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First Impression :
I'll admit this pushes some buttons for me, because I have a two year old. But it also feels unbelievable in places. I feel like you're wandering through the prompt for WDC Apps Challenge and the story isn't focused on the point you're trying to make despite hitting the reader over the head with it for the last line.
It starts with a woman entering the beauty salon and she knows two of the people inside. Then it shows the woman she doesn't know and her young son. The young son is acting out, which is often assumed to be due to inattention in the parent and seemed to be set up that way here. Except it took a turn - the child is "obviously" not well disciplined in the supposed protagonist's mind (with no mention of the knowledge of children).
At this point, the story simply follows events, making the reader think Carmen and Leigh's interaction means something to the story, which it doesn't except to put matches in the two year old's hands to wreck havoc within the salon. Then the bystander/protagonist puts out the fire with the extinguisher and the salon owner just asks what's going on - and that simple comment is enough to offend the mother into dragging her son unceremoniously from the premises to take her business elsewhere.
My best advice is to focus on what exact story you're telling: if it is the mother and child wrecking the salon, make the mother completely ignore the son and then when Carmen runs over say "is he bothering you?" and promise the boy things if he won't throw a fit. If it is about Marcie- give her something that changes her and doesn't just give her a reason to say "oh, that was terrible." Maybe let her see fear in the woman's eyes of the fit that child might throw. Let her see the kid running over her best attempts to keep him in line. Maybe see the kid looking to mom, wanting to get a reaction, reaching for something, maybe even trying to connect with the other women for some kind of interaction. Once you have that focus, bring the rest of it so it doesn't seem as important. Carmen and Leigh talking isn't doing anything for Marcie, the mother, or child. Have Leigh talk to Marcie or the mother or the kid. Mrs. Blake is also questionable for necessity. Does she really add anything?
Spelling and Grammar :
Every time you use "Mrs" it needs a . after: Mrs.
A lady, Marcie knew from church, was seated next to her and sitting opposite them was a young mother with an overactive two year old boy. (This says Marcie knew from church that a lady was seated next to her. Consider rewording: Mrs. Blake, a lady Marcie knew from church, This would also relieve the cumbersome introduction of her name the second time.)
Marcie gave him a stern look but, it was obvious he was not very well disciplined. (look, but it)
“Hi Babe,” ("Hi, Babe,")
Marcie ran to the fire extinguisher pulled the pin, (extinguisher, pulled)
Carmen stamped over to the waiting area, looked at Scott’s mother accusingly and asked “What in hell is going on here?” (asked,) (seriously, that's ALL she did?)
“If my son is bothering you, I can take my business elsewhere.” She said in a huff. (elsewhere," she) [I feel like if she were this much disengaged from motherhood, she would not even say anything to him earlier. She did ask him to stop when he simply ripped the magazines, which shows she is paying some sort of attention to him.]
Scott’s mother grabbed him by one arm and dragged unceremoniously toward the exit slamming the door as they left. (dragged him unceremoniously) (exit, slamming) [She's paying attention here and she's acting like a mother, which feels incongruous to the comments around.]
“My goodness,” exclaimed Mrs Blake, I have never seen anything quite like that in my entire life.” (Blake. "I)
An unnaturalsilence fell over the beauty salon as everyone reflected on the scene that had just occurred. (unnatural silence) (everyone? I'm not sure this is omniscient viewpoint, and without that we can't know what everyone is reflecting.)
“I wonder why that little boy acts out like that.” Mrs Blake asked. (If she asked, you can use a question mark. IF she exclaimed, you can use an exclamation point. It makes it clearer overall in the dialogue to use punctuation marks appropriately and simply use 'said'.)
Additional Comments :
“Please do!” Carmen retorted as (That's it? Just "Please do!"? I'd expect at least "Get out of my salon!" and possibly threats to call the police.)
“Gee, I don’t know.” Marcie replied sarcastically, thinking of the boy’s mother.
(A lot of this at the end feels like it's just there to state the point to the reader, which we already could get on our own. Make us think here. Leave us with something new to chew on after the story is done.)
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