Like Water from a Magic Fountain", the beginning of your "The Bluebird Series". And I loved it and look forward to reading more. My favorite part was her description of his kiss, all the parts of her description. It was so sweet. I can't make any suggestions because I loved it just how it was/is and because I didn't notice any spelling grammar or punctuation problems. Keep Writing! Because I want to read more.. If I can be of help just let me know.
Tracy
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Review by Loves2write
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a beautiful, sad, freestyle poem. You have left a wonderful tribute to one lost so young. You have painted a very vivid picture of her last moments. The line breaks and stanzas really breaks your heart when read aloud. The last stanza is my favorite, for now she is in a better place. It is just very sad she felt the was no help, that her only option was to leave this world so soon. Great work! Keep Writing
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Review of Choked  
Review by Loves2write
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow. This is a very strong, vivid piece of work. As a mother, i understand the fears of something happening to my child, while at the same time to grow up to take certain risks and to have learned from me the good judgement not to take others. As a Paramedic I know and understand the realities are that even when they are with us we can't always keep them safe. It made me think of my 23 year old son liviing 2000 miles away from me in Texas and how I worry about him every day. This was a very well written piece off work with no noted spelling or grammar errors. Keep Writing!
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for entry "Chapter 5
Review by Loves2write
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
{font: arial}*BalloonR* Welcome to ADD from Sbuxmedic"The Gift of Revenge!*BalloonR* {\b}{\ center}{\Ford}

As promised, it all seems to be coming together. You've got great beginning reminiscent of the Elvestones of Shanara. My favorite part was the part where the younger dwarf was eating, and raving about, the Tree Spriggins nuts, until the other dwarf let him know. I didn't find any spelling or grammar errors in this Run through. Keep up the good work!

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for entry "Chapter 4
Review by Loves2write
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
{font: arial}*BalloonR*Welcomecome to WDC from Sbuxmedic!*BalloonR*{\b}{\center}{\ford}


I didn't feel quite as Lost this time. I dislike Lord Ailus just slightly more than I dislike his daughters.. There were a couple places that didn't sound quite right to me, even after reading it aloud. The first was in paragraph 2@ " loud squelches echoed ( in?) The great hall." And then again in paragraph 20 this new plague breaking hell all loose". I'm not figure how to fix it, it just doesn't read Right.. I didn't note any other spelling or grammar errors. You story really seems to be shaping up. Keep Writing!
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Review of Silence is White  
Review by Loves2write
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
First, i noted no spelling or grammar errors. My favorite line" I love you, since we were kids." Signs Green-5. Okay, so this time I noticed a grammar errors, that line should be one sentence not two. Great concept, you could potentially get a book from this story. Great descriptions, especially those of the signs. It makes me wonder if you sign. It'd love to see more of your work.
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for entry "Chapter 3
Review by Loves2write
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Okay. This was a little different. You left me in the middle of things at the end. Again very good. As with the others, i didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors. You have a very good story started here, and I would be glad to read for you again anytime.
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for entry "Chapter 2
Review by Loves2write
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Another excellent chapter. It has the same problem as the first, i felt like I was dropped in the middle. I still have no read understanding of what is going on. I'm not sure these need to be separate chapters. As with the first chapter, no spelling or grammar problems were noted.
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for entry "Chapter 1
Review by Loves2write
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I enjoyed this chapter. At the same time,i felt like I was dropped into the middle of the story, what is it the dwarves did the have to pay for? Also the murder of the druid was a bit predictable. But it is still a good Star. It is a book I would read. I hope you continue on. It has a lot of promise.
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Review of Bad Guys  
Review by Loves2write
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very emotional piece. I really wish I could say I don't know what prompted this essay, but a person would have had to be unconscious for a month, not too.I know we should be able to expect all police, fire and rescue personnel to always be the good guys, but there is good and bad in all of us, some people are just better at hiding the bad part, but given the right set of circumstances, any one of us could be bad. There is good and bad in every group of people . Like those that believed looting, fighting with each other as well as the police officers, was an appropriate response to the death of a young man. Being a paramedic, I have seen the good and the bad in a lot of people and fortunately I have seen more good than bad, but I have also had guns drawn on me (and not by cops) by patients because there are afraid from watching the news hour afer hour every day. We have always managed to talk the patient into handing his weapon over to the police officer. You piece says it well, in the first line,"Bad Guys. The people that are always out to do harm to others. Good guys. The people that are always risking their lives to protect others, but how do you tell the difference anymore? How do you tell the bad from the good when the good and the bad seem to become one. How do you know if the "good guys" will be there to help you." It will never be easy to tell the good from the bad and you have to believe in something or your home will become your world and one day you'll just decide not to leave it. Why not become a good guy and become one for our team, it helps to open your eyes.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Loves2write
Rated: E | (3.5)
I found this poem to be choppy. in more than a few places, that will be easily enough corrected with a few pieces of punctuation. I usually read my poetry aloud to avoid this problem. as much as possible. I know there are times when the words all the punctuating the world can't fix the meaning you are trying to get across.In the fourth line,' I wandered if that wind was going to blow me away," I wondered if "wondered" wasn't the word you were looking for. At times I got confused if it was a child telling a story or an adult remembering one, as both ages seem to appear in all the stanzas, but there doesn't seem to be any organiz.ation, as to weather we are hearing from the child first or second.
My favorite lines in the poem, "It cools us and feels so nice.It brings smells of my and of my spice. Great job, lovely thoughts. Keep on writing


