My opinion is that "Anything" can happen. We humans all pray that aliens are not real, but with all the testimonies, sightings, strange happenings all around the world our silent history tells the story's. We believe it or we don't. The most strangest unanswered questions are things that can only be seen from above looking down at the earth. Then there are the ancient drawings of unexplainable pictures we may never know the truth about. It's a scary truth, but what is the average person to do? Nothing, that's what. All we can do is Wait and See.
I truly enjoyed this story you wrote. Your words of such an infected family of greediness was portrayed well. The cheating wife, the gambling son and the eldest son who thinks he deserves it all for nothing. The pure fact was that having such an abundance of money David Rivers was still quite unhappy with the family he hoped all his money would encourage them to be selfless, honest people. A prosperous life without a single worry ever. But it all backfired and greed took over there lives instead. I really enjoyed how you explained all the possessions they were expecting were sold. I can imagine the look on the characters faces. Pure disbelief, shock, and for one sheer terror now that they have been told there is nothing left for them at all. Greed comes in many forms but this was truly sweet revenge. Nice job on this.
You wrote a very interesting story. I really liked the ending. You have a couple of words / grammar incorrect but all in all I enjoined it. Keep writing.
It was a very good read. I liked how you ended it. You through in that twist at the end and it worked . Desperate people do desperate things.
Good job on this.!
Since the passing of Robin Willams last week I find this to be so true yet so sad. Quoting you " My smiles hide my tears and my sleeves cover my wounds " now have intense meaning and bells start going off in my head. I will now and forever keep my eyes and ears wide open to those in despare. Good writing. I hope this will touch others as it touched me. Thank you
I liked it.. It would be an easy song to sing for young children to remember.. When I was young in Girl Scouts we sang " there was a tree". It went on and on but we had so much fun singing it all the way to camp and back..
I'm not one who likes horror stories but,, your was interesting .. I couldn't stop reading it.. The discription of the kids and what was happening as it happened was done well, .
It reminded me when the Cathlic School would put on a carnival every year.. I sometimes had scary feelings like your story when I was a kid myself years ago... The nuns would just pop up behind me and my friends and we felt like jumping out of our skin. We never ever heard them coming.. I do believe that they went out of their way to listen and eavesdrop on all the kids conversations.. For what , I don't know.. But they scarred me just the same.. Thank for the memories.. Keep up the stories.
I liked your story content but you repeated too much in the first few paragraphs. The word
( But,) does not go at the beginning of any sentence that I know of. You lacked a lot of details where details need to be in your story. You need to do more research on hospital and funeral procedures as well as grammar to keep the reader interested. Research different religions just because. You never know when you might need it for future reference. All in all, keep revising, rewriting and read what your writing over and over because it helps you find the right words to tell your story well.
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