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Denny  
Review by Loves2write
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a beautiful tribute to your love. It is not easy these days to actually say and mean those vows when you take them. I only made it to 14 1/2 and everyone tells me still 10 years after my divorce, they told me mot to marry a sailor, I say they were right if all of his affairs hadn't happened then the ship was home.Your poem reminds me of my grandparents, and that is a very good thing.I glad to know that you didn't give up on life when he died, I'm fairly sure you probably wanted to , but with all thise boys to care for. I noticed no spelling errors and I don't look for a lot of grammar mistakes, as poems sometimes need a great deal of leeway in that area.. The stanza I most liked" The peoples silent ring around you,Telling your story,Each life you touched"Keep up the great work! Write On!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Loves2write
Rated: E | (3.5)
Very interesting little poem, limerick, ditty? Im not quite sure where to put this one. I didn't see any spelling errors and as it is not a traditional poetry, I can'say anything about grammar, especially because poets are given more latitude due to the nature of that type of writing. I sorry, but I have to say the sounds like something my son would have come up with about 10 years old. If that was the audience you were trying to reach you nailed it, I can hear an auditorium of girls saying "Gross!", and the boys trying to memorize it for later and making their own farting noises. That is the choice you made, I have decided. You wrote this for little boys or the ones who will never, despite having a wife career and family of his own. Good luck to you. Keep on wrriting!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Cell  
Review by Loves2write
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This scounds to me like the begining of a promising book. I usually don't tend to read vampiric novels, but there have been a few I managed to get through and a couple that I even enjoyed. I did not see any grammar or spelling errors, You are off to a good start. Let me know if you make a book out of this because I would be honored to read and review it for you. Great job! Keep on writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Loves2write
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a powerful and sad poem. You seem to have a good handle on free style poetry writing. It really touched my heart especially the final stanza. If this is autobiographical in nature, I pray that you find your way out, sooner rather than later. I have seen it in my own family and i many other families as a paramedic. keep up the great work. Write On!
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Review of Captive  
Review by Loves2write
Rated: E | (5.0)
This haiku really gets across the her 46 or of being a captive., The helplessness and feelings of hopelessness of being held against your will clearly comes through! You chose a challenging topic and a challenging poetry form and really made them work for you. It almost feels like I can the incessant yelling and crying as I sit here writing about you poem. Excellent work! Keep on writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Ali and Mitch  
Review by Loves2write
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
What a nice story. As I have not found anyone since my divorce when I was in my mid thirties, this sorry gave me hope that all is not lost. As far as punctuation and grammar go,i didn't notice any errors.lit would make a great beginning for a book.Keep up the good work and keep on writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Loves2write
Rated: E | (4.0)
A nice traditional poem and the rhymes helped to build the picture. I also love that she gets away with his car. It made what looked like it was going to be a tragic poem into one of humor! I don't know if you read your work allowed, I do with my pastry to make sure it flows nicely out loud. When I did that with you poem, I found out got bumpy in a few places. No spelling or grammar errors that I noticed. Great work! Keep on writing.
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Review by Loves2write
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Normally, I would nor read a book with Hitler in it, but your chapter makes him seem too be a totally different man. I wonder if that is the truth or have you re-written history for your book. Things chapter kept my rapist attention and I wanted to read more at the end. Noticing this was chapter 51,i now wonder what I missed in what came before. I didn't notice any mistakes in spelling or grammar.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